Monday, April 14, 2008

"How to be a Great Husband"

How to Be a Great Husband

This is the most challenging and rewarding things you'll ever do. A woman needs to feel as though she is the love of your life.

Steps

  1. Enjoy pleasing her. Women need to feel appreciated. Verbal appreciation goes a long way in making a woman feel valued. A wife likes to know that you feel lucky to be married to her.
  2. Have as your goal for each small interaction of your day, to leave her with a good feeling. Be supportive. Be considerate. Be kind. Be respectful at all times.
  3. Try to understand her needs. Ask her what they are and show her that you fully understand what makes her happy. A woman likes nothing more than an understanding and an equally compromising husband.
  4. Tell her you love her when you hang up the phone with her, leave her, and generally as much as possible without being annoying or cheapening the phrase. You never know when your time is up so always remember to make sure she knows how much you love her!
  5. Always greet your wife with a hug and kiss that says that you're happy to see her and do the same when you leave her to say you will miss her.
  6. Find new ways to express your love other than with kisses and the words "I love you." Tell her what you love about her, what makes her special, what you appreciate. This will help your love to grow as well as hers.
  7. Be her greatest supporter. Be someone she knows that she can always count on. Be there for her when she has had a long day. Listen to her with attentive eyes and ears. Back her up "100" percent! Be prepared to talk with her about how she feels, and yes, how you feel too. And always protect her, both physically and emotionally. If you have done something to hurt her, even if you didn't mean to, tell her you are sorry and show her affection. This must be sincere! There's nothing worse than an "I;m sorry that is put on or phoney.
  8. Talk to her about things that interest you, too -- don't worry too much that she'll be bored -- she'll be thrilled that you want to share your hobbies with her. If possible, try to find an aspect of your interest that she can join in with (if she doesn't already). The efforts you make to help her enjoy what you enjoy will pay off enormously!
  9. Nurture your wife. Little things go a long way! For example, making breakfast, making her coffee/cocoa, giving her back rubs; anything to make her feel comfy and loved. Remind her that you find her attractive in different ways. #Understand that your personal relationship should be more important to you than your other family members, work etc. This is especially true in blended families where there is a tendency for parents to defend their kids against their new spouse. If you put your kids ahead of your wife, she will never engage with them and they won't respect either of you. She is your partner in all things. Treat her as such. If you're worried about looking independent in front of them, then talk with your wife and set clear expectations about what decisions you can make without each other, and what decisions must absolutely be discussed. But also, ask yourself why you feel you should look independent instead of married. It may not be hard to say "Let me talk this over with my other half".
  10. Wash the dishes! Don't make her nag you into doing your share of the housework. Identify what your share is and then stick to it regularly. Don't wait for her to remind you. This makes her feel like a nag, and it creates an adult/child relationship. Show her she can count on you to get things handled, especially the more labor intensive things like mowing the lawn. Keep up the house in good repair. Generally, women like their homes to look nice, particularly from the outside.
  11. Don't show her even the mildest forms of contempt. Contempt is poison in a relationship. You don't have to act like you like what she said or did, but do not take on an attitude of superiority, even subtly in passing, such as momentary smirking, sighs of disgust or eye-rolling. Such gestures, though seemingly insignificant, deeply show a lack of support, respect and trust, especially over a period of time. The way you naturally act towards her should subtly validate her as a person, even when you do not understand or agree with her. Giving eye contact when she has something important to tell you shows respect; not giving eye contact shows disrespect and that you don't care about her or what she has to say. This will destroy any attempt to communicate well.
  12. Be honest! Nothing will destroy a relationship faster than dishonesty. Even if its a little lie, an attempt to conceal pieces of information, avoiding telling her everything or not telling her where you're going or where you've been, it causes a disconnection. There can be no intimacy without complete honesty. You both feel it. It can utterly destroy the validity of anything else you say or do for her because if you lie about other things, she will surely not believe you when you say "I love you." So, don't lie. Always tell her the whole truth.


[edit] Tips

  • When she's upset, listen, listen, listen. Resist the urge to offer advice unless she asks for it, and don't get defensive. Just listen, and show her that you are trying to understand.
  • Husbands and Wives live together but make sure you spend enough time on her turf as you do your own. Make her see that wherever you are you feel like home when you are with her.
  • Women love a home-cooked meal. Find your inner Jacques P├ępin.
  • Offer your wife a massage, foot rub, or back scratch when she's had a bad day.
  • Praise your wife in public, but if you notice something you'd like to criticize, please find a private moment. In public make sure everyone around you knows she is your girl! Hold hands whenever possible, kiss, hug, a tap on the butt. To her you are letting everyone know you're off the market.
  • A nice romantic gesture goes a long way! Even if it's a little love note to start the day. Light some candles, run a hot bath, wash her hair. These are just a few ideas.
  • Be aware that she may not perceive love the same way you do. Quality Time, Gifts, Physical Touch, Verbal Affirmation, and Acts of Service are the different "Love Languages" you and your wife might have -- make sure you find out what hers is, and speak her "love language"!
  • Show up at her work or home with just a flower or two; this will brighten her day and you will make her feel like she is the most important woman in the world.
  • Discuss your values together and make sure that they are compatible before doing something permanent.
  • Discuss your financial dreams together and research and plan to achieve them together.
  • Continue spending time with her alone and cherishing her.
  • Tell her you find her attractive and why.
  • Never compare her to other women and never ogle them in front of her. In fact if you're tempted, switch your thoughts to her immediately and remind yourself that she is the one you desire.
  • Always validate her feelings. Women often need to run through the gamut of feelings they have about things out loud in order to understand what it is they really feel about something. Let her do this without judging her and be empathetic instead of defensive or critical even if you don't agree or can't understand things the same way.
  • Discuss her strengths.
  • Make sure you continue to grow and change; you may drift apart, but you may also become a better and more exciting person with each growth spurt you undergo.


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