"Don't Rush Marriage"

Are You Really Ready For This?


Don't get Married Just Because , Know Your Reasons

Waiting until your 30's or 40's to commit is not a bad thing. if it takes that long for you to find the person you're meant to be with then that's the way its going to go. don't tell yourself that you're going to give up at a certain point because then you may find that you push away the one person that you're meant to spend the rest of your life with. finding someone while you're young may not necessarily be the best thing for you. don't dwell so much on the fact that you're "alone" now and just enjoy your life. be positive about things, push away the negative, and stop questioning yourself. you're fine the way you are and you don't need to wonder what it is about you that might be wrong. like you said, you may be attracting the wrong people right now, but with patience you will find that the right one will fall into your lap.

Let's face it, most relationships don't workout and you'll go threw a lot of fakies, whores, cheaters and such before you find the right person. I don't know if i believe there is someone for everyone, I think if you find "your true love" your lucky. At the point I'm at, I'm thinking about me. Be selfish. I want to do well in school/become educated and if I don't find the right person I will never get married. Never. I'm more scared of being with the wrong person then being alone.

"Keys To A Happy Marriage"

" Some keys to a happy marriage "
a poem and some funnies

Compromise…
No matter what situation may arise…
Meeting half way is simply a must…
Being honest with each other so that you build up trust…
Doing things for each other every single day…
Going out of your way…
To bring happiness to each other…
It’s so easy to please your lover…
If you just take the time…
To make both of your worlds more sublime…
We all have drama to get through…
But together there is nothing we can not do…
As long as we work as a team…
We can fulfill every dream…
But it takes effort from both our hearts…
We both have to do our parts…
It can not be a one way street…
Because then one of us would get beat…
By the weight of it all…
We wouldn’t be able to climb over that wall…
All by our self…
And doing things alone puts stress on your health…
Because you carry all the weight…
And that’s no way to treat your mate…
Taking turns to clean the house…
Doing those little things to make it easier on your spouse…
That is what marriage is all about…
Sharing your happiness, your doubt…
With each other…
Depending on your lover…
To be there…
To show that they care…
I know I am thankful for what I have been given…
For the life that I am living…
There really is so much more…
But this is a start that’s for sure~!

1-29-09 ©KM Its mine…

And for that smile…J

J
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, 'What's on TV?'

I said, 'Dust.'

And then the fight started...
-----------------------------------------
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'

I bought her a scale.

And then the fight started...
------------ --------- ----- ---- --------- ---------
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her some place expensive...so, I took her to a gas station.

And then the fight started...
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'

And then the fight started...
------ ------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'she's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

'Good grief!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started...
------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""
"Nah, she can order for herself."

And then the fight started...
------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's near perfect.'

And then the fight started..
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.

I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.

And then the fight started....
------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt look big. I told her not as much as the dress she wore yesterday.

And then the fight started..
------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies. Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside.
The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man 'Good grief. That must be my husband!'

So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped out the window. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and to his car as fast as he could go.

A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, 'I AM your husband!'

The woman yelled back, 'Yeah, then why were you running?'

And then the fight started..
------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'
My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?'

And then the fight started...
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"

It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
"Some where I haven't been in a long time!" she said.

So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"

And that's when the fight started....
------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?" "No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And that's when the fight started....

J

Hope you enjoyed your visit to my world today~!

Thank you for taking some of your time, your day…

To come my way…

And read what I have to say…

I appreciate each and every one of you…

And I thank you for all that you do…

You make blogspot…

A very enjoyable place…

For me to come and hang out…

"Are You Ready For A

YOU SAY YOU WANT A GOOD MAN OR GOOD WOMAN

I hope that if you are reading this that you believe in God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. If you don't, I hope that you will continue reading this and open up your heart to receive what I'm trying to get across to you in LOVE!

WHAT ARE YOU REALLY LOOKING FOR IN A RELATIONSHIP??? DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP??? DO YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO BRING TO THE RELATIONSHIP???

