"Facts About Life & Experiences"

Arriane Begins
for everyone

The world lives in news. There is news of national interests and some are nonsense news. Journalists thrive on their journey to bring out and tell the world of the truth about what is happening and what really is important for people to know. They are willing to gather it in whatever ways possible as long it does not violate any ethical and moral obligations to society. I had watched once again “Perfect Strangers” by Hale Berry and Bruce Willis.

It exemplifies the twisted reality where news becomes a powerful weapon that could destroy everyone in such a orderly manner. I believed in the objectivity of journalism but in the end it is about the subjectivity that surrounded the situations which created that news. Although all are factual information that we can see in news but how it is constructed and how it is being reported makes it the greatest weapon of all. A single headline can start a revolution. A single headline can make us cry. And a single headline can ruin our economy.

I am a journalist and will be a journalist forever. Even though I am not writing in a daily paper or in college publication, the net provided me the necessary tools to tell the truth. I have so many stories to be written in such a fashionably style so that it will not as dry as an ordinary story which we hear everyday. And I write not about the complexities of societies but the simplicity of life that becomes unbearably complex along the process of everyday living. I will keep on writing as long as there are words and as long as there are readers even if it is I alone.
And by this gift of writing I can make a difference. Maybe I can shed a light on my own problems. I can even awaken my loved ones to feel what my heart deeply wants to say. Maybe I can publish a book in the future where it contains all the blogs that I have written all these years. Maybe I can be the likes of Paulo Coelho or John Grisham that really influences us in their writing. And makes us happy too.



And writing just like this one makes me realized that I am capable of loving. I am capable of loving our cruel world even if it is very unfair. I am capable of loving everyone even though they have motives of their own. With that writing can be viewed as a noble endeavor that really leaves un imprints of our minds so that others can ponder on it. Others can relate also to what we are going through with our life. Maybe we are describing something that they are experiencing also at the moments. Maybe they can feel that they are indeed not alone in this world that their sufferings can be viewed as just a natural phenomenon that the Almighty God has given us.

Indeed we all have the gift of words. It is one of the many human capabilities that separate us from the animal kingdom. We can comprehend words and be affected by them. A single text can make us cry. A single hi or hello can make us smile. And a single I love you uttered by a sincere person can bring the other to feel loved. And even our unspoken words or gestures can be understood by someone who really know us.

And all of these fall under the communication functions of human. We are molded by nature or God to be able to use our gift of communication to connect ourselves to others. Others may not understand it at once but eventually what we really want to say will be heard. What we really mean will be understood. And may this piece of work will be read by my future children and that they will continue the tradition of writing which we shared altogether.

And “Ana Begins” begins to play. It is a song by “Counting Crows” that serves as background music while I am writing this. And it is beginning to end. And this article will end also along its music. But there are millions of songs, means millions of writings are awaiting to be written unless we run out of words which are impossible to happen. And words in the end will remain words. Words of Wisdoms.

"Conversation"

A Conversation With My Wife
AM for everyone

They have said that marriage is a very long conversation with your wife. It is a long series of conversations that will lead to many things. It will lead to a better communications and deeper understanding of our loved ones. It is an exchange of different opinions and struggles so that our words will eventually be followed. It is a long series of exchange of sweet nothings that will lead to intimacy. Until then we will be used to the everyday conversation with our partner in life. And we are not running out of ideas.

They say that is the very essence of love and marriage; good communication. As long as we understand our husband or wife we are indeed in good marriage. As long as we would like to talk to her or him about everything our family will continuously flourished. We will share the same dreams for our children, and we will commit to the same binding that as long as we live we will talk and care for each other. And when nothing has to say our gestures will replace as if he or she is really our better half.

Even though I am not married now, maybe I had many conversations with my “wife”. I may not know it but she is the one I have talk to “yesterdays” or “todays”. Maybe we exchange opinions about everything that matters. Maybe she is just right there but not yet discovered since my world is preoccupied by those distractive environments that blocked our real communication. I may not know her but I think I can feel her presence and maybe someday we will share the same house doing the same conversations that I wished someone I could talk to for the rest of my life.

I don’t know but maybe I am talking to you.

"Freedom Of Expression"

Are We Overwhelmed by Our Freedom Of Expression?


Are we aware of how we are using our rights in expressing ourselves,are we not abusing our freedom of expression just to pull down other people.

Are we expressing ourselves by conscience ?
Or are we expressing ourselves because of the benefits?

Many of us abuse the freedom of expression just to satisfy ourselves not considering the feelings of others & how it can affect their lives.

Many of us our narrow minded & practice their freedom of expression without considering how they can destroy other lives.

Expressing ones thought can build or destroy a person,have we ever thought of that!

I don't say that we should suppress our views & judgement but what i'm saying is be more tactful & responsible expressing your thoughts & views. Analyze if you express just for the sake of talking,do it make sense?what would be the result of my action?what will be the effects of my words to my own life or to other lives?Don't just look at what the present will be but you should consider what would be the result of your action in the future.Expression of thoughts through words are very powerful it can uplift one person or it can kill anothers future.Words can changed anyone's life in either way for the better or becoming worse.So i advice that we should be more careful in the words we say & how we say it.Painful words can plant hatred in ones heart that can affect this person through a lifetime.

