"Tips About Raising Kids"

How to Raise Your Kids in a Balanced Way

Although everyone has their own different styles of parenting, there are 4 main styles of parenting. These four different styles are authoritarian, authoritative, permissive, and the uninvolved.Uninvolved parenting is really just a lack of parenting.

It is hard on children and should not be the way of parenting. Kids suffer issues such as feelings of rejection, lack of self esteem, and issues with trust. In the long run the children are harmed emotionally.Authoritarian, authoritative, and permissive styles describe a range of styles.

Authoritarian parents are at one end of the spectrum. This kind of parenting tends to be high in structure and low in responsiveness. Permissive parents are then located at the opposite side of the scale. This parenting style tends to be low in structure and high in responsiveness.

Authoritative parenting tends to be located in the middle of the scale, and is a balanced parenting style. There are many different parenting styles out there; these three represent a very wide range scale.Structure is important to authoritative parenting.

There are clear rules and limits and children know that there are consequences for their actions. Routines and schedules help provide a sense of stability for children.

For example, a child knows when bedtime is, and a teen knows when curfew is, and both know what will happen if he or she is late. Stability in this sense allows children to feel secure, and that, it turn, allows for an all around better atmosphere.

There is flexibility in authoritative parenting that allows the parent to bend the rules on occasion. Like if a child would like to stay up late to watch a favorite TV show.Authoritative parents also are responsive.

This results in less conflict and more balance.Authoritative parenting is a balanced parenting style. Structure and responsive are both high. The parents are involved with their child's life, and are flexible, but they still are parents. There are structures, limits, rules and boundaries, but they are not rigid.

Children with this kind of parenting tend to do well socially and functionally in life. They tend to not get into problems and not to have serious emotional problems. This type of parenting is balanced, and produces balanced children.

"A Child"

IF A CHILD....If a child lives with criticism,he learns to condemn.If a child lives with hostility,he learns to fight.If a child lives with ridicule,he learns to be shy.If a child lives with shame,he learns to feel guilty.If a child lives with tolerance,he learns to be patient.If a child lives with encouragement,he learns confidence.If a child lives with praise,he learns to appreciate.If a child lives with fairness,he learns justice.If a child lives with security,he learns to have faith.If a child lives with approval,he learns to like himself.If a child lives with acceptance and friendship,He learns to find love in the world.

Author unknown

"Being A Father"

MYTHS OF FATHERHOOD

Myth No. 1 : Newborn's do not really need fathers False The intense connection between the mother and child during breastfeeding may leave you wondering whether he really needs you. Yes he does ! Rather research has shown that father who are given unrestricted contact with their children after birth will raise their children in a more constructive way. The children turn out to be far more confident than others. Paternal bonding is as important as maternal bonding. Very often birth of a baby helps a man to express and enjoy emotions that society primes him to repress.

You can help feed your baby if your partner expresses milk into a bottle. You can help change the diapers too. Touch too helps a lot in bonding you can ease off a bit of your spouses workload. Remember, you make a difference to the whole family.

Myth No.2 : Only expectant mother feelings are important

False

Your partner needs to hear your feelings. Do not feel ashamed or shy to express them. Research has shown that if men are involved from the moment pregnancy is confirmed. They become active and enthusiastic fathers. There is no greater help to a pregnant women than an interested to sympathetic partner. There is no better help with a newborn baby than an active, passionate dad. The labour itself can be just as remarkable an experience for the fathers. Give yourself permission to express both your feelings of vulnerability and excitement.


Myth No.3 : Men do not know to take care of young children

False

There is no such word as do not or cannot in the father's dictionary. If you make a sincere attempt, you would definitely be able to take an active and positive role in your child's life. In the USA, there are so many working mothers and the fathers take care of the child. It depends on the kind of relationship that you build with your child . If you spend time with your baby you will become sensitive to his needs.


Myth No.4 : Men who focus on their children cannot be successful businessmen.

False

Previously, it used to be said that men who make sacrifices and chose family over career advancement do it since they cannot succeed at work - It was no longer believed so. Rather today's man has realised the value of spending time with his family. They feel being a good father is a significant accomplishment as being a successful business man.

"The Power of Parents"

The Power of Parents

Teachers, peers and society play major roles in a child’s education. But parents are a child’s first teachers. And home is a child’s first classroom.

School can and they do spend enormous amounts of staff time and money trying to compensate for what is sometimes missing in children’s homes. But if a child is to succeed in school and in life, it is important that parents and other adults provide a solid base of support from the preschool years through the school years.

The kinds of support children need from parents is not necessarily or solely financial. Children need parents who can help hem learn how to think clearly, parents who ask their opinions and respect what they hear, parents who find the time to share themselves and instill solid values.

Of course, our children don’t come with instructions (there were certainly times I wish mine had). But recently, I ran across a short, but fairly complete Parent’s Pledge. It provides a good checklist for parents who are, indeed, a child’s first teachers.

Parent’s Pledge

1. I want my child to have the best possible education and I realize that strong school systems are essential
2. I will provide a home environment that will encourage my child to learn.
3. I will help my child build a small but meaningful home library.
4. I will insist that all homework assignments are done each night.
5. I will discuss at dinnertime what my child has learned at school each day
6. I will include stimulating books among the presents I give my child.
7. I will review newspaper stories and television news casts with my child and discuss how the news may affect our lives
8. I will meet regularly with my child’s teachers.
9. I will remind my child of the necessity of discipline in the class room? Especially self-discipline
10. I will help my child appreciate and enjoy the excitement in learning and the thrill of an inquiring mind.

