Honesty & Integrity

I want to talk for a minute; to be open with you. Something that is very important to me is integrity and honesty. I always strive to be as honest and open about myself as I can. Perhaps this is a throw-back to my Christian background and Jesus’ harsh stance against hypocrisy: the last thing I ever want is to be a hypocrite.

Anyone who has followed my blogs for a while has hopefully learned that each and every blog of mine is honest. It is a record of my honest opinions/thoughts/beliefs at the time of writing. I have never deleted a controversial blog, because I want to show that I have the integrity to stand by what I’ve written, and own any wrong calls I’ve made. I also don’t make a habit of deleting comments because I think that it also shows integrity that I allow opposing opinions to be there for all to see.

I’ve made a commitment to you and myself to try and write more positive and uplifting blogs. And I do want to do that, but I don’t want anyone thinking that I am always happy or that I put on a mask for the sake of proving a point. I’m sharing this with you because I want to continue to write whatever is on my mind and that includes when I am in a bad mood. I want you to know that I still stand by my commitment to spread positive ideas, but in order to show my integrity I feel it’s necessary for me to also show that I am human.

Plus, the greatest purpose my blogs serve is ultimately for my enjoyment. They are my therapy, my way of processing my thoughts and my way of providing further meaning to my life by spreading ideas I think will help make the world a better place. And I have learned so, so very much from the people who comment on my blogs. Thank you.

Is He In Love With You?

I get hundreds of visits each day from viewers wondering how to tell if a man is in love with them.

It seems a common question women throughout the world are wondering.

I've addressed this topic in several different articles so thought I would collect and link several posts here so the question is addressed from multiple perspectives.

When asked, how to know if a guy is in love with you, my most common bit of advice would be... what does your gut tell you? What do you know inside? Listen to what you know to be true, not what you hope, wish, fantasize about!

The following links will give you a variety of information and ideas to help you know... if a man is in love with you!

Listen to your gut!

How to tell if a guy is using you!

How to tell if a man does not love you!

Ten tips to know you are being used!

How to tell if a man is in love with you!

How to tell if a guy is married!

If a guy truly loves you he will not....

How to know if a guy is using you!

How desperate are you?

Sex is not intimacy, love, or care!

Self esteem and the cycle of being used!

Be smart, be honest with yourself, be true to yourself, and find a man who truly does love you!

How do we know what our men are doing out there behind our backs.As i was growing up i always had guy friends so i know how they think and at when there girlfriends are not around.

Beleave me some guys are good but you got those ones that cant help themselves , and why do we beleave mostly everything they say . Why do you ask its because we so deeply in love with them and they can be such smooth talkers. Well am gonna give you an idea of how to tell if hes cheating.

10 signs that he is cheating on you

1. Privacy concerns: Does your guy flip his laptop closed or change screens on the computer when you walk into a room? Does he get mad when you look at his cell phone or nervous when he leaves it alone with you? Does he get defensive when you go through his pockets before washing his clothes? These are all signs that he is hiding something. Normal, well adjusted guys do not care if you find their pocket lint or know that they called to order a pizza last night.

2. The Disappearance Act: Does he “go out with the guys” more than he goes out with you? Is he late coming home from work EVERY night? Is he feeding you lame excuses like “I have to visit my grandma”? (If he was really visiting grandma, why not take you with him?) Does he go more than a few hours without returning your phone call and no explanation? Does it seem like he always has his phone off? Do even his friends and family members not know where he is? These could be all signs that he is cheating on you.

3. Distance and Less Affection: When someone is not being fully honest with you and not giving 100% into a relationship, you will start to notice that you are growing distant. He may be less affectionate, less communicative, and less responsive than he was before. If any of these things start to happen to you, it’s important to find out why. It could also show signs of depression or other problems, so do not ignore it if it seems like he is withdrawn or less interested in you.

4. Sudden Over Attention: If for three weeks you went without hardly seeing him, chances are he will want to make it up to you, and you will naively believe that it’s wonderful and it makes you feel special. You might get unexpected presents or romance. While some guys might do this out of honestly being too busy and feeling like you deserve it, it can be one of the signs he is cheating on you if it is motivated by guilt.

