Mr.Right , Mr.Right , Mr.Right....where are you?

Mr. Right....now


When we are children, we are surrounded by many things that shape our thoughts, actions, and desires in the future. As we grow into teenagers these things we learned as children begin to take root, and we learn whether or not the behaviors we've learned are acceptable for us or not. Sometimes it's very difficult for us to unlearn things that we've been taught, or things we've told ourselves from a very young age.

Our parents are very influential in this process. The kind of relationship that our parents have with each other has been proven to directly influence the type of partner we seek out as adults. If our father is respectful and courteous to women, males are in turn usually respectful and courteous to women. If our mothers nag, berate, and pester our fathers into submission, females in turn usually do the same thing.

As children we are faced with relationships of all kinds. Usually these relationships are male female, but that doesn't matter for my purposes today. What I want to talk about is the preconditioning we all receive is children that says the purpose of human kind is to grow up and raise a family.

From a very young age we are shown that success is measured in what we achieve. The idea of a "perfect life" is having a spouse, two kids, a dog, and a house with a white picket fence. We all have our idea of what the "perfect' life would be, no matter what the details, more often than not that ideal includes falling in love and having a life long partner.

The trouble with this idea is that it rarely happens that way. We know this though, we all know the divorce rate, we all have habitually single friends, yet we still seek out this ideal. There are a few black sheep in our society that have learned that it's okay to be single, that life happiness is not dependent upon meeting somebody else.

The real trouble with this whole philosophy is that it makes us feel worthless. Just the thought of having an "other half" by nature means that until you find this other half, you are by all accounts unfulfilled. In order to be a whole you must first find that one special person who completes you.
This is absolutely crippling! No wonder single people have such low self esteem! How can they feel good about themselves when they are not whole people? There are people out there who must be in a relationship at all costs. Their lives can be going just fine, they have a job, a car, enough money, but they have no relationship and so their life's is crap.

Some of us out there food ourselves into happiness. We'll meet somebody that in our hearts we know is not right for us, and we manufacture feelings for this person. Even though this person might treat us poorly, ignore us, demean us, the idea of having a lover that treats us poorly is better than the idea of not having a lover at all. Because when that person is absent we can imagine that our relationship is great. When they are gone, we are able to think of "all the good times" that may or may not exist, but they are enough to keep it together. "Love" or the absence of it, can be truly blinding.

When do we wake up? When do we see that the pursuit of happiness does not have to include finding our soul mate? The answer is simple, when we acknowledge ourselves as being whole. When we feel whole in and of ourselves, finding a lover is no longer a need, but a want.
It took me a very long time to learn this lesson. Some of my friends are still figuring it out. To those people who still feel like they NEED a lover to be happy, I say wake up. Look around you at all of the wonderful things in your life. They are there whether you see them or not. Look at all of the people who love you, not for anything in return but just because.

I do believe that people can find a steady, stable, healthy relationship. You wont find it by holding on to every person you go out with until they cast you aside. You have to set boundaries for yourself. You have to have self worth. I went out on dates with, and had relationships with over 100 men in the course of 8 years before I met my "other half". You will never meet Mr. right, if you are too busy with Mr. Right now.

"My Ideal Man"

" ALL THE QUALITIES I LOOK FOR IN A GUY "

I have separated everything into 4 Categories: Obvious Criteria (Absolutely Required), Physical Attributes (Exterior - Looks), Nonphysical Attributes (Interior - Personality), Bonus Points (Optional - Icing on the Cake)

DISCLOSURE: The guy I'm asking for IS NOT PERFECT. If he was, I would have probably mentioned wealth, fame, power and high status. I would have HOPED for a billionaire, celebrity or some type of rocket scientist. Instead, I understand that a great personality is worth more than materialism ever will because it is, no doubt, the inner beauty that will outlast everything in the end. Before I compiled this list, I have actually evaluated my own attributes as well as the attributes of everyone I have once dated to see what I could bring to the table, and as well as what had worked for me before and what had not.