To keep this pledge, parents need support: business that create family-friendly workplaces and give parents the flexibility to occasionally volunteer for duty in their child’s classroom. Parents need communities with information about school programs and student progress. Families want to belong. Teachers and students need parent’s involvement. It’s a two-way street that will lead our children to happiness and success.

How to Be a Good Mother

There's already a lot to cover when learning how to be the best parent you can be. But there are certain challenges a mother faces as a parent that are distinct from those of being a father. Here's how to overcome them and raise your child(ren) well.

Steps

Be patient. Being a mother is a little challenging sometimes, especially if you have a daughter. But keep your cool and try to stay patient. Your' daughter snuck into your room and put on your makeup? Explain to her the practical reasons why she shouldn't do this, such as hygiene, clogging pores, etc. Then tell her why you don't like her doing it- she'll muck up her skin at this young age, this is your makeup, etc. Try this approach to other problems. Stay calm, explain the practical reasons not to do something, and then why YOU don't want them to do something.

Take an interest in your child's interests. If your son likes cars, maybe buy him a model car he can make. Ask questions, like what is your favourite type of car, which model is that car, etc. If your daughter is interested in animals, buy her something like a magazine for animals, and tell her some interesting sites and books she can look at. Ask her what her favourite animal is, info about animals, etc. Make an effort.

Don't be tight about money. Okay, so blowing money day after day isn't the best thing to do, but don't automatically say no to everything your kid asks for. If you always say no and follow this with a lecture about saving money, you will be known as the "Tight Parent", the one who never buys anything. Buy something small every now and then. Even offering to purchase some candy or chips at the petrol station can make a difference. Every now and then buy something big that you are sure your kid wants. For example, an i-pod, or a bike. And be generous at birthdays.

This can include taking a special day to go out to dinner, see a movie, and choose a nice gift or receive nice gifts from parents.

Make sure you are an approachable person to talk to. Try your hardest to always be understanding and a good listener. Knowing that they can go to their mum for friendship advice, information on sex and puberty, homework help, or just a hug goes a long way for kids. Not having someone they can talk to can cause kids to retire into a shell, so make sure you talk to them about how they feel regularly.

Be supportive, and never laugh at your kids hobbies, interests or friends. So, your son doesn't want to study medicine and become a doctor? Don't get angry, this is your childs' life and they can make some of their own decisions. Understand that it's okay if your child thinks differently from you. Don't get mad because they have a different opinion to you, or your son wants to become an engineer and not a doctor. Don't laugh at them, or their friends. Who cares if you daughter listens to heavy metal music and wears too much eyeliner? She's still your daughter. And so what if your son is friends with a guy who speaks in a funny accent or who has a different skin color? You might not do what your kids do, but that is their decision, not yours. You have a big impact on their lives already-you choose what school they go to, when they eat dinner, the amount of pocket money they get for doing chores. Don't over do it.

Be able to admit that something you did may have been wrong and don't be afraid to apologize. It might be hard, but it's better for everyone if you just admit to your mistakes and apologize. It saves everyone the trouble of being mad that you're being stubborn and teaches your kids that it's okay to make mistakes, as well as the importance of an apology. Simply calm yourself, evaluate the situation, determine what you did wrong and why. Then apologize and explain how or why you acted the way you did. A good way to start off may be: "I would like to apologize for how I acted earlier, and I realize that I was wrong," then transition into the rest.

Tips

Help your child with their homework. Not only will you know what they're doing in school, but your child will probably start coming to you for help by themselves.
Spend quality time with your child. Play ball with your son or do a craft project with your daughter. And make sure you have fun.

Take your child out to museums, the theatre, classical music concerts, and other cultural events. While they may not like it at the time, they will most likely be grateful when they are older that they have a more well-rounded background.

Always be supportive and accepting.

Always try to be fair.

Don't use the phrase, "I carried you for 9 months!" in an argument. Your kids will most likely not understand what you actually had to go through, and it won't be really effective.

A few other observations from another perspective:

Parents need to teach their children how to be successful adults. Don't routinely do things for your children that they can learn to do for themselves.

Life is a great teacher. Don't be too quick to rescue your child from the results of their own actions if the consequences are not overly severe.

Your child is an individual deserving of respect, not an extension or a reflection of you.

Love them unconditionally; don't force them to be who you think they should be in order to earn your love.

How to Encourage Good Study Habits in a Child

As with any habit (good or bad), the sooner good study habits are developed, the better they will stick. It's never too early to introduce your child to positive study habits, which will reward his or her efforts throughout school and life.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Easy
Things You'll Need
Calculators
Desk Chairs
Desk Lamps
Desk Set
Desks
Wastebaskets
Calendars
Personal Organizers

Steps

1
Step One
Be a good role model. If you sometimes bring work home with you or you're taking a course yourself, your child will learn your habits. Make 'em good!

2
Step Two
Help your child organize things. For example, the protractor and compass belong in the math binder, sheet music in the violin case.

3
Step Three
Help him or her organize space. The kitchen table is for eating; your child's desk is for studying.

4
Step Four
Help your child organize time. Establish a routine for completing schoolwork. It doesn't have to be the minute your child walks in the door; just agree on a set time and stick to it.

5
Step Five
Minimize distractions. Thirteen-year-old wisdom notwithstanding, geometric proofs are not better retained when learned concurrently with loud music, "South Park" and a telephone receiver at one ear.

6
Step Six
Check your child's work. Every night is unnecessary, but check it often enough that he or she knows you might - and that you care.