Negligence & Irresponsible expression can cause anger, hatred & war.

Tactlessness can destroy innocent lives .Words can ruin someone's dreams & hopes.

Do we really want it to be this way?Would we want a change that will help others at the same time will help ourselves to achieve a truly fulfilling life?

Why won't we try to help others in our small special way that can change other lives forever,small deeds it may seem but the effect will last for a lifetime & it can make your life worth living.

Why Slander?Why Gossip?Why Criticize?Why Judge Others without Considering the cause & effect that it can bring.

What are your motives?
What are your intentions?
What will be your benefits?

Are you being reasonable?

To tell you honestly, I myself is so straight forward in dealing & expressing my emotions but i always try to think if what would i say will harm others.If i know i could hurt someone's feelings , i ask myself does he/she deserve it?If yes,what will be the result of my words.Will it only just affect him or there are other people that will be affected of my action.If all this questions are answered then that will be the time i'll decide if i should voice out or just sacrifice my views for the sake of other people that would be involved in the situation that they don't have to be in the first place.

"Are You Narcissists?"

Conversations With Narcissists -

A One Way Street

Good conversation is an art, a valuable form of communication that can be instructive, enlightening, creative, entertaining. In the midst of a great conversational flow, we feel energized and uplifted. We have joined forces with other human beings to create something of value in this particular moment. One on one conversations can be particularly rewarding. When both parties are free to express themselves honestly, there is a synergy that occurs. Often, secrets are revealed, mistakes are admitted, and creative ideas are expressed. The personal interaction of a good conversation expands our intellectual horizons. Habitual thought patterns are awakened through the input of another individual's turn of mind. After a good conversation, we feel more expanded and often more hopeful. We are open to thinking in new ways. We may even feel more relaxed, more at peace.

Conversations with narcissists are another matter. Generally, they are one sided. There is no exit from the inevitable flow of self reference. I have stood, listening to a narcissist, speak nonstop about himself/herself for forty five or more minutes at a stretch. In the beginning there is the usual: "How are things going?" After you barely finish you response, the inevitable litany of self begins. From subject to subject the narcissist spins the details of his life. Everything is about him, regardless of his chosen subject matter. He sprinkles the details of the monologue with tidbits that indicate that he knows important people, has the means to travel extensively, is very intelligent, has friends of great influence.

Everyone he meets is important. Every investment he makes is a success. He is telling you that he knows all the right people, that he is highly successful, that his life is going swimmingly, and that he doesn't make mistakes. His family, friends, and acquaintances are all part of this perfect conversational world he has created. Everyone he knows is a living reflection of his superiority. If you attempt to shift the topic, he hesitates for a microsecond, and returns to his favorite subject---himself.

High-level narcissists, those individuals who are exceedingly charming and very successful in the world, appear to be gifted at conversation. Their stories are entertaining. At times they zero in, treating you like the most important person in the room. Their laser beam attention on you is extraordinary and compelling. You feel the power of their attraction. Many people fall for this false focus. The clever high-level narcissist has decided that you have something to offer that he wants from you: your physical beauty or handsomeness, your business connections, your wealth, your extraordinary talent. He wants you to join his special club. He has decided how he can use you to expand his power base or increase his wealth and reach in the world.

Protect yourself from the narcissistic conversational trap by learning to make graceful exits from his endless litanies. Becoming informed at detecting the narcissistic personality and understanding how he operates will empower you. His constant self reference is a sure sign that beneath all the bravado and extraordinary achievements is an individual who unconsciously feels alone, empty, and incapable of genuine human contact.

Indigenous Science: Collaboration

Collaboration is a many splendor things. It can be the best experience, and at the same time the worst. Collaboration is working together to meet some goal, make something happen, sharing communications in an altruistic manner. Collaboration is a hard thing to do, because not all of us will ask for/accept help. I wrote before that the Creator has given us all some special ability, but I think the ability given the most and used the least is the gift of communication.We can talk to one another, and through that activity gain insights on what another's thoughts are. Some people use this to benefit themselves. Some use it only enough to get through the day, with minimal interaction with others and all the nature around them. Can we communicate and collaborate with nature? I guess it depends on what you hear when the earth talks to you. Does the farmer or rancher keep using the land when he knows it needs to lay fallow? Good farmers let the earth rest, or use practices that minimize the effects of plowing and overgrazing.