A lot of time, people jump into a relationship either because they feel lonely, or because the other person just happens to be there at the right timing, or it could also because of love. Well, I'm sorry to bust anyone's bubbles but "love" alone isn't enough, if it was, breakups and divorce rate wouldn't have been so outrageously high. In deed, many relationships fail because people refuse to evaluate what had gone wrong in their past relationships and take the lesson into the next romance. Both men and women usually don't learn from their old mistakes and continue to go for the "incompatibles". To simply put it, they just aren't picky enough.

One could easily say my list is too much and or that I'm being too demanding but as my one of my friends has beautifully stated "Aside from the biological criteria such as looks and genetic makeup, the rest are the basic quality of a highly efficient person. Everyone should have it." If someone doesn't possess the intelligence, class, education, integrity, ambition, family values, etc.. that I will be mentioning, they wouldn't be able to thrive or even survive in this fast-paced and competitive world for very long anyway. Even if they did, they would be producing very poor offsprings (and definitely not with my eggs).

OBVIOUS CRITERIA

- STRAIGHT: Don't get me wrong, I am very liberal and have nothing against homosexuals or bisexuals but I will only date guys who are 100% straight. Let's be honest here, there plenty of gay males out there who have not yet come out either because they don't want to or scared to and are currently dating, or even marrying females to disguise their true sexuality. Then after 5, 10, 15, 20 years or so, they'd abandon their relationship/marriage for a man, claiming they've just turned gay when in fact they have been gay all along. My point really is, there's nothing wrong with being gay. Being gay and deceptive about it to the opposite sex, however, is very selfish. Straight guys only please.

- SINGLE: He has to be single, not married, dating, or talking to anyone else. Love triangles are too complicated.

PHYSICAL ATTRIBUTES

- GOOD-LOOKING: I'll never be one of those pretty girls who would settle for a much less attractive guy just because he's nice or for the security that he won't cheat. While it's true that physical appearance isn't everything, beauty still plays a crucial role in mate finding, for if we were not attracted to someone, it would probably never work. Although I don't run into gorgeous guys and male models on a daily basis, I am fortunate, in my experience, to have come across some of the most beautiful people on the planet and for that reason, my standard in physical attributes tends to be quite high. In general, I'm usually drawn to someone with a striking pretty or handsome face, dark hair, dark eyes, tall, fit and a little tan. While it's true I prefer darker features, I have also dated and been attracted to guys with light hair and light eyes. I cannot resist a smile that conveys warmth and genuineness or a set of deep, beautiful eyes that will make me feel lost gazing into.

- HAS A NICE BODY: I don't like guys who constantly work out and or are obsessed with their bodies for the same reason guys don't like girls who are always on a diet. I am, however, attracted to a guy who takes good care of himself enough to be fit. Someone with a body that is proportional to mine, 5'10 - 6'2 tall, and not skinny, overweight or obese. I also don't like those big, buff sweaty looking guys who look like they're on steroids. I prefer preppy, pretty boys ;)

- EXOTIC: Hot guys out of my race or the ones with mixed breed really turn me on! It's probably curiosity that attracts me to people that are different from myself. I'd figured the best way to learn about other cultures is through romance.

NONPHYSICAL ATTRIBUTES (They are in fact more important than the physical attributes, which is this list is lengthier)

- POSSESSES A NICE VOICE: A good, clear voice should not be underestimated for we all have been attracted to someone's physical appearance, that is, until they opened their mouth to speak. It is extremely importantly for a guy I date to possess a nice voice because he needs to be able to attract me with his communication, not just through physical interaction.

- PHYSICALLY HEALTHY: For obvious reasons, I want a guy to be physically healthy so that he won't die on me several months after we started dating or a couple years into our relationship. And of course, no STD's! Thanks.

- EMOTIONAL HEALTHY: I'm not going to waste my time dealing with guys that have emotional baggage, ex-girlfriend drama, etc… If a guy constantly mentions his ex, I consider that a big red flag and if he says bad things about her, that would be even worse because I assume he would probably talk about me like that one day.

- PASSIONATE & AMBITIOUS: He has to have a passion for life and has high ambitions. Knows what he wants and is willing to work hard for it.