7
Step Seven
Insist that sloppy or careless work be redone, but don't correct errors; teachers need to know what students don't know.

8
Step Eight
Give praise whenever possible and appropriate. A sincere expression of pride in your child's academic accomplishments can go a long way toward making studying a habit.

Tips & Warnings

Don't wait until report card time or parents' night to address concerns about your child's study habits. If you believe he or she needs help, offer it now.

See what the school offers in the way of study skills training. Particularly in middle school and high school, helpful classes are becoming more readily available.

How to Encourage Your Child to Love Learning

Ultimately, we want our kids to love to learn. A passion for learning is quite different from just studying to earn a grade or to please parents or teachers. Those who develop a love of learning at an early age continue the process throughout their lives and are generally more successful, interesting, and happier than those who don't.

Steps

*Talk with your child about the things you read and hear, especially the things you find interesting.

*Ask your kids how they feel about various issues (current events, relationships, values). Allow them to have opinions without passing judgment. Ask your children to help you understand why they feel the way they do.

*Pursue your own hobbies and interests. Share these with your child, but do not require that he or she follow your pursuits.

*Encourage your kids to have interests of their own. If they show curiosity about a hobby, area of study, sport, or instrument, encourage and support them in any way your finances allow.

*Read books. Read on your own, which sets a good example. Read to your kids, to get them hooked on books.

*Expose your child to a wide variety of experiences including music, plays, sports, museums, travel, reading, dance, games, food, puzzles, ethnic activities, etc. One never knows how what exposure may influence future life choices.

*Play "thinking games" with your kids. These are games where there is not just one answer. Scrabble and chess are examples. Emphasize the value of thoughtful moves rather than the importance of winning.

*Remember that you are your child's best teacher. School, educational games and television, and a shelf full of books all can't accomplish what you can in the education of your child. It doesn't take much effort to inspire a child's brain in the everyday world - the place where they need it the most. Here are a few simple things you can do to engage your child: count the number of houses, black cars, bicycles, etc. that you pass as you drive; search for letters, numbers, or colors on the restaurant menu; when you are going to use a gum-ball machine, hold out a handful of coins and explain the differences, and that the machine will only take the quarter (then let your child pick out a quarter and put it in the machine - they love this!).

*Start sooner, rather than later. Fostering independence in your child is very important for their brain development and how they feel about learning. Sometimes, activities seem too difficult for your child only because you haven't encouraged them to do it yet. For example, things like peeling their own banana, picking out which shirt to wear, and feeding the family cat, are all things that a young toddler can do. Letting your child do things like this makes them feel more in control of their world, which in turn inspires them toward bigger and better exploits. When the world is in your hands, you want to do something with it, don't you?

*Tips*

If you demonstrate excitement about learning and are open to your children pursuing their own interest areas, it will be hard for them to resist the opportunities.
Explain to your child why he or she is learning, and how it will be worthwhile (e.g. learning multiplication tables)

*Warnings*

Try not to go overboard about grades. If your child makes a low grade, don't scream and yell, but instead show them what they did wrong and help them understand. For good grades, don't buy big, expensive things to celebrate (at least not all the time). Your child will feel pressured/persuaded to do well and will dread low grades. Giving too many rewards also encourages bad habits and manners, such as bragging, and can lead to complexes (such as fear of failure). Understand that not all children will get A's and B's and that C's are OKAY and considered good, as C's are average.

Helping Your Child Become a Responsible Citizen

What Does "Strong Character" Mean?
Compassion
Honesty and Fairness
Self-discipline
Good Judgment
Respect for Others
Self-respect
Courage
Responsibility
Citizenship and Patriotism

Character is a set of qualities, or values, that shape our thoughts, actions, reactions and feelings.

People with strong character

*show compassion,
*are honest and fair,
*display self-discipline in setting and meeting goals,
*make good judgments,
*show respect to others,
*show courage in standing up for beliefs,
*have a strong sense of responsibility,
*are good citizens who are concerned for their community, and
*maintain self-respect.

*Compassion*

*Compassion, or empathy, means identifying with and being concerned about other people's feelings and needs. It provides the emotional root for caring about other people. It allows us to be understanding and tolerant of different points of views and beliefs, it makes us aware of the suffering of others, and it allows us to empathize with them or to feel their suffering as our own.

*Compassion also allows us to feel joy and excitement—rather than anger and despair—at other people's successes and achievements.

Babies may begin to cry when they hear other sounds of crying, and coo and laugh when they hear others making happy sounds. By the age of three, many children will make an effort to hug or comfort another child or a parent who seems upset. As children grow, compassion can guide their actions and behaviors in positive ways. They understand that by doing something wrong, they cause others pain or unhappiness.

We can promote compassion by helping our children to think about how others feel. For example, if your child says or does something hurtful to another child, help him* to focus his attention on the feelings of his victim by saying, for example, "How do you think Zack feels? Would you like to feel like that?" Children develop compassion by practicing acts of caring and kindness towards others. As adults, we need to emphasize the importance of helping others, giving others the benefit of the doubt and being open to differences.

What You Can Do

Talk about the point of view of others as you watch TV, read books or discuss other people with your child. For example, ask, "What do you think that character is feeling and thinking?"
Show care toward others, such as doing errands for sick neighbors or opening doors for others.
Give others the benefit of the doubt. If your child complains that a classmate deliberately pushed her down on the way to lunch, explain that sometimes when people are in a hurry, they don't watch where they're going—they don't mean to push or hurt anyone.
Be open to differences. If your child says "Our new neighbors dress funny," explain that people often wear clothes that reflect their cultures or native countries.