5. Jealouse: All of a sudden, your guy starts getting upset when you talk to another friend of the opposite sex. He cares who you’re talking to on the phone and what you’re doing on your computer. He may even accuse YOU of cheating even with no evidence or proof. These are the cheater’s way of projecting the guilt on you.

6. Small Lies Usually Equal Big Lies: The cheater is often full of many lies. The big ones you will believe, but the smaller ones you might start to notice. Chances are you will probably just shrug them off as him being forgetful, but if you notice a lot of inconsistent stories, you may want to do a little more research. Saying he was at his grandma’s last Tuesday to you and that he went fishing that same day to someone else shows that he’s not being honest.

7. New Hobbies or Friends: It should have been a huge red flag to me when my ex, an avid fan of alternative and rock music, said to me “Did you hear that new Britney Spears song? It’s pretty good…” It can be one of the signs he is cheating on you if he starts developing new hobbies and interests that seem a little unusual to his normal personality. He might talk about places he went to with his friends that seem kind of strange – like a coffee spot when he does not typically drink coffee. You may also notice he’s met some new friends – but you have no idea how he met them.

8. He tells you to take some time for yourself: He might start encouraging you to have an all girls night out or to spend a day shopping or some other type of self-indulgent activity. This could be his way of keeping you occupied while he is tending to the other relationship.

9. Mutual Friends Act Differently: Your cheating guy might have not hid his secret from his friends if they are more loyal towards him. They might not talk as much as before, or they may try to avoid seeing you altogether since they do not want to be caught in the middle of having your heart broken.

10. Your Intuition: If you are looking for the signs he is cheating on you or asking yourself “Is My Man Cheating on Me”, then chances are you already know the answer. Our bodies are hard wired to sense these kinds of things – yet most of us choose to ignore and deny them. If you feel suspicious, there’s a good reason for it.

"True Meaning Of Friendship"

Friends in need, real friends and fair weathered friends

A friend in need, is a friend indeed' is a popular saying, implying that people become friends when they need something from you. Whilst this can indeed be true, the reverse is also significant. When you are in need, then you find out who are your real friends.

An acquaintance found out recently that she has a chronic medical condition. Nothing visible and nothing to stop her living a normal life, but something that will occasionally flare up and cause discomfort. She also found out something of the difference between real and fairweather friends.

She informed them simply because she is an open and honest person. There was no seeking of particular help. Perhaps a little sympathy, but no special treatment or additional attention.

When she told some friends, they responded with concern. They listened without asking anything in return. They asked how they could help. These were real friends.

Others, who she also believed to be friends of the same sort, responded first with selfish concerns. They asked if it was infectious in any way or that might somehow catch it. Then they melted away, despite reassurance of their safety.

Fairweather friends are those who are most likely to appear when they are in need or, at best, when you are not in need. Real friends don't care about your need. They will help where they can and know that it's ok if they can only offer a little sympathy.

This must be something like what it is to have cancer, HIV or AIDS. Those who were friends when all was well suddenly show their true colors, whilst some from the core and some from the periphery fly the true flag of friendship, offering and giving what help they can.

Cheating

When Does Cheating Happens?

Cheating happens when you start looking for what you don't have. Somewhere along the way, you will meet someone who will be more charming or sensitive than the one youre already with.

More sexy, More thoughtful, wealthier, better in bed, and you will meet someone who will need you and pursue you and go loco over you more than your boyfriend/girlfriend ever did. No boyfriend/girlfriend is perfect, because your boyfriend/girlfriend will only have 90 percent of what you're looking for.

So, cheating happens when you look for the missing 10 percent. Lets say your girlfriend is melancholic by nature. You may find yourself drawn to the pretty girl next-door who has a cheerleader laugh no matter what she says: I broke my arm yesterday, ha ha ha...

Or because your girlfriend is a couch potato who is always in pajamas and smelling of garlic and cooking oil, you may fall for the CK-One-smelling colleague who comes to work in a sharp pinstripe blazer, high heels, and a red pencil-cut skirt.

Or because your boyfriend is the type who never shuts up even when you've tried using duct tape, your heart may skip a beat when you sit next to a brooding, mysterious Latino on the bus.

But wait! Thats only 10 percent of what you don't have. Don't throw away the 90 percent that you already do! add to the 90 percent the 100 percent that represents all the years that you have been with each other. The storms you have weathered together.