- HONEST: All types of human interactions and relationships require honesty, be it business, friendship or more. And who likes liars?

- GENUINE: In the world full of counterfeit Louis Vuitton handbags, other replica designer items, and fake silicone breasts, it's only reasonable that I want someone who is genuine. Being genuine is a little different from being honest, whereas honesty is telling the truth and genuineness is about truly being oneself. Just because I'm picky doesn't mean a guy who wants to date me should mold himself into what he thinks I would like.

- FAITHFUL: Whenever I get involved with a guy, I might not necessarily think or hope it would be forever but regardless of how long I've been with him: two days or two years, I do expect 100% loyalty. We live in a fast paced world where people fall in and out of love faster than in a blink of an eye. If a change of heart happens in any case, I think that we should always break up or at least be honest with our current partner before getting involved with someone else. It's just a classy thing to do.

- INTELLIGENT: A good combination of street smarts and book smarts with common sense, wisdom and intellectual skills are a must.

- EDUCATED: Just because someone is smart doesn't mean they're educated and as much of a liberal person as I am, I don't think I can ever get seriously involved with a guy without a college education. It has nothing to do with his career or the type of money he makes but it's rather because I know the importance of earning a good education and how a having college degree can make someone a well-rounded person. I'm not going to think any less of someone who, due to some difficult situation, was not able to attend or complete college, but nothing serious could ever come out of us considering it would be hard for him and I to be able relate to each other on the same level.

- CHARMING: It's tough for me to describe what I mean by the term "charming" but I guess it's the way a guy carries himself, how he normally interacts with other people, the gestures he makes, the way he speaks and walks.

- CLASSY: He has to have a spectacular taste in pretty much everything and is into arts, beauty and good entertainment; possesses a curious brain, constantly wants to learn new things and is appreciative of multiculturalism.

- CONFIDENT BUT EASY GOING: We must all agree that confidence is deadly sexy. I have a positive mentality and therefore refuse to date those with self-esteem issues and or are pessimistic.

- FUNNY: I like a guy who not only has a good sense of humor but is also quick-witted enough to understand and respond to my clever jokes: someone who can make me laugh and doesn't take himself too seriously.

- ROMANTIC: The guy I end up with needs to be into romantic things like: candlelight dinners, instrumental music, foreign films, hand-written love notes, cute pet names, long walks on the beach, sensual body massages, looking at stars and watching the sunset, et cetera, and et cetera….

- MATURE & RESPONSIBLE: When I talk to other girls, the biggest complaint they have is that the guys they were involved with did not know what they want. While I agree that the majority of males do not know what they want in relationships, I think they are also absolutely clueless about what they want in life. It has much to do with maturity and how a lot of males either just can't grow up or refuse to ever grow up. This is why there are so many 30's, 40's, 50's year old men out there who never had a serious relationship or a real career; they simply cannot commit to anything. A guy I date must to be mature, responsible and needs to know exactly what he wants because I'm definitely not going to waste my time babysitting or waiting for him to get his act together.

- FAMILY ORIENTED: I'd like a guy who comes from a good family, that is, preferably a non-broken family, or at least a separated but normal functional family with a cool dad and a nice mom. I know that a lot of people don't put this in their mate-finding criteria because they think they won't be dating that person's whole family. I think it is an awful mistake to overlook someone's family background because their upbringing has a lot to do with the way they have turned out. Obviously a guy who has a loving, classy mother will more likely to grow up respecting women and have more successful relationships with other people than a guy who has an alcoholic mom or a commitment-phobic cheating dad. Furthermore, I'm looking for someone who is close to his family. And by saying that, I don't mean a guy who's 30 and still lives at home but rather a guy who has a tremendous amount of love and respect for his parents so that he can too, have respect and courtesy for my parents, if I were to introduce him to them one day.

- HAS GOOD MORALS: Most other girls probably wouldn't care if a guy treats other people badly as long as he's a good boyfriend. To me, however, if a guy has no common courtesy, stabs his friends' backs, curses at his own mom, kicks animals, he is an a$$hole, despite of how well he may treat me. What good would a person be if they were to not have consideration for others or possess a sense of what's right and wrong? Why would I want such a sociopath in my fabulous life?

