Spiritual Lessons from 'Young @ Heart'
When most of us think of choir music that inspires, we probably envision flowing robes, beautiful harmonies, and songs written centuries ago. But a group of senior citizens in New England is a choir of a different kind. They sing disco, pop, and rock, and they perform all over the country as the 'Young @ Heart' choir.
And while some of them may not have the greatest voices, and some may not have the greatest dance moves, they make up for whatever they lack in raw talent with determination, courage, and enthusiasm to become a living embodiment of the spiritual principle of "different gifts" and "different kinds of service" that come together for one purpose (I Corinthians 12: 4-6).
Twentieth Century Fox DVD release "Young @ Heart" documents this unusual group of singers as they prepare for a concert. It's not just memorizing lyrics that can be a challenge. The individual members join together in strength and weakness, good times and bad times, to use their talent to become an inspiring celebration that touches the lives of others.
And the first lesson is....
Community Keeps us Spiritually Healthy - and Young!
By participating in the Young @ Heart choir, the men and women in this group create a special bond of friendship with each other, but more importantly, their unique brand of entertainment brings them into contact with the world around them.
They establish connections with young men in a prison who are touched by the courage and heart of these senior citizens and both the choir and the inmates are better for the exchange.
Even if we're not up for singing and dancing on stage - or at a prison - we all can use our own gifts and abilities to connect with and serve those in our community in a new way.
There's No Time Like the Present
We've all heard it before: Carpe diem. Seize the day. Live in the moment. It's easy to say, but difficult to put into practice. But the truth that we don't know what tomorrow brings is brought home in this documentary by the fragility of the choir members and by the sudden loss of one of their own. In spite of the painful loss, the show does go on, because the choir members realize this moment is all they really have.
Make Me Laugh!
Laughter really is the best medicine, as the Young @ Heart choir members prove over and over again. They laugh at their ailments, they make fun of each other's shortcomings, and in the process, find emotional and spiritual healing in the joy and laughter of the Young @ Heart experience.It's a great reminder that we always have a choice when we are having a rotten day: we can grumble and complain - or we can laugh about it!
I Can Do That!
How many of us are afraid to try something new for fear we might look foolish? The older we get, the more likely we are to want to stay in our comfort zones, but the Young @ Heart choir proves inner growth and renewal are possible at any age. Though they may be outwardly growing older, the choir is renewed mentally and invigorated spiritually by the challenges they face daily - even in learning tricky new songs like "Yes We Can Can." Is there something you have been longing to try but you just haven't gotten up the courage to try? Just remember that yes, you can can!
Raise Your Voice
Part of the emotional impact of the movie comes from the fact that this group of senior citizens sings rock songs written by artist much younger than they are.
Yet the life wisdom of the choir's members gives these songs a haunting and unique twist as the members find their own truth in such songs as Coldplay's "Fix You" or the Ramones' "I Will Survive.
"For all of us, believing our hard-earned life wisdom is a gift we can share with the next generation is important because it gives us a sense of spiritual purpose and hope. We simply need to shed our insecurity about speaking up!
Embrace the Gray!
In a youth-obsessed society where plastic surgery is becoming the norm and advertisers often prey on our fear of aging, the Young @ Heart choir embraces every gray hair, wrinkle, and creak of the bones!
The greatest gift the Young @ Heart choir gives its audience is their living testimony that embracing our age - whatever it is - with its benefits as well as its limitations, is far more liberating than living in fear of a number.
Friday, October 3, 2008
How to Start a Self-Esteem File
10 steps to help you set up a repository for affirming, loving words from the important people in your life.
Three years ago I walked into my therapist's office feeling like a Krispy Kreme donut: I had no center. Everything I attempted, both professionally and personally, seemed to flop. I had no sense of self, no confidence, and no faith in myself. I found nothing of value in my DNA.So she assigned me a project that turned out to be a meaningful, lasting tool in my mental health toolbox. I call it "The Self-Esteem File." Here are 10 steps for starting your own.
Step 1: Identify 10 Strengths in Yourself
My therapist first told me to try to identify 10 of my strengths--10 positive qualities about myself--and to write them down on a piece of paper. This first step, trying to recognize your own assets, and to begin, ever so slightly, to believe in yourself again, is the most important. And the most difficult.
Think hard about what people have told you in the past: things that you do especially well, or personality traits they admire. Think about your job. Why are you good at it? Or about your hobby. What makes you enjoy it? What is that something special about you?
You might also go through old birthday cards, or report cards, or annual reviews (excerpting ONLY the positive), think back to past conversations with friends, page through photo albums and scrapbooks--anything to recall those times when people recognized your talents and assets and expressed appreciation for them.
Step 2: Come Up with Four People to List Your Strengths
If you were unable to come up with 10 positive traits about yourself, I totally understand that. Because the first time I tried to do it, I couldn't get there either. I stopped at two: I had a nice-shaped nose and thick fingernails. And those two qualities weren't exactly making me feel whole again.
So here's the next step: come up with four people who will write that list for you. Now, I know what you're thinking: if I had four people in my life who would tell me why I am wonderful, then I wouldn't have low self-esteem...right?
Of course, it's not that simple. But I'm thinking that there are four people in your life who could do this for you. Not necessarily friends, but maybe coworkers, or siblings, or teachers, or pastors, or mail carriers. Think about people who have complimented you in the past. Go there.
Step 3: Make Four Friends
If you still can't think of four people in your life who could identify and list 10 of your assets, then you need to make more friends. And I have some ideas on how to do that!Go read my post "12 Ways to Make Friends," in which I mention a few strategies like: joining a book club, volunteering with a charity or civic association, getting involved with your church, going online and joining a group like "Group Beyond Blue," seeking a support group, taking a night class, getting a dog (pet owners stick together), "stealing" friends from other friends (my favorite), carpooling to work, attending a conference, connecting with your alumni associations, and talking to strangers (which is how I met my guardian angel, Ann).