Here in Western MT some places have only the thinnest of usable soils available, and if you drive your ATV over it much, the vegetative supporting layer is destroyed. Continued use makes ruts and eventually gullys, ruining more land. Is this collaboration? Probably not, unless you confine the road use to existing roadways. then eventually the roadways limit use when natural processes make road use impossible. I collaborate with several people, and am always looking for new collaborators. But the process is time consuming and a little tricky. I started working with 2 ladies in a nearby city, and for about a year I went to their office and visited them, and had them come to my office. I feel that because of the investment I have made, that if they need to make a decision for me in a snap, they can, and for the most part I'm pretty comfortable with what is decided. If I need something from them, I'm comfortable with asking almost anything, because they worked towards the collaborative understanding as hard as I did. In essence the collaboration was forged. Look up a definition of forge and you find that it has some difficulty involved, from hammering metal,concerted efforts, trying to get ahead, any number of things related to making something. Even the negative, as in making a counterfeit, would involve an investment in time and resources to occur.


Anyone who says collaborations are easy doesn't really know what it is all about, then,do they? To collaborate with Native people, greet them to begin with.The next thing is to set aside an extended time to really gain an appreciation for the culture, philosophy and personal relationships they have. Extended family and external forces are a constant with most of us, because we have familial responsibilities that are poorly understood by the west. A western person might have that weird uncle or auntie you only see at family reunions or gatherings and a native probably has one living with them, or sees that person on a day-to day basis. And, we care about and for that person, and feel we have to, all because of these family ties. Where the West would put someone in an institution (or nursing home etc...) , natives as a general feel they must take care of that person. Family duty or honor. We revere the elderly, because of what they know. This understanding is the hardest to explain, because there is no "typical" native family. Collaboration takes work, and when successful is a joy to the heart. If you decide to collaborate, spend the needed time to get to know your partners, you'll be glad you did.

"4 THINGS YOU PROBABLY NEVER KNEW YOUR MOBILE PHONE"

There are a few things that can be done in
times of grave emergencies.

Your mobile phone can actually be a life saver
or an emergency tool for survival.

Check out the things that you can do with it:

1 . FIRST : Emergency

The Emergency Number worldwide for Mobile is
112. If you find yourself out of the coverage area of your mobile; network
and there is an emergency, dial 112 and the mobile will search any
existing network to establish the emergency number for you, and interestingly
this number 112 can be dialed even if the keypad is locked. Try it out.

2 . SECOND :

Have you locked your keys in the car?
Does your car have remote keyless entry?
This may come in handy someday. Good reason to own a cell phone: If you
lock your keys in the car and the spare keys are at home, call someone at home
on their mobile phone from your cell phone.
Hold your cell phone about a foot from your car door and have the person at your home press the unlock but! ton,
holding it near the mob! ile phone on their end. Your car will unlo ck. Saves someone from having to
drive your keys to you. Distance is no object. You could be hundreds of miles away, and if you can reach someone
who has the other 'remote' for your car, you can unlock the doors (or the trunk).

Editor's Note: It works fine! We tried it out and it unlocked our car over a mobile phone!'

3 . THIRD : Hidden Battery Power

Imagine your mobile battery is very low. To
activate, press the keys *3370# Your mobile will restart with this reserve
and the instrument will show a 50% increase in battery. This reserve will
get charged when you charge your mobile next time.

4 . FOURTH : How to disable a STOLEN mobile phone

To check your Mobile phone's serial number,
key in the following digits on your phon! e: * # 0 6 #
A 15 digit code will appear on the screen.
This number is unique to your handset. Write it down and keep it somewhere
safe. When your phone get stolen, you can phone your service provider and
give them this code. They will then be able to block your handset so even
if the! thief changes the SIM card, your phone will be totally useless. You
probably won't get your phone back, but at least you know that whoever
stole it can't use/sell it either. If everybody does this, there would be no
point in people stealing mobile phones.


This is the kind of information people don't
mind receiving, so pass it on to your family and friends

"Tips on handling telephone calls"

"Good Telephone Habits for Everyone"

Whether answering the phone or making phone calls, using the proper etiquette is a must in order to maintain a certain level of professionalism. Proper etiquette leaves callers with a favorable impression of you in general.

You'll also find that others treat you with more respect and are willing to go out of their way to assist you if you use the proper etiquette.

"Answering Your Phone"

*Answer your calls within three rings (if possible).
*Always identify yourself when you answer the phone: "This is ______."
*Speak in a pleasant tone of voice - the caller will appreciate it.
*Learn to listen actively and listen others without interrupting.
*When you are out of the office or away from your desk for more than a few minutes, forward your phone to voicemail.
*Use the hold button when leaving a line so that the caller does not accidentally overhear conversations being held nearby.
*If the caller has reached a wrong number, be courteous. Sometimes a caller is transferred all over campus with a simple question and the caller gets frustrated. If possible, take the time to find out where they should be calling/to whom they should be speaking.

"Making Calls"

*When you call someone and they answer the phone, do not say "Who am I speaking with?" without first identifying yourself: "This is _______. To whom am I speaking?"
*Always know and state the purpose of the communication.
*When you reach a wrong number, don't argue with the person who answered the call or keep them on the line. Say: "I'm sorry, I must have the wrong number. Please excuse the interruption." And then hang up.
*If you told a person you would call at a certain time, call them as you promised. If you need to delay the conversation, call to postpone it, but do not make the other person wait around for your call.
*If you don't leave a number/message for someone to call you back, don't become angry if they are not available when you call again.
*Keep in mind the Golden Rule when it comes to phone etiquette. Don't make people dread having to answer their phone or call your department.