The many adjustments you have made to better understand each others little quirks and idiosyncracies. The wealth of memories that you have accumulated as lovers. The old sparks that can always be rekindled by the walk on the beach, barefoot and underneath the stars...

Cheating happens when you start looking for what you don't have. But faithfulness happens when you start thanking God for what you already do.

"MONOGAMY"

Lets talk monogamy... Who makes the rules?

Before we start lets define the usage of the word sex in this blog.
Sex – a physical act intended to bring pleasure.

Not this definition:

Sex – an act between two people in love, used to express intimacy, closeness, adoration, admiration, the joining of two souls, I want you to complete me and be my love moon, blah blah blah.

Next let me prepare you and your mind for this blog.
I do not accept any beliefs, thoughts or rules just because I am "supposed to". I want to understand everything I do at a factual and logical level. You are going to have to put yourself in that place as well if you really want to get your brain going with this blog and generate some deep discussion.

Reasons like: "just because", "that's way its supposed to be", "that's just how the world works", "that's how I was raised", "that's how people in my city think", and "I don't know", aren't acceptable reasons.

If you are 1 week before your period, do not read this blog. You will be blinded by emotions and they will override any logical thinking your brain is capable of, go cry because your shoes are black and come back next week.

If you are not a confident person, then this blog is not for you. Without true self confidence, this topic will always be off limits, because you live a life of thinking you aren't good enough and someone else has more to offer. Gross.

Last, this is not a religious blog and all statements and thoughts are made outside of the context of the bible and biblical/religious history. If you base the discussion on the bible then it states husband and wife only, but that's not as much fun to write or read about so we will take the secular approach.

Ok, now lets discuss.

Why is it that sex is always such a point of contention in commited relationships? Someone is cheating on someone, someone is fantasizing about someone else, someone is hiding a secret from their partner about someone they saw recently, etc etc.

Men, after a certain period of time being with the same woman and being told you cant be with anyone else, your mind begins to wonder. Wonder what someone new would feel like, wonder what the chase would feel like, wonder what a dog collar would feel like around your neck while someone feeds you dog biscuits and only refers to you as Fido, wonder what some "strange" would be like after 5 years of the same thing.

I would never say that all men act on these urges, but I will say all men have these thoughts and most men I know have acted on them. Save the morality speech, I never condoned it, just stated facts. Plus I am sure your man has never done or thought about those things… He's different, trust me.

Ask one hundred husbands if they could have a night of wild, hot sex with a beautiful stranger with no risk of getting caught or any guilt associated, how do you think the majority would answer? If they did, the wife didnt find out, it didnt make him love or adore her any less, then would it really matter?

Women, after a certain period of time your mind might wonder about what it would feel like to have new exciting sex with a Latin dancer who doesnt button the top three buttons on his shirt and continually drips sweat on you while he is drilling you like an oil rig, what it would feel like for the danger associated with sleeping with a bad boy, one that wouldnt be sweet to you and would fuck you like a 16 dollar whore, what it would feel like for a millionaire to sweep you away on his yacht for a weekend, the two of you sipping champagne and making love on piles of 100 dollar bills and caviar, what it would be like to feel that nervousness again, the kind you feel when you get naked with someone for the first time.

Why is it that we take the most natural thing on earth besides breathing and eating and make it so off limits and taboo? Because society says we should? Because the media says we should? Because that's what our wedding vows said? Because that's what our parents did?

Some of the possible reasons/answers to that question:

1. Because your spouse is yours and yours only, no one else can touch them. My question back to you is, why? Who says? Because if I dont know who says that rule then its highly unlikely I am going to listen to the mystery source dictating the rules.

2. Because fooling around could lead to falling in love and leaving your spouse. My answer to that is if fooling around one night with someone other than your spouse is enough to make you abandon your entire relationship then it was going to fail anyway. Might as well happen now than drag on your bullshit relationship for 5 more year.

3. Because what if you experience someone that is better in bed and gets you curious and wanting to explore more. If you experience that, tell your spouse and the two of you work on that technique or sex life.

If after 5 years of just pleasing each other someone new shows you some tricks then either you two need to get in bed more often or, great, we learned new ways to please each other.

Not, "oooh that was good, let me leave my spouse and go try that again".
The list of reasons could go on, but I still don't think any of them are valid if the two of you are confident in yourselves, each other and the bond the two of you have. What are the other reasons?