Step 4: Ask Your Friends to Make the List
Now that you have at least four people who can ideally compile a list of positive traits for you, what do you say to them?I know. This is not easy. Because it is admitting that you are, well, in a bit of a rut. Which is why you can make up something like the following (which isn't a lie, really!):
"For a project I'm doing with an online group, I need to assign four people with the task of listing 10 positive traits about me. I thought of you since you're such a positive and complimentary person. Would you ever consider doing that for me?
"If you know the friend well, you might say something a tad more revealing: "Hey, you know, I've been feeling really down on myself, and someone suggested that I have my friends compile a list of my character strengths, because I can't really see any. Would you mind doing that for me?"
Step 5: Buy a Folder and a Label
Next comes one of the easier steps: simply drive (or walk) to the drugstore or to an office-supply shop and buy a folder. Any color. Any style. Write the words "Self-Esteem File" on the front. Make it so obvious that you would be embarrassed if anyone found it.Why? Because if your home catches on fire, you want to be sure to grab the right file: the one with all the warm fuzzies inside.
Step 6: Start Collecting Letters
One by one, as you collect your letters of affirmation, place them in the self-esteem file. If two weeks go by and you haven't received anything, which makes you feel worse than when you started this project (my apologies), say something like this to your four people: "Um, I gave you a very important assignment that you've blown off so far. Now get your butt off the couch and start writing!" Or something like that.
Step 7: Find More Friends
Most of the time, one, two, three, or four of your friends won't follow through on their promise, which is why you need a list of four additional people to serve as alternatives in case your lazy so-called friends bail on this task.
So, review Step 3 on the different ways you can meet friends, and say to your additional four people something like this:"As you may or may not be aware, I need some affirmations. Lots of them.
Could you please list 10 positive qualities about me? Why are you my friend? Why do you return my calls?" (If they don't, skip that one.) "What would you say at my funeral?" (But reassure them that you have no plans to die right now.) "You see, I am starting a self-esteem file, and I'd love for your positive words to be among the first pieces to fill it."
Step 8: Propose an Affirmation Exchange
If asking friends for a list of 10 positive traits still has you a bit freaked out, because it is asking something of someone, and I know how hard that can be, here's an idea: propose an exchange of affirmations. I rub your back if you rub mine. I tell you 10 positive things about you, and you tell me 10 about me. A little collaboration. That's not so scary, right?
Step 9: Continue to Collect Affirmations
Become an affirmation hoarder. That's right. Whenever anyone says anything remotely positive ("You smell interesting today"), record it: on a Post-It, legal pad, receipt, or on anything that you can shove into your self-esteem file. Pretend you are a New York Times reporter with the assignment of breaking the story that you are a precious, lovable, wonderful human being that so many people in this world appreciate, respect, and admire. Put into your file all those letters, cards, notes, emails that are complimentary in any way. Look also for "proof" in the past that you are worthy and lovable: professional feedback, birthday cards, thank-you notes, Mother's Day presents (if they are made of paper), Valentines.
Step 10: Read It!
As you watch your self-esteem file widen, fatten, thicken, and grow, a curious thing might happen...you might not depend on it so much. You'll graduate to what David Burns, M.D., author of "10 Days to Self-Esteem" calls "unconditional self-esteem." Explains Burns: "You realize that self-esteem is a gift that you and all human beings receive at birth. Your worthwhileness is already there and you don't have to earn it."That hasn't happened to me yet, and it's been three years since I started my file. I still read it fairly often, and continue to stock it full of affirmations whenever I get one. This is true, though: because of my self-esteem file, I no longer feel like a donut. I have a center, and I am loved.
10 steps to help you set up a repository for affirming, loving words from the important people in your life.
Three years ago I walked into my therapist's office feeling like a Krispy Kreme donut: I had no center. Everything I attempted, both professionally and personally, seemed to flop. I had no sense of self, no confidence, and no faith in myself. I found nothing of value in my DNA.So she assigned me a project that turned out to be a meaningful, lasting tool in my mental health toolbox. I call it "The Self-Esteem File." Here are 10 steps for starting your own.
Step 1: Identify 10 Strengths in Yourself
My therapist first told me to try to identify 10 of my strengths--10 positive qualities about myself--and to write them down on a piece of paper. This first step, trying to recognize your own assets, and to begin, ever so slightly, to believe in yourself again, is the most important. And the most difficult.
Think hard about what people have told you in the past: things that you do especially well, or personality traits they admire. Think about your job. Why are you good at it? Or about your hobby. What makes you enjoy it? What is that something special about you?
You might also go through old birthday cards, or report cards, or annual reviews (excerpting ONLY the positive), think back to past conversations with friends, page through photo albums and scrapbooks--anything to recall those times when people recognized your talents and assets and expressed appreciation for them.
Step 2: Come Up with Four People to List Your Strengths
If you were unable to come up with 10 positive traits about yourself, I totally understand that. Because the first time I tried to do it, I couldn't get there either. I stopped at two: I had a nice-shaped nose and thick fingernails. And those two qualities weren't exactly making me feel whole again.
So here's the next step: come up with four people who will write that list for you. Now, I know what you're thinking: if I had four people in my life who would tell me why I am wonderful, then I wouldn't have low self-esteem...right?
Of course, it's not that simple. But I'm thinking that there are four people in your life who could do this for you. Not necessarily friends, but maybe coworkers, or siblings, or teachers, or pastors, or mail carriers. Think about people who have complimented you in the past. Go there.