"How to End Conversations Gracefully"

There are several ways that you can end a long phone call without making up a story or sounding rude:

*Leave the conversation open.
*Promise to finish your discussion at another time.
*End on an "up" note.
*Tell the person how much you've enjoyed speaking with him/her.

As long as you are honest and polite with the other person, you shouldn't have any problems getting off the phone and onto something else.

"The Ten Commandments of cell phone etiquette "

Well I've reached the point with cell phones
where I feel the need to lay down the law. There are some real abuses of wireless technology being perpetrated all around us, and the time has come to create some social order out of the cell phone chaos.

This is by no means an exhaustive list simply because as the technology evolves, new annoying traits will surely emerge. But commandments usually come in tens, so think of this as the first Ten Commandments of cell phone etiquette, with amendments to follow:

1. Thou shalt not subject defenseless others to cell phone conversations. When people cannot escape the banality of your conversation, such as on the bus, in a cab, on a grounded airplane, or at the dinner table, you should spare them. People around you should have the option of not listening. If they don't, you shouldn't be babbling.

2. Thou shalt not set thy ringer to play La Cucaracha every time thy phone rings. Or Beethoven's Fifth, or the Bee Gees, or any other annoying melody. Is it not enough that phones go off every other second? Now we have to listen to synthesized nonsense?

3. Thou shalt turn thy cell phone off during public performances. I'm not even sure this one needs to be said, but given the repeated violations of this heretofore unwritten law, I felt compelled to include it.

4. Thou shalt not wear more than two wireless devices on thy belt. This hasn't become a big problem yet. But with plenty of techno-jockeys sporting pagers and phones, Batman-esque utility belts are sure to follow. Let's nip this one in the bud.

5. Thou shalt not dial while driving. In all seriousness, this madness has to stop. There are enough people in the world who have problems mastering vehicles and phones individually. Put them together and we have a serious health hazard on our hands.

6. Thou shalt not wear thy earpiece when thou art not on thy phone. This is not unlike being on the phone and carrying on another conversation with someone who is physically in your presence. No one knows if you are here or there. Very disturbing.

7. Thou shalt not speak louder on thy cell phone than thou would on any other phone. These things have incredibly sensitive microphones, and it's gotten to the point where I can tell if someone is calling me from a cell because of the way they are talking, not how it sounds. If your signal cuts out, speaking louder won't help, unless the person is actually within earshot.

8. Thou shalt not grow too attached to thy cell phone. For obvious reasons, a dependency on constant communication is not healthy. At work, go nuts. At home, give it a rest.

9. Thou shalt not attempt to impress with thy cell phone. Not only is using a cell phone no longer impressive in any way (unless it's one of those really cool new phones with the space age design), when it is used for that reason, said user can be immediately identified as a neophyte and a poseur.

10. Thou shalt not slam thy cell phone down on a restaurant table just in case it rings. This is not the Old West, and you are not a gunslinger sitting down to a game of poker in the saloon. Could you please be a little less conspicuous? If it rings, you'll hear it just as well if it's in your coat pocket or clipped on your belt.

Well, I'm all thou-ed and thy-ed out, so there you have it: the first 10 rules of using your cell phone. Most of these seem like common sense to me, but they all get broken every day.

"How to Communicate Effectively"

Improve your Communication Skills

Here are 6 great tips you can use!

1. Awareness of your own interaction with other people is the first step in improving your communication skills.Learn to identify which types of situations make you uncomfortable and then modify your behavior to achieve positive results is a critical step in improving your communication skills.You can learn to become aware of behaviors in other people that prompt you to respond in negative ways and modify your own behavior to turn the situation into a positive experience.

2. You must accept responsibility for your own behavior and do not fear apologizing for errors in judgment or insensitive actions.Asking others for honest feedback about the way you interact with others can be very helpful. Accept the negative feedback along with the positive and make changes accordingly.

3. Your non-verbal communication is equally as important as the things that you say. Positive body language is extremely important in your interactions with other people.If your words and your actions do not match, you will have a difficult time succeeding in social situations.

4. In order to learn how to improve your communication skills, you must become a great listener. You must fight the urge to respond immediately and really listen to what the other person is trying to communicate.Offering suggestions or criticism before you are certain of the other person's intent can only lead to frustration for both parties.

5. Improving your communication skills is a process and cannot be accomplished overnight. Trying to improve or change too many things at once will be counter-productive. You will become discouraged and overwhelmed if you attempt to change your entire personality all at once. Choose one or two traits at a time and work on those over a period of time. Learn to take advantage of your personal strengths and make a positive impact on others.

6. Maximize your positive personality traits and use them in your interactions with others. Good communication and great listening skills are the most important tools you can use in improving your communication skills.You can learn how to improve your communication skills by developing excellent listening skills, learning to resolve problems and conflicts, understanding body language, and accepting responsibility for your own negative behavior.

