No Offense To Feminism, But Some Women DO Need A Man

Girl Talk: What If You DO Need A Man?


“Some women are just happier in a relationship.”

As my shrink said this, my jaw dropped to the floor. Did she really just say that? The woman who had feminist literature on her bookshelf and never failed to induce a pep rally of self-empowerment at the end of each session?

We were, of course, discussing (OK fine, I was complaining) about my lack of a boyfriend, and inability to get over some of the ones I did have. For me, I surmised from my psychotherapy high horse, the issue was about loneliness and, therefore, about some childhood father complex. I thought I sounded smart; it seemed like something my psychiatrist would say herself.

But her response was both jarring and a relief. Some women are just happier in a relationship. Huh? Isn’t the modern woman supposed to be totally amazing on her own? But at the same time, the tension in my heart unclenched as I considered the phrase that potentially answered all of my romantic issues.

Was I one of those women? And do they really exist? Looking back, I began to think it might be true. When in committed relationships, I was happier. When single, I was depressed. Perhaps this was chance, but I realized that I took better care of my life with a boyfriend by my side. I kept things cleaner to show respect for his presence in my living space. I bathed more often and took care of my acne-prone skin.

I dug up a paper I wrote during my senior year of college when I was living with the man I planned (at the time) to marry. Based on Daniel Miller’s A Theory of Shopping, I had explored the author’s hypothesis that purchasing could be motivated by love, and proved it by shamelessly charting a week’s worth of my purchases. At the time, the list was comedic (I had a friendship with my very giving professor). But now looking at my list, I see a zeal and motivation I don’t always find in my life now. In buying skim milk, bran cereal, flax bread, I was taking pride in eating healthy. With the new dishes and wine glasses, I added sophistication to our home. I recalled feeling satisfied and grown up when we began enjoying food on matching plates and not drinking Pinot Grigio out of mugs.

When I recently asked my friends about this idea of “being better with a man” or “needing a man,” a good handful of them confirmed this belief. (Definitely not all, mind you.) One said, “I’m more organized, in control, and positive when I’m receiving male attention ... a relationship is enough to keep me motivated and excited.” Another friend, Olivia, told me, “In a relationship, I have someone else to answer to. There is another person who is close enough to me to know when I’m being lazy or not living up to my potential, so that pushes me to actually be more active.”

For Olivia and me, efforts of self-sufficiency outside of relationships can sometimes fall short, or more often, turn into faking that whole “I’m an awesome single woman” thing. And I’m sorry, I do know that I’m awesome, but getting there is exhausting. I’m not saying this is everyone, but that perhaps there are women—and men!—who need sex with trust, or who rely on spouses for friendship rather than large social networks. And perhaps “needing a man” is an indication of the more basic human instinct—not for reproduction, but for companionship.

The idea still doesn’t sit right with me as someone who has put so much energy into making me happy. But, then again, there’s a lot to say for someone who chooses to be happy. Even if it means the choice includes a man.

---

Are you someone who needs someone to be happy? If not, why not?If so, how so?

"Love Relationships"

(Inspirational guide) Facts On Relationship

ok...the only way u can have a healthy relationship with someone is if you have a relationship built off the trinity. And in a relationship there is 2 different trinities .

The Father+the son+holyspirit=god
You+ur mate+god= successful relationship

And the bible speaks on if ur not dining with god then ur eating ur supper with the devil. If ur relationship is not built on god. then its built on the devil


And for those who keep on saying that they can change someone from being a hard core such and such. and then wonder why they end up heartbroken. Yawl not realizeing that you are the ones that put yourself in the situation to become hurt, because all the signs was there but you chose to think otherwise.

Thinking you can change someone but when the day ends. You only have pieces of your heart 2 pick up, tears to dry, headaches to ease and problems to forgive.

you see...No offence but ladies yawl need to stop saying every man is dogs, Not all man are bad, and i know a saying it says if you calling your man a dog, that must mean your a bad tamer cause dogs are loyal animals. got to watch what you say.


to some women that try to go to a church find someone. but they get treated by the so called church guy, like they did back when someone that was in the world. and now they blame god! But I'm here to tell you if he did something to you that was that's of the world. then he was not of god... cause gods people are not conformed by this world but are transformed by the renewing of there soul in god. so you cannot blame god for that because god gave you decernment, so again you had the signs, you had the common sense but you just did'nt want to believe what god was trying to show you though desentment because it felt so good to be held. Didn't want to be lonely but now since you didn't listen now you feel lonely, got a broken heart and blaming god for something he tried to help you out of.


all because you thought you can tame someone you call a dog. and no its not just the ladies calling man dogs is the man to calling them Bit***. Thinking that they can disrespect a woman.