Step 3: Make Four Friends
If you still can't think of four people in your life who could identify and list 10 of your assets, then you need to make more friends. And I have some ideas on how to do that!Go read my post "12 Ways to Make Friends," in which I mention a few strategies like: joining a book club, volunteering with a charity or civic association, getting involved with your church, going online and joining a group like "Group Beyond Blue," seeking a support group, taking a night class, getting a dog (pet owners stick together), "stealing" friends from other friends (my favorite), carpooling to work, attending a conference, connecting with your alumni associations, and talking to strangers (which is how I met my guardian angel, Ann).
Step 4: Ask Your Friends to Make the List
Now that you have at least four people who can ideally compile a list of positive traits for you, what do you say to them?I know. This is not easy. Because it is admitting that you are, well, in a bit of a rut. Which is why you can make up something like the following (which isn't a lie, really!):
"For a project I'm doing with an online group, I need to assign four people with the task of listing 10 positive traits about me. I thought of you since you're such a positive and complimentary person. Would you ever consider doing that for me?
"If you know the friend well, you might say something a tad more revealing: "Hey, you know, I've been feeling really down on myself, and someone suggested that I have my friends compile a list of my character strengths, because I can't really see any. Would you mind doing that for me?"
Step 5: Buy a Folder and a Label
Next comes one of the easier steps: simply drive (or walk) to the drugstore or to an office-supply shop and buy a folder. Any color. Any style. Write the words "Self-Esteem File" on the front. Make it so obvious that you would be embarrassed if anyone found it.Why? Because if your home catches on fire, you want to be sure to grab the right file: the one with all the warm fuzzies inside.
Step 6: Start Collecting Letters
One by one, as you collect your letters of affirmation, place them in the self-esteem file. If two weeks go by and you haven't received anything, which makes you feel worse than when you started this project (my apologies), say something like this to your four people: "Um, I gave you a very important assignment that you've blown off so far. Now get your butt off the couch and start writing!" Or something like that.
Step 7: Find More Friends
Most of the time, one, two, three, or four of your friends won't follow through on their promise, which is why you need a list of four additional people to serve as alternatives in case your lazy so-called friends bail on this task.
So, review Step 3 on the different ways you can meet friends, and say to your additional four people something like this:"As you may or may not be aware, I need some affirmations. Lots of them.
Could you please list 10 positive qualities about me? Why are you my friend? Why do you return my calls?" (If they don't, skip that one.) "What would you say at my funeral?" (But reassure them that you have no plans to die right now.) "You see, I am starting a self-esteem file, and I'd love for your positive words to be among the first pieces to fill it."
Step 8: Propose an Affirmation Exchange
If asking friends for a list of 10 positive traits still has you a bit freaked out, because it is asking something of someone, and I know how hard that can be, here's an idea: propose an exchange of affirmations. I rub your back if you rub mine. I tell you 10 positive things about you, and you tell me 10 about me. A little collaboration. That's not so scary, right?
Step 9: Continue to Collect Affirmations
Become an affirmation hoarder. That's right. Whenever anyone says anything remotely positive ("You smell interesting today"), record it: on a Post-It, legal pad, receipt, or on anything that you can shove into your self-esteem file. Pretend you are a New York Times reporter with the assignment of breaking the story that you are a precious, lovable, wonderful human being that so many people in this world appreciate, respect, and admire. Put into your file all those letters, cards, notes, emails that are complimentary in any way. Look also for "proof" in the past that you are worthy and lovable: professional feedback, birthday cards, thank-you notes, Mother's Day presents (if they are made of paper), Valentines.
Step 10: Read It!
As you watch your self-esteem file widen, fatten, thicken, and grow, a curious thing might happen...you might not depend on it so much. You'll graduate to what David Burns, M.D., author of "10 Days to Self-Esteem" calls "unconditional self-esteem." Explains Burns: "You realize that self-esteem is a gift that you and all human beings receive at birth. Your worthwhileness is already there and you don't have to earn it."That hasn't happened to me yet, and it's been three years since I started my file. I still read it fairly often, and continue to stock it full of affirmations whenever I get one. This is true, though: because of my self-esteem file, I no longer feel like a donut. I have a center, and I am loved.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
How to Be the Perfect Wife
Striving to Be the Perfect Wife Can Be Rewarding
The perfect wife knows how to provide the harmonic balance within the family unit. She knows how to balance career, domestic chores, taking care of the children and support her husband emotionally. The perfect wife has many roles to fulfill and finds it both a challenge and rewarding. Not every woman wants to be the perfect wife.
Many women will purposely try to be something different to establish their independence. Even those women that rebuff the idea of a perfect wife, read on. There are many deep emotional rewards for striving to be the perfect wife.
The perfect wife knows how to smile at those jokes that aren't really that funny. She manages a small laugh and doesn't remind her husband that he has told that joke before repeatedly. Without her husband knowing it, the perfect wife embraces these age old jokes over and over as if they were brand new.
The perfect wife will know that one day her husband might be in a nursing home not able to even recognize who she is. It will be that day that these old jokes will be a memory that keeps her going daily to visit her wonderful husband.
The perfect wife finds the energy to pick up the piles of clothes, socks strewn about and the glasses that never make it back to the sink. Instead of clearing up after everyone and feeling like a maid, the perfect wife is proud of her home. It will drive her nuts to have the little messes here and there.
She cleans up without a second thought as to who did it last time or why everyone around her can't seem to walk to the kitchen sink. She knows that one day the house will be childless and there won't be laughter as everyone is gathered around the TV watching a movie and forgetting their dishes. The perfect wife covets the memories that are being made in the household from an active family life.
Striving to Be the Perfect Wife Can Be Rewarding
The perfect wife knows how to provide the harmonic balance within the family unit. She knows how to balance career, domestic chores, taking care of the children and support her husband emotionally. The perfect wife has many roles to fulfill and finds it both a challenge and rewarding. Not every woman wants to be the perfect wife.