—Daddy, why is Grandma crying?
—She's very sad. One of her friends just died. Come sit with me. Do you remember how you felt when your gerbil, Whiskers, died?
—I felt sad and lonely.
—Well imagine how much worse Grandma must feel losing a friend. Maybe you can think of a way to help her.
—I could give her a hug...
—That's a great idea!

*Honesty and Fairness*

Simply put, honesty means being truthful with ourselves and with others. It means caring enough about others not to mislead them for personal benefit. It means facing up to our mistakes, even when we have to admit them to others or when they may get us into trouble.
Fairness means acting in a just way and making decisions, especially important ones, on the basis of evidence rather than prejudice. It means "playing by the rules" and standing up for the right of everyone to be treated equally and honestly.

To understand the importance of being honest and fair, children need to learn that living together in a family, community or even a nation depends on mutual trust. Without honesty and fairness, trusting each other becomes very difficult, and families—and societies—fall apart.
Words of caution: There is a big difference between being dishonest—lying or cheating—and "making things up," as children often do in fantasy play. If children are taught that not telling the truth is "a bad thing," some young children might assume that it is also a bad thing to pretend to be a princess or an astronaut. Although you should discourage your child from deliberately lying and cheating, you should also let him know that it is fine to role play and pretend.

What You Can Do

*Be a model of honest relations with others.
Discuss with your child what honesty is and is not. Point out, for example, that being honest doesn't mean telling someone you think he looks ugly. Kindness goes along with honesty.
—Dad, Why can't I choose what video to watch? It is not fair that Ramon gets to pick?
—Yes, it is fair, because you got to pick the video we watched last night. Now it is Ramon's turn.

Discuss fairness (chances are that your child will bring it up) in different situations. For example, how do we show fairness in our family? What does fairness mean to the community? What were standards of fairness in the past?
Talk about how you try to be fair in your life and work. What issues of justice have you wrestled with? Your adolescent will be particularly interested in talking with you about these things.

—Mom, why did you tell the cashier that she'd given you too much change? It was her mistake, so why didn't you just keep it.
—Because the money wasn't mine, and it would have been dishonest for me to keep it.

*Self-discipline*

*Self-discipline is the ability to set a realistic goal or make a plan—then stick with it. It is the ability to resist doing things that can hurt others or ourselves. It involves keeping promises and following through on commitments. It is the foundation of many other qualities of character.
Often self-discipline requires persistence and sticking to long-term commitments—putting off immediate pleasure for later fulfillment. It also includes dealing effectively with emotions, such as anger and envy, and developing patience.

*Learning self-discipline helps children regulate their behavior and gives them the willpower to make good decisions and choices. On the other hand, the failure to develop self-discipline leaves children wide open to destructive behavior. Without the ability to control or evaluate their impulses, they often dive headlong into harmful situations.

What You Can Do

Talk with your child about setting reachable goals. For example, help him break big tasks into little tasks that can be accomplished one at a time. Have the child pick a task and set a deadline for completing it. When the deadline has passed, check together to see if the task was completed.
Help your child build a sense of her competence. To do this, she needs experiences of success, no matter how small. This builds confidence and effort for the next time. Keep making the tasks just a little more challenging but doable.

—Who just called?
—It was Tyler, Dad. He wanted me to go with him to the video store to check out the new DVDs.
—What did you tell him?
—I said I couldn't, because you and I need to work on my science project for school.

*Good Judgment*

Children develop strong character by learning to think about and make sound judgments about what is right or wrong, good or bad. These are not always easy distinctions for adults to make, much less children.

For example, it can be difficult for a child to recognize the difference between acting bravely and acting recklessly. As parents, we can help by showing, through what we do as well as what we say, that it is important in such situations to think carefully and honestly about what should be done, carefully weighing how others will be affected by what we do.

Sometimes we get into trouble because we "just didn't think." We let our emotions lead us to actions that we regret later. Making good judgments requires skills in monitoring impulses, using reasoning to sort through feelings and facts, and thinking about the consequences of our actions.

Your child's ability to think and make sound judgments will improve as she matures. With age, however, it also may become easier for her to try to justify and make excuses for selfish or reckless behavior. However, if you have helped her develop strong habits of honesty, courage, responsibility and self-respect, your child will have the ability to see the flaws in her reasoning and be able to come to the right conclusion about what to do.

What You Can Do

-Teach your child to stop and think before acting on impulse.
-Teach your child to tell fact from feeling. Let him know that just because he feels strongly about something—such as hitting someone who made him angry—doesn't mean it's the right thing to do.
-Encourage your child to think about the consequences of her decisions.
-Tell her little stories about situations she might face and talk about actions she might take, who might be affected by her actions, what might happen because of her actions and what the best action might be.
-When your child has a problem with a rule, brainstorm together a list of possible reasons for the rule. This leads to greater understanding.

Remind your child to pay attention to the rules or codes that apply in each situation. For example, the rules for behaving in church are different from those for a football game.

—I got really mad because John wouldn't talk to me.
—What were you doing at the time?
—We were in line for lunch.
—Well, what's the rule about waiting in line?
—You aren't supposed to talk.
—Then John was doing the right thing, wasn't he?

*Respect for Others*

Respect for others is based on self-respect and is summed up in the Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have others do unto you. It is the value that makes the world a more decent and civilized place.

People show respect in many ways. They speak and act civilly—avoiding insults, cruel remarks and rude or crude language. They are courteous and considerate of others, including family members and friends, and care about their rights, beliefs and well-being. They treat others fairly and as individuals, regardless of race, sex, age or ethnic group. They display tolerance for people who do not share their personal beliefs and likes—so long as those people do not harm others.

