"Be Constructive At Work"

Top Five Ways to Dish Out Bitter Truths at the Office

It's tough when you get negative feedback, but imagine how difficult it is to dish it out without hurting anyone's feelings. So how do you criticize someone nicely? I myself have yet to learn to do this. That's why I'm so thankful I'm not the boss.

While criticism is necessary for quality control and to ensure productivity at the office, it could disrupt the work flow when it's taken the wrong way. "We are universally reluctant to trigger the hurt feelings, angry defenses, or counter attacks that criticism so frequently arouses," observes psychologist Judith Sills, author of Excess Baggage: Getting Out of Your Own Way.

To make sure that criticism is truly constructive, Sills lists five ways to deliver negative feedback in the most positive light:

1. Don't be one-sided. You have to pair every negative with a positive. You can say: "You are an amazing problem solver, but you aren't following up with the paper work."

2. Stick to the facts. Give feedback on observable behavior only--don't speculate on internal attitudes. At the very least, wait for or encourage the person in question to tell you what's really causing him or her to turn in less-than-excellent work.

3. Make it clear. You have to be very specific about both the problem and the expected solution: "When you do X, it creates problem Y. Next time, try this..."

4. Go the distance. Extend yourself to maintain the relationship. After being criticized, most people withdraw. Counter that by making friendly conversation.

5. Look for the silver lining. Remember that reward is the most powerful change agent. Point out what's wrong and be heavy-handed with what's working will work in the future.

In light of these tips, Sills adds that you have to make the recipients of criticism understand that they can use the negative feedback as guides to being more efficient or productive.

Moreover, she advises that you have to make them understand that "the more they matter, the more managers will try to polish their strengths and file their rough edges."

Last but not least, keep in mind that courtesy and honesty go a long way when it comes to dishing out criticism. Most people will welcome the truth, no matter how bitter it is--as long as you don't force it down their throat.

What Does Your Body Language Tell?

It is your choice whether to listen or not listen to someone talking. You listen when needed and wanted to, but do other people see you as a good listener? Listening skills are essential for good relationships and are also a critical skill in many professions, especially the helping professions. Whether you're maintaining a happy marriage relationship, counseling someone with problems, or coaching members of your team for business success, good listening skills lead others to feel more comfortable. They will have more confidence in you and hold you in higher esteem. You may not realize how important your body language is, when others view you. It is even more important that your words. So, what says 'good listener' and inspires in others who speak to you the confidence that you really are listening? Your body language, of course! Even if you really are listening to every word, you won't be seen as a good listener unless you have the right body language. A poor listener has many of these traits -leans away or even turns away slightly, arms folded, maybe a bit of impatient toe tapping, and frequently looking elsewhere. Or, if someone starts to read then you know for sure they're not listening! And of course if your body language suggests you don't want to listen, the other person will feel less comfortable talking with you and will be less likely to confide in you. This is a good recipe for creating distance and miscommunication in a relationship. A good listener shows five characteristics that can be remembered through the acronym

"SOLER".

S - Square-on Face the other person square on. If you're turned away, you won't give the impression that you want to listen.

O - Open-posture Folded legs, and particularly folded arms can be subconscious signals that you really don't want to hear what the other person has to say.

L - Lean-towards Lean slightly towards the other person. This indicates an interest in what they're saying. Leaning away from a person tends to indicate disinterest.

E - Eye-contact Maintain normal eye contact with the other person. If you keep your eyes down, or keep looking away, you can give the impression that you're not a comfortable or willing listener.

R - Relax Don't be too formal or stiff. A relaxed posture suggests that you're comfortable in the role of listener, and ready to hear everything the other person has to say. Start practicing your listening body language and SOLER now, and you will see the improvement of your interpersonal skill and relationships both on and off your job.