Many women will purposely try to be something different to establish their independence. Even those women that rebuff the idea of a perfect wife, read on. There are many deep emotional rewards for striving to be the perfect wife.
The perfect wife knows how to smile at those jokes that aren't really that funny. She manages a small laugh and doesn't remind her husband that he has told that joke before repeatedly. Without her husband knowing it, the perfect wife embraces these age old jokes over and over as if they were brand new.
The perfect wife will know that one day her husband might be in a nursing home not able to even recognize who she is. It will be that day that these old jokes will be a memory that keeps her going daily to visit her wonderful husband.
The perfect wife finds the energy to pick up the piles of clothes, socks strewn about and the glasses that never make it back to the sink. Instead of clearing up after everyone and feeling like a maid, the perfect wife is proud of her home. It will drive her nuts to have the little messes here and there.
She cleans up without a second thought as to who did it last time or why everyone around her can't seem to walk to the kitchen sink. She knows that one day the house will be childless and there won't be laughter as everyone is gathered around the TV watching a movie and forgetting their dishes. The perfect wife covets the memories that are being made in the household from an active family life.
How to Balance Work and a Relationship?
A lot of romantic relationships failed because one or both parties had been too caught up with work and career. Good partnerships did not have a chance to blossom further because jobs got in the way, which is just unfortunate because had time been better managed, no breakup would have happened.
Here's how you can maintain a romantic relationship without jeopardizing your work.
1. Learn how to prioritize.
Learn to prioritize certain aspects in your life. Having your priorities set is not a bad thing, for it can show you what direction you want your life to go. But prioritizing one thing over the other, to the point that you are willing to sacrifice the other aspect of your life, is not a good idea. If you're at work, then prioritize your job, and get done whatever it is that you need to fulfill. If, however, your social needs are suffering because you spend too much time at work, then take some necessary time off and learn how to cultivate meaningful relationships with other people. Burning yourself up can be avoided by making sure that the other aspects of your life are also well taken cared of.
2. Keep separate your personal from your professional life.
If you are at work, focus on your responsibilities and duties in the workplace. Perform your tasks well, and always search for ways on how you can improve on it. If you are attending to your personal life, do not bring your work with you. If you are on a date, it is paramount that you give your date proper respect by always paying attention; and by acknowledging them and responding to what they are saying.
3. Communicate well with your partner.
Being able to communicate well with your partner is the key to sustaining a relationship. Always make sure that you let each other know of the things that are going on with your lives. Remember that you not only have your personal lives to contend with, but you also have your professional lives to deal with, which is just as demanding.
Talk to each other and figure out how you both can make it easier to juggle both your relationship and your jobs. If you can find a way wherein you can adjust your schedules to be able to maximize both your time for work, as well as your personal time with each other, the better you both will be at handling your jobs and your relationship.
4. Build other relationships outside of your professional life.
Make friends outside of the workplace. If majority of your friends are also your co-workers, then it is time that you made some other new friends, or focus on doing something else, like a hobby. Having new friends outside of your work circle can help expand your horizons, and can lead to conversations where your work is not the primary subject. This will be a nice change of pace for you.
Overall, while you do need to focus on your career to gain advancement, it should not be at the expense of your own happiness and leisure. Everything is possible if you know how to balance your duties and responsibilities. Man is a social animal, as one famous philosopher said. You simply can drown yourself in work and let your relationships suffer, or vice versa.
A lot of romantic relationships failed because one or both parties had been too caught up with work and career. Good partnerships did not have a chance to blossom further because jobs got in the way, which is just unfortunate because had time been better managed, no breakup would have happened.
Here's how you can maintain a romantic relationship without jeopardizing your work.
1. Learn how to prioritize.
Learn to prioritize certain aspects in your life. Having your priorities set is not a bad thing, for it can show you what direction you want your life to go. But prioritizing one thing over the other, to the point that you are willing to sacrifice the other aspect of your life, is not a good idea. If you're at work, then prioritize your job, and get done whatever it is that you need to fulfill. If, however, your social needs are suffering because you spend too much time at work, then take some necessary time off and learn how to cultivate meaningful relationships with other people. Burning yourself up can be avoided by making sure that the other aspects of your life are also well taken cared of.
2. Keep separate your personal from your professional life.
If you are at work, focus on your responsibilities and duties in the workplace. Perform your tasks well, and always search for ways on how you can improve on it. If you are attending to your personal life, do not bring your work with you. If you are on a date, it is paramount that you give your date proper respect by always paying attention; and by acknowledging them and responding to what they are saying.
3. Communicate well with your partner.
Being able to communicate well with your partner is the key to sustaining a relationship. Always make sure that you let each other know of the things that are going on with your lives. Remember that you not only have your personal lives to contend with, but you also have your professional lives to deal with, which is just as demanding.
Talk to each other and figure out how you both can make it easier to juggle both your relationship and your jobs. If you can find a way wherein you can adjust your schedules to be able to maximize both your time for work, as well as your personal time with each other, the better you both will be at handling your jobs and your relationship.
4. Build other relationships outside of your professional life.
Make friends outside of the workplace. If majority of your friends are also your co-workers, then it is time that you made some other new friends, or focus on doing something else, like a hobby. Having new friends outside of your work circle can help expand your horizons, and can lead to conversations where your work is not the primary subject. This will be a nice change of pace for you.
Overall, while you do need to focus on your career to gain advancement, it should not be at the expense of your own happiness and leisure. Everything is possible if you know how to balance your duties and responsibilities. Man is a social animal, as one famous philosopher said. You simply can drown yourself in work and let your relationships suffer, or vice versa.
