"About Work That Doesn't Work At All"

Why Fun and Games at the Office Don't Always Work

In the hope of increasing productivity through goodwill, some companies go overboard. A friend who works for a bank recently told me that he dreaded their upcoming Flashback Day. When I asked what that was, he gave me a disgusted look before explaining, "That's when we dress up as historical figures every Monday. That's how the higher ups are fighting the Monday morning slump."

Only my friend's miserable look stopped me from laughing.

Indeed, a productivity study done by Cambridge University researcher Peter Fleming found that instead of increasing productivity, a workplace that institutes a "culture of fun" actually breeds rampant cynicism. Fifty percent of Fleming's respondents doubted the authenticity of the so-called "fun programs"--which ranged from relay races, scavenger hunts, and variations of other party games. Fleming stated that his subjects probably didn't like the "blurring of traditional boundaries that usually distinguish work and non-work."

Just what sort of fun works for the office?

Lynn Harland's "Attitudes Toward Workplace Fun: A Three Sector Comparison," a study published in the Journal of Leadership and Organizational Studies, reveals that the most universally-liked and accepted fun workplace activity involves food. So, while many employees may be up in arms (or secretly griping) when you make them put on costumes on Mondays, they won't whine when you serve them, say, cookies while you're having your morning meeting.

In any case, there are some companies that have managed to turn "play" into productivity enhancers. I hear the folks at Nokia encourage their employees to play with Lego blocks so that their creative juices flow freely. Then again, as my banker-friend pointed out, "Playing with Lego blocks has a purpose. Dressing up as Benjamin Franklin on a Monday morning is just plain ridiculous."

Enough said. (No offense to Ben Franklin, of course.)

"Reasons Why Employees Freak Out"

Study Shows Why Workers Freak Out When the Boss Plays "Big Brother"

In my job interview with Mark way back in May, he asked me a question that had me stomped:

"Can you work with minimal supervision?" Wow, I thought, is he kidding me? I nearly jumped out of the chair to do an Irish jig. I was ecstatic.

You see, in my first job right out of college, I had a boss who liked looking over my shoulder all the time. I hardly got any work done. I was too busy being scared that I was doing something wrong.

It turns out I'm not the only one who gets the creeps when this happens.

A study published in the journal Computers in Human Behavior reveals that closely monitoring employees will only slow down productivity. Thus, 134 office workers got distracted from their data correction tasks by prompts that popped up on their computer screens. The notifications revealed that they were being "monitored for quality, quantity, or both." Rather than drive them to work harder, the prompts caused the workers to second-guess their performance

Study co-authors by Jeffrey Stanton, Ph.D., an assistant professor of information studies at Syracuse University, and Amanda Julian of Somerville and Company Inc., a Denver-based consulting firm, add that employees also react the same way when they're subjected to video and other types of electronic surveillance.

Stanton pointed out that an "efficient supervisor won't resort to any of these tactics." He then went on to advise bosses to simply get their employees aligned with the goals of the organization.

Bottom line: Bosses should trust the people they hire to do their jobs. Otherwise, why hire them at all? Playing "Big Brother" might be a cool premise for a reality show, but it's not something people (especially those who do their jobs right) want to experience at the office.

"Things That Annoys Your Coworkers"

Top 10 Ways to Annoy Your Coworkers

Do you want to know how to make your coworkers hate you? Follow this advice. These are surefire ways to ensure your coworkers will look forward to the day you are gone. Avoid these behaviors if you want to help create harmony in your workplace.

1. Talk Loudly on Your Cell Phone ... Especially in the Bathroom Your coworkers don't want to listen to your cell phone conversations. They are not as entertaining to anyone as they are to you. More importantly, they don't want to hear you talk on your phone while you are in the bathroom. It makes them uncomfortable.

2. Take Credit for Your Coworkers' Contributions to a Project When your boss congratulates you on a job well done, don't mention that you had a lot of help. Why does she need to know anyway? Team work, shmeam work. Better to look like you did it all on your own. And, when you need some help on the next project, where do you think your co-workers will be? Not on your team.

3. Come to Work Sick If you have a cold or a stomach virus, spread it around. Your coworkers will thank you. On second thought, no they won't. Well, hopefully they'll have the decency to call in sick and stop spreading the illness further.