YOU SEE HERE IS THE FACT, The biggest question alive right now is why is it when a man finds a good women on top of her game, educated, making money and got a good head on her shoulder, they treat them bad Wrong and disrespectful? Well the truth is a lot of men wants a women that they can fool a lot of men want an ignorant type of girl so that they can easily manipulate them and go have fun without their knowing. but when they try to do it to an female that educated know the rules and the regulations to his game. the man try to use other ways to break into her, he try to get into her physically by beating her touching on her and being violent. making her know that he can do whatever he want and if physical don't work he will go after the mental and use his tongue to break her, make her feel as if she needs him and this and that.

but u see he try to use tongues to control a women and I know it says in the book of james that "the tongue is a fire." it can do something as good as blessing god or it can torment you and devour you emotionally,


but women to play a fair thing but instead they can keep quite and wont let nothing be known and make it seem like everything is okay. you see women can be as sneaky as a snake searching for its prey once they got you figured out is when they move on their attack. men can be the same way at times but mainly females master the style of being sneaky. but when all odd us knowing that he or she usually be running his mouth at the moment talking jibberish. we can see something is wrong that their doing something bad. but since you ain't listening to your disernment you letting your your mate manipulate you.


everyone we got to know what to say and when to say it and know when to talk and what to speak when its time to talk.

Nowadays people are too blunt. Meaning they just say whatever is on there mind without giving them no thought. As long as they know they in control they don't worry about their mates feelings.

now if you been listening, you will see the root to all these problems has beeen one simple word and thats "CONTROL", when one wants to control this, and the other wants to do that their way. Problems begin to get birth, thinking they can enslave someone in their love. If they stopped relying on a whip and start relying on their bible yawl both will still be happy.
looking for who is going to control what, when if you leave the control in gods hand he will let yawl live happily together forever. that's why many relationships are cursed. They let there relation derive on man no they let there relationship deprive on flesh no they let there relationship deprive on themselves but the truth is they let there relationship deprive on sin and the devil. when they can put it in gods hand.

ok i'm going to end this with a quote i made up. which means if you want someone whose good if you want someone into god if you want someone that's gone treat you right you should go to god and god will lead you into that person god has my heart, my mind and my soul then why dont you go to god and he will lead you to me...

"Majority Of Males Go For Cool Chics"

Traits of a cool chick part 1

A Cool chick doesn't get BORED because she knows how to use her own brain and have fun whether she is wealthy and has all kinds of creature comforts and gadgets or if she is broke and living in a place less than desirable. In fact a person that is lacking, it seems, would have more drive to DO something than someone who already HAS done and thus has. So please don't tell me that u r bored cause I may throw a book at u. lol......+..

A Cool chick realizes that there is something bigger than herself; not only GOD but also the people that are suffering in this world, the sick, starving, deprived, wrongfully incarcerated, and others in need.....
..+..

A Cool chick is one that stays in shape who realizes her body is like a temple and must be cherished, have a lovely fragrance, and kept in shape for she never knows when service might be performed on her grounds.....
..+..

A Cool chick knows when her partner/friend isn't feeling well or is sick and that even if he says he's ok and that she doesn't have to stay with him that is only cause he is being a hard ass like most men but really still want the love/caring of the chick to help encourage him to feel better.......+..

A Cool chick knows how to be respectful and think about what she says before she says it. She chooses her words with care and wisdom.....

A Cool chick is not quick to argue but would rather defuse than infuse anger and destruction.....
..+..

A Cool chick does not tell u one thing and then do another; like say she's going to give u that awesome back rub or other thing perhaps more freaky and then doesn't follow through with it cause she's too tired or some other bs. Hahaha, if ya say ya gonna do it, then ladies, DO IT! Think of NIKE.
..+..

A Cool chick doesn't say she loves u, that she could see being with you forever, and that the Lord above must have sent u 2 her, when really all she wants to do is F#ck. Come on, us real men can take the truth, if that's all u want, most won't look down on u 4 it. We don't have time for mixed up lil girls that have horni lil bodies which they can't control and thus say whatever they can to try and get what they want. I know lil boys play this game 2 but girls u should know better than to play this way. How would u feel if a dude did this to U!? "I love u baby oh so much" and then the next day he act as if those words didn't mean a damn thing?

5 Ways to Get a High Quality Boyfriend

Women constantly complain that they cannot find quality men. Only last night I listened to a long time friend of mine mouth the recurring theme of "no good men left."

Well the truth be told, high quality things are not easy to find. High quality, valuable stones are not only expensive but very rare. Their value is proportionate to their scarcity. Gold, diamond and other precious stones are premium because they are not easy to come by.