I am not speaking of an open relationship where each person can do as they please without accountability.

I personally think that leads to lies, covering up and emotional connections. Which are all dangerous and all break trust with your spouse.

I am talking about one night, letting your spouse sleep with a stranger or a stranger sleep with you. Or someone going out of town on business and banging a slutty chick all night until she forgets her middle name.

Or the two of you and another couple pile up in a king size bed until the sun comes up. No lying, no covering up, everything open and on the table in front of your eyes. And, with someone that you will never see again, text the next day asking how their morning is going or meet for lunch or continue to "connect" with.

Basically the other party is used purely for your physical temporary pleasure and then tossed aside once it is over. The other party also views you as a temporary source of pleasure as well.

How does that scenario take away or hurt your relationship with your spouse? They are using someone else's body for pleasure, basically like a sex toy, except they are live sex toys.

Jealousy? Why would you be jealous? That other person gets them for 45 minutes, you get them anytime you want and your spouse chose you to spend their life with, not the 45 minute human sex toy, right?

If anyone should be jealous its the 45 minute person, they should be jealous because you get them for a lifetime and they only got them for 45 minutes.

Your spouse gets a massage that is purely for pleasure, if you remove the taboo that the media and society has put on sex then could they be viewed the same?

Why is it ok for a man to touch a woman's hand but not her breasts? Who said breasts were off limits? Again, media, society, influence…?

If 50 of us were born and day 1 placed on a 5 acre island in the middle of the ocean. No influence from the past, no influence from society or the media, no one to teach us what is off limits.

Would we just naturally grow up know that women are supposed to cover their breasts and sex should be only allowed between two people for eternity?

Of course not, we wouldn't have a world there to tell us how to be, so why again do we let a world that is pretty fucked up dictate to us what is right and wrong or what is off limits?

I want to know why and "because the world says so" isn't a good enough reason for me.

I'd like to hear your open and honest thoughts on this topic, I will personally reply back to every comment left.

I am not here to convince anyone, I am just here to discuss. My replies will be unbiased and unemotional. Just give your random thoughts or answer the below questions from the blog.

1. If you have a solid foundation with someone, does a physical act purely for pleasure affect that foundation?

2. Is it different if both people in the relationship openly discuss and are aware of the acts vs an open relationship where each person does as they please.

3. Is it different if its a regular person that you sleep with vs a random stranger that you never meet or talk to again?

4. Is it different for the woman to do it knowing that for most women stimulation and attraction starts with her mind and emotions, and attraction for a man starts with something as simple as being there and smelling good.

5. In the majority of cases if a woman is being fulfilled mentally, emotionally and physically by her partner she will not want to sleep with another man. If a man has everything he could ever want, sleeping with another woman is still appealing.True or false?

6. If you are 100 percent confident that there is no one that can fulfill your spouse the way you can, then should you be worried or jealous of someone else touching them? If the answer is yes, then why?

7. Do you agree with the 5 acre island without any outside influences theory?

8. What are the reasons why have monogamy in your relationship?

9. Jealousy? Why would you be jealous? Unless you felt that your spouse would choose the other person over you… Right?

" Cheaters Hate Cheaters "

CHEATING
That word can be defined in numerous different ways.

You can cheat on your taxes, your significant other, and your diet among other things.


But the one of the most important things that you can cheat is simply, yourself.


Most people claim to be happy but if you were to take a deeper look you would probably see that they are trying to please everyone but themselves and becoming quite miserable in the process.
They give so much to others that they forget to give to themselves.

Time goes by and those dreams that you once had are now just a memory because you cheated yourself out of the idea. Lost in the day to day living you give up on ever finishing your degree. That cross country trip has turned into a bunch of brochures in the back of your closet that you never look at again. The good friends from days gone by are now just mere acquaintances that you might send a Christmas card to.

Life is yours to enjoy and experience. Don't get so dependent on the clock that you cheat yourself out of those goals that you have set for yourself.

Love yourself and allow yourself the freedom to enjoy life; so when you look back you can honestly say that instead of making do and cheating yourself of life experiences you gave it your all and the reward of happiness, inner peace and love will have been experienced with those that you surround yourself with.

"Do Men Usually Lie?"