4. Share Everything With Your Coworkers Your coworkers are a curious bunch so it is in their best interests if you tell them everything about your personal life — even if, no make that especially if, it makes them uncomfortable. Your motto should be "too much information is never enough."

5. Talk to Your Coworkers About Religion and Politics Ah, religion and politics ... two topics about which everyone is in total agreement. Well, not exactly. Your coworkers may be very sensitive about these topics so if you want to offend them in a hurry, make sure they know why your beliefs are the only right ones.

6. Tell Your Coworkers Dirty Jokes Everyone appreciates a good joke, right? That may be true, but while most people appreciate a good joke, many are put off by dirty jokes. It's not your problem so keep telling those jokes, but don't be surprised if you find yourself accused of sexual harassment one day.

7. Spam Your Coworkers Forward tons of email to all your coworkers. The content doesn't matter. Send it all — chain letters, jokes, and petitions. They'll be thinking of you as they keep hitting that delete button.

8. Chew Your Gum Loudly Nothing sounds as yummy as the noise made by someone cracking their chewing gum and smacking their lips. It may drive your coworkers crazy, but isn't that what you're trying to do?

9. Don't Carry Your Own Weight If you don't do your fair share of the work required by your department, your coworkers will have to pick up the slack. They'll be so exhausted from doing all the work, they won't be able to thank you.

10. Talk Down to Your Coworkers You may think talking down to your coworkers will build you up, but a condescending attitude will not make you appear stronger. It will, however, make your co-workers resent you.

"Top 10 Ways to Be Happy at Work"

Working at Google sounds very cool. I'd be the first to tout Google as a motivating employer: free food, engineers who are enabled to spend 20 percent of their time on their own projects, and a work environment that fosters play and creative thinking. At Google, Genentech and other Fortune magazine top 100 companies, employers provide best workplaces.

At the same time, perks that enable employees to spend all of their time at work exploit people and destroy work - life balance. So, even the best employer may not be best for everyone. These are the factors that will help you find happiness at work.

1. Choose to Be Happy at Work

Happiness is largely a choice. I can hear many of you arguing with me, but it's true. You can choose to be happy at work. Sound simple? Yes. But, simplicity is often profoundly difficult to put into action. I wish all of you had the best employer in the world, but, face it, you may not. So, think positively about your work. Dwell on the aspects of your work you like. Avoid negative people and gossip. Find coworkers you like and enjoy and spend your time with them. Your choices at work largely define your experience. You can choose to be happy at work.

2. Do

Something You Love Every Single Day

You may or may not love your current job and you may or may not believe that you can find something in your current job to love, but you can. Trust me. Take a look at yourself, your skills and interests, and find something that you can enjoy doing every day. If you do something you love e very single day, your current job won't seem so bad. Of course, you can always make your current job work or decide that it is time to quit your job.

3. Take Charge of Your Own Professional and Personal Development

A young employee complained to me recently that she wanted to change jobs because her boss was not doing enough to help her develop professionally. I asked her whom she thought was the person most interested in her development. The answer, of course, was her. You are the person with th e most to gain from continuing to develop professionally. Take charge of your own growth; ask for specific and meaningful help from your boss, but march to the music of your personally developed plan and goals. You have the most to gain from growing - and the most to lose, if you stand still.

4. Take Responsibility for Knowing What Is Happening at Work

People complain to me daily that they don't receive enough communication and information about what is happening with their company, their department's projects, or their coworkers. Passive vessels, they wait for the boss to fill them up with knowledge. And, the knowledge rarely comes. Why? Because the boss is busy doing her job and she doesn't know what you don't know. Seek o ut the information you need to work effectively. Develop an information network and use it. Assertively request a weekly meeting with your boss and ask questions to learn. You are in charge of the information you receive.

5. Ask for Feedback Frequently

Have you made statements such as, "My boss never gives me any feedback, so I never know how I'm doing." Face it, you really know exactly how you're doing. Especially if you feel positively about your performance, you just want to hear him acknowledge you. If you're not positiv e about your work, think about improving and making a sincere contribution. Then, ask your boss for feedback. Tell him you'd really like to hear his assessment of your work. Talk to your customers, too; if you're serving them well, their feedback is affirming. You are responsible for your own development. Everything else you get is gravy.