Accept that quality men are a rare breed

My first suggestion in finding a quality man is to accept that he will not be waiting for you around the street corner or knocking on you door tomorrow. Understand and be prepared to sift through the rubble to find your diamond of a man. Most diamonds actually come in the rough. They have to be cleaned, cut and polished. I do believe that you may have to kiss many frogs to find your prince.

Quality men are not always "ready made."

Although many women would not admit many women behave as if the man they want has to be "ready made." That is they should possess with most if not all of the qualities they dream about.

"I don't want someone I have to work on," Ashley told me in no uncertain terms, after I pointed out that Chris is a work in progress. Ironically I do think the she needs some polishing herself as she can be very brash and blunt.

Be a high quality person

Well that brings me to my third point; in order to get a high quality man, you need to be a high quality woman. You cannot be a pig and expect to attract a peacock. That is not the way it works in real life. If you want an intelligent person, you need to cultivate your intellect. If want a person of class and dignity you need to be classy and dignified. I think it was Ghandi who said you need to be the change you want to see in the world.

While opposites attract it is similarity that binds people together.

Have many high quality friends and associates

A corollary point to this is that you need to have quality friends. Birds of a feather not only flock together but they attract similar birds that also bring their friends and family along. The important point here is simply to have friends and associates like the person you want to attract in your life. Each of these people, have a network of friends, one of whom may be the person you are looking for. Many people admit that they met their husband through a friend, colleague or family. Someone once said that you are only six persons away from what you want. In other words someone you know, knows someone, who knows someone else, etc who can put you in touch with who and what you want. Start expanding your base of friendship to include people of the same ilk of the person you desire.

Lastly but certainly not least, if you are looking for a high quality man, you need to go to high quality places. High quality places should not be interpreted to mean expensive places. It simply means you should frequent places where many of these types of people hang out. For example if you want an ambitious man you should going inspirational and motivational meeting or even meetings where investment and money making ventures are discussed and taught. If love and admire people who can speak elegantly maybe you should join Toast Masters International. The chance of you finding a compatible person in these meetings is significantly increased.

In summary, to find a quality man:

1. Accept that the process is not going to be a piece of cake. Good things are not easy to acquire. Good men are hard to get. Accepting this makes the process a lot easier.
2. Realize that the gem you are looking may not first appear like a polished diamond.
3. To get a quality man you must also be a quality woman.
4. To increase the probability of meeting a quality man have lots of quality friends and associates
5. To heighten your chances of meeting a quality man visit places where quality men gather.

Tips on How to Get Girls to Notice You

Reasons Why Girls Can't See You - 5 Tips on How to Get Girls to Notice You

You're not a ghost are you? But why do the girls seem to see right through you? If you've always been the guy women never seem to see or the only guy in the group everyone hardly remembers, it's time you try to get a little acknowledgment. Or get noticed at least.

You need poise, you need confidence, and you need to build rapport! You have to have that X-factor that makes you more noticeable. It's time you know how to get girls to notice you. Eliminate all the possible aspects of your personality that makes you a victim of being unnoticed. Here are give of the worst traits you wouldn't want to have and get rid of them one by one.

1. You're probably too shy. If you are too shy, you will definitely have a difficult time attracting girls. Girls are prone to not noticing guys who hardly make noise or are hardly heard so if you want to be on their radar, try to be more active and more confident. Walk with poise and make people know that you know how to handle yourself and you are fun to be with. Try to be less timid and joke around with people sometimes.

2. You lack a sense of humor. Your seriousness could probably be getting in the way of being noticed. Not a lot of guys have the perfect sense of humor and you could be one of them, but try to be lighter and happier than your usual self. Share jokes sometimes, learn to laugh at other people, as well as yourself, but if you want to keep an intriguing side of yourself, do so. Instead of always being the clown, be funny sometimes while on other days, be serious also. In short, keep a balanced personality.

3. You probably need to do something about your hair, or your attire. You appearance can say so much about you and if you want to be considered as someone who dresses well, then simply, dress properly. Be neat at all times, wear color coordinated clothes, and try to keep your hair and teeth clean. Women can notice you by your appearance alone, because first and foremost, attraction starts with one's physical appearance. Put a thought into your looks before setting out to meet people; however, don't be vain. Remember, moderation is key.

4. You don't converse with people. If it is hard for you to lose shyness, it'll actually be harder for you to simply converse with people; and talking with people is a big way for you to get noticed. You must know how to talk to people and how to befriend them. Remember, people who hardly make a sound are most likely easier to forget and if you don't want to fall under that unfortunate list of the forgotten, then start talking and start making friends.