Research indicates that children learn to respect others when they are treated with respect themselves. Constant criticism of a child, negative comments about him and failure to praise his achievements can lead the child to be disrespectful to others. Treating children with respect pays large dividends both to families and to societies as a whole.

What You Can Do

Practice respectful ways of communicating. Show your child how to talk to others with respect.
Help your child to resolve conflicts nonviolently. When facing a conflict, encourage your child to do the following:

(1) Find out what the conflict is. For example, if your child is angry because his little brother barges into his room without knocking, help him to explain the conflict by using an "I" statement, such as "I feel angry when you come into my room without knocking."
(2) Next, suggest different ways he might resolve the conflict. He could say to his brother, "I know I can't always hear when I'm listening to music, so you knock really loud five times—if I don't answer, then open the door." Or, "If I don't answer your knock, slide a note under the door." Or, "Let's use our walkie talkies."
(3) Then have your child agree on one of the choices.
(4) Finally, have him make a plan to check whether the solution is working.

Teach your child to respect the valued traditions of your heritage. Talk about family customs for showing respect, for honoring elders and for helping the community. Encourage her to do these things.

—Kaylee, is that my new sweater you're wearing.
—Yeah, Mom. What's wrong? Doesn't it look OK with this skirt?
—How it looks on you isn't the point. You didn't ask me if you could borrow that sweater, did you?
—No, Mom. I guess I thought you wouldn't mind.
—Well, I do mind that you didn't ask first. That's not very respectful, is it?

*Self-respect*

*Self-respect means taking satisfaction in appropriate behavior and hard—won accomplishments. People with self-respect also respect others. They do not need to disparage others or build themselves up by bragging or exaggerating their abilities or talents. They do not need lots of money or power to feel good about themselves.

People who respect themselves view selfishness, loss of self-discipline, recklessness, cowardice and dishonesty as wrong and unworthy of them. They have inner strength and are unwilling to let others use or manipulate them. They know that showing patience or tolerance does not mean allowing others to mistreat them.

People with self-respect do not crumble when they fail. They accept mistakes as a part of life. As we help our children set high standards for themselves, we also need to let them know that failure is no embarrassment when they have done their best.

Teaching children self-respect, however, does not mean complimenting everything they do. They also need honest criticism from time to time. When we do criticize, we should focus on things they have done, not on them personally.

What You Can Do

Encourage your child to build a positive identity that focuses on her integrity and talents.
Emphasize that character is built upon the decisions and actions a person takes each day.
Work with your child to help him reach his full potential by encouraging him to develop his talents, set reachable goals and honor himself as a unique person.

Teach your child how to choose good values. Help her reason about what are worthy goals and what are proper means to reach those goals.

—Why so down, Charlie?
—We lost the game.
—Did you play a good game?
—Yeah, we played our hardest.
—There's no shame in losing a game when you've played your best and the other team just played better. Hold your head high, son!

*Courage*

*Courage is the ability to overcome fear in order to do what is right, even if it is difficult or risky.

*Courage can mean facing physical dangers, but it also can mean standing up for beliefs and making hard decisions on the basis of evidence rather than on what is the easy or popular thing to do. It means being neither reckless nor cowardly but facing up to our duties and responsibilities.
*Courage, however, does not mean never being afraid; and children should be told that there are times when it is all right to be frightened and to run away from danger. But they also need to learn how to face and overcome some fears, such as a fear of the dark.

What You Can Do

Coach your child on how to be brave. Praise him when he acts courageously (but never ridicule him for any reason—ridicule can have long-lasting effects on a child's self-confidence).

Discuss with your child how to say no. Sometimes children don't know how to say no to peers who ask them to do dangerous or risky things. After identifying ways that she might be tempted, teach your child a three-step process for self-protection:

Apply the "trouble" rule: Will this action break a law or rule?
Make a good decision—think carefully about the risks or possible consequences.
Act fast to avoid trouble, using options such as the following:

Say no!
Leave.
Make a joke.
Suggest something better to do.
Make an excuse such as, "My dad will get really mad."
Act shocked.
—Mom, some of the kids were smoking after school today. One of them offered me a cigarette.
—What did you do?
—I said no.
—Then what happened.
—Everybody laughed at me and called me a baby.
—So then what did you do?
—I just walked away.
—Good for you! That took a lot of courage, and I'm proud of you.

*Responsibility*

Being responsible means being dependable, keeping promises and honoring our commitments. It is accepting the consequences for what we say and do. It also means developing our potential.
People who are responsible don't make excuses for their actions or blame others when things go wrong. They think things through and use good judgment before they take action. They behave in ways that encourage others to trust them.

People who are responsible take charge of their lives. They make plans and set goals for nurturing their talents and skills. They are resilient in finding ways to overcome adversity. They make decisions, taking into account obligations to family and community.

Children need to learn that being part of a family and a community involves accepting responsibilities. When each of us acts responsibly, our families and communities will be stronger.

—I'm going to Mattie's house, Dad.
—Have you walked the dog?
—No. I'll do that when I get back.
—Casey, walking the dog is your responsibility. In this house, meeting our responsibilities comes first. Walk the dog, and then you can go to Mattie's.

What You Can Do

Make agreements with your child and expect him to follow through.

When things go wrong, help your child take responsibility for her part and make a plan to do things differently next time.

Encourage your child to find out more about the world and how his actions may affect others far away.

