Do you believe in KARMA?

What Is Karma?

Karma is a Sanskrit word that means "action." Karma has commonly been considered a punishment for past bad actions, but karma is neither judge nor jury. Rather, it is simply the universal law of cause and effect that says every thought, word and act carries energy into the world and affects our present reality. Karma can also refer to the "work" we have ahead of us, which includes lessons from both our past and present lives.

Why Is Karma Important?Part of our life's work is to understand our individual relationship to the cosmos … to understand how the universe affects us. Based on the principle that individual behavior mirrors universal patterns, the tiniest act -- a thought, for example -- can have enormous impact. The energies our thoughts and actions produce can cover the entire planet, or even beyond, in the blink of an eye. An examination of karma offers clues about our intended life purpose, showing us the psychic imprint of past lives and mapping the way out of behaviors and thoughts that are no longer useful to us.

Karmic Insight

Explore your unique karmic energy!

Learn about the karma surrounding an on-going situation or an event from your recent past with these exclusive Karma Tarot spreads: Karmic Lesson and Karmic Situation!

When Will I See the Benefits?Unfortunately, not all good actions have immediate rewards. You might see the positive results of positive actions tomorrow, you might see them in your next lifetime or you might not see them at all. You might be thinking, "If I'm not going to benefit, what's the point?" There is one. Every positive action you take has a positive effect, whether you see it or not. You just need to trust in the universe.

If Bad Things Happen to Me, Does It Mean I Have Bad Karma?Not necessarily. Sometimes bad things happen, but they have positive effects later. Let's say you're super ambitious, always on the go and wildly successful.

Then you get into an accident and are hospitalized for several months. It may seem like you ended up in the hospital because you were being punished for past bad deeds. What if that accident taught you to value your life, and slow down enough to actually enjoy it, instead of being so focused on the end goal?

In that way, the accident would actually be a blessing, rather than a curse. Likewise, winning the lottery may seem like a reward, but what if you forgot about the value of intangible things, and focused only on acquiring material things? In that case, something good brought with it negative energy.

Can You Change Karma?Your soul is on a journey. Karmic situations in which you find yourself today are both your soul's mirror and travel guide. Karma can show you where you've been and where you might go to learn the lessons you've chosen for this lifetime.

Through understanding your unique destiny, you can adjust your actions to either