5. You lack originality. A lot of guys lack the most important trait of all and that's simply by being themselves. They tend to pretend they're someone famous and some might even dress like a celebrity, but end up to be a big turn-off for women instead. Women hate imitators of a certain person and would most definitely want someone to act like himself instead. To impress women, you must act as yourself and not as anybody else.

It's time you get rid of these 5 distracting traits if you want to know how to get girls to notice you. If you want your presence to be appreciated, then try to befriend people while at the same time, acting like your own usual self. The key on how to get girls to notice you is simply confidence and acting yourself.

The Man Women Really Want

The 10 Men Every Woman Wants

(If you only knew what she wanted all the time, you’d also know how to get what you want – all the time. BINGO!)She wants a man who…

1. Thinks she’s beautiful, no matter what.Any guy can pour on the compliments when she’s wearing that little black dress with the plunging neckline and the slit up to her ribs. Or pork chops. Or whatever. But the thing that will really keep her happy is making her feel beautiful at all times, like when she’s sunburned beyond recognition, or pale and sniffly from the flu, or suffering from cramps, or after a bus has run her over.

And remember, women can tell when you’re being genuine – if they don’t have heat stroke, vomit-inducing sickness or PMS, that is. Just don’t put her on an impossibly high pedestal. She’s scared of heights, you know. Appreciate her just as much when she’s in sweats as when she’s in stilettos. Living up to some ridiculous ideal just puts undue pressure on her and never lets either of you get fully comfortable.She wants a man who…

2. Is sensitive, but not a walking Hallmark card.The “but” part is key. And that key is being sensitive in the right way. For example:- Stop to scratch a Lab’s ears when you’re out for a walk.- Mention how cute your college buddy’s little boy is.- Drop a dollar in a street musician’s cup.

These kinds of understated gestures tell her a helluva lot more than a dozen roses – and best of all – they’re a helluva lot less expensive! She wants you to be able to express yourself and read into her feelings, but don’t get all sappy on her, it just makes you seem like less of a man.She wants a man who…

3. Is her biggest fan.You don’t have to suggest a ticker-tape parade every time she gets a pedicure (unless she got it on Mars). Instead, you just need to be verbally supportive of her ambitions and her triumphs. Why? Because in high school, she intimidated guys, and because she had that one boyfriend who tried to “punish” her because she wasn’t as successful.

Every girl has had one of those – it better not have been you. Brag about her accomplishments and don’t be threatened by her. Like her for who she is and don’t try to change her, even though she’ll always try to change you. She wants a man who…

4. Has outside passions.No – not a bunch of nymphos in a van down by the river. We’re talking about hobbies here. There is nothing much more excruciating than sitting across the table from a guy who is incredibly dull. A guy who doesn’t talk about anything but his incredibly dull job and says incredibly dull things like, “So that guy in Systems?

Who got called to the carpet? By that woman in accounting..?” She cares about your day and all, but spare her the play-by-play. Because a guy that who hangs out only with work people or who brags about how he’s saved up 26 months of vacation time is NOT a sparkling conversationalist. Even if he is decked out in rhinestones.She wants a man who…

5. Won’t cheat.Obvious? Not always. You’re innocent until proven guilty, right? Not in this case. In her court, you’re guilty unless you lay down the foundations of trust first. And you’ll want to do this fast, because her interrogations will make the Spanish Inquisition look like child’s play. She’ll get you when you least expect it too.

You can be out getting a coffee and she’ll be reading the latest copy of US Weekly and say something completely innocent like, “I can’t believe someone that looks like Jack Nicholson has the balls to cheat on his girlfriends…” – and she’ll wait patiently for the next few words that come out of your mouth. You just got pop quizzed big boy. WRONG ANSWER: “Hey, he’s Jack Nicholson, he can get any girl he wants.” RIGHT ANSWER: “I don’t get why people do that. Why bother being in a relationship in the first place?” Sneaky as hell isn’t she? She wants a man who…

6. Protects her.Even raging feminists were raised on stories of knights on white horses saving the day, which is why she’ll melt if you happen to be one of those knights. If your white horse was recently sent to the glue factory, try standing up for her in ordinary situations – to your friends, to your family, the maitre’d that just gave away your table, or the annoying Starbucks punk. But don’t go too far Rambo, there’s a fine line between chivalry and assault.She wants a man who…

7. Is a little unpredictable, in a good way.When you’re in a steady relationship, things can get old fast. That’s why you hate settling down and why she can’t resist a fly-by-the-seat-of-his-pants guy. If you’re spontaneous, you always keep her guessing, and THAT keeps things interesting over the long haul. A favorite of mine is to pack a bag for her – YES, YOU SHOULD be able to pack a bag for her and get it right – IF you pay attention. Pack her bag, throw it in the trunk out of sight, and take her away somewhere romantic for the weekend.Make use of every chance you get to show her some adventure.

