Monday, April 14, 2008

"How to be a Great Wife"

How to Be a Great Wife

These are some suggestions that are good for both sides of a healthy relationship.


  1. Enjoy pleasing him. Laughter keeps a marriage strong. Men like to be appreciated even after you've married them. To do so, be a well-rounded, pleasing person yourself.
  2. Have as your goal for each small interaction of day, to leave him with a good feeling. Be supportive, Be nice, and Be kind.your
  3. Listen to his day and share yours. Being married also means being intimate. Intimacy does not exclusively involve sex. Intimacy is listening to one another and feeling comfortable enough to tell one another anything.
  4. Support him and try to understand his needs, a man likes nothing more than an understanding and an equally compromising wife.
  5. Don't show him even the mildest forms of contempt. Contempt is poison in a relationship. It is fine to disagree with him, but do not take on an attitude of superiority, even subtly in passing, such as momentary smirking, sighs of disgust or eye-rolling.
  6. Don't do everything for him, but do things for him often. Don't let yourself be taken for granted, though! And more importantly, don't take him for granted.
  7. Don't be too insecure. Putting yourself down in front of him is another way of insulting his taste in women. If he is with you, it's because he wants to be. He will find you sexy even if you don't feel like you, if you act the part. Remember that attitude and willingness are large parts of being sexy.
  8. Keep your sex life interesting. Be willing to try new things and discuss them--don't just turn them down immediately if he suggests something you don't find appealing. This may make him feel rejected and lose interest in you. At least be willing to discuss it, and perhaps try it, but never do anything you are uncomfortable with after discussing it with him. Also, don't be afraid to discuss anything you might be interested in.
  9. Expect the best from him, too. If he wants to be treated well then he needs to do the same for you. You aren't his doormat!
  10. Don't expect the moon. Do not expect your husband to exactly follow wikiHow's "How To Be A Great Husband". He needs to keep trying, you need to keep trying, but neither of you is perfect. Unmet expectations tend to frustrate everyone. However, if you both plan on giving seventy percent of what is required to make the marriage work, you will always be covered, even when one of you comes up a little short.
  11. Love him, care for him when he's sick and needs help. Don't obsess over him, but don't leave him entirely to himself. He does need love, just like you do, and many men especially appreciate attention when they are unwell.
  12. Compliment your husband. Everyone likes compliments, but you have to mean them.
  13. Every so often remind him that no one can take better care of him like you can (even though he relies on his mother or grand-mother from time to time and don't get offended by that).
  14. Sense of humor is always best - find his inner child,laugh and relax with him.
  15. Teach your children how to honor and respect him (by doing so yourself).
  16. Don't be afraid to challenge him (if you know that you know that you know). He'll find it sexy that you're willing to show him your strengths.
  17. When life gets difficult and you are not getting along as well as you would like, find his "love language" and speak it abundantly. Give him gifts, encourage him, make love, whatever it may be. You may even want to do something a little different. Most men have higher sex drives than women, so you adjust accordingly
  18. If you want something done, speak his love language and ask for the thing you want only once, give him space, and it will be done if it is at all possible.

[edit] Tips

  • Always expect the right to have an orgasm during sex. If he does, you can too! It's only fair - sex is something both of you do, so you both get to reap the rewards! Besides, many men find their wife's orgasm to be as emotionally rewarding as their own, many times more rewarding - it's not a competition!
  • Remember to take time for yourself as well!
  • Accept his faults, and embrace your own.
  • Do your share of the work, not just the housework.
  • Have a cheery disposition. No one wants to be around a crabby person.
  • Learn something new, and encourage him to learn it with you.
  • Work out financial plans together including setting a household budget that is proportional to each person's income, saving for retirement, or writing your will together. People have different spending styles, so joint bank accounts may simply be asking for unnecessary tension in an otherwise healthy relationship. Both people should contribute in proportion to what they make, and both should have some personal money. Often one person has better skill when it comes to finances; it is fine for one person to work on the budget as long as the other is involved and cooperates.
  • If he won't work with you, don't be afraid to save money for yourself. Do not rely on your husband to support you should he die or divorce you. Be a smart, modern woman, but a balanced wife in a good marriage does not "start saving for the divorce the day after your wedding" - if you expect to get divorced from day one, you probably will!

[edit] Warnings

  • Nagging can damage a relationship. As long as the dishes are clean and unbroken, don't nag about how to load the dishwasher "the right way." Let him do things his own way. Don't sweat the small stuff and focus on what is important.
  • Check on how positive your interactions are. When you see each other, how often is the experience a positive one? If you find you have negative experiences all the time, you are headed in a bad direction. Don't just talk it out- be proactive yourself about restoring positivity to the relationship and he will follow.
  • Poor self-esteem and a "void" in your life is terrible for marriage. Make sure you still have a fun and interesting life. If your husband left tomorrow, would you still have girlfriends you see at least once a month, hobby clubs you go to, sports you play? If not, your husband will always be working to fill a void he can't, and will feel inadequate and unhappy.
  • If your expectations are truly too high or unrealistic, then set standards that are obtainable. It is unfair to expect to be lavished with possessions and have the love of your life home for every meal. Should you want more together time be prepared to have that desire fulfilled at some expense.
  • Never lie to him. Not even a little.
  • If he really is lazy then be prepared to lovingly but firmly tell him - don't pick a fight over it, but realize that if you won't pull him up for it, who will? Make him accountable. If he is supposed to do the dishes, don't get frustrated and do them for him. Even if it takes days, it isn't your job.
  • Don't overspend. Even on groceries. Be responsible together with your money. Learning to cook, cook extra, and make enough for leftovers will make the difference between a fine retirement and a wealthy one.
  • Except in the rare event that your husband also happens to be psychic, don't expect mind-reading powers. If you want something, ask. If something is wrong, say so. Don't drop hints or figure he'll "come around", communicate calmly but clearly and directly.
  • Make a comfortable place in the house where you both can be together, but almost "alone" at the same time. Not in each other's faces, but there for each other.
  • Men and women tend to work differently. Man, in a general sense, are happiest when they know they have done something to please the woman they love. Women are happiest when a man shows both that he wants to please her and that he respects her feelings. Relationships work best when women calmly express their current emotion without harping on what he has done. Frequently, a "I feel attacked" or "I feel sad" is all it takes for him to step back and ask, "Why?" Then simply say, "When you slammed the door, I felt ignored." Let "I feel" be your guide. He will step in to find a solution and make a decision that will please you.
  • Allow him to submit to you with his love and correction. Don't say he does not submit because he does not do everything you tell him to do.
  • Submission doesn't mean rolling over and dying every time you disagree - it means preferring his happiness to your own. However, this only works in a marriage if he (your husband) prefers your happiness to HIS own, too, so don't judge him because he is not submissive but give him time to submit as he should, all men are different. Of course, when you do show submission without partiality, you will eventually receive what you deserve (sometimes getting what you want takes more time).
  • Allow your husband be the head. If you do, in your agreements you will see a strong family developing as long as love is involved.
  • If you're forced to do things, if he hits you at all, if he tries to control who you see or demeans you, it's definitely not a very good relationship. A real man gets what he wants without forcing. Talk things out or see a counselor.
  • If he turns violent, even once, make sure you're safe. Depending on the situation that might mean moving out, or calling the police, or telling someone what's happening - whatever you do, don't continue to suffer in silence, and don't accept abuse (physical or otherwise) in your relationship. Remember - he will come back, as loving as ever, and apologize again and again and again - and the violence escalates each time.

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