These are questions that you should ask yourself…and why is it that when people disappoint us in a relationship we blame them for it failing instead of taking the responsibility for our own short comings?

Men, you have a certain woman that you are looking for to fulfill your dreams and your desires. You say that you want a woman who can cook; you say that you want a woman who keeps a clean house; you say that you want a woman who doesn't nag you about every little thing that you don’t do and that you need her to understand you as a man; you say that you want a woman who is strong and independent and who is not materialistic; you say that you want a lady in the street but a freak in the sheets; and you say that you want someone who is beautiful on the outside as well as on the inside. But, yet, you don't cook and all you consume are alcoholic beverages on a regular basis; you haven't cleaned your toilet since you moved into your place; you like to argue and point out others faults and when it comes to understanding a woman, you would rather get out of her presence and sit in front of the computer or the TV than to listen to how her day went at work; and please don’t let a woman come to you and try telling you that her feelings were hurt by something you did or said because you take it as a personal attack rather than a way to apologize and to let her know that what you did or said was not intentional; you are in debt and you never have any money to take a female out (more than once) but some how you’ve mustered up enough money to buy a flat screen TV, an Xbox 360, or rims for your car; you too are a prostitute and even a whore (even though you only refer to women as such) because you frequent the clubs and crawl into bed with just about every woman that you come in contact with knowing that it probably won’t lead to anything more than casual sex (and you have the nerve not to use condoms and that is why the STD epidemic is so out of control); you could stand to lose a couple of pounds and workout a little; you are mean and can say some of the nastiest things to a woman and then you justify what you say by beseeching that you're just one of those people who speak their minds. When in all truth, you are a control freak who wants to have his way and you think that you are the only one who is doing any and everything right, you're not willing to compromise on anything and you have the attitude that it's your way or the highway. It's especially sad, men, when you are this way but then you don't even realize that you make a woman miserable when she comes around you and maybe this is the very reason why you can’t “KEEP” a "GOOD WOMAN". Most of the women that you come in contact with are good women, but because you insist on having your way, you terminate the fellowship and don't give the friendship enough time to cultivate. Hey, I'm just saying that before you start putting your demands on a female make sure that you are the IMAGE of what it is that you are looking for in a woman.

Women, you have a certain man that you are looking for to fulfill your dreams and your desires. You say that you want a man who can make love to your mind, body, and soul; you say that you want a Godly man who will lead your household and be the man of God that he is supposed to be; you say that you want a man who can provide for you and buy you nice things; you say that you want a tall dark and handsome man. But, yet, you go everywhere with a frown on your face like you've lost your best friend and you turn your nose up at a man when he approaches you when he may just simply want to say hi (not every man just wants to sleep with you); you continuously say that there aren’t any good men but when you have a good man, you’re constantly reminding him of what he’s not doing rather than build him up and encourage him to keep doing the right thing, and if he makes a mistake, you’re right there telling him “I told you so!” (sometimes a simple “I’m sorry you had to go through that” goes a lot further than if you try to convince him of how right you were in the first place); you say that you want a man to understand you but when he tries to it turns into an argument - (do you even understand what it is that you are feeling? Woman, you can be so confusing at certain times of the month so be mindful of how you treat people around that time because you are still responsible for your actions…when you get to heaven God isn’t going to excuse you for that reason if you continuously mistreat others around that time of the month); then, you push a man away when you’re upset and then accuse him of not being there for you; you say that you go to church but you open your legs to every man that comes along and then when the man doesn't call you, email you , text you, and even doesn’t want to see you anymore you think that he's a dog or a loser, but he never said that he wanted to be with you in the first place, he just took what you were willing to give (stop prostituting yourself); you are more concerned with material things and what you can get out of a man than with how you can bless him with a gift from your own money and from your heart without expecting anything in return (and I’m sorry but this goes for men as well); and you could stand to lose a few pounds and quit eating every thing in sight and complain because you can't fit the clothes that you already have in your closet. Don't complain about what you can change. Hey, I'm just saying that before you start putting your demands on a male make sure that what you want is exactly what you're willing to give and that you are willing to be what you expect.