MEN NEED TO LIE

"Do you think she's prettier than me?"

"Does this dress make my butt look big?"

"Were you staring at that woman's chest?"

Dishonesty. It can erode the fabric of even the strongest relationship. But there are times when a man is put in a position where he really has to lie. It's the only choice. And why does he have to lie? Because women ask stupid questions.

Practice with me, boys. "No one is prettier than you, sweetie." That's all you have to say. It doesn't matter if you really secretly DO think Heidi Klum is ten times more beautiful than the woman you're with...if you want to avoid a lifetime of suffering, you will just say what she wants to hear. If she doesn't want you to lie, she shouldn't have put you in that position in the first place.

In all my time on this planet, I've never had a man ask me

A stupid question like that. I imagine if he did ask me if a pair of pants made his butt look big and I said yes, he'd simply go change pants. He wouldn't hold it against me for the next four years or take it as a sign that I no longer love him. He asked me a question, I gave him the answer, he solved the problem.

Men can be kind of...logical and rational that way.

A woman, on the other hand, does these things for approval. YOUR approval. She is feeling a little insecure for one reason or another and she's looking for you to reassure her that you still find her beautiful. It's not that she wants you to lie, it's that she wants you to compliment her. Which sucks, but that's the way it is. You choose to be with us, so this is what you're stuck with.

Just so you know, women, your little needy questions make you less appealing to the man you're with. Men are drawn to confidence. If you shove your booty into those size sevens and strut around with pride, he won't even notice your butt is bulging out all over the place. Because YOU think you're beautiful, he'll see you as beautiful.

Interesting how that works.

Then there are the things you men say that are just...not wise. "Wowzer. Look at the hoo-hoos on that broad." Any woman who has ever been a "hottie" in her life knows what you men do when your woman isn't looking. You're checking out other women. We know you do it. It's human nature. But it's just wise to try to make it a little less obvious to us. Trust me on this, men. Some of you are NOT subtle. I always feel kind of bad for the woman who is walking through the mall, holding her husband's hand and talking merrily away, while all the while he's staring at another woman and paying not a single bit of attention to a word she's saying.
Just be subtle, boys. That's all we're asking.

So...what do you think? Are little white lies in a relationship deceptive or...necessary?

Honesty: The Key to a Good Relationship?"

"Honesty: The Key to a Good Relationship?
by Susan Dunn, MA, The EQ Coach

A coaching client recently told me, "I'm convinced if two people are totally honest, they can be married." As a dating coach for midlifers, I hear from a lot of folks who are dating. I also stay current with the dating scene on the Internet, and read the profiles people write. Men often say that "honesty" is crucial for a relationship, while women rarely do. Let's take a look at this.

First I'm going to speculate as to why men say this and
women don't, and then I want to talk about the place of
honesty in a relationship.

As we know from research, and such books as "If Men Could
Talk: Unlocking the Secret Language of Men," (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0316178683/susandunnmome-20
), by Alon Gratch, Ph.D., men, as a rule, have more trouble verbalizing emotions, something most of us would also agree is crucial to an intimate relationship. Not that we need to talk about emotions all the time, but that it's necessary to know what you feel and to be able to communicate it when necessary. It becomes particularly important when the relationship meets an impasse. You need to what the problem
really is. Are you picking on her about her outfit because
you haven't had sex in 4 days? Are you accusing him of ignoring you all the time, when really he does a fair job most of the time, but tonight you're hungry and tired?

According to Emotional Intelligence research, men and women test the same overall, but men, on average, are not as empathic as women (Reuven BarOn). Simon-Baron, Cambridge professor of psychology and psychiatry agrees. His thesis in "The Essential Difference: The Truth About the Male and Female Brain," (a http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0738208442/susandunnmome-20
) is: "The female brain is predominantly hard-wired for empathy. The male brain is predominantly hard-wired for understanding and building systems."

Of course the "average" man, statistically speaking, is not necessarily the individual sitting in front of you. But where there's smoke there's fire.

So why the male emphasis on "honesty"? And are they
referring to honesty about thoughts, feelings, facts, or
what? If what we're being honest about is "the truth," how
we feel is indisputable, and many facts are, but the truth
of any given situation is relative, most of us would agree,
or our relationships would not become the imbroglios they do

"Mr. and Mrs. Smith does a great job or portraying marriage, and beings with him saying they've been married 5 years, and her saying "6". If there's an absolute truth ("reality"), it's of little use in human relations.