Determination and self-awareness will make your desire to improve your communication skills a reality.You can change your life and now is the time to start.

Exceptional communication skills can be Learned...and Mastered!!!

Friendship is fragile

Is friendship fragile? It’s a really difficult question, please, try to think it over...any ideas?...



On the one hand we should reply NO...friendship is bond for life...we have friends all over the world...all of them are busy...as we are...married...as most of us are...but we still have strong friendship for life...just not see or talk to each other each day...This is mobile society these days, so we can be together in many many different ways...Yes?...For sure.


But on the other hand running through our life we inevitably pass over a lot of changes...and as result we leave behind...give up...lose something...Mostly we regard friendship as a kind of pastime...Stop here and reply the question “When proposely will you have spare time?”...Indeed...We have just calls from time to time...e-mails even more seldom...what to talk about meeting...We should admit and realize that friendships are getting less and less close, geographically or emotionally, and most friendships have gone forever. Very few are strong enough to make us wish for a second chance.



There are times when all of us look closely at a friendship and realize that it just isn't working..and when friendship falters we are rarely equipped for the aftershock. Close friends, after all, often become like siblings - some "closer than a brother." As we make friends feeling soul-mates, like-minded people...FREE of obligations and engagements. But losing a close friend is not at all like losing a family member. We tend not to sorrow the loss of a friend; there is no memorial service for a shattered friendship. Most people don't seek shoulders to cry on to grieve the loss of friends like they do the loss of a family member or a romantic relationship. They don't go to counselors either to heal the relationship or to cope with the loss. Indeed, despite the evident high value so many people put on making friends, there is a surprising lack of focus in popular culture on the processes and feelings at work when friendships end.

Don’t we need to repair lost friendship? Or it’s just so easy to resolve?...and we just do not need any advices...


How much can you expect from a friend? Why does this question arise? Because your answer is a pretty good barometer of how well your friendships will weather relational storms. Let's face it, we don't ask much of casual friendships, the kind in which you invite each other to a party once a year. But we demand more from friendships characterized by strong feelings and a shared history. We expect friendships to be easier, more automatic than they actually are.

Think about your childhood friendships. They often set the tone for all the rest. You never "worked" on the friendships, they just happened. For example, your first best friend lived just two houses down from you and you literally met in the sandbox at school. The bond was almost instant. He/she liked vanilla ice-cream and building sand castles. So did you. What's to discuss? It was the beginning of a beautiful friendship—until your family moved to another town and you found another sandbox.

Just a few short years later, sandbox bliss was replaced by the tormented, possessive feelings of a third-grade relationship where blatant betrayal reared its head. That's when you learned that your new best friend was playing at another classmate's house after school. Sound familiar? It happens to nearly all of us.

There may be worse betrayals in store, but probably none is more influential than the sudden fickleness of an elementary-school friend who has dropped us for someone more popular. “It shouldn't be that way”, we think to ourselves. But alas it is. It's the lesson our friendships continually teach us, a lesson we don't want to learn: Friendships are FRAGILE.

The seeming ease of friendships—compared to romantic and family relationships (more likely loaded with emotional baggage)—is part of the reason we value friendships so much. Relatively speaking, friendships just happen...So...as much easy it happens as easy it falls through???...

Well...the main point here is FREEDOM...It’s your will, your decision, your action...Attemt to build a bridge...to reconnect and make things right...call your lost friend...tell him/ her “I don’t know what happened between us...but I want to apologize”...sincerity always caughts off guard...apologize both for past insensitivities and laugh and laugh at how comical it all seems in retrospect...It’ll be cleansing...you have a good chance...TRY IT...