The only reason I’m bringing up these things is for healing to take place in your lives! But what I’m really attempting to convey to you is that you fight over some of the most foolish things and then you don’t know how to work things out because you find it very difficult to forgive people for disappointing you…you should be more mature by now and expect that people WILL disappoint you at some point but you must give them the benefit of the doubt and trust that they didn’t do it to make you upset. Some of us are too sensitive and we wear our feelings on our sleeve instead of just letting some things go. Now, I won’t condone blatant abuse, in either physical, mental, or spiritual form. If being in a situation causes you these types of pain on a regular basis, run as far and as quick from the situation as you can. And if you can’t recognize it, talk to someone and let them know what is going on.

People, there are a lot of good men and women in the world, but in order for you to recognize them, you must be a "GOOD PERSON" yourself. If you are angered by what you just read, then you have some hang-ups, issues, unresolved anger, hate, rage, bitterness, selfishness, and mess from your past that you have not dealt with and probably don't think that you need to...instead, you go from relationship to relationship with this heavy baggage and you end up hurting people because you are a hurt and bruised soul. You don’t know how to love people and you don’t know how to be self-less. You are only concerned about YOU!!! You can’t even have decent friendships because you are so interested in what you can get out of it rather than what you can give. Oh, but most of you don’t even know what it means to give of yourself. You have never seen it demonstrated because we are a people of habit. Well, now is the time to stop blaming others for where you’re at in your life, and for what or who you don’t have, and for not loving you the way you think you deserve to be loved or want to be loved…why don’t you shed some love first and stop being afraid that you’ll get hurt or that you’ll be rejected…the truth is, you probably will be hurt or rejected but it’s only because there are so many wounded people in the world…It has to start with somebody, somewhere, sometime!

A “good person” does not operate under the pretense that he or she is God's gift to the world. A "GOOD PERSON" displays the very attributes that God exhibits Himself and these attributes are called the “FRUIT OF THE SPIRIT”. God has told us what those good and Godly traits are in his Word. Galatians chapter 5 verses 6-26, clearly reveals to us what the characteristics of being Godly or good are. I have copied these verses for you from the “Message” Bible…I chose this translation because I didn’t feel that the King James would impact you. While I was reading these verses from the Message bible, I was blown away at how the creator of this translation, Eugene H. Peterson, was able to convey the attributes of God so that we could fully understand what God was trying to communicate to us through the Apostle Paul. I would also suggest that you take some time and go to your bible and look this up for yourself. The Message Bible will bring your King James Bible to life:

^{6 -18}My counsel is this: Live freely, animated and motivated by God's Spirit. Then you won't feed the compulsions of selfishness. For there is a root of sinful self-interest in us that is at odds with a free spirit, just as the free spirit is incompatible with selfishness. These two ways of life are antithetical, so that you cannot live at times one way and at times another way according to how you feel on any given day. Why don't you choose to be led by the Spirit and so escape the erratic compulsions of a law-dominated existence? ....
^{19 -21}It is obvious what kind of life develops out of trying to get your own way all the time: repetitive, loveless, cheap sex; a stinking accumulation of mental and emotional garbage; frenzied and joyless grabs for happiness; trinket gods; magic-show religion; paranoid loneliness; cutthroat competition; all-consuming-yet-never-satisfied wants; a brutal temper; an impotence to love or be loved; divided homes and divided lives; small-minded and lopsided pursuits; the vicious habit of depersonalizing everyone into a rival; uncontrolled and uncontrollable addictions; ugly parodies of community. I could go on. This isn't the first time I have warned you, you know. If you use your freedom this way, you will not inherit God's kingdom.....
^{22 -23}But what happens when we live God's way? He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard—things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity. We develop willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people. We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments, not needing to force our way in life, able to marshal and direct our energies wisely. ....
^{23 -24}Legalism is helpless in bringing this about; it only gets in the way. Among those who belong to Christ, everything connected with getting our own way and mindlessly responding to what everyone else calls necessities is killed off for good—crucified. ....
^{25 -26}Since this is the kind of life we have chosen, the life of the Spirit, let us make sure that we do not just hold it as an idea in our heads or a sentiment in our hearts, but work out its implications in every detail of our lives. That means we will not compare ourselves with each other as if one of us were better and another worse. We have far more interesting things to do with our lives. Each of us is an original.