*Citizenship and Patriotism*

Citizenship requires doing our share for our community and our country. Being a good citizen means caring about the good of society and participating actively to make things better.
Research reveals that participating in community service programs and learning about the importance and value of serving others can be a powerful influence on positive character development.

Patriotism is an important part of good citizenship. Patriotism is love of and loyalty to our country. It involves honoring the democratic ideals on which the country is based and expecting elected officials to do the same, respecting and obeying its laws and honoring its flag and other symbols. It also involves accepting the responsibilities of good citizenship, such as keeping informed about national issues, voting, volunteering and serving the country in times of war.

What You Can Do

Take your child with you when you vote. Talk to him about the candidates, the offices they aspire to hold and their positions on key issues.
Participate in community-building activities, such as cleaning up parks and assisting with school activities.

Discuss citizenship with your child and find examples of what good citizens have done for their communities.

—Mom, where are you going?
—I'm going to a meeting. People who live on this block are getting together to plan how we can clean up that empty lot down the street and turn it into a playground.
—That would be great, Mom! But I thought Aunt Jen was coming over tonight.
—She's coming over tomorrow night instead. She understands it's important that I be at tonight's meeting. A playground down the street is just what our community and our family need, and I want to help make it happen.

Children learn about strong character when parents and other adults in their daily lives
set a good example through their own behavior and actions,
set and communicate high standards and clear expectations,
coach them on how to be responsible and kind, and
use literature to reinforce the values of strong character.

*Set a Good Example*

We are always teaching our children something by our words and our actions. They learn from seeing. They learn from hearing and from overhearing. They learn from us, from each other, from other adults in the community and by themselves.

Children share the values of their parents about the most important things in life. Our priorities and principles and our examples of good behavior can teach our children to take the high road when other roads look tempting.

Remember that children do not learn the values that make up strong character simply by being told about them. They learn by seeing the people around them act on and uphold those values in their daily lives. In our daily lives, we can show our children that we respect others. We can show them our compassion and concern when others are suffering, and our own self-discipline, courage and honesty as we make difficult decisions. How we conduct our everyday activities can show our children that we always try to do our best to serve our families, communities and country.

The way that we view money and material goods also can mold our children's character. If we see our self-worth and the worth of others in terms of cars, homes, furniture, nice clothes and other possessions, our children are likely to develop these attitudes as well. Of course, it is important to meet our children's needs, but it is also important to help them understand the difference between their needs and their wants. The expensive jacket that your child has to have may be OK—if you can afford it.

Finally, we need to be consistent in upholding the values we want our children to respect and not present them with conflicting values. We may tell our children that cheating is wrong, for example, yet brag to a neighbor about avoiding paying taxes. We may say that rudeness to others is unacceptable, yet laugh when we see that behavior on a favorite TV show.

—Daddy, why are you leaving that note on the garbage can?
—There's broken glass inside, Matthew, and I don't want the garbage collectors to get hurt. I'm warning them about the glass.
—Are they your friends?
—No. I don't know them, but I still don't want them to get hurt.

*Set High Standards and Clear Expectations*

Some parents set low standards for their children, or do not hold their children to the standards they set. Parents may do this because they think that expecting too much of a child will harm his self-confidence. However, research shows that the opposite is true. A child builds self-confidence by trying (with guidance) to meet high standards, even when he has to struggle to do so.
Parents do not always make their standards for behavior clear to their children. It is not enough to mention your expectations once or twice. Remember that children grow and change so fast that they can easily misunderstand or forget what you have told them. Their understanding of the world is developing almost constantly and their "new" minds need to be reminded of your expectations. Because of this, you need to repeat your guidelines often and to do so in a way that makes sense as your child changes and develops.

—Dad, nobody's going to see inside the model's wing. Why do you work so hard with all those little pieces?
—Because that's the right way to build the plane, Martha. It makes the wing strong when the plane flies, and that's more important than what people see. I want to make the best plane I can.

Do you want to help?

Words of caution: Your expectations must be appropriate for your child's age and stages of mental, emotional, social and physical development. For example, it's not appropriate to tell an infant not to cry and expect him to obey. Likewise, it's not appropriate to expect a 3-year-old to sit still for hours or for a 13-year-old not to worry about how she looks. Pay attention to what your child can do, start there and help her learn skills to move forward. Be gentle but firm in your expectations.

*Coach *

Remember how you learned to drive or cook? You practiced while someone coached you, reminding you what to do until you were able to coach yourself and then, eventually, do it automatically.

Children learn values much the same way. They practice different kinds of behavior, while, you, as coach, help focus their attention on what is important and on fine-tuning important skills. You support them with your praise, encouragement and gentle reminders.

If you don't coach your child, she will find her coaches elsewhere and be guided by the values of the media, her peers and anyone else who captures her interest.

So, step up to the plate, don't be afraid and help your child learn how to be a good person, step by step.

—Paul, have you written a thank-you note to your aunt and uncle for the birthday present they sent?
—No, but I told them that I liked it when they gave it to me.
—Well, that's a start, but they were nice enough to take the time to buy you a gift, so you need to show them that you appreciate it. Here, you sit with me and write your note to them while I write one to Ms. Miller—remember how she stayed to help me clean up after your birthday party?

*Use Literature*

Literature can be a very powerful teaching tool. In fact, people in stories, poems and plays can influence children almost as much as the real people who read with them. Therefore, reading to and with children, encouraging older children to read on their own and talking with children about the books they read are important ways to help children learn about and develop the values of strong character and good citizenship.

