Wednesday, April 9, 2008

The Ten" Things your Man Wants, and How to Give it to Him "

Marriage is a sacred vow that millions of us commit ourselves to. It means so much – you have a partner for life that will endure the ups and downs of being alive right along side you. You’ve entered the commitment based on love, respect, adoration and friendship, but through the years we may lose sight of how important it is to maintain our relationship. Worse yet, we may lose sight of what a man wants from a woman.

This doesn’t mean that women should be the only ones concerned about what their spouse needs out of a relationship – this should be a reciprocal process. But, what you may find out is your man’s wants may not be too different from your own wants and desires.

There are ten basic relationship wants (some may even consider them needs) that all men wish they could have. All you have to do is recognize these wants, and invest a little time and effort to make them a reality.

Number one – men want us to tell them what is on our minds.

Women are complex creatures – we are nurturers, creators, communicators and managers. We can easily express what is on our minds when it comes to a business deal or interior design, but are we playing mind games when it comes to our man?

Most men know that women need to feel like they are understood and that their needs are met, but wouldn’t it be great if we could let our man know what is on our mind at least half the time?

Admit it – you are guilty of the mind reading game. We see something that needs to be done, and we expect our spouse to crawl inside our heads and do it. Right? Every woman is guilty of this in some form or fashion. But, when you think about it, is it really fair of us to expect something to be done without mentioning it first?

Men want to know how to satisfy us – really they do. And guess what; if we let them in on our little secrets in advance, they are pretty smart creatures, and will adapt. They can actually learn how to pick up on how we think (once we let them into our heads, of course), and over time, will better learn how to anticipate our wants and begin to understand what drives us as a human being.

So, not only does a man get what they want, but you do too.

Friday night is chick flicks and chocolates, but what does your man get in return? More chick flicks and chocolates? Come on, ladies.

If your man is willing to do things that you are interested in – flea market shopping, decorating the house, picking flowers or even watching The Thorn Birds – don’t you think it’s not only nice, but necessary to participate in his favorite extracurricular activities?

Give in to your dreaded anti-sports routine and say cheers with your beer and watch the game with him. Play football in the yard, and put on a great show. You may just learn that golf isn’t boring – and you are good at it too. It doesn’t hurt to give in once in a while.

While examining this want, you may realize that when it comes to compromise, you aren’t an A+ student. Many men tend to give in to our wants – not only to make us happy, but to feel closer – and then they become resentful when we refuse to reciprocate. Don’t let the resentment build and find that years later you are taking separate vacations – fill both of your lives with things each other enjoys to do.

Number three – men want an intellectual equal.

Yes, they enjoy the “big, strong man” routine too; but bottom line, smart is sexy. Men want to be able to have stimulating conversations with the woman they love – not just meaningless talk that gets you through the day.

Taking time to talk over a bottle of wine when the kids are asleep – about politics, current events, philosophy, you name it – makes your relationship stronger, encourages your husband to be your fan forever.

When you remove the relationship piece of the puzzle, you can see that you learn so much about the world, other people and yourself when you have a meaningful conversation. The act of conversing drives us to learn more, form our beliefs and sometimes, change our minds. Without it, we aren’t saying much, are we?

Having these chats with your love not only keeps your opinions of each other high, but it adds a challenge to the relationship. He will want to think about what you are saying and add to it – which means he can’t be dumb either. It brings you back to being young and in love – and interested in what each other has to say.

Number four – show them your sexy side once in a while.

You don’t have to wear heels and hand over his favorite cocktail when he walks through the door every day, but dressing yourself up once in a while really rekindles the passion – even the lust – that your man felt the first time he laid eyes on you.

Make plans at least once a month to have a nice dinner at home or at your favorite restaurant, sans kids, and pull out one of your sexy numbers. That won’t be the chocolate mousse he’s drooling over all night – he’s just showing that he is grateful and happy you are his wife.

Oh, and ladies, you’ll get a rush off his less than subtle way of undressing you with his eyes too. Doesn’t it feel good to be appreciated? Yes!

Number five – men want a true partner, not a roommate.

Saying goodbye in the morning and not saying much else throughout the day is a sure sign that your relationship is declining. The drive and desire a couple has for one another is key in having a healthy, happy relationship.

Sometimes relationships go a while without reconnecting with each other – doing this too long is pure poison. If you become disconnected, then the “we’re in this together” feeling subsides over time. Then, years later, you find that you have a roommate and not a life partner.