Men engage more in what's called "selective remembering."
He remembers the games he won, not the games he lost. He remembers when to change the oil in the car, but not his girl-friend's birthday. Selective listening may be part of it. He hears that the prime rate has gone down, but not that you'd like more time with him. I couldn't help wonder if this client would hear "honesty" if it were given.

"Honesty", I think, is a systems-word. Women, in their profiles, are more likely to focus on behaviors. "No
philanderers," they say, and "no addicts." You see the
difference . if he's unfaithful and honest about it ,
they're still not interested. Doh.

Women use language to connect, and are more hard-wired for emotion. They enjoy experiencing it and talking about it, while men consider emotions a call to discharge by action. They are not as likely to use a verbal strategy to deal with a feeling.

Women have a larger corpus callosum, so it's easier for us
to talk about emotions. TALKING about a FEELING is multi-tasking, and one of the hardest things we ask our brains to do.

Women also say thousands more words a day than men do. Testosterone causes silence. Men talk about facts and want
clarity and brevity. Women also, according to Reuven
Bar-on, have a greater sense of social responsibility. Does this preclude honesty? When we meet for lunch, we greet each other as Nancy, and Kelly, and Meg. Men? Fatso, and Stupid and Loser. Are men being more "honest"? If so, are they being less socially responsible, i.e., not caring if they hurt the other guy's feelings? I can't imagine a man's feelings being hurt by that, yet no woman would greet another woman with Big Butt, Drama Queen, or Boobless Wonder, though they might think it.

Would being 100% honest insure the survival of a
relationship? No. The person might be "honest" about the
fact that they could not live with you any more and were
filing for divorce. Do men say this because they're
attempting to systemize, with rules? Or because they've
found women to be "dishonest"?

I've heard more than one man say, "I don't know why she left me. I thought we had a perfect marriage. (Women divorce men more often than vice versa.) Variations include, "She was deceptive. I didn't know anything was wrong," and "She told me why she was leaving, but it doesn't make any sense." A plea for "honesty" might be a plea for comprehensibility.

A female client told me she told her man, "I love but, you I don't like you right now." He said she was being dishonest, "because you can't be both at once". It didn't fit his system or either/or. Honesty, I think, or the reporting of it, requires clear, logical thinking. Who's clear and logical when fighting with a lover? Or listening to one?

If you're a man, are you listening, as in hearing? This
means hearing the feelings, not assessing the facts. If
you're a woman, are you being clear? Women tend to know
sooner when a relationship is headed for trouble and attempt
to address it. If you're a man, are you hearing this as
"being told what to do"?

I think this plea from men for honesty is a wish to be able
to understand the woman they love (and themselves in the relationship). They want facts and clarity. However, to understand others, you must first understand yourself, and this means feelings. Honesty, alas, begins at home.

As a concept that I believe is both unachievable and potentially destructive, I tend to agree with Graham Greene: "The truth has never been of any real value to any human being - it is a symbol for mathematicians and philosophers to pursue. In human relations, kindness and lies are worth a thousands truths." It is nearly impossible for me to outright lie, about either a fact or a feeling, but I will at times do what the Arabs propose: "It is good to know the truth, but it is better to speak of palm trees." Discretion is the better part of valor.

There's something else to consider about being honest:
Whether it's true or not, it's true. As John Lilly said,
"In the province of the mind, what one believes to be true either is true or becomes true."

Now, what about total honesty between two people?
Kindness may be of more value. Honesty should not be used
as the weapon it can be. One of the cruelest things we can
do is to use an intimate revelation against the person who
said it. We know how to hurt the people we love. It's part
of our obligation as a decent human beings not to do this. "Better a lie that heals than a truth that wounds," say the Czechs.

Should you be honest about your feelings? Yes . but. Let's say he wants sex and you don't. It's one thing to say, "I don't feel like it now. I had a terrible day at work," and even possible to say, "Not until you've taken a shower and put on some deodorant." But to say, "No, you're the worst lover I've ever had, and like you were saying about your ex-wife the other night ." That sort of "honesty" is inexcusable, and, if not true, soon will be.