*Asking Questions to Guide Discussions*

Use questions such as the following to help your child think about the values of stories:

MotivationHow did the people in the story act?
Did they have good or bad motives?Who were the heroes?
Why were they heroes?
Were there villains?
Why were they villains?
JudgmentDid the people make good decisions?
Why or why not?

Action

How did the people carry out their decisions?
What kinds of steps did they take? Were there obstacles?
How did they respond to the obstacles?

*Sensitivity*

Did the people think about the welfare of others?Did the story have a good or bad ending? For whom was it good? For whom was it bad?How could the story have turned out better for everyone?
Choosing Books
Choosing which books to use for character development can take some time and effort. Many good selections are available, including fiction and nonfiction books and books of poems, folk tales, fables and plays.

There are excellent modern stories, as well as timeless classics. There is also a growing number of books that allow children to explore values across various cultures and countries. For lists of books to read to and with your child, see Books That Can Support Character Development on pages of this booklet. For more titles or additional help in choosing books, talk with your local or school librarian.

Words of caution: Although the moral theme of a story, nonfiction book, play or poem may be very clear to us, it is not always so to children. Always talk with your child about what she is reading to see how well she understands its theme or message. Be patient and listen carefully to your child's ideas. If her ideas are too far off the mark, talk with her about how she arrived at them—perhaps she misunderstood a word or is missing some important piece of information. Reread parts of the story with her and talk about the message.

For more information about reading aloud with your children, see Helping Your Child Become a Reader.
—What did you think about the ant letting the grasshopper come stay with him over the winter?
—Well, it was nice of him. He was kind, and it was good that he wanted to help the grasshopper.
—But what about the grasshopper? Shouldn't he have prepared for the winter, as the ant did?
—Sure, but sometimes we don't do things that we should. I'll bet he learned a lesson, though. I'll bet he gets ready for next winter.

We should always try to find happiness within our hearts being a child who needs to play ignoring worries for a while

Angel of Play

We all need to take time out from our busy schedules now and again so we can have some "Play time". Most of us are taught that in order to get anywhere in life, we must work hard and struggle without regard to our other needs, including the need for play. Yet, this constant striving is precisely what keeps us from ever arriving, at least not to a destination we really want to arrive at. It’s when we have taken some time out, allowed ourselves to have some fun now and again, to be as the child we once were, that miracles and magic become possible. This is what this Angel has come to remind you.

It is said that only when one is as a little child, can one enter the kingdom of Heaven. Think of what being a child and playing means to you. Think of the innocence and sense of wonder and awe at the world that many children feel. Too often as adults we tend to see the world as being rather old and weary, the same old things, the same old routines and the same old experiences day after day. Eventually we stop expecting that anything new and wonderful may happen in our lives. Good things happen to "other people", not us. Fun is something we may have when we retire and have the time to do something we would really enjoy. We don't stop to think that all our striving is really setting us up for an old age that is neither filled with health or joyful. Do you know someone who is in their "golden years" and totally enjoying every moment of life to the fullest? Chances are, this person spent a fair amount of time allowing themselves time for play and joy along with fulfilling their daily responsibilities when they were younger. Life can become very sour and bitter when we do not allow ourselves this time, for play helps to rejuvenate us and keep us young! The Angel of Play is always trying to get us to take a break from our chores and duties when the time is appropriate for she knows that if we do, we shall return to duties feeling refreshed and much more relaxed. This in turn will allow us to accomplish far more than pushing ourselves too far over our natural physical limits!One afternoon while out driving I was noticing how one motorist was being very aggressive and taking risks trying to get a car length or two ahead of everyone else. Obviously this person was in a terrible hurry and it flashed through my mind that eventually, she would be in an accident that would insure she wasn't going to get anywhere quickly for the rest of that day, at least! Then I felt this Angel tap me on the shoulder and heard her whisper "Each of you does this same thing when you are trying to accomplish one more thing in your day instead of taking some time to come play with me. I could help you get so much further faster if you would just take some time to play!" Taking an hour here or there to play may help to keep your immune system boosted which means you won't get the cold/flu/plague that everyone else is coming down with. Taking time to play and relax may help you avoid a heart attack or stroke in your later years. It may even help you avoid cancer. Play time means we let go of all the things that we think we "should" be doing and do something instead that we find fun and enjoyable.

Adults can really learn from this Angel and her companions, Children, about what it means to really have fun! Play doesn't have to cost you a dime. You can sit in the park and feed the swans or Ducks as I always loved doing as a child and which I considered to be great play because I also made up names for each bird and gave them different "jobs". One might be Mr. Trimbly and he works in an accounting office and lives with his mother. Another was Mrs. Farraday who had five children and a husband who sailed the high seas. I still do this from time to time, and for me this is great play time and also a wonderful work out for the imagination. Which stimulates creativity? Which stimulates good ideas that can be turned into something useful for myself and others? Which can then be used to help me and others prosper and grow. All from taking a little bit of time to go sit in the park and play with the birds! Maybe fun for you is getting out some paints and brushes and seeing what your strokes upon the paper create. Are you a budding artist that just needs some time to develop your skills and talents? Flying a kite with your children is a wonderful way to spend real time with them and helps to strengthen the bond of love between you. This will pay off as they move into their teenage years, trust me! It will also help to support and heal your own Inner Child as well as your Inner Adolescent. The Inner Child tends to act out when we don't take the time to have fun and play, it gets terribly weary of being expected to just sit inside of you while you work all the time! For those of you who experienced a very difficult childhood, there is no greater healer than taking your own Inner Child out for a play date and I do speak from personal experience. We all tend to want to "work" through things. This Angel suggests we try a different approach - how can we "PLAY" through things, instead? Certainly playing is much more fun! Notice too how quickly children grow and mature and then suddenly they become adults. All of a sudden what came so naturally, the ability to easily grow and thrive, comes to a halt. This Angel says it’s because we have stopped playing! Play as children is what allowed us to grow so easily, play is what allowed us to reach into adulthood to begin with! How sad that we have forgotten the importance of playing! Yet we can have that joy return to our lives, anytime that we are willing to be as a child once again.