TIP: A typical (not every) woman’s idea of adventure is a five-star hotel that serves frozen drinks with umbrellas, not driving fast while blind drunk and giving a hand job. To a hitchhiker.She wants a man who…

8. Tolerates her freakish quirks – and even thinks they’re cute.Does she buy handbag after handbag, all in similar shades of green? Refuse to pee on anyone’s toilet but her own? Mail letters one at a time? Get her tongue stuck in bowling balls? Let your strength be in your silence. She’ll infer tons simply from how you react to her oddly obsessive behavior. There’s no reason to ever make her feel like she’s not perfect, or damned close to it.She wants a man who…

9. Has a good sense of humor. (You thought I was going to forget this one didn’t you?)Every woman longs for a guy that can laugh – at himself and at life. It’s just more fun to be around someone who’s funny and easy and enjoyable. People, in general, who are funny usually have a good, upbeat attitude, which is more appealing than being around a grump. Just avoid laughing at her, which, for some reason, she won’t appreciate.

Here’s a few additional rules for this one:- Don’t be too self-depricating.- Keep the really gross-out humor to a minimum- Farts are not funny. Ok, they are, but not always…It’s also important to recognize her brand of humor. Just because her humor isn’t your humor, it doesn’t mean she isn’t funny. Furthermore, if she is funny, stop feeling so threatened and let her at it (read #3 again if you need to).But she also wants a man who…

10. Can be serious when it counts.On the other hand, when her appendix bursts, she doesn’t want you cracking jokes while she drowns in toxic bodily fluids. In a long-term relationship, women want a guy who’s solid, especially when the chips are down. And it isn’t just how you cope with the major crises.

Even if a minor mishap rocks her world, like her goldfish dies, don’t shrug it off or laugh. Instead, make it easy on her: She wants to know she can put her head on your shoulder. Without having to first remove it from her own.Yep. I think that about covers it. Just be ALL THOSE THINGS and I guarantee you eternal blissful happiness with SOMEBODY....

What Really Sustains A Relationship?

Love, Romance, or both?

Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being in love which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident.

Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.

Captain Corelli's Mandolin

There is no denying.

Things have changed.

You can feel it.

And you begin to ask the question why.

Why am I here next to this person?

You've noticed some slight changes on his behaviour.

He suddenly has become less attentive on what you are saying.



He keeps on bringing new faces in the house instead of spending time alone with you.



He no longer waits for you.
You have stopped eating together.



He doesn’t go at great lengths anymore to please you...

Worse is...

He has forgotten how to kiss you the way you want it!



Minor changes which when put together is equivalent to one gigantic heap of garbage you refuse to smell its odor and leaves you no option but to throw them away and discard them at the earliest chance. The only thing is...

your partner isn’t a garbage


You don't find it easy to do so unlike others who change partners as often as they change clothes

but secretly this is what you are thinking of doing to him...




You’re beginning to feel dissatisfaction which leads to fights because of these irreconcilable differences.

Then the inevitable came to pass.

Love has gone.

Where did it go?

It flew right outside the window.

Just like that?

Yeah, just like that.

Was it love which flew outside the window or was it romance?

Maybe both. Who cares what it is called?

One thing is certain.

The relationship has ended. And you are left alone wondering.

What really sustains a relationship?

Is it love or romance?

It really is more than the sparks found in romance obviously.

Neither love itself.

Huh?

Huh?

I was meaning to say, “Neither the romantic kind of love itself.”

So between Romance and Love,

will I choose

Love alone ?

Since romance seems to be unstable and disappears just like a fog?

No. I want the element of madness in being in love. I deserve to be crazy in love and I won’t settle for anything less. And I love flowers, candles, wines, lovely dinner, love songs, moonlight dancing, massage, jacuzzi, passionate kisses and all the sweet nonsense associated with romance.
Who doesn't want this?

Romance alone ?

No, because romance alone does not pay the bills and face the real challenges of life. Romance can not stand the tests of what is expected from a genuine relationship. It is there to tease our senses. But leaves at the very instance of discomfort. It is there to fulfill our fantasies and send our heads up in the cloud but crushes back down to earth at the slightest blow of the storm.

Here's a thought...

Long- Term- Relationship like Marriage is more than love and romance.

It is more of a CONSCIOUS EFFORT.

When we merely love someone, it almost comes spontaneously without much effort needed.

Sometimes, we are even overpowered by this intense emotion.

But in Long-Term-Relationship or Marriage, it is us who has to overpower our emotions to make it work.

Long-Term-Relationship or Marriage demands us to play even when romance and love have left the stage.