WASN’T THAT AWESOME!!! AND THE BEST PART OF IT IS: YOU can be Godly because God did not intend for any human being to be miserable, sad, down and out, broke-busted-and disgusted, nor did He want us NOT to be able to live with each other in peace. He even wants us to enjoy material things as long as the love of things don’t replace or come before the love and the interests of others.

So, to sum this up, I will list the attributes that each of us should be mindful of exhibiting. If we don’t do it first, then no one will…then we pass this same behavior on to our children, friends, relatives, and strangers. If you want a “GOOD MAN/WOMAN” then take a look inside yourself and begin to allow the Holy Spirit to fill you up with His love and bless you to be able to pass it on…We need to stop waiting for someone else to do it when we should be the example that God intended for us to be…this is part of our purpose while here on earth. Please love yourselves and others enough to let the pain from broken relationships go and then allow healing to flow through you! I am choosing to do it first, won’t you follow???

FRUIT OF THE SPIRIT:

1. 
   
   UNSELFISH LOVE
   
   
2. 
   
   TRUE JOY
   
   
3. 
   
   LASTING PEACE
   
   
4. 
   
   PATIENCE
   
   
5. 
   
   KINDNESS
   
   
6. 
   
   GOODNESS
   
   
7. 
   
   FAITHFULNESS
   
   
8. 
   
   GENTLENESS
   
   
9. 
   
   SELF CONTROL

"A Vow That Should Kept,"Till Death Do Us Part"

As you've probably heard, nearly half of all marriages now end in divorce, leaving bitter spouses and confused children in their wake. Don't let this happen to you! Whether your marriage is going through tough times or is experiencing marital bliss, or even if you're not yet married but considering it, here's some free but proven advice to help your marriage last. It's straight from God, the one who created and ordained marriage! If you've tried everything else, why not give God a chance? Follow the keys in this guide, and you can secure your home.Seventeen Rules for a Happy Marriage From God's Great Book

1. Establish your own private home."Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh." Genesis 2:24.

Answer: God's rule is specific. A married couple must leave father and mother and establish their own home, even if finances require that it be a one-room apartment. Husband and wife should decide together on such policies as these. Then she should inform her relatives and he, his. They must remain firm no matter who opposes. Thousands of divorces would be avoided if this rule were carefully followed.

2. Continue your courtship."Above all hold unfailing your love for one another, since love covers a multitude of sins." 1 Peter 4:8, RSV.* "Her husband ... praiseth her." Proverbs 31:28. "She that is married careth ... how she may please her husband." 1 Corinthians 7:34. "Be kindly affectioned one to another ... in honour preferring one another." Romans 12:10.

Answer: Continue (or perhaps revive) the courtesies of courtship in your married life. Successful marriages do not just happen; they must be developed. Don't take each other for granted, or the monotony that results will destroy your marriage. Keep love growing by expressing love for one another or it will die, and you will drift apart. Love and happiness are not found by seeking them for yourself, but rather by giving them to others.

So spend as much time as possible doing things together if you would get along well. Learn to greet each other with enthusiasm. Relax, visit, shop, sightsee, eat together. Don't overlook the little courtesies, encouragements, and affectionate acts. Surprise each other with little gifts or favors. Try to "outlove" each other. Don't take more out of marriage than you put into it. Divorce itself is not the greatest destroyer of marriage, but rather, lack of love. Given a chance, love always wins.*The Revised Standard Version of the Bible, (C) 1946, 1952, 1971 by the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the USA. Used by permission.