Understanding Men

*DEVELOPING CONSCIOUSNESS TO MOVE PAST YOUR NEGATIVE AND SELF-DEFEATING "PATTERNS" IN A RELATIONSHIPS WITH MEN*

Now that you've got your two negative patterns,here's where things are going to start comingtogether for you...
First, I need you to get away from a dangerouskind of thinking that ALL WOMEN engage in when itcomes to men, dating and relationships.
I call it "All or Nothing Thinking".
Do you know any women who talk about how theirrelationship is hopeless and a complete failure...
And then a few hours or days later they haveshifted 180 degrees to where EVERYTHING is great?
What does this say about the woman who thinksand feels this way?
What kind of relationship and communication"skills" does a woman like this have?
And how do you think a man experiences thiskind of thinking and behavior... and what does itsay to him about a woman?
Of course, this is an extreme example of "Allor Nothing Thinking".
Unfortunately, the more common "All or NothingThinking" is subtle and difficult to recognize.
Especially when YOU are the one having thethoughts.
So, let me ask you...
When you look at your pattern, is there anegative trait or habit of yours that stands outas the one that gets you into trouble the most?
I'm certain there is.
I want you to identify at least one of yourgreatest WEAKNESSES that shows up in your lifethrough your negative patterns.
I'll give you a minute to write this down nextto the pattern it's associated with.
Go ahead.
...
...
OK. Now there's something I want you to thinkabout...
It makes sense to cut this negative trait orhabit that's associated with your pattern out ofyour relationship and behavior with a man...right?
It's caused a lot of these problems... right?
If you cut these traits or qualities out of theway you are in a relationship with a man, thenthings will be better... right?
WRONG.
What if the problems that come up in yournegative pattern are caused by these traits?
And what if the traits in your negativepattern didn't represent just your personalWEAKNESSES?
What if they ALSO represented your personalSTRENGTHS at the same time?
If you were thinking that you should get rid ofthe trait or quality entirely that's involved inyour negative pattern so that things will workbetter in the future... then you're going to thatplace of "All or Nothing Thinking".
Talk about throwing out the baby with the bathwater.
Over the years I've recognized that there's afascinating mistake TONS of people make inrelationships, in business, and in every aspect oflife...
When something isn't working and they want tofix a problem, they don't look at the entire"system" around them.
Instead, they focus their attention on the"symptoms" they see, in isolation.
Some people complain about "Western Medicine"having the same shortcoming. That it onlyaddresses symptoms, instead of taking a "holistic"approach to how everything works together.
Anyway... when a person is trying to fix aproblem in a relationship, by not seeing theentire "system" going on around them, they can'tsee how all the elements are inter-connected.
So, when they go to make a change, they thinkthey can change what's related to the symptoms andeverything will work better.
This is like thinking blowing your nose willcure a cold.
What's worse, often times the things thatpeople change not only don't work to fix theproblem...
Often times the change they make ends up makingthings WORSE by affecting all the other relatedand inter-connected things that WERE WORKING.
Talk about COUNTERPRODUCTIVE.
Don't start solving problems and changing yourrelationship when you can only see the "symptoms".
There's a better way.
You need to start looking at the whole "system"of how you and a man connect and communicate inyour relationship.
You need to develop your own "holistic"approach.
Then you'll have the PERSPECTIVE to makechoices and take action that will bring moreconnection and understanding into your life with aman.
So how can you start to see your ownrelationship with a man as the "system" that itis?
And how can you avoid the dead end strategy oftrying to cover up the "symptoms"?
Here's a step towards this that you can takeRIGHT NOW...
I'm going to get you out of the habit of usingyour destructive "All or Nothing Thinking".
I want you to look at your trait or traitsagain that were your own WEAKNESSES in yournegative relationship pattern.
Now I want you to try something that might seemstrange at first.
I want you to identify at least one way inwhich your trait or habit in your negativerelationship pattern is also a STRENGTH.
I'll give you a minute to see how the verytrait that you just identified as a WEAKNESS isalso a STRENGTH.
I want you to write the STRENGTH down right nownext to the pattern it's associated with.
Go ahead. I'll give you a few minutes.
...
...
...
OK, good.
There's a lot of power and AWARENESS created inwhat you just did when you think about it... IFyou stay aware of this when you're interactingwith a man in your relationship.
When you see how your WEAKNESSES, that you'vebeen giving yourself a hard time about and tryingto figure out how to get rid of, are also part ofyour STRENGTHS... things you never could haveunderstood will start to become clear to you.
Challenges, issues, attitudes and hurtfulthings that a man brings to you that relate toyour patterns, and these traits will start to lookdifferently to you...
And you'll start to have an amazing sense ofCLARITY about what's the best thing to do for you,for him, and for your relationship.
A "STRANGE TRUTH" ABOUT THE PEOPLE ANDRELATIONSHIPS YOU ATTRACT IN LIFE AND LOVE
You've got some basic tools to work with now tounderstand more about what's going on with you andyour relationship with a man.
But it really only starts here.
Are you CLEAR on how these 2 patterns come upin your life?
Do you know how to avoid "All or NothingThinking" the next time it comes up and tries tocreate DISTANCE between you and a man.
Do you know where these thoughts come from andwhat to do to stay conscious and overcome thenegative aspects of your other destructiverelationship patterns?
Do you know how to guide a man to start doingthese same things to improve HIMSELF and the wayhe is in your relationship, so you don't have totry and convince him of what's going on that hecan't see or isn't paying attention to?
Most women who aren't in a happy, healthy,loving, lasting relationship don't have thisknowledge and the ability to stay connected with aman that comes along with it.
The strange truth is, patterns aren't justcoincidences in your life.
They keep repeating in your life for a reason.
What are the lessons that keep coming up foryou in your love life that you can't learn fromwhere you are today, but keep coming at you?
The reality is that you have a choice...
You can keep repeating these patterns, andexperiencing the pain and frustration that comeswith them again and again...
This is the "easy" choice that doesn't ask orrequire you to learn and grow at all.
OR...
You can create a "shift" in your life.
You can choose to have more AWARENESS and moreGROWTH... which will of course bring new ways ofseeing things, and best of all, NEW RESULTS inyour relationship.
The choice is yours right now.
I've put together what I think is the VERY BESTprogram just for a woman like you that will createthe GROWTH and AWARENESS you're looking for inyour love life.
It's called "From Casual To Committed".
If you've ever wondered why you get "stuck"with a man once you get to a certain level ofconnection and intimacy... and then things seem togo backwards and he withdraws... then this programis going to change your life and yourrelationship.
One of the most critical things that's going oninside a relationship when a "casual", or even acommitted relationship, starts to go wrong, eventhough there's no lack of love or caring betweenthe man and woman, is FEAR.
And I don't just mean YOUR FEARS... I'm talkingabout a HIS FEARS too.
There's a reason why most men pull away andsabotage perfectly good, loving relationshipswith women.
And there's a reason why YOUR FEARS are onlymaking these things with a man WORSE.
There are clear steps that you can take tochange your love life and relationship, no matterwhere you are right now with a man.
Shifting your PERSPECTIVE and becoming MORECONSCIOUS is your first step... some of whichwe've touched on here.
You can stop the unnecessary PATTERNS.
You can come to terms with, and understand, theFEARS.
And you can find out, once and for all, why itis that men so often put up RESISTANCE to becomingmore connected, closer and MORE COMMITTED with YOUon a physical and emotional level.
Don't let go of this opportunity to haveLASTING CHANGE and IMPROVEMENT to the quality ofyour love life and all your relationships.