Long-Term-Relationship or Marriage demands us to stay even if the only person left in the room is no longer the person we used to know but just a stranger sitting across you.

Marriage isn’t for everybody.

Some people are not wired for Long-Term-Relationships.

No matter how much you insist you want it to be.

But don’t give up on love.

For the best may have yet to come.

Somewhere out there, there must be at least one single soul who’ll die to be with you.

That is the only kind of love worth seeking for.

Whether it ends in marriage or not is beside the question.

If it’s neither romance nor love or both, then what?

The one thing which couples overlook is that more than being lovers, they should develop FRIENDSHIP. It is the bond which seals the relationship.


I don’t know if any of my readers would agree that long term relationships usually lack “sparks”. Moreover, that instant excitement does not guarantee instant success. In fact, the emotional intensity we feel in the beginning of the relationship goes down naturally. There are some who manage to stay in love or love their partner more in the long run. But is it only romantic love which sustains a long term relationship?

How are we going to explain situations where people give up on relationships not because they have fallen out of love but because they have different pursuits in life?

For a wagon to get to its destination, it must be pulled by two oxens in the same direction. One can't go Northbound and the other Southbound.

How many relationships have ended because of incompatibilities even though couples are still madly in love with each other?

Because the truth is, long term relationships demand us more than saying “I Love You.”

And there are cases that LOVE is still present.

That some couples still have strong feelings for each other.

But they just can't go on anymore.

Because they just can't get along well anymore.

Who said differences between couples should always be reconciled anyway?


Sometimes, the best way to care for your partner is to just leave your partner alone.

I leave proper discretion to my reader on what is tolerable and what is not.

Each has his own threshold of pain anyway.

( Give it a thought 100 times. Give it a try 100 million times. You can thank me later.)

One definition of a friend is someone who provides support and cooperation.

Hence, friendship is an integral part of a long-lasting relationship.

It is different from commitment. Commitment is born out of obligation.

Friendship is born out of natural likeness for someone. It is more voluntary in nature.

It’s kindness, respect, compatibility and shared interests we find in friendship are among others which sustain a long term relationship. That feeling of being comfortable with someone knowing that you are allowed to just be yourself and not be somebody else. FRIENDSHIP , the absence of which leaves any relationship prone to decay in no time.Because it is the only type of relationship which demands nothing from the two persons involved but the company of each other.

Whereas Romance and Love demand...
they probe...
they measure..
they ask..
they test.

Friendship seeks nothing but to spend time with the other person.

And spending time together is a very essential part of any relationship.

"I Love You" isn't the best words for they have different shades of meaning.

When all is said and done..
When we are old and gray..
The only thing we need to hear is somebody telling us

"I am here beside you. I will never leave you."

Whether the person loves us or not becomes less significant.
Your differences will no longer be relevant.
Just observe your grandparents if what I'm saying is not true.

Nothing else matters but two of you being with each other .

Just like in the beginning.

Just like the way love should be.

No matter what he is wearing.

AAhhh! The end now!

BUTTWIPE!

Ever been in a relationship where you have to part ways because you have different goals despite having strong feelings for each other still?

Can you stay in a relationship lacking in romance? What is romance to you?

"The best relationships don't end up in marriage ."

What do you make of it?

Is it awkward to be in a romantic relationship with your friend of opposite sex or could it be the best relationship to you? Will you take the risks?

Alright, alright.....

Pick any of the questions to answer. I know some are a bit way out of the topic but what the heck! I want to know.I'm such a curious cat.

"Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I don't wanna ever love another
You'll always be my thunder .."







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I Love You… BUT You’re Damaged Goods

**thanks to the one who suggested I write this one**

Do you know what I hate? I hate it when I’m dating a guy and the chick before me has completely screwed him up. I will accept the fact that I have been “said chick” at least once before, but we’re not talking about me today.

There’s nothing like having to deal with the emotional aftermath of a previous, destructive relationship. A lot of people call it baggage. I try to think of it as a learning curve and an opportunity. I’ll explain that in a second.

I was talking to a friend of mine the other day who was lamenting over the impossibility of a relationship with a new girl he wanted to date. He’s into her, but she’s still crushed over the last overly hormonal d-bag (I promised my mother I wouldn’t put the word douche into anymore of my blogs, oops) that trampled all over her self esteem and left her questioning her worthiness as a woman. Can’t we all relate to that? In this society it’s hard to find someone who doesn’t have their share of emotional scars. I fit into that category, as do most of you, I’m sure.

So what are we to do? Live our lives alone? I think not.

Here’s where I believe an opportunity presents itself in a relationship. If the crumpled soul that you’re heart is pining after is willing to give you a chance, you can turn that baggage into helpful information. This will require a lot of communication and honesty, but doesn’t any successful relationship require that anyway?

