Showing posts with label lie. Show all posts
Showing posts with label lie. Show all posts

Monday, November 17, 2008

"Liars,Liars"

5 Ways To Spot A Liar


Hear the Voices

How can we spot the lies we’re told, both the little white ones that don’t matter a whole lot and the real whoppers that do? Try these compelling tips from the experts. Ever notice the pitch of someone’s voice change from its norm? Hear a voice crack when it isn’t the cracking type? Pay attention to voice changes like these; they may well indicate deceit. When Paul Ekman teamed with Maureen O’Sullivan, professor of psychology at the University of San Francisco, to test 509 people for their ability to spot liars, the results were telling. The group included Secret Service, CIA and FBI personnel, as well as psychiatrists and college students. They were shown a videotape of ten individuals who were either lying or telling the truth. On the tape, one woman described the lovely flowers she was supposedly looking at.


Though she was smiling as she spoke, a few keen observers detected an odd hesitation in her voice. Her words lacked joy, and her hands seemed tense, not relaxed. One of the Secret Service agents labeled her a liar, and he was right. She wasn’t looking at flowers at all, but rather at a graphic film the evaluators were showing. (The Secret Service employees, by the way, nailed the liars 86 percent of the time, better than others in the group.) Though other important behaviors need to be considered as well, vocal changes that deviate from the norm can indicate deception. “There may also be a change in speech rate, either too fast or too slow, and a change in breathing pattern,” says O’Sullivan.

Watch Those Words

How about written material? Can we spot misleading behavior in letters, documents, e-mails and even résumés? At the University of Texas at Austin, psychology professor James Pennebaker and colleagues have developed computer software known as Linguistic Inquiry and Word Count (LIWC), which analyzes written and verbal content for lies. Deception can reveal itself in two significant ways, explains Pennebaker. First, liars tend to use fewer firstperson pronouns—words like I, me, mine—than truth tellers. It’s as if they’re putting psychological distance between themselves and their stories; they don’t “own” their message. “The paperwork was sent yesterday” is an example, as opposed to the direct and personal “I sent it yesterday.” Second, liars use fewer exclusionary words— but, nor, except, whereas. They have trouble with complex thinking, says Pennebaker, and it shows.

Look Past Shifty Eyes

While most people tend to interpret darting, unfocused eyes as a classic sign of lying, what’s vital to consider is the context of the behavior. (Experienced poker players, of course, are careful not to make too much of eye “tells.”) “If people look away while trying to think of something difficult, that is not important,” says O’Sullivan. “But if they look away while answering something that should be easy to answer, you should wonder why.” And what is the conversation about, anyway? The subject matter is critical. “If people are lying about something they’re ashamed of, they’ll have difficulty maintaining eye gaze,” notes O’Sullivan. “For white lies, though, or lies that aren’t shameful, people may actually increase their eye gaze.”

Get Batter At Body Language

No single part of the face or body, such as the eyes, nose, ears or hands, can tell us the whole story when it comes to lying. It’s not that simple. “There is no Pinocchio’s nose,” says Ekman flatly. Instead, “you must consider the fit among face, body, voice and speech to reach high levels of accuracy.” That means observing the “total person” whenever possible. “Clues must always be interpreted in light of the usual behavior,” explains O’Sullivan. “Changes in small hand movements, changes in the amount of hand gestures, shrugs that are inconsistent with what’s being said”—these are worth homing in on, she suggests. So are changes in body posture at particular points in a conversation. Watch for “a change in the baseline,” says O’Sullivan. “For instance, a quiet person who talks a lot, or a person who talks a lot who is now quiet. It doesn’t necessarily mean someone’s lying, but it’s a hot spot to evaluate.”

Check For Emotional "leaks"

The micro-expressions that flit across people’s faces often expose what they’re truly feeling or thinking, as opposed to what they’d like us to believe, explains Ekman. But these ultra-brief facial movements, some lasting a quarter of a second, aren’t a cinch to spot. Even professionals trained in the art of lie detection—police personnel, judges, attorneys—can’t always isolate them. And deliberate liars tend to layer on other expressions, like smiling, to further disguise a lie. Still, there are giveaways. “It isn’t the frequency of a smile that matters, but the type of smile,” says Ekman. “There are smiles of true enjoyment, which involve not just the lips but the muscles that orbit the eyes. And there are masking smiles, which are made to cover fear, anger, sadness or disgust. If you’re a good observer, you can see a trace of one of those emotions leak through.” So here’s hoping the next time someone lobs a lie our way, we’ll know just how to catch it.

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

"Do Men Usually Lie?"


MEN NEED TO LIE


"Do you think she's prettier than me?"

"Does this dress make my butt look big?"

"Were you staring at that woman's chest?"

Dishonesty. It can erode the fabric of even the strongest relationship. But there are times when a man is put in a position where he really has to lie. It's the only choice. And why does he have to lie? Because women ask stupid questions.

Practice with me, boys. "No one is prettier than you, sweetie." That's all you have to say. It doesn't matter if you really secretly DO think Heidi Klum is ten times more beautiful than the woman you're with...if you want to avoid a lifetime of suffering, you will just say what she wants to hear. If she doesn't want you to lie, she shouldn't have put you in that position in the first place.

In all my time on this planet, I've never had a man ask me


A stupid question like that. I imagine if he did ask me if a pair of pants made his butt look big and I said yes, he'd simply go change pants. He wouldn't hold it against me for the next four years or take it as a sign that I no longer love him. He asked me a question, I gave him the answer, he solved the problem.

Men can be kind of...logical and rational that way.


A woman, on the other hand, does these things for approval. YOUR approval. She is feeling a little insecure for one reason or another and she's looking for you to reassure her that you still find her beautiful. It's not that she wants you to lie, it's that she wants you to compliment her. Which sucks, but that's the way it is. You choose to be with us, so this is what you're stuck with.

Just so you know, women, your little needy questions make you less appealing to the man you're with. Men are drawn to confidence. If you shove your booty into those size sevens and strut around with pride, he won't even notice your butt is bulging out all over the place. Because YOU think you're beautiful, he'll see you as beautiful.

Interesting how that works.


Then there are the things you men say that are just...not wise. "Wowzer. Look at the hoo-hoos on that broad." Any woman who has ever been a "hottie" in her life knows what you men do when your woman isn't looking. You're checking out other women. We know you do it. It's human nature. But it's just wise to try to make it a little less obvious to us. Trust me on this, men. Some of you are NOT subtle. I always feel kind of bad for the woman who is walking through the mall, holding her husband's hand and talking merrily away, while all the while he's staring at another woman and paying not a single bit of attention to a word she's saying.
Just be subtle, boys. That's all we're asking.


So...what do you think? Are little white lies in a relationship deceptive or...necessary?