"It's a no-brainer and will quickly have you "in theknow" on all kinds of stuff that used to drive you crazy trying to understand about men."

If you are dating, engaged, or still trying to find Mr. Right, then this week’s message is for you - Why some men do not want to commit or find it very difficult to commit to women they supposedly love. This topic is quite puzzling to most single women. You feel that a man who professes to love you ought to commit to you with ease.

Here are some of the reasons why some men behave this way:

“Why commit when I am getting the goods free of charge?” – A lot of men, if given the opportunity, will sow their wild oats until hell freezes over. These men are like kids in a candy store – they just don’t know how to choose when there are so many varieties to choose from. It is more exciting for them to keep you as one of their concubines, rather than get tied down and lose out on the opportunity to sample the delicious lovelies out there.

“What if I commit too soon and miss out on the most beautiful woman I have ever met?” This is the kind of internal talk that goes on in the head of the guy that is finding it difficult to commit.

You may be the nicest person they have ever met, but something tells them that there may be someone else out there who is more beautiful, sexier, freakier, and just plain nicer.

Past hurtful experience that makes it difficult to commit - Some men want to commit to women, but find it very difficult to do so as a result of being dumped, cheated on, or simply being disappointed by someone they loved with all their heart.

The hurtful experience could also be from childhood, such as having parents that divorced .
This sometimes makes a men feel that it is useless to commit to any woman, when there is the possibility that the relationship could break up.

The relationship that once was his rock and foundation – his parent’s – disintegrated. This type of man is usually a good man, but as a result of the bad relationship experience, has become gun shy. With some patience, love and the passage of time, this kind of man usually overcomes his commitment phobia.

Fear of taking on responsibility – With commitment comes responsibility, and there are some men who just hate to take on the kinds of responsibility that come with marriage and childbirth. They find it much easier to remain single.

Your inability to satisfy him in bed – This is an often-neglected reason why a man may not want to commit to a woman. Men have this fear that if they are not sexually satisfied now, when they have not committed to you, it may get even worse when you get very comfortable after they commit.

Just because your man is afraid of committing does not mean that he cannot commit to you. There is always a way to get the results you want. You can make yourself so irresistibly attractive to him that all his inhibitions will just simply melt away.

What Does Your Body Language Tell?

It is your choice whether to listen or not listen to someone talking. You listen when needed and wanted to, but do other people see you as a good listener? Listening skills are essential for good relationships and are also a critical skill in many professions, especially the helping professions. Whether you're maintaining a happy marriage relationship, counseling someone with problems, or coaching members of your team for business success, good listening skills lead others to feel more comfortable. They will have more confidence in you and hold you in higher esteem. You may not realize how important your body language is, when others view you. It is even more important that your words. So, what says 'good listener' and inspires in others who speak to you the confidence that you really are listening? Your body language, of course! Even if you really are listening to every word, you won't be seen as a good listener unless you have the right body language. A poor listener has many of these traits -leans away or even turns away slightly, arms folded, maybe a bit of impatient toe tapping, and frequently looking elsewhere. Or, if someone starts to read then you know for sure they're not listening! And of course if your body language suggests you don't want to listen, the other person will feel less comfortable talking with you and will be less likely to confide in you. This is a good recipe for creating distance and miscommunication in a relationship. A good listener shows five characteristics that can be remembered through the acronym

"SOLER".

S - Square-on Face the other person square on. If you're turned away, you won't give the impression that you want to listen.

O - Open-posture Folded legs, and particularly folded arms can be subconscious signals that you really don't want to hear what the other person has to say.

L - Lean-towards Lean slightly towards the other person. This indicates an interest in what they're saying. Leaning away from a person tends to indicate disinterest.