For the purpose of example, here’s a little TMI about yours truly. Given the events of 2008, I’m completely freaked about car accidents. If you are someone I care about in the real world, you already know this. When I text you and say, “Let me know you got home OK” I really mean it. If you don’t I’ll seriously worry that you are dead, even though my logic tells me that you just forgot. Someone only has to receive that phone call once to relate to me on this. The current object of my desire understands this about me. Every night I get a phone call or a text that says “made it home”. Hopefully, he doesn’t consider this to be overly obnoxious. He simply accepts that this is part of the package with me right now and is overly considerate of it. By doing this simple act, my baggage becomes an opportunity to better our relationship.

So, how can you turn baggage into opportunity?

Maybe he was cyber-cheated on by his last girlfriend. By giving him the password to your MySpace account, it doesn’t have to cross his mind when you sign in online.

Maybe she found inappropriate SMS messages between her ex and his female co-worker. By letting her occasionally glance through your phone, she doesn’t have to think about it every time your phone beeps.

Should you HAVE to do any of this? Of course not; it wasn’t your fault. However, should you want to make any effort possible to prove that this relationship is going to be healthy and enjoyable? You’d better or you might as well get out now before someone gets hurt.

"FOR MEN"

Real Men Laws

Law 1. Never put your hands on a woman. NEVER!

Law 2. Never cheat on a woman.

Law 3. Give women the respect they deserve.

Law 4. Love is not sex. Sex is a part of Love. You can’t fall in love because of her sex.

Law 5. Try your best not to make a woman feel emotional and stressed out.

Law 6. Women like to go out not stay in.

Law 7. Having a sensitive side helps. Don’t be afraid to show it.

Law 8. Flirting with other women is cheating unless the both of you are swingers.

Law 9. Be a good role model. What keeps you positive might keep her positive.

Law 10. Compliment her. Make her feel good about herself and the relationship.

Law 11. Never argue.

A. In a argument she will always be right.

B. If you feel that you are right, show proof with great evidence.

C. Don’t leave her hanging when you show proof. Tell her why you did it.

Law 12. Include her in everything you do.

A. What goes on at work.

B. Special parties.

C. Etc.

Law 13. Patience is a virtue.

Law 14. Never show Love with gifts. Show appreciation with gifts.

Law 15. Clubbing is optional but…

A. No dancing with other women (unless its an open relationship).

B. If she wants to tag along, let her.

C. If your friends talk about you, they are not men.

D. Be at the club at 10pm, be home by 1-2am. After 2am, she is pissed.

Law 16. Try your best to do some of the things she wants to do.

Law 17. Cuddling does not make you soft.

Law 18. Make sure to leave a note or message when you are going somewhere she doesn’t know about yet.

Law 19. If you Love her, tell her you do and tell her more than once.

Law 20. Marriage is really all up to you.

These Laws apply to all men in starting and continuous relationships, also marriage.

How to Let Go of Past Loves.

12 Ways to Let Go of Past Loves

Come unstuck with these techniques and discover yourself, happy and free.

At a recent dinner with five friends, my friend Julie mentioned that she had been unable to stop thinking about a former boyfriend she hadn’t seen in years. In fact, she confessed, she thinks about him every day.

As she glanced helplessly around the table not one person appeared surprised. By the time dessert was served, every woman present admitted a persistent emotional attachment to a former relationship. Most surprising? Every woman at the table was happily married!

If you are stuck in an emotional tie that no longer serves you, it’s time to set yourself free. Here are 12 fool-proof ways to enjoy the present and release your past.

Learn how to move on now.

Get Real About What Was

According to Harville Hendrix, we are most magnetically attracted to people who embody the characteristics of our parents or early caretakers because we unwittingly seek in a partner someone who will re-injure our childhood wounds. Our adult selves can finally heal those wounds, but the more negative those characteristics are (from critical and controlling to charmingly irresponsible) the more intense the attraction we feel.

We can get relief from our nostalgia for a passionate love by remembering the intensity of the memory does not hold some great truth about the relationship’s sacredness. Remember, what fueled the attraction may not have been love, but your soul’s desire to heal the past.

Purge the Merge-Urge

Subliminally, people in love promise they will meet all of each other’s needs while having none of their own. (Like mommy did!) Listen to the language of lovers and you will hear the echoes of that infantile bliss: “Baby, Sweetie, Honey, Darling.” We long for the feeling of fullness again, of merged egos. Getting free means understanding that the completeness you felt with your past love echoed a memory from infancy. It was an illusion and temporary and in reality it was not love.

Had the relationship continued, you would have seen boundaries snap back in place with the inevitable reestablishment of reality. No one would have made you feel that high forever.