3. Remember that God joined you together in marriage."For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife. ... Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder." Matthew 19:5, 6.

Answer: Has love almost disappeared from your home? The devil (that notorious home-breaker) is responsible for this. Don't forget that God Himself joined you together in marriage, and He intends for you to stay together and be happy. He will bring happiness and love into your lives if you will obey His divine rules (commandments). "With God all things are possible." Matthew 19:26. Don't despair. God, who places love in the heart of a missionary for a leprous savage, can easily give you love for each other if you will let Him.

4. Guard your thoughts--don't let your senses trap you."For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he." Proverbs 23:7. "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife." Exodus 20:17. "Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life." Proverbs 4:23. "Whatsoever things are true, ... honest, ... just, ... pure, ... lovely, ... of good report; ... think on these things." Philippians 4:8.

Answer: The wrong kind of thinking will destroy your marriage. The devil will trap you with thoughts like these: "Our marriage was a mistake." "She doesn't understand me." "I can't take much more of this." "We can always divorce if necessary." "I'll go home to mother." "He smiled at that woman." Stop thinking thoughts like these or your marriage is gone, because your thoughts and senses govern your actions. Avoid seeing, saying, reading, or hearing anything that (or associating with anyone who) suggests impurity or unfaithfulness. Thoughts uncontrolled are like an automobile in neutral on a hill. Anything can happen, and the result is always disaster.

5. Never retire for the night angry with each other."Let not the sun go down upon your wrath." Ephesians 4:26. "Confess your faults one to another." James 5:16. "Forgetting those things which are behind." Philippians 3:13. "Be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you." Ephesians 4:32.

Answer: To remain angry and upset over hurts and grievances (big or little) is exceedingly dangerous. Unless quickly solved, even little problems become set in your mind as convictions and attitudes adversely affecting your whole philosophy of life. This is why God says to let anger cool before retiring at night. Be big enough to forgive and to say with sincerity, "I'm sorry." After all, no one is perfect, and you are both on the same team, so be sportsmanlike enough to honestly admit a mistake when you make it. Besides, making up is a very pleasant experience, with unusual powers to draw marriage partners closer together. God suggests it! It works!

6. Keep Christ in the center of your home."Except the Lord build the house, they labour in vain that build it." Psalms 127:1. "In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths." Proverbs 3:6. "And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:7.

Answer: This is the greatest rule. It really covers all the others. Put Christ first! The real secret of true happiness in the home is not diplomacy, strategy, and untiring effort to overcome problems, but rather, union with Christ. Hearts filled with Christ's love can never be very far apart. With Christ in the home, marriage will be successful. The gospel is the cure for all marriages that are filled with hatred, bitterness, and disappointment. It prevents thousands of divorces by miraculously restoring love and happiness. It will save your marriage, too, if you are willing.

7. Pray together."Pray, that ye enter not into temptation: the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak." Matthew 26:41. "Pray one for another." James 5:16. "If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally." James 1:5.

Answer: Pray aloud for each other! This is a wonderful rule that succeeds beyond the wildest dream. Kneel before God and ask Him for true love for one another, for forgiveness, for strength, for wisdom--for the solution to problems. God has given a personal guarantee that He will answer. The praying person is not automatically cured of all of his faults, but he will have a heart that wants to do right. No family ever breaks up while sincerely praying together for God's help.

8. Agree that divorce is not the answer."What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder." Matthew 19:6. "Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery." Matthew 19:9. "The woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth." Romans 7:2.

Answer: The Bible is clear. The ties of marriage are meant to be indissoluble and indestructible. Divorce is permissible only in the case of adultery. But even then it is not demanded, only permitted. Forgiveness is always better than divorce, even in the case of a moral fall. Marriage is for life. God so ordained it when He performed the first wedding in Eden. Thoughts of divorce as a solution will destroy any marriage. This is one reason Jesus ruled it out. Divorce is always destructive and almost never a solution to the problem. Instead, it creates much greater problems, so it should never be considered. Torn, frustrated, unhappy, twisted lives almost inevitably follow divorce, and even success in life itself is often thwarted. God instituted marriage to guard people's purity and happiness, to provide for their social needs, and to elevate their physical, mental, and moral nature. Its vows are among the most solemn and binding obligations that human beings can assume. To lightly set them aside results in removing one's self from God's favor and blessing.