8 Simple Steps for Finding Mr. Right
The most asked question is this: When will I meet a man? (or some variation of that question). It amazes me that so many women are so caught up in finding that perfect man, but since it seems to be on so many women's minds, I'm going to tell you how to find him with some simple guidelines.
1) Stop looking.
Men seem to sense the desperation of a woman that is actively "on the hunt" for a man. This only fuels the fear of committment many people experience with the divorce rate skyrocketing.
2) List the qualities you want in a mate, and then work on becoming all those things yourself.
If you want a partner that is physically fit, are you? If not, get off the couch and hit the treadmill. Want a partner with a sense of humor? Develop yours. Want someone honest? Hardworking? You get the idea. Chances are the "want list" you are working for is going to be very similar to the man's you want to attract.This is also a very good way to discover your list is unrealistic.
3) Get a life.
No one wants a partner who's only interest in life is finding a relationship. You won't have anything to bring to that relationship if that is your only goal. What interests you? Do you like reading? Join a book club. Did you love tennis in college? Take it up again and join other players. Find those things that interest you, anything from bird watching to charity work and get out there and get involved! You won't ever find Mr. Right if you expect him to just show up in your living room. You have to be out there living life. And the best part of this bit of advice is, if you are pursuing things that you enjoy, you are likely to meet people who also enjoy the same things!
4.) Make a friend.
When you do meet someone you are interested in, pursue it strictly as a friendship. Would you want to be friends with this person? What qualities do they have that you like? How do you feel around this person? Are they easy to talk with? Do you have things in common? If you can't connect on a friendship level, you won't ever sustain a romantic relationship. When you become friends and really get to know each other, then you can take it to the next level. Too many women and men get into relationships based on the physical side, sex or appearance, and don't take the time to really get to know the other person. Spend time together, go sightseeing, see movies, spend time with mutual friends. In other words, make some memories together and see how well that works before trying to make it something more.
5.) Sleep alone.
A truly worthwhile sexual relationship with someone you really care about and who truly cares about you is worth waiting for. Don't rush things. If you don't know the other person well enough to say with certainty that they will be there for you in good times or bad, and can be trusted with your feelings, then why would you want to risk physical intimacy? Honor and respect yourself enough to not give that part of yourself to someone who just doesn't deserve you. And give him time to get to know you.
6.) Realize not all relationships lead to marriage.
I'd rather be involved with a friend I could count on to be there for me than in a romantic relationship with someone I don't trust. So if you don't find romance right away, you can be happy with other people who love you. Isn't being loved and appreciated what you really want anyway?
7.) Be yourself.
Don't change your opinions to suit someone else. If you hate sushi, say so. You want to be in a relationship with someone who knows you and still loves you, not with someone who only loves you because of the person you are pretending to be. Be real. Most people say they look for someone who is real, who makes mistakes and has faults like the rest of us. Don't try to be perfect. So if he sees you without makeup and doesn't call, he's not the guy you want anyway. Be true to who you are inside and what is important to you.
8.) Don't overlook a good guy just because he's not Mel Gibson.
There are many wonderful men out there who can love you and care for you and treat you well who may not be wrapped in the high end department store paper. What about the guy from your office that everyone thinks is so nice but you think of more as a brother? My advice here is you can't always judge a book by it's cover. You can find a real gem if you stop overlooking them. People tend to get involved too quickly with the wrong person and then wonder why things didn't work out. By following these eight simple steps, you can find someone who appreciates your authentic self, shares your heart, and loves you for you. Don't settle for any less than that.
The most asked question is this: When will I meet a man? (or some variation of that question). It amazes me that so many women are so caught up in finding that perfect man, but since it seems to be on so many women's minds, I'm going to tell you how to find him with some simple guidelines.
1) Stop looking.
Men seem to sense the desperation of a woman that is actively "on the hunt" for a man. This only fuels the fear of committment many people experience with the divorce rate skyrocketing.
2) List the qualities you want in a mate, and then work on becoming all those things yourself.
If you want a partner that is physically fit, are you? If not, get off the couch and hit the treadmill. Want a partner with a sense of humor? Develop yours. Want someone honest? Hardworking? You get the idea. Chances are the "want list" you are working for is going to be very similar to the man's you want to attract.This is also a very good way to discover your list is unrealistic.
3) Get a life.
No one wants a partner who's only interest in life is finding a relationship. You won't have anything to bring to that relationship if that is your only goal. What interests you? Do you like reading? Join a book club. Did you love tennis in college? Take it up again and join other players. Find those things that interest you, anything from bird watching to charity work and get out there and get involved! You won't ever find Mr. Right if you expect him to just show up in your living room. You have to be out there living life. And the best part of this bit of advice is, if you are pursuing things that you enjoy, you are likely to meet people who also enjoy the same things!
4.) Make a friend.
When you do meet someone you are interested in, pursue it strictly as a friendship. Would you want to be friends with this person? What qualities do they have that you like? How do you feel around this person? Are they easy to talk with? Do you have things in common? If you can't connect on a friendship level, you won't ever sustain a romantic relationship. When you become friends and really get to know each other, then you can take it to the next level. Too many women and men get into relationships based on the physical side, sex or appearance, and don't take the time to really get to know the other person. Spend time together, go sightseeing, see movies, spend time with mutual friends. In other words, make some memories together and see how well that works before trying to make it something more.
5.) Sleep alone.
A truly worthwhile sexual relationship with someone you really care about and who truly cares about you is worth waiting for. Don't rush things. If you don't know the other person well enough to say with certainty that they will be there for you in good times or bad, and can be trusted with your feelings, then why would you want to risk physical intimacy? Honor and respect yourself enough to not give that part of yourself to someone who just doesn't deserve you. And give him time to get to know you.
6.) Realize not all relationships lead to marriage.