There's no easy solution to this. I researched the world's proverbs on this subject we all struggle with. Most were in the vein of "Whoever tells the truth is chased out of nine villages." (African). The Corsicans stood out: "He who tells the truth will never be unhappy," they say. Maybe the answer lies in the Arab proverb: "When you shoot an arrow of truth, dip its point in honey."

An intimate relationship isn't a system, it's a dance, and
the music is emotions. Developing your EQ is essential, so
you can learn to know, manage and express your emotions
better, and to practice the competency of forgiveness, which will always be needed.

Sometimes the most honest thing you can say is, "I don't
know what to say now," and the most helpful thing you can
say is, "I love you." And keep in mind, to paraphrase
Thomas Leonard, we're all doing our very best, even when clearly we're not.

Not what are you going to say, honestly, to your loved
one when she says, "Does my butt look fat in these pants?"
and when he says, "Am I a good lover?" You can always
got to a feeing, and here are some:
I feel uncomfortable when you ask me that.
I'm wondering why you ask.
I love you.
Let's talk about what you're really wanting to know.

Once betrayed friendship can't be regained

"FRIENDSHIP IS LIKE A CRYSTALLINE GLASS THAT SHOULD BE TAKEN CARE OF,BECAUSE ONCE BROKEN IT CAN NEVER BE RESTORED NO MATTER HOW WE TRY TO PUT BACK THE PIECES,WE MAY FIXED IT BUT WE CANNOT BRING BACK IT'S TRUE BEAUTY."

It is priceless, it is a treasure, it is a gift.

The value of true friendship is infinite and priceless. Nothing can compare or ever replace the genuine, caring connection between two people who not only understand, but want only the very best of all things in life for the other. It is a gift, it is a treasure.
A deep sustaining, timeless friendship is rare and at times can feel difficult to find, maintain, or believe in. But, the more that you believe in yourself, the more love you can give to yourself, the more genuine connections you will be able to attract, manifest, and hold onto.



SHATTERED, furious, resentful, heartbroken, numb, humiliated, rejected, hurt, and NOT SAFE – these are just some of the feelings we experience when we’ve been betrayed.

Unfortunately, betrayals appear to be on the rise. It helps to know that we are not alone as broken trust is a universal experience. The human need to belong and be part of a relationship makes us open and therefore vulnerable to these painful emotions.

Help

The Heal from Betrayal website offers a fresh approach for dealing with emotional injury. This site is oriented to self care with the ideas/suggestions provided freely to anyone who is open-minded and looking for relief.

An act of betrayal can hurt as much as, if not more than, a physical injury, but the trauma resides not in the body but in the mental/emotional/spiritual realm – our subtle energy fields. If we think of betrayal as a wound to the energy system, it follows that to heal; we must acknowledge and work with this same energy system. The Techniques page on this website offers energy healing suggestions to help with this inner work.

As an added benefit, once the betrayed has regained peace of mind and heart, healthy decisions can be made about the damaged relationship (s); forgiveness becomes a possibility.

What is betrayal?

Many people hear the word, "betrayal", and think of infidelity, yet the experience is actually much broader. Yes, the hurt feelings can result from a love betrayal, but the same symptoms can also be triggered by an unfaithful coworker or boss; betrayal in a friendship; disloyalty from a workplace, community, even country; the earth appearing to turn on us; or what is sometimes described as the ultimate betrayal - a loss of trust or faith in our relationship with “something bigger, something spiritual”. Regardless of the source, the emotional distress is often severe.

A friend knowingly breaks a confidence that causes hurt and loss of reputation; this is betrayal. A spouse professes love and loyalty while involved in an emotional affair outside the marriage; this is betrayal. A boss or organization pretends to be honest and fair while manipulating employees to exploit their talents; this is betrayal.

What do these examples of broken trust have in common?
· Personal and/or cultural expectations (understood by the betrayed as “The Truth”) are present.
· Based on these expectations, whole-hearted loyalty is given to another.
· "The Truth" is shattered; often due to someone making choices despite potential, major damage to the relationship.
· Shock and intense hurt feelings inevitably result.
These types of challenging, and often bitter, betrayals are the focus for healing at this website.The betrayed assumed something to be true (actually needed to believe for emotional safety), then discovered the core belief was false. I think this collapse of a belief structure does something to the human energy state.