9. Keep the family circle closed tightly.

"Thou shalt not commit adultery." Exodus 20:14. "The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her. ... She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life." Proverbs 31:11, 12. "The Lord hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously." Malachi 2:14. "Keep thee from the evil woman. ... Lust not after her beauty in thine heart; neither let her take thee with her eyelids. ... Can a man take fire in his bosom, and his clothes not be burned? ... So he that goeth in to his neighbour's wife; whosoever toucheth her shall not be innocent." Proverbs 6:24-29.

Answer: Family intimacies must never be shared with others--not even with parents. It is a great sin and a tragedy to break this God-given rule. A third person to sympathize or listen to complaints is a tool of the devil to estrange the hearts of husband and wife. Solve your home problems privately. No one else (except your minister or marriage counselor) should ever be involved. Always be truthful with each other, and never keep secrets from each other. Tell no jokes at the expense of your spouse's feelings. Vigorously defend each other, and strictly exclude all intruders. And as for adultery (in spite of what some marriage counselors say), it always hurts you and everyone else involved. God, who knows our mind, body, and emotional structure (and knows what helps or hurts us) says, "Thou shalt not." And when He says, "Don't," we had better not. Those who ignore His rule will pay the supreme penalty. So if flirtations have begun, break them off at once, or shadows may settle over your life that cannot be lifted.

10. God describes love; make it your daily goal to measure up."Love is forbearing and kind. Love knows no jealousy. Love does not brag; is not conceited. She is not unmannerly, nor selfish, nor irritable, nor mindful of wrongs. She does not rejoice in injustice, but joyfully sides with the truth. She can overlook faults. She is full of trust, full of hope, full of endurance." 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, Weymouth.*

Answer: Please reread the above Scripture passage carefully. This is God's true description of love. How do you measure up? Love is not a sentimental impulse, but a holy principle that involves every phase and action of life. With true love, your marriage cannot fail. Without it, it cannot succeed.*Weymouth's New Testament in Modern Speech by Richard Francis Weymouth. Special arrangement with James Clarke & Company Ltd.

11. Remember that criticism and nagging destroy love."Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them." Colossians 3:19. "It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman." Proverbs 21:19. "A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike." Proverbs 27:15. "Why beholdest thou the mote [splinter] that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam [whole board] that is in thine own eye?" Matthew 7:3. "Love ... looks for a way of being constructive." 1 Corinthians 13:4, Phillips.*

Answer: Stop criticizing, nagging, and faultfinding. Your husband or wife may lack much, but nagging won't help. Don't expect perfection, or bitterness will result. Overlook faults, and hunt for the good things. Don't try to reform, control, or compel your partner--you will destroy love. Only God can change people. A sense of humor, a cheerful heart, kindness, patience, and affection will banish two-thirds of your marriage problems. Try to make your spouse happy rather than good, and the good will take care of itself. The secret of a successful marriage lies not in having the right partner, but rather in being the right partner.

12. Do not overdo in anything; be temperate."Every man that striveth for the mastery is temperate in all things." 1 Corinthians 9:25. "Love ... does not pursue selfish advantage." 1 Corinthians 13:5, Phillips.* "Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God." 1 Corinthians 10:31. "I keep under my body, and bring it into subjection." 1 Corinthians 9:27. "If any would not work, neither should he eat." 2 Thessalonians 3:10. "Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled." Hebrews 13:4. "Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, that ye should obey it in the lusts thereof. Neither yield ye your members as instruments of unrighteousness unto sin." Romans 6:12, 13.

