"How You Act Is How You Act"

How To Use Body Language To Read A Person Like A Book

When we first meet new people, we all feel a little awkward and self-conscious until we feel hat we understand the other person a little. Until we can do that, we can't work out what people think to us and that leaves us in an uncomfortable position of uncertainty. The key to getting our comfort back and in understanding other people, is in being able to read the other person's key body language signals; believe it or not, this is possible even from the very first few seconds when you meet that new person.

Eye contact is very important in communication, especially with new people. Good use of eye contact, which does not avoid others, does not stare and does not linger on certain parts of the other's anatomy inappropriately, is a crucial part of getting to understand new people. Appropriate eye contact shows respect and it shows that you are interested in interacting with the other person. How much eye contact to make differs between cultures but if you read the other person's body signals correctly you will see how much eye contact to make.

Posture says a lot about a person's personality and mood. Slouching shoulders and a curved spine, as well as helping someone to develop round shoulders over time, says that they are depressed, down, and lacking confidence in themselves. That kind of posture can become a self-fulfilling prophecy as it soon begins to affect a person's mood negatively.

The tilt of a person's head betrays their mood too. A head which is balanced both horizontally and vertically on the neck oozes confidence and self-esteem. You will find yourself more inclined to listen to a person who has this kind of posture when speaking. When they want to speak or make a particular point, the authoritative, confident person will usually lean their head forward just a little bit, but without encroaching too much on the personal space of their listener. If they tilt their head to one side while you're talking, you can be assured that they are listening to you attentively and that they will be likely to give you time to speak and say what you have to say. Of course, this position can change, and it should. No one position should be maintained for too long as that will seem unnatural and can be off-putting to the other person. If someone stays in one position and doesn't speak for a long time, check: have they fallen asleep! That is the impression you would probably be left with!

The placement of a person's arms says a lot about their personality and mood. Wild gesticulations will imply over-excitement or even aggression. You will feel most comfortable when you can see that the person you are speaking too is feeling comfortable too; therefore, look for arms that are held naturally at the sides of the body. They may also be held likely behind the back. Either posture implies an open personality, a person who is feeling confident and who is ready to face challenges. If you upset or offend someone, watch out for their arms being crossed over their chest defensively. That's a real giveaway that they are feeling hurt.

Legs tell you a lot about the person you're speaking with, even when you have just met them. It's quite difficult to get your legs to do exactly what you want them to do, so they say a lot about a person's innermost feelings, even when they are trying very hard to hide them. Leg swinging and rolling of the foot at the ankle, or especially foot tapping, shows that a person is feeling irritated or impatient. The faster the movement, the worse their mood!

You will probably be able to sense right away if someone is deliberately angling their body away from you, even if you don't consciously process that thought. People tend to sit angled towards and even leaning towards, people they like. This may not happen when you first meet someone, as they may wait a little while to gauge what you are like, but if they start to position themselves in your direction and lean in closer to you, then the chances are that they are beginning to like you.

So, even if you don't know a person well, you can read their body language and adapt your communication with them accordingly.

"Ten career-damaging behaviours to avoid."

1. Poor Time Management

Missing deadlines, failing to abide by agreed timelines, arriving to meetings late and generally disrespecting approved schedules is a surefire way to lose credibility and professional respect. Try to value each and every minute on the job and recognize the inefficiencies that arise from procrastination and slovenly time management and the impact these have on the organisation as a whole.

2. Failure to Deliver on Promises

A promise made should be a promise kept if your professional credibility is to remain intact. Avoid making promises you cannot deliver on. Unless you are known as someone who can be strictly depended on to follow through and deliver on time you are likely to be passed over for promotions and key assignments. When you do need more time or resources for an assignment communicate the requirement formally and professionally and manage the situation to show you are in control and will not be sacrificing on quality of delivery.

3. Poor Accountability

Accountability, a close reactive of honesty is an essential character trait in today’s workplace. Avoid becoming known as the sour apple who usurps all credit and circumvents all blame. If you have made an error, admitting to it in a timely manner avoids an unnecessary escalation, earns you the confidence and respect of those around you, and indicates professionalism, honesty and maturity.

4. Poor interpersonal skills

All research indicates that emotional intelligence and people skills are an essential ingredients for success in life and at work. Whether it is suppliers, clients, superiors, colleagues or subordinates you are dealing with the quality and success of that relationship will be largely predicated by how personable you are and how pleasant you are to interact with. If you have a reputation as someone who is difficult to work or interact with chances are people will start to avoid you and your success at mobilizing people or resources to further your goals will be severely diminished.

5. Poor team skills

A good team-player is able to work cohesively within a team framework and contribute, collaborate, communicate and challenge to meet specific goals within that framework. Inability to see beyond one’s self, work well with everyone, find the good qualities of others in the team, communicate persuasively and effectively, listen actively and attentively, give and welcome input, offer encouragement and assistance where needed and show respect, patience and courtesy inevitably leads to marginalization and failure to meet personal and professional goals.

6. Lack of ethics or professionalism

Conducting personal business on the job and any other activities that show flagrant disrespect for company time, resources and property are both unethical and unprofessional. Chatting endlessly on the job, office gossip, wasting office supplies, laying about important work-related matters, back-biting the boss, spreading office secrets, routinely bringing personal matters to the workplace all fall under this category.

7. Lack of initiative

Complacency is a surefire road to professional mediocrity. To succeed it is essential that you continue to show enthusiasm, stretch the limits, be proactive and test the boundaries in the interest of innovation. Take responsibility for your personal and professional growth and continue to build momentum in your training and profession development activities. If you chose to simply lie low and casually bide your time while others race ahead in their careers you will most probably be overlooked for promotions and plum assignments and your skills may well eventually become redundant.

8. Inability to Handle Pressure

Every job entails a certain amount of stress and pressure and failure to recognize and handle the strain may lead to a pronounced and sustained decline in performance. Learn to recognize stress and cope with it professionally and effectively. Take breaks and holidays when needed, learn to manage stress and cope with pressure so that it is not an ongoing problem for you. It may be that the pressures mounting on you are due to poor time management or delegation skills or weakness in a certain area in which case developing your skills in these areas is highly advisable.

9. Lone Ranger Syndrome

Team skills are essential in today’s marketplace as is getting along with others and communicating your accomplishments regularly and professionally. Do not try to isolate yourself and excel quietly in private as chances are your performance will not get the exposure and credit it deserves. Personal marketing and effective relationship management are key to career success. Aim to regularly and professionally communicate your private coups to your manager and others in a position to help your career advancement and do not assume your great work and personal victories will automatically get noticed and given the credit they deserve.

10. Stasis

You may well be in your comfort zone and doing very well there but if you don’t challenge yourself in pursuit of further growth and development and continuously move forward and upward you may lose your equilibrium sooner than you expected. Have a vision in mind as pertains to your career and formulate a clear strategy and timeline for getting there which you can regularly benchmark and measure yourself against. Continuous learning, development and self-improvement is a necessity not a luxury for today’s ambitious professional and it is imperative that you keep abreast of the latest trends, tools and technologies in your field and not risk losing ground to the star performers who take personal growth more seriously.