I'd rather be involved with a friend I could count on to be there for me than in a romantic relationship with someone I don't trust. So if you don't find romance right away, you can be happy with other people who love you. Isn't being loved and appreciated what you really want anyway?
7.) Be yourself.
Don't change your opinions to suit someone else. If you hate sushi, say so. You want to be in a relationship with someone who knows you and still loves you, not with someone who only loves you because of the person you are pretending to be. Be real. Most people say they look for someone who is real, who makes mistakes and has faults like the rest of us. Don't try to be perfect. So if he sees you without makeup and doesn't call, he's not the guy you want anyway. Be true to who you are inside and what is important to you.
8.) Don't overlook a good guy just because he's not Mel Gibson.
There are many wonderful men out there who can love you and care for you and treat you well who may not be wrapped in the high end department store paper. What about the guy from your office that everyone thinks is so nice but you think of more as a brother? My advice here is you can't always judge a book by it's cover. You can find a real gem if you stop overlooking them. People tend to get involved too quickly with the wrong person and then wonder why things didn't work out. By following these eight simple steps, you can find someone who appreciates your authentic self, shares your heart, and loves you for you. Don't settle for any less than that.
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS???
AVERAGE people have to wait and S-E-E before they can believe it.MILLIONAIRES are original and they like to be "first". So they dream it. Believeit. Create it. Sell it to you. Then they collect money while you're waiting!AVERAGE people become confused by things that seem too simple. They always thinksomething is missing -- there's a catch -- or it's a scam.MILLIONAIRES take simple ideas, put them in a franchise format and sell them to "average"people by the billions and then collect a fortune --- [look at McDonalds].AVERAGE people work a job to pay their bills.MILLIONAIRES create empires to give "average" people a place to work.If you ever had someone step on your dream, read this...They told me I was dreaming.They said it'll never work.You know...That "home-based stuff".They said "My friend lost money on ONE OF THOSE THINGS".They said "You need to just get a job!"They said "I'll join when I S-E-E you make a million dollars".They laughed at me.They said "Ha ha...he's on welfare now...did you know that?"They said..."He's sleeping on his mother-in-law's living room floor!""How can he be successful?"They said..."He's crazy!""He needs to just give it up and get a regular paying jobthat can put food on the table".They talked behind my back.They called me a "dead beat".They made mockery of me.They thought they were BETTER than me.They couldn't S-E-E my vision.They couldn't understand what was driving me.And they never tried to.So they got angry.Because they couldn't break me.Break my spirit.My passion to great.To be remarkable.They couldn't get me to give in.Their ridicule only fueled me more.They sarcastically taunted me and called me "The Million Dollar Man".They said "He's always dreaming up some million dollar idea that won't work".They got together in groups and talked about my failures.It made them feel good to have their safe, secure paying jobs.Truth is...THEY WERE SCARED!Scared that I might actually succeed!That I might show them that there's more to life than the lottery and a J-O-B (Just Over Broke).Scared that I might show them that DREAMS really do come true and that it's safe to DREAM.Scared that they might have to eat their words.Scared because I JUST WOULDN'T GO AWAY --- I WOULDN'T LAY DOWN --- I WOULDN'T GIVE UP!Scared that their own lives in comparison wouldn't look so great, now.Scared that They would no longer have the upper-hand.Scared that They wouldn't have anybody to talk about anymore.Scared that They would have to take a REAL LOOK at their own lives and see that They were reallyjust "playing it safe".That They didn't have the GUTS I had to go after what They really wanted.MY POINT:Without entrepreneurs like me, to dream...The world wouldn't have tiny cell phones, --- MOTOROLAThe world wouldn't have "Windows XP", --- MICROSOFTThe world wouldn't be able to fly above the weather, --- HOWARD HUGHESSports nuts couldn't watch the game on huge, wide screen flat TV's withoutSONY97% of the world couldn't even drive or ride the bus to work withoutHENRY FORDThe world needs dreamers!Don't be scared to dream.Tell those uninspired dream stealers to get lost!"They" were my so-called friends and family.In their mind, They do this thinking that they are protecting you.Protecting you from getting your hopes up and failing."Don't aim too high...you'll lose!"Be patient with them.They don't know any better.TEACH THEM!STOP whatever you're doing and go check this out right now...