6. Make Only Commitments You Can Keep

One of the most serious causes of work stress and unhappiness is failing to keep commitments. Many employees spend more time making excuses for failing to keep a commitment, and worrying about the consequences of not keeping a commitment, than they do performing the tasks pr omised. Create a system of organization and planning that enables you to assess your ability to complete a requested commitment. Don't volunteer if you don't have time. If your workload is exceeding your available time and energy, make a comprehensive plan to ask the boss for help and resources. Don't wallow in the swamp of unkept promises.

7. Avoid Negativity

Choosing to be happy at work means avoiding negative conversations, gossip, and unhappy people as much as possible. No matter how positively you feel, negative people have a profound impact on your psyche. Don't let the negative Neds and Nellies bring you down. Take a look at:

• 
  How to Deal With a Negative Coworker: Negativity Matters.
• Dealing With Difficult People at Work.

And, keep on singing in the car on your way to work - or start.

8. Practice Professional Courage

If you are like most people, you don't like conflict. And the reason why is simple. You've never been trained to participate in meaningful conflict, so you likely think of conflict as scary, harmful, and hurtful. Conflict can be all three; done well, conflict can also help you accomplish your work mission and your personal vision. Conflict can help you serve customers and create successful products. Happy people accomplish their purpose for working. Why let a little professional courage keep you from achieving your goals and dreams? Make conflict your friend.

9. Make Friends

In their landmark book, First, Break All The Rules: What the World’s Greatest Managers Do Differently (Compare Prices), Marcus Buckingham and Curt Coffman list twelve important questions. When employees answered these questions positively, their responses were true indicators of whether people were happy and motivated at work. One of these key questions was, "Do you have a best friend at work?" Liking and enjoying your coworkers are hallmarks of a positive, happy work experience. Take time to get to know them. You might actually like and enjoy them. Your network provides support, resources, sharing, and caring.

10. If All Else Fails, Job Searching Will Make You Smile

If all of these ideas aren't making you happy at work, it's time to reevaluate your employer, your job, or your entire career. You don't want to spend your life doing work you hate in an unfriendly work environment. Most work environments don't change all that much. But unhappy employees tend to grow even more disgruntled. You can secretly smile while you spend all of your non-work time job searching. It will only be a matter of time until you can quit your job - with a big smile.

• Top Ten Reasons to Quit Your Job.
• How to Make a Potential Employer Fall in Love With You.
• Make a Plan to Re-ignite Career Passion.

"How to Get Fired"

How to Get Fired

As About.com's Career Planning Guide I have the opportunity to visit many of my fellow career advice sites on the Web. Through my extensive virtual travels I have found that articles about succeeding on the job abound. But, what if you wanted to know how to get fired? Could you find an article that would tell you how to perform so poorly on the job that your employer, with a swish of his or her hand, would summarily dismiss you? I looked around and found nothing that fit the bill. So I decided to write such an article myself.

P.S. If you came here looking for advice on how to stay employed, just do the opposite of everything I tell you here.

• Arrive late for work
  Being on time is for wimps. Drag yourself out of bed whenever you feel like it. Stop to run an errand on your way to the office.
• Don't forget the coffee
  No not for your boss -- for yourself! You're already late so why not stop for a cup of coffee on the way to work? Don't forget to get a muffin or a roll too (crumbs on your tie look really good).
• Eat at your desk
  I mean your coffee and roll, not your lunch silly. Why would you want to work through lunch anyway? And take your time — you're in no hurry to start working.
• Take a long lunch
  An hour for lunch? Are they nuts? That can't possibly be enough time to get together with an old friend and run a few more errands.
• Have a drink
  What's lunch without a couple of beers? It'll relax you. So what if you smell like a brewery?
• Make personal phone calls
  If you can't make your phone calls from the office, when else will you find the time? Don't make those calls short and sweet -- chat away.
• Speaking of chatting...
  Let's not forget about the good old Net. You can go into a chat room any time of day, so why waste your precious personal time.
• Send lots of email
  Use those eight hours at work to take care of all that personal email. Oh and don't forget to use your work email address.
• Download, download, download...
  Your connection is much faster at work than on your home pc. And besides, there are some things you wouldn't want your significant other to see.
• Make the customers/clients really mad
  There are several ways to do this. If you deal with customers in person, ignore them while you talk to your co-workers. Don't have answers to their questions. If most of your contact is by phone, keep yours busy so clients can't get through. If they bother to leave a message, don't return their phone calls.
• Don't ever go beyond your job description
  Even when a project is down to the wire and your help is desperately needed, just remember: "It's not your job."
• Leave work early
  Who made that five o'clock rule anyway? If you leave 15 minutes early think of how much you can get done before dinner.
• Party hardy
  Nights are made for partying. Don't worry — you can sleep late tomorrow. After all, you do plan to get to work late, don't you?