- DOESN'T DRINK, SMOKE, OR USE DRUGS: I think a lot of problems in the US, such as violence, car accidents, poverty, poor health, and etc… have to do with the misuse, or abuse of tobacco, alcohol and drugs. For that reason, I've made the wise decision not to drink, smoke or use any type of substance. Although I may be okay with dating a social drinker, I refuse to go out with anyone who smokes, gets high and is constantly drunk like a frat boy.

- SWEET & CARING & THOUGHTFUL: He needs to be sensible to my feelings and has no problem showing his affection. He must know me well enough to know all of my likes and dislikes. He won't ever forget my birthday and will occasionally come up with cute surprises. (I am a sucker for hand-written letters and little thoughtful gifts)

- DEPENDABLE & SUPPORTIVE: I'm not the type of girl who would constantly ask a guy to do this and that for her, however, I'd like to have someone I could completely trust and rely on: a guy with a strong shoulder for me to cry on and who will be 100% supportive of my goals.

- HAS SOME KIND OF TALENT OR INTERESTING HOBBY: I personally think that everyone is talented, or at least secretly talented, in some way. A guy doesn't necessarily have to be an amazing singer, a great actor or a wonderful athlete in order to win my heart. I could easily be drawn to a simple talent such as dancing, writing, or drawing. I'm always into learning new things so even if a guy has a hobby like snowboarding, swimming, or whatever, I'll be intrigued. I'm not asking for much, just that he won't be a bland boring person. And being addicted to Myspace or video games do not count as a hobby!

- SELF-SECURE: Even though I'll admit that a little jealousy is cute because it shows that a guy cares about me, over-possessiveness and insecurity are both major turn offs! I think I've mentioned it before that I'm a Sagittarius, and because of that I'm extremely independent and value my freedom very much. I cannot stand a guy who will call, email, text, every half-an-hour to check up on me. If he doesn't trust me, he shouldn't be with me. Further more, I would feel extremely miserable with a clingy, needy guy who solely relies on me for his happiness.

- CHALLENGE: I'm not one of those people who want what they can't have, neither am I the type of girl who's into bad boys that would treat women like crap. There's nothing I would adore more than a sweet, caring and thoughtful guy but because I can usually get whomever I want, I can't help but being turned on by a bit of challenge and unpredictability. After all, isn't the chase what makes it fun? I love to seduce and being seduced in return!

BONUS POINTS (OPTIONAL)

- LIKES TO READ: Because I love books so much, it would help if my guy also enjoys them. Most hot guys out there don't like to read because they think it's boring. I understand that not everyone is as much of a book nerd as I am, therefore, it's only optional that they like to read.

- CAN COOK: The saying "you'd get to a man's heart through his stomach" also applies to women. As much as I enjoy eating out and dining at nice restaurants, I would prefer a home cooked meal any day. If a guy were to cook for me, even if the food is barely edible, I'd still be very touched knowing the amount of effort he must have put into it. I'd know he cares.

- ATTEND A PRESTIGIOUS/IVY LEAGUE SCHOOL: Better schools = Better education = Better person. I'm giving extra credit to guys who are attending or have graduated from: Harvard, Yale, Princeton, Columbia, Stanford, Berkeley, Dartmouth, etc... (UCLA and USC okay)

BUT BUT BUT....

When it comes down to it, what I'm really looking for is a guy that can give me butterflies in my stomach every time I talk to him and whenever I'm around him. THE MOST IMPORTANT QUALITY, (one I would never make an exception for) however, would be the possession of a kind heart because someone who is a good person will naturally possess other great qualities such as integrity, compassion, honesty, loyalty, thoughtfulness, and strong morals/family values to them as well. (Nice Princess + Kind Prince = Fairy Tale Comes True). Yes, finding the right guy is a much more difficult task than finding the right shade of red lipstick therefore I am neither looking or waiting. The one I'm destined to be with will manage to slaughtter all the evil dragons and mean monsters then make his way to my Hello Kitty bed one day.