So, be present in your relationship now to avoid this from happening in the future. Just as you need support and encouragement, so does he. Be his cheerleader, his confidant and his lover. He needs you to lift his spirits when he is down, be understanding when he is at a fork in the road and say cheers when he succeeds. We all need that in our lives.

Take time to learn about what is going on in his life, and then follow up periodically to show him you care. After time, he will love your caring nature and grow to be the same sort of companion too. It’s a win win situation for both of you, and your relationship will bloom.

Number six – he wants an independent woman who doesn’t need him.

Whether you are a vice president of a corporation or a stay at home mom – regardless of your situation - your man doesn’t want another dependent. He wants a woman who can take care of herself, and want him at the same time.

This doesn’t mean that he doesn’t want you to ask for his help; but he wants to know that you can take care of things without him holding your hand every step of the way.

And if you think about it, women are very self-sufficient. We know how to tackle home repair, child rearing, cooking, cleaning, running a professional life and making time for the ones we love. We don’t need a man to run our lives. We want him, and that’s what he wants too.

Don’t make the mistake of saying over and over to your man that you don’t need him – that isn’t the point. But show him, and yourself, that you can take care of business. Being your own woman is sexy to him, and it makes him feel special too. He knows that you don’t need a man to be complete, but he sure does like the fact that you chose him to be your partner, when, basically, you could have had anyone you wanted.

Number seven – without trust, there is nothing.

Hiding purchases you wish to keep secret, not telling him whole truths about your past and going behind his back when he says no to your children is not the way you build trust in a relationship. Without trust, suspicion is in the driver’s seat.

Being honest is the only way to breed trust. Sometimes it may be painful, but it is a best practice – always! There are ways to get around spending a little too much at the department store (we have those cute little puppy dog eyes too) or disagreeing on your children’s activities. Making these decisions together and being honest about how you feel can only improve your relationship.

Bottom line, put yourself in his place – if he held something from you, wouldn’t you feel wronged? Combat those feelings by placing trust as a number one priority.

Number eight – he wants to see your nurturing side.

There is something about a mother – to see a woman take a nurturing role in her life is sexy, romantic and sheer pleasure in the eyes of a man. They love to see you hold your precious children, kiss the tops of their heads and have fun flying kites or wrestling with them. It brings you back to that place of innocence and makes you feel untouchable all over again. He sees this in your eyes and admires you for it.

So, whether you already have children, or it is in the forecast, give him that gift – he wants you to love what you two have created together, and take full advantage of the time you have with these wonderful beings.

Number nine – your friendship means the world to him.

You see these couples who stroll hand in hand down the street talking and laughing – and it makes you yearn for a true friend in your own companion.

More than likely, you two became a couple first based on friendship; so why let that fall behind? Be friends first, and the rest will follow.

Think about it – you spend more time with your spouse than anyone else in life. Isn’t it crazy that we run to others for a friendship, and leave our soul mate standing alone? Bring back that friendship feeling – tell jokes, take walks, laugh with each other, play your favorite games together, try new things as a couple and act as each other’s confidant. Both of you need to have a friend in one another in order to be happy in your relationship.

Number ten – he wants an angel in the living room and a devil in the bedroom.

Hot sex. Sex that is steamy, exciting, fun and erotic – that’s what every man (and woman) wants.

Be his vixen, his starlet, his pupil, his teacher. Try new things, old things crazy, kinky things that only you two can share together. Keep the bedroom hot and steamy, and his eyes won’t go wandering about, but stay focused on you all the while.

Yes, over the years things start falling south – we can never have 21 back again – but that doesn’t mean that your man doesn’t still ache for you as he did when you first became lovers. He does want you, and want you bad. But, it is so hard for women to come to grips with their bodies as they age.

Get over it! Our bodies are glorious temples like no other object in this world. We are curvy (the curvier the better in many men’s eyes), soft, sweet smelling creations who can give and receive so much pleasure. Stretch marks are just the highway of our life’s journey – not something to be criticized every time we look in the mirror. Glossing over what we think are our imperfections and actually accepting our bodies is the sexiest thing a woman can do. Own it, ladies! You are a goddess, and your man just wants a taste, a glimmer, a sampling of our power. He wants you, and no one else.

Keep it hot, steam it up and you both will come back wanting more time and time again.

These are the basic wants and desires your man aches for from you and no one else. As you can see, they are many of your own wants and desires too – so do both of you a favor, and put these simple dreams in motion. Doing this for your man and for your relationship makes for a stronger partnership, and he’ll start picking up on these changes and make a few of his own. We only have one life to live, so why not give it all you’ve got!

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