"10 Reasons You Should Never Get A Job"

Just for fun I recently asked Erin, “Now that the kids are in summer school, don’t you think it’s about time you went out and got yourself a job? I hate seeing you wallow in unemployment for so long.”

She smiled and said, “Wow. I have been unemployed a really long time. That’s weird… I like it!”

Neither of us have had jobs since the ’90s (my only job was in 1992), so we’ve been self-employed for quite a while. In our household it’s a running joke for one of us to say to the other, “Maybe you should get a job, derelict!”

It’s like the scene in The Three Stooges where Moe tells Curly to get a job, and Curly backs away, saying, “No, please… not that! Anything but that!”

It’s funny that when people reach a certain age, such as after graduating college, they assume it’s time to go out and get a job. But like many things the masses do, just because everyone does it doesn’t mean it’s a good idea. In fact, if you’re reasonably intelligent, getting a job is one of the worst things you can do to support yourself. There are far better ways to make a living than selling yourself into indentured servitude.

Here are some reasons you should do everything in your power to avoid getting a job:

1. Income for dummies.

Getting a job and trading your time for money may seem like a good idea. There’s only one problem with it. It’s stupid! It’s the stupidest way you can possibly generate income! This is truly income for dummies.

Why is getting a job so dumb? Because you only get paid when you’re working. Don’t you see a problem with that, or have you been so thoroughly brainwashed into thinking it’s reasonable and intelligent to only earn income when you’re working? Have you never considered that it might be better to be paid even when you’re not working? Who taught you that you could only earn income while working? Some other brainwashed employee perhaps?

Don’t you think your life would be much easier if you got paid while you were eating, sleeping, and playing with the kids too? Why not get paid 24/7? Get paid whether you work or not. Don’t your plants grow even when you aren’t tending to them? Why not your bank account?
Who cares how many hours you work? Only a handful of people on this entire planet care how much time you spend at the office. Most of us won’t even notice whether you work 6 hours a week or 60. But if you have something of value to provide that matters to us, a number of us will be happy to pull out our wallets and pay you for it. We don’t care about your time — we only care enough to pay for the value we receive. Do you really care how long it took me to write this article? Would you pay me twice as much if it took me 6 hours vs. only 3?

Non-dummies often start out on the traditional income for dummies path. So don’t feel bad if you’re just now realizing you’ve been suckered. Non-dummies eventually realize that trading time for money is indeed extremely dumb and that there must be a better way. And of course there is a better way. The key is to de-couple your value from your time.

Smart people build systems that generate income 24/7, especially passive income. This can include starting a business, building a web site, becoming an investor, or generating royalty income from creative work. The system delivers the ongoing value to people and generates income from it, and once it’s in motion, it runs continuously whether you tend to it or not. From that moment on, the bulk of your time can be invested in increasing your income (by refining your system or spawning new ones) instead of merely maintaining your income.

This web site is an example of such a system. At the time of this writing, it generates about $9000 a month in income for me (update: $40,000 a month as of 10/31/06), and it isn’t my only income stream either. I write each article just once (fixed time investment), and people can extract value from them year after year. The web server delivers the value, and other systems (most of which I didn’t even build and don’t even understand) collect income and deposit it automatically into my bank account. It’s not perfectly passive, but I love writing and would do it for free anyway. But of course it cost me a lot of money to launch this business, right? Um, yeah, $9 is an awful lot these days (to register the domain name). Everything after that was profit.