http://www.livethatdream.blogspot.com
http://www.ezinfocenter.com/8517398/FREE (Sign up and get free gift and make money)
http://www.directmatches.com/johnnietan (Meet your match be it singles or business people)
http://johnny-tan.blogspot.com (Lots of Nice Offer and Discounts for your shopping)
http://133797.successuniversity.com (Learn and Earn)
http://join.zenzuu.com/johnnietan (Make Friends, Make Money)
Thank you and God Bless
AVERAGE people have to wait and S-E-E before they can believe it.MILLIONAIRES are original and they like to be "first". So they dream it. Believeit. Create it. Sell it to you. Then they collect money while you're waiting!AVERAGE people become confused by things that seem too simple. They always thinksomething is missing -- there's a catch -- or it's a scam.MILLIONAIRES take simple ideas, put them in a franchise format and sell them to "average"people by the billions and then collect a fortune --- [look at McDonalds].AVERAGE people work a job to pay their bills.MILLIONAIRES create empires to give "average" people a place to work.If you ever had someone step on your dream, read this...They told me I was dreaming.They said it'll never work.You know...That "home-based stuff".They said "My friend lost money on ONE OF THOSE THINGS".They said "You need to just get a job!"They said "I'll join when I S-E-E you make a million dollars".They laughed at me.They said "Ha ha...he's on welfare now...did you know that?"They said..."He's sleeping on his mother-in-law's living room floor!""How can he be successful?"They said..."He's crazy!""He needs to just give it up and get a regular paying jobthat can put food on the table".They talked behind my back.They called me a "dead beat".They made mockery of me.They thought they were BETTER than me.They couldn't S-E-E my vision.They couldn't understand what was driving me.And they never tried to.So they got angry.Because they couldn't break me.Break my spirit.My passion to great.To be remarkable.They couldn't get me to give in.Their ridicule only fueled me more.They sarcastically taunted me and called me "The Million Dollar Man".They said "He's always dreaming up some million dollar idea that won't work".They got together in groups and talked about my failures.It made them feel good to have their safe, secure paying jobs.Truth is...THEY WERE SCARED!Scared that I might actually succeed!That I might show them that there's more to life than the lottery and a J-O-B (Just Over Broke).Scared that I might show them that DREAMS really do come true and that it's safe to DREAM.Scared that they might have to eat their words.Scared because I JUST WOULDN'T GO AWAY --- I WOULDN'T LAY DOWN --- I WOULDN'T GIVE UP!Scared that their own lives in comparison wouldn't look so great, now.Scared that They would no longer have the upper-hand.Scared that They wouldn't have anybody to talk about anymore.Scared that They would have to take a REAL LOOK at their own lives and see that They were reallyjust "playing it safe".That They didn't have the GUTS I had to go after what They really wanted.MY POINT:Without entrepreneurs like me, to dream...The world wouldn't have tiny cell phones, --- MOTOROLAThe world wouldn't have "Windows XP", --- MICROSOFTThe world wouldn't be able to fly above the weather, --- HOWARD HUGHESSports nuts couldn't watch the game on huge, wide screen flat TV's withoutSONY97% of the world couldn't even drive or ride the bus to work withoutHENRY FORDThe world needs dreamers!Don't be scared to dream.Tell those uninspired dream stealers to get lost!"They" were my so-called friends and family.In their mind, They do this thinking that they are protecting you.Protecting you from getting your hopes up and failing."Don't aim too high...you'll lose!"Be patient with them.They don't know any better.TEACH THEM!STOP whatever you're doing and go check this out right now...
http://www.livethatdream.blogspot.com
http://www.ezinfocenter.com/8517398/FREE (Sign up and get free gift and make money)
http://www.directmatches.com/johnnietan (Meet your match be it singles or business people)
http://johnny-tan.blogspot.com (Lots of Nice Offer and Discounts for your shopping)
http://133797.successuniversity.com (Learn and Earn)
http://join.zenzuu.com/johnnietan (Make Friends, Make Money)
Thank you and God Bless
10 Ways To Boost Your Child's Self-Esteem
Nurturing your child's self-esteem may seem like a hefty responsibility. After all, a feeling of self-worth lays the foundation for your child's future as he sets out to try new things on his own. "Self-esteem comes from having a sense of belonging, believing that we're capable, and knowing our contributions are valued and worthwhile," says California family therapist Jane Nelsen, co-author of the Positive Discipline series."As any parent knows, self-esteem is a fleeting experience," says Nelsen.
"Sometimes we feel good about ourselves and sometimes we don't. What we are really trying to teach our kids are life skills like resiliency." Your goal as a parent is to ensure that your child develops pride and self-respect — in himself and in his cultural roots — as well as faith in his ability to handle life's challenges (for a school-age child that may mean giving a dance performance for you).
Here are ten simple strategies to help boost your child's self-esteem:
Give unconditional love.
A child's self-esteem flourishes with the kind of no-strings-attached devotion that says, "I love you, no matter who you are or what you do." Your child benefits the most when you accept him for who he is regardless of his strengths, difficulties, ..temperament,.. or abilities. So, lavish him with love. Give him plenty of cuddles, kisses, and pats on the shoulder. And don't forget to tell him how much you love him. When you do have to correct your child, make it clear that it's his behavior — not him — that's unacceptable. For instance, instead of saying, "You're a naughty boy! Why can't you be good?" say, "Please don't throw the football in the house. A football is an outside toy."
Pay attention.
Carve out time to give your child your undivided attention. That does wonders for your child's feelings of self-worth because it sends the message that you think he's important and valuable. It doesn't have to take a lot of time; it just means taking a moment to stop flicking through the mail if he's trying to talk with you or turning off the TV long enough to answer a question. Make eye contact so it's clear that you're really listening to what he's saying. When you're strapped for time, let your child know it without ignoring his needs. Say, "Tell me all about what happened at soccer practice, and then when you're finished, I'll need to make our dinner."Teach limits. Establish a few reasonable rules for your child. For instance, if you tell him to wear his helmet when he rides his bike in the driveway, don't let him go without it at his friend's house. Knowing that certain family rules are set in stone will help him feel more secure. He'll start to live by your expectations soon enough. Just be clear and consistent and show him that you trust him and expect him to do the right thing.
Support healthy risks.
Encourage your child to explore something new, such as trying a different food, making a new friend, or riding a skateboard. Though there's always the possibility of failure, without risk there's little opportunity for success. So let your child safely experiment, and resist the urge to intervene. For instance, try not to "rescue" him the minute he's showing mild frustration at figuring out how to read a tricky word. Jumping in to say, "I'll do it" can foster dependence and diminish your child's confidence. You'll build his self-esteem by balancing your need to protect him with his need to tackle new tasks.
Let mistakes happen.
The flip side, of course, of having choices and taking risks is that sometimes your child is bound to make mistakes. These are valuable lessons for your child's confidence. So if your child misses the school bus because he was dawdling in his bedroom, encourage him to think about what he might do differently next time. That way his self-esteem won't sag and he'll understand that it's okay to make mistakes sometimes. When you goof up yourself, admit it, says Daniel Meier, assistant professor of elementary education at San Francisco State University. Acknowledging and recovering from your mistakes sends a powerful message to your child — it makes it easier for your child to accept his own difficulties.