E - Eye-contact Maintain normal eye contact with the other person. If you keep your eyes down, or keep looking away, you can give the impression that you're not a comfortable or willing listener.

R - Relax Don't be too formal or stiff. A relaxed posture suggests that you're comfortable in the role of listener, and ready to hear everything the other person has to say. Start practicing your listening body language and SOLER now, and you will see the improvement of your interpersonal skill and relationships both on and off your job.

Wisdom is our gift , need to be nurtured

The Moral Superiority of Wisdom Over Knowledge

Traditional thought has mostly agreed upon the meanings of the words

"knowledge" and "wisdom".

Nevertheless, the difference between the two is sometimes not immediately evident, especially to one not versed in the history of thought on the subject. In this paper, I will examine the differences between knowledge and wisdom, particularly those related to moral worth, and present an argument for the moral superiority of wisdom over knowledge.

Before proceeding, it is necessary to have an understanding of what these two words mean. Knowledge shall be assumed to be remembrance and understanding of facts. Wisdom shall be assumed to be an understanding of the proper action to take in a given situation. More detail will be added to these definitions later, but they are sufficient for a basic understanding.Armed with these definitions, we proceed to our primary question: which of these two is greater? It is, as I have already stated, my contention that wisdom is the greater of the two. My argument in support of this conclusion is as follows:

Wisdom is morally good

Knowledge is morally neutral

The good is morally superior to the neutral----
Therefore, wisdom is morally superior to knowledge Premise 3 seems self-evident, and the argument is logically valid, so the remainder of this paper will focus on the logical defense of premises 1 and 2.The first question, then, is what is it that makes wisdom a moral good. I assert that goodness is inherent in the definition of wisdom, and that wisdom is therefore good independently of any specific moral theory. In support of this premise, I shall first give examples from four ancient authorities on the subject of wisdom. These are, in roughly chronological order, the Hebrew Bible, Confucius, Socrates and the New Testament.The Hebrew Bible contains the oft-quoted phrase "the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom"[1]. The Hebrew word "fear" is often used for to mean "respect", and the context of this verse - a psalm of praise - makes it clear that this is the proper meaning here. Hence the implication is that there is no wisdom apart from a respect for God.The Confucian Analects paint a slightly different picture of wisdom: "to give one's self earnestly to the duties due to men and, while respecting spiritual beings, to keep aloof from them, may be called wisdom"[2]. The theme of respect for spiritual beings recurs here, but the taboo on involvement with them is clearly not what the psalmist had in mind. Additionally, Confucius explicitly includes action in his definition of wisdom, whereas this is only implied by the psalmist. It seems that the wise man knows his place in the world, and does not overestimate his greatness or importance. Socrates's interaction with wisdom is well known, but I will recount it here for the sake of completeness. Socrates was informed by the Delphian Oracle relatively early in his life that there was not a man on earth wiser than he. Socrates was incredulous, because he believed quite firmly that he was without knowledge. Indeed, Socrates continued to believe throughout his life that knowledge was a significant part of wisdom, but he determined that one specific piece of knowledge was more important to wisdom than the others - knowledge of just how little one knows. Socrates searched the world for a man wiser than he, but every time he found a man who ought to know something, he discovered that that man overestimated his own knowledge, and thus eventually came to believe that the Oracle had intended to send a message to the world: the wisest among us is the one who understands just how little he knows.Paul the Apostle agreed. He wrote, "if anyone thinks that he knows anything, he knows nothing yet as he ought to know"[3].To bring together these diverse sources, the common belief of ancient thinkers on this subject is that wisdom is to understand one's station and act accordingly. If we extricate the issue of the nature of wisdom from specific moral theories, we can come to the conclusion that wisdom is two things: a specialized type of knowledge, and a related type of action. In light of this, I would adjust our original definition of wisdom to read as follows: wisdom consists of the ability to know and the will to take the action which is morally best in any situation. Clearly, if wisdom is by definition a thorough knowledge of morality, accompanied by action, then it is a moral good.It remains, then, to defend premise 2. This, I think, is fairly easily done. Knowledge is a tool. It may be used for either good or evil. As evidence of its usefulness for good, take the fact that our definition of wisdom, which has already been shown to be a moral good, includes a specific variety of knowledge. As evidence of its usefulness for evil, take for example the skilled oration of Adolph Hitler. The man knew and understood the history of the German people. He quoted from revered historical leaders of the region, such as Martin Luther. Adolph Hitler, who has in our day become the nearly uncontested example of evil at work in our world, was a man of great knowledge, and that knowledge was of much use to him in achieving his ends, which included a great many horrible moral evils. If knowledge is equally useful to practitioners of both good and evil, then it stands to reason that it is a morally neutral tool.In conclusion, this paper has shown that wisdom is a moral good and that knowledge is morally neutral. From these premises, it takes only one assumption, that the good is morally superior to the neutral, to reach the conclusion that wisdom is superior to knowledge. This principle has, I think, been shown conclusively to be true.