Sure it takes some upfront time and effort to design and implement your own income-generating systems. But you don’t have to reinvent the wheel — feel free to use existing systems like ad networks and affiliate programs. Once you get going, you won’t have to work so many hours to support yourself. Wouldn’t it be nice to be out having dinner with your spouse, knowing that while you’re eating, you’re earning money? If you want to keep working long hours because you enjoy it, go right ahead. If you want to sit around doing nothing, feel free. As long as your system continues delivering value to others, you’ll keep getting paid whether you’re working or not.

Your local bookstore is filled with books containing workable systems others have already designed, tested, and debugged. Nobody is born knowing how to start a business or generate investment income, but you can easily learn it. How long it takes you to figure it out is irrelevant because the time is going to pass anyway. You might as well emerge at some future point as the owner of income-generating systems as opposed to a lifelong wage slave. This isn’t all or nothing. If your system only generates a few hundred dollars a month, that’s a significant step in the right direction.

2. Limited experience.

You might think it’s important to get a job to gain experience. But that’s like saying you should play golf to get experience playing golf. You gain experience from living, regardless of whether you have a job or not. A job only gives you experience at that job, but you gain ”experience” doing just about anything, so that’s no real benefit at all. Sit around doing nothing for a couple years, and you can call yourself an experienced meditator, philosopher, or politician.
The problem with getting experience from a job is that you usually just repeat the same limited experience over and over. You learn a lot in the beginning and then stagnate. This forces you to miss other experiences that would be much more valuable. And if your limited skill set ever becomes obsolete, then your experience won’t be worth squat. In fact, ask yourself what the experience you’re gaining right now will be worth in 20-30 years. Will your job even exist then?
Consider this. Which experience would you rather gain? The knowledge of how to do a specific job really well — one that you can only monetize by trading your time for money – or the knowledge of how to enjoy financial abundance for the rest of your life without ever needing a job again? Now I don’t know about you, but I’d rather have the latter experience. That seems a lot more useful in the real world, wouldn’t you say?

3. Lifelong domestication.

Getting a job is like enrolling in a human domestication program. You learn how to be a good pet.
Look around you. Really look. What do you see? Are these the surroundings of a free human being? Or are you living in a cage for unconscious animals? Have you fallen in love with the color beige?

How’s your obedience training coming along? Does your master reward your good behavior? Do you get disciplined if you fail to obey your master’s commands?

Is there any spark of free will left inside you? Or has your conditioning made you a pet for life?
Humans are not meant to be raised in cages. You poor thing…

4. Too many mouths to feed.

Employee income is the most heavily taxed there is. In the USA you can expect that about half your salary will go to taxes. The tax system is designed to disguise how much you’re really giving up because some of those taxes are paid by your employer, and some are deducted from your paycheck. But you can bet that from your employer’s perspective, all of those taxes are considered part of your pay, as well as any other compensation you receive such as benefits. Even the rent for the office space you consume is considered, so you must generate that much more value to cover it. You might feel supported by your corporate environment, but keep in mind that you’re the one paying for it.

Another chunk of your income goes to owners and investors. That’s a lot of mouths to feed.
It isn’t hard to understand why employees pay the most in taxes relative to their income. After all, who has more control over the tax system? Business owners and investors or employees?
You only get paid a fraction of the real value you generate. Your real salary may be more than triple what you’re paid, but most of that money you’ll never see. It goes straight into other people’s pockets.

What a generous person you are!

5. Way too risky.

Many employees believe getting a job is the safest and most secure way to support themselves.
Morons.

Social conditioning is amazing. It’s so good it can even make people believe the exact opposite of the truth.

Does putting yourself in a position where someone else can turn off all your income just by saying two words (”You’re fired”) sound like a safe and secure situation to you? Does having only one income stream honestly sound more secure than having 10?

The idea that a job is the most secure way to generate income is just silly. You can’t have security if you don’t have control, and employees have the least control of anyone. If you’re an employee, then your real job title should be professional gambler.

6. Having an evil bovine master.

When you run into an idiot in the entrepreneurial world, you can turn around and head the other way. When you run into an idiot in the corporate world, you have to turn around and say,

“Sorry, boss.”

Did you know that the word boss comes from the Dutch word baas, which historically means master? Another meaning of the word boss is “a cow or bovine.” And in many video games, the boss is the evil dude that you have to kill at the end of a level.

So if your boss is really your evil bovine master, then what does that make you? Nothing but a turd in the herd.

Who’s your daddy?

7. Begging for money.

When you want to increase your income, do you have to sit up and beg your master for more money? Does it feel good to be thrown some extra Scooby Snacks now and then?

Or are you free to decide how much you get paid without needing anyone’s permission but your own?

If you have a business and one customer says “no” to you, you simply say “next.”

8. An inbred social life.

Many people treat their jobs as their primary social outlet. They hang out with the same people working in the same field. Such incestuous relations are social dead ends. An exciting day includes deep conversations about the company’s switch from Sparkletts to Arrowhead, the delay of Microsoft’s latest operating system, and the unexpected delivery of more Bic pens. Consider what it would be like to go outside and talk to strangers. Ooooh… scary! Better stay inside where it’s safe.

If one of your co-slaves gets sold to another master, do you lose a friend? If you work in a male-dominated field, does that mean you never get to talk to women above the rank of receptionist? Why not decide for yourself whom to socialize with instead of letting your master decide for you? Believe it or not, there are locations on this planet where free people congregate. Just be wary of those jobless folk — they’re a crazy bunch!

9. Loss of freedom.

It takes a lot of effort to tame a human being into an employee. The first thing you have to do is break the human’s independent will. A good way to do this is to give them a weighty policy manual filled with nonsensical rules and regulations. This leads the new employee to become more obedient, fearing that s/he could be disciplined at any minute for something incomprehensible. Thus, the employee will likely conclude it’s safest to simply obey the master’s commands without question. Stir in some office politics for good measure, and we’ve got a freshly minted mind slave.

As part of their obedience training, employees must be taught how to dress, talk, move, and so on. We can’t very well have employees thinking for themselves, now can we? That would ruin everything.

God forbid you should put a plant on your desk when it’s against the company policy. Oh no, it’s the end of the world! Cindy has a plant on her desk! Summon the enforcers! Send Cindy back for another round of sterility training!

Free human beings think such rules and regulations are silly of course. The only policy they need is: “Be smart. Be nice. Do what you love. Have fun.”

10. Becoming a coward.

Have you noticed that employed people have an almost endless capacity to whine about problems at their companies? But they don’t really want solutions – they just want to vent and make excuses why it’s all someone else’s fault. It’s as if getting a job somehow drains all the free will out of people and turns them into spineless cowards. If you can’t call your boss a jerk now and then without fear of getting fired, you’re no longer free. You’ve become your master’s property.

When you work around cowards all day long, don’t you think it’s going to rub off on you? Of course it will. It’s only a matter of time before you sacrifice the noblest parts of your humanity on the altar of fear: first courage… then honesty… then honor and integrity… and finally your independent will. You sold your humanity for nothing but an illusion. And now your greatest fear is discovering the truth of what you’ve become.

I don’t care how badly you’ve been beaten down. It is never too late to regain your courage. Never!

Still want a job?

If you’re currently a well-conditioned, well-behaved employee, your most likely reaction to the above will be defensiveness. It’s all part of the conditioning. But consider that if the above didn’t have a grain of truth to it, you wouldn’t have an emotional reaction at all. This is only a reminder of what you already know. You can deny your cage all you want, but the cage is still there. Perhaps this all happened so gradually that you never noticed it until now… like a lobster enjoying a nice warm bath.

If any of this makes you mad, that’s a step in the right direction. Anger is a higher level of consciousness than apathy, so it’s a lot better than being numb all the time. Any emotion — even confusion — is better than apathy. If you work through your feelings instead of repressing them, you’ll soon emerge on the doorstep of courage. And when that happens, you’ll have the will to actually do something about your situation and start living like the powerful human being you were meant to be instead of the domesticated pet you’ve been trained to be.

Happily jobless

What’s the alternative to getting a job? The alternative is to remain happily jobless for life and to generate income through other means. Realize that you earn income by providing value — not time – so find a way to provide your best value to others, and charge a fair price for it. One of the simplest and most accessible ways is to start your own business. Whatever work you’d otherwise do via employment, find a way to provide that same value directly to those who will benefit most from it. It takes a bit more time to get going, but your freedom is easily worth the initial investment of time and energy. Then you can buy your own Scooby Snacks for a change.