Are You Romanticizing?

Brain scientists now recognize that nearly 20 percent of us suffer from “complicated grief.” According Rob Stein of the Washington Post, “One of the hallmarks of complicated grief is a persistent sense of longing for the lost one and a tendency to conjure up reveries of that person.”

The persistence of a romanticized memory contains an addictive element but the element is not in the former relationship, it’s in you. For the 20 percent of us that stuck-ness has a biological source, an actual difference in brain processing. It can help to know the connection you still feel may be more biological than spiritual in origin.

So trade in your rose-colored glasses. Chances are you are romanticizing weaknesses as strengths. Was he self-employed because of his independence or his inability to accept authority? A realistic assessment is empowering. Keep a cheat sheet of unflattering truths and refer to it when you slip into dewy daydreams. It is easier to let go of a human than a hero.

There’s No Such Thing As One and Only

Repeat this 20 times. Ask yourself whether deep down you believe that remembering the relationship preserves it in some way. Embrace the reality that longing does not connect you and write a new belief code, such as: “I have never left a relationship that would have made me happier than I am now.” “This is a person of great worth, but not to me.”

Each of us probably has 10,000 people we could feel a similar connection to---don’t mythologize as “one and only” someone who actually might have been unremarkable.

This Is Me, Free!

Visualize yourself as free without requiring that you know how that will be accomplished. Just imagine you have already arrived at a place in the future where you are. Imagine yourself saying to a friend, “Oh my gosh, I haven’t thought about x in years!” Absorb how fantastic you’ll feel, how happy and energized, and say thank you for that.

Remember that visualization is not about vision. It’s about what you feel when you envision. Feel into your freedom and cement it with gratitude.

Your Brain Speaks Body Language

Your brain believes your body, sort of a reverse of the placebo affect. You begin to feel free of the past when you act free of the past! Don’t talk about the old relationship, don’t ritualize it, don’t note anniversaries, or send mental messages. Your brain will notice how healthy you are and deepen those neural networks until they become routine.

Turn to Creativity

One of the best balms for emotional wounds is creativity, which is different from staying busy. Doing something creative, whether it is writing, drawing, composing lyrics, changing your hairstyle, planting a garden, thinking of a great gift, or redecorating a room, connects you to yourself and a power greater than yourself. Doing something kind for someone else is also a good idea but let’s face it, you can brood the entire time you are doing a good deed. Creativity is deeply engaging. It fills you from the inside out.

Read it Right

Swap longing reverie for gratitude—by whatever means you can. A photo of your dog or cat. Photos of your kids, an upbeat song without a history to it. Something to look forward to—a ritual you enjoy. Try having a book on tape to stop the tape in your head. Books work better than music because they are intellectually captivating and pull you into the moment. Music can do the opposite, drop you right into the past.

Keep a tape in the car, which is a place we’re particularly vulnerable to romanticizing. The left- brain act of driving puts your “logic brain “ into neutral and gives your right brain a chance to wander down memory lane. Best book to get on tape? “How to Break Your Addiction to a Person” by Howard Halpern.

Exercise to Exorcise

Go to the gym regularly, or go for a run. Regular exercise keeps your endorphin levels high and keeps you from falling into melancholy memories. (This is a place where you can use music, upbeat and invigorating.)

Shut the Door on the Uninvited Guest

Practice separating your “self” from your “thoughts.” It does not matter whether or not your thought is “true.” It only matters whether the thought interferes with your happiness.

Think of persistent thoughts as you would a neighbor who drops by without calling to tell you your car is parked in front of your house. Say, “Thanks, Mind, for the boring and obvious update.” In other words, respond without resistance—a mental yawn.

Disarm with Charm

When thoughts come unbidden replace them with neutral, factual thoughts, again offering no real resistance or mental gymnastics. Replace the tape in your head with, “Trees are growing,” “People are talking,” “Rain falls.”

Or, put distance between yourself and persistent memories as Russ Harris (author of “The Happiness Trap”) recommends: add words in front of them like, “Oh, I’m having that thought about __again.” “Would you look at that! I’m aware that I’m thinking about ___again.”You are neutralizing your own knee-jerk reaction.

Swap Melodrama for Goofy — Literally

Harris also suggests replaying the voice in your head in a cartoon character’s voice.

Try replaying “I wonder what ____ is doing today…” in a silly voice—like Mickey Mouse or Goofy. Likewise, try singing your memory to a silly tune like “Happy Birthday.”

Find Freedom Today

You can become unhooked with practice. Don’t mythologize the ordinary. Don’t assume a connection is sacred just because it persists. Don’t revere the teacher when it was the relationship that provided the chance to grow.

Picture this: You. Happy and free.