Answer: Overdoing will ruin your marriage. So will underdoing. Work, love, rest, exercise, play, worship, meals, and social contacts must be carefully balanced in your marriage, or something will snap. Overwork and the lack of sleep, proper food, or exercise make a person critical, intolerant, and negative. Constant overeating is a great evil that strengthens the lower nature and dulls the conscience.Sexual abuses destroy a love for holy things and weaken vitality. Marriage gives no license to sexual excesses. Degrading, twisted, or intemperate sex acts destroy love and respect for one another. A temperate sex life is recommended by the Bible (1 Corinthians 7:3-7). Social contacts with others are absolutely essential. True happiness cannot be found in isolation. We must learn to laugh and enjoy wholesome, good times. To be overly serious is dangerous. Overdoing or underdoing in anything weakens the mind, body, conscience, and the ability to love and respect one another. Don't let intemperance wreck your marriage.13. Respect each other's personal rights and privacies.

"Love is forbearing. ... Love knows no jealousy. ... She is not unmannerly, nor selfish. ... She does not rejoice in injustice. ... She is full of trust." 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, Weymouth.* "Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another." Romans 12:10.

Answer: Each spouse has a God-given right to certain personal privacies without explanation. Do not tamper with each other's wallets or purses, personal mail, and other private property unless given permission. The right to privacy and quietude when preoccupied should be respected. Your husband or wife even has a right to be wrong part of the time and is entitled to an "off-day" without being given the third degree.

Marriage partners do not own each other and should never try to force personality changes. Only God can make such changes, and we shall all answer personally to Him on this matter (Romans 14:12). Perfect confidence and trust in one another--no checking up on each other--is absolutely essential for happiness. Spend less time trying to "figure out" your spouse and more time trying to please her or him. This works wonders.*Weymouth's New Testament in Modern Speech by Richard Francis Weymouth. Special arrangement with James Clarke & Company Ltd.

14. Be clean, modest, orderly, and dutiful."In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel." 1 Timothy 2:9. "She ... works with willing hands." "She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household." "She looks well to the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness." Proverbs 31:13, 15, 27, RSV.* "Be ye clean." Isaiah 52:11. "Let all things be done decently and in order." 1 Corinthians 14:40. "If any provide not ... for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel." 1 Timothy 5:8. "Be not slothful." Hebrews 6:12.

Answer: Laziness, disorder, dirt, and slovenliness are the devil's weapons to destroy your respect and affection for one another, and thus ruin your marriage. Neat, modest attire and clean, well-groomed bodies are essential for both husband and wife. The meals should be wholesome, attractive, and served on time. The home should be clean and orderly, because this brings peace, calmness, and satisfaction to all. A lazy, shiftless husband who does not provide for his household is a curse to his family and an insult to God. Carelessness in some of these seemingly small matters is destroying homes by the thousands.*The Revised Standard Version of the Bible, (C) 1946, 1952, 1971 by the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the USA. Used by permission.

15. Determine to speak softly and kindly."A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger." Proverbs 15:1. "Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest." Ecclesiastes 9:9. "When I became a man, I put away childish things." 1 Corinthians 13:11.

Answer: Force yourself to speak softly and kindly to your spouse. Silence, when one is attacked, is often the best method to cool wrath. Decisions made when angry, tired, or discouraged are unreliable anyway, so it's best to relax and let anger cool. And when you do speak, let it always be quietly and lovingly. Harsh, angry words crush your spouse's desire to please you.

16. Be reasonable in money matters."It [love] is not possessive. ... Love has good manners and does not pursue selfish advantage." 1 Corinthians 13:4, 5, Phillips.* "God loveth a cheerful giver." 2 Corinthians 9:7.

Answer: All possessions and income in marriage should be "ours," not "yours" and "mine." Wives who don't work outside the home should receive a regular amount for groceries, clothing, and other budgeted items. It should be cheerfully provided instead of grudgingly released under protest. Wife and husband both should have small, equal sums (whenever possible) to spend as desired without giving account. A miserly husband usually angers his wife into being a spender, just as a wasteful husband makes a wife stingy. Showing confidence in your companion's managing ability will usually make him or her more businesslike.