If there is something you have been wanting to manifest/create in your life and it just does not seem to be happening no matter what you do, try taking some time out to play. Make a firm commitment that you are going to spend some time in play each week. You are going to let go of all the things you think you should do or need to do or have to do. For that time you are only going to focus on having fun, that's it! Playing, having fun, feeling the joy, opens your heart chakra and expands your aura. An open heart and a nice big, fluffy aura is certain to attract the very things you have been seeking and yet seemed so elusive. You will feel younger, look younger and act younger. Your health will improve, your relationships with others, including yourself, will improve. Your creativity, intuition and productivity will skyrocket! You will be better able to attract many good things to yourself with far less effort, worry and stress. You may even find some long forgotten talents or dreams or ideas that you can put to good use now that will open up a whole new way of life for you. And all because you decided to listen to this lovely Angel and spend some time in play!

SPECIAL CHILDREN are really special,accept & love them unconditionally

WHAT IS AUTISM?

Autism is a life-long brain disorder that is normally diagnosed in early childhood.
People with autism have difficulties communicating, forming relationships with others and find it hard to make sense of the world around them.
Autism is a spectrum disorder varying in symptoms, severity and impact from person to person and ranging from those with no speech and limited cognitive ability to those of high IQ and typically highly-focused interests and abilities. Repetitive behaviours are common across the spectrum, which includes Asperger Syndrome. This is a form of autism in which speech development and IQ are normal, but in which social disability can be compounded by depression or other mental health problems.
Some people with autism demonstrate significantly challenging behaviours; most need specialist support and care.
A distinction is made in assessing the needs of people with autism between those who have an IQ of less than 70, who are described as low functioning and classified as learning disabled, and those who have an IQ above 70 who are often described as high functioning.
Boys are four times more likely to be diagnosed with autism than girls.
In total more than half a million people in the UK have an autism spectrum disorder.
Autism affects people of all racial, ethnic and socio-economic backgrounds.
There are estimated to be around 540,000 people with an autistic spectrum disorder in the UK.

Autism in Infants & Toddlers: What Should you Look for?
Today, it’s really not possible to diagnose an infant younger than 18 months with autism. If you are concerned, however, you can always monitor and track your child’s growth and development milestones.
There are some very useful checklists as well as growth and development tables available at http://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/autism/ActEarly/ccp/downloadmaterials.html for children of all ages. These milestones do not apply to just autism.
You should look to see if your infant is not meeting any of these normal milestones. It is important to remember, however, that all children and infants develop at a different pace. Just because your infant does not reach a certain milestone on the normal cycle does not mean your child has autism or any other condition, it just might mean you should consult your physician.

Autism Symptoms and Signs
People with Autism Spectrum Disorders may have problems with social, emotional, and communication skills. They might repeat certain behaviors and might not want change in their daily activities.
Many people with Autism Spectrum Disorders also have different ways of learning, paying attention, or reacting to things. Autism Spectrum Disorders begin during early childhood and last throughout a person’s life.

Autism Symtoms & Characteristics: Social Skills
A child with autism often has great difficulty with social interaction. Parents may be the first to notice that their child seems indifferent to interacting with them. For many children with autism, the social world seems confusing and unpredictable.
Children with autism don’t just experience difficulties in social situations, but struggles in everyday life. Most children with autism don’t understand normal social cues. Facial expressions and tone of voice are problematic to interpret and display. And while not universal, regulating their emotions can often be challenging. They may show signs of distress for no apparent reason. Crying, verbal outbursts, and physical harm to themselves and others are probable.

Diagnosing Autism: How a Diagnosis of Autism is Determined
Autism has a wide variety of symptoms that can range from mild to severe. Autism or Autistic Spectrum Disorder (ASD) can be misdiagnosed. Classic autism has a core of symptoms that include:
-Impaired ability to engage socially-Impaired ability to initiate or maintain a conversation-Inability to play appropriately or use imagination-Stereotyped, unusual, repetitive use of language or behavior (flapping, spinning)-Abnormal or intense focus on certain subjects or objects-Inflexible adherence to certain routines and rituals.

Autism Symptoms - Communications
For children with autism, communicating with others can be quite a challenge. Verbal and nonverbalmmunication skills can be impaired, making everyday interaction a difficult task for the child, his peers, and family. Facial expressions, tone of voice, gestures, and eye contact can all be affected by autism.
Autism can present itself early on in a child’s life. Around 18 months, parents may notice that their child doesn’t make eye contact, or enjoy interactive social games (peek-a-boo, pat-a-cake). A young child with autism may not babble or point to objects, which are milestones that most children reach by their first birthday. The child may not smile or try to imitate sounds, leading to a delay in his speech development.

Autism Behavior Checklist
There are several behavioral signs of autism that parents may observe while spending time with their child. It is important to remember that each child is different; therefore, may exhibit one, some or all of the behaviors described.
Behaviors can be self-stimulating (i.e. flapping, spinning, etc.) or simply part of a daily routine (i.e. getting dressed must occur in the same sequence every day). The child may engage in these behaviors because he finds them intriguing or simply because that is the only way he knows to react to a situation.