Celebrate the positive.
Nurturing your child's self-esteem may seem like a hefty responsibility. After all, a feeling of self-worth lays the foundation for your child's future as he sets out to try new things on his own. "Self-esteem comes from having a sense of belonging, believing that we're capable, and knowing our contributions are valued and worthwhile," says California family therapist Jane Nelsen, co-author of the Positive Discipline series."As any parent knows, self-esteem is a fleeting experience," says Nelsen.
"Sometimes we feel good about ourselves and sometimes we don't. What we are really trying to teach our kids are life skills like resiliency." Your goal as a parent is to ensure that your child develops pride and self-respect — in himself and in his cultural roots — as well as faith in his ability to handle life's challenges (for a school-age child that may mean giving a dance performance for you).
Here are ten simple strategies to help boost your child's self-esteem:
Give unconditional love.
A child's self-esteem flourishes with the kind of no-strings-attached devotion that says, "I love you, no matter who you are or what you do." Your child benefits the most when you accept him for who he is regardless of his strengths, difficulties, ..temperament,.. or abilities. So, lavish him with love. Give him plenty of cuddles, kisses, and pats on the shoulder. And don't forget to tell him how much you love him. When you do have to correct your child, make it clear that it's his behavior — not him — that's unacceptable. For instance, instead of saying, "You're a naughty boy! Why can't you be good?" say, "Please don't throw the football in the house. A football is an outside toy."
Pay attention.
Carve out time to give your child your undivided attention. That does wonders for your child's feelings of self-worth because it sends the message that you think he's important and valuable. It doesn't have to take a lot of time; it just means taking a moment to stop flicking through the mail if he's trying to talk with you or turning off the TV long enough to answer a question. Make eye contact so it's clear that you're really listening to what he's saying. When you're strapped for time, let your child know it without ignoring his needs. Say, "Tell me all about what happened at soccer practice, and then when you're finished, I'll need to make our dinner."Teach limits. Establish a few reasonable rules for your child. For instance, if you tell him to wear his helmet when he rides his bike in the driveway, don't let him go without it at his friend's house. Knowing that certain family rules are set in stone will help him feel more secure. He'll start to live by your expectations soon enough. Just be clear and consistent and show him that you trust him and expect him to do the right thing.
Support healthy risks.
Encourage your child to explore something new, such as trying a different food, making a new friend, or riding a skateboard. Though there's always the possibility of failure, without risk there's little opportunity for success. So let your child safely experiment, and resist the urge to intervene. For instance, try not to "rescue" him the minute he's showing mild frustration at figuring out how to read a tricky word. Jumping in to say, "I'll do it" can foster dependence and diminish your child's confidence. You'll build his self-esteem by balancing your need to protect him with his need to tackle new tasks.
Let mistakes happen.
The flip side, of course, of having choices and taking risks is that sometimes your child is bound to make mistakes. These are valuable lessons for your child's confidence. So if your child misses the school bus because he was dawdling in his bedroom, encourage him to think about what he might do differently next time. That way his self-esteem won't sag and he'll understand that it's okay to make mistakes sometimes. When you goof up yourself, admit it, says Daniel Meier, assistant professor of elementary education at San Francisco State University. Acknowledging and recovering from your mistakes sends a powerful message to your child — it makes it easier for your child to accept his own difficulties.
Celebrate the positive.
Everyone responds well to encouragement, so make an effort to acknowledge the good things your child does every day within his earshot. For instance, tell his dad, "Peter did all his chores today without prompting." He'll get to bask in the glow of your praise and his dad's heartening response. And be specific. Instead of saying "Good job," say, "Thank you for setting the table for dinner." This will enhance his sense of accomplishment and self-worth and let him know exactly what he did right.
Listen well.
If your child needs to talk, stop and listen to what he has to say. He needs to know that his thoughts, feelings, desires, and opinions matter. Help him get comfortable with his emotions by labeling them. Say, "I understand you're sad because you can't go to the sleepover." By accepting his emotions without judgment, you validate his feelings and show that you value what he has to say. If you share your own feelings ("I'm worried about Grandma. She's very sick"), he'll gain confidence in expressing his own.
Resist comparisons.
Comments such as "Why can't you be more like your brother?" or "Why can't you be nice like Evan?" will just remind your child of where he struggles in a way that fosters shame, envy, and competition. Even positive comparisons, such as "You're the best player" are potentially damaging because a child can find it hard to live up to this image. If you let your child know that you appreciate him for the unique individual he is, he'll be more likely to value himself too.
Offer empathy.
If your child compares himself unfavorably to his siblings or peers ("Why can't I throw a football like Nicholas?"), show him empathy and then emphasize one of his strengths. For instance, say, "You're right. Nicholas is good at throwing a football. And you're a fast runner." This can help your child learn that we all have strengths and weaknesses, and that he doesn't have to be perfect to feel good about himself.Provide encouragement.
Every child needs the kind of support from loved ones that signals, "I believe in you. I see your effort. Keep going!" Encouragement means acknowledging progress — not just rewarding achievement. So if your child is struggling with a math problem, say: "You're trying very hard and you almost have it!" instead of "Not like that. Let me do it.
"There's a difference between praise and encouragement.
One rewards the task while the other rewards the person ("You did it!" rather than "I'm proud of you!").
Praise can make a child feel that he's only "good" if he does something perfectly. Encouragement, on the other hand, acknowledges the effort. "Tell me about the game. I saw you really hustling out there" is more helpful than saying, "You're the best player on the team." Too much praise can sap self-esteem because it can create pressure to perform and set up a continual need for approval from others. So dole out the praise judiciously and offer encouragement liberally; it will help your child grow up to feel good about himself.
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