17. Talk things over and counsel together freely. "It [love] is neither anxious to impress nor does it cherish inflated ideas of its own importance. ... It is not touchy." 1 Corinthians 13:4, 5, Phillips.* "He that refuseth instruction despiseth his own soul." Proverbs 15:32. "Seest thou a man wise in his own conceit? there is more hope of a fool than of him." Proverbs 26:12.

Answer: Few things will strengthen your marriage more than counseling together on all major decisions. Changing a job or purchasing a home, an automobile, a boat, furniture, clothing (major items at least), and all other items that require money involve both husband and wife, and the opinions of both should be considered. Talking things over together will avoid many blunders that could ruin your marriage. If, after much discussion and earnest prayer, opinions still differ, the wife should submit to her husband's decision. Scripture is clear on this. (See Ephesians 5:22-24.)

18. I want my home to be a place the angels of heaven enjoy visiting.

Answer:
Thought Questions

1. Which marriage partner should be the first to confess after a quarrel? (Romans 15:1 )The one who was in the right!

2. Could you suggest a rule for a meddlesome mother-in-law? (1 Thessalonians 4:11 )Yes! Be quiet and mind your own business! (See 1 Thessalonians 4:11.) In fact, this rule applies to all in-laws. Many a marriage that might have been a little heaven on earth has been changed into hell by in-laws. The duty of all in-laws is to leave the newly established home strictly alone.

3. My husband is a godless man, and I am trying to be a Christian. His influence is terrible. Should I divorce him? (1 Corinthians 7:12 )No! Read 1 Corinthians 7:12-14 and 1 Peter 3:1, 2. God gives a specific answer.

4. When my husband displeases me, I won't sleep with him. He says I am wrong. Am I? (1 Corinthians 7:4 )Yes! God gives a definite answer to this question in 1 Corinthians 7:4, 5.

5. My wife ran off with another man. Now repentant, she wants to return home. My pastor says I should take her back, but God forbids this, doesn't He? (Matthew 6:14 )No. No, indeed! God permits divorce for adultery, but does not command it. Forgiveness is always better and is always in order. (See Matthew 6:14, 15.) Divorce will seriously mar your life and the lives of your children. Give her another chance! The golden rule (Matthew 7:12) applies here. If you and your wife will turn your lives over to Christ, He will make your marriage supremely happy. It is not too late.

6. What can I do? Men are always attempting familiarities with me. (1 Thessalonians 5:22 )Be very careful of your conduct. God says, "Abstain from all appearance of evil." 1 Thessalonians 5:22. Perhaps your conduct around men--a suggestive smile, immodest clothing, off-color jokes, or a "too relaxed" and comfortable attitude--encourages their advances. There is something about Christian reserve and dignity that keeps a man in his place. Christ said, "Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven." Matthew 5:16. When Christ really shines from your life, you will have little trouble with evil men and their advances.

7. Can you tell me simply and plainly what God's counsel is to one who has fallen but is truly repentant? (John 8:11 )Long ago Christ gave a pointed and comforting answer to one who had fallen into immorality but was repentant. He said, "Go, and sin no more." John 8:11. His counsel still applies today.8. Isn't the "innocent party" in a divorce sometimes partially guilty also? (1 Samuel 16:7 )Certainly. Sometimes the "innocent party," by lovelessness, inattentiveness, self-righteousness, unkindness, selfishness, nagging, and downright coldness, can encourage evil thoughts and actions in his or her spouse. Sometimes the "innocent party" may be equally as guilty before God as the "guilty" one. God looks upon our motives and judges accordingly. "For the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart." 1 Samuel 16:7.9. Does God expect me to live with a physically abusive spouse? ( )Physical abuse can be life threatening and is a serious problem that demands immediate attention. The spouse and family members who have been physically abused must find a safe environment in which to live. Both husband and wife need to seek professional help through a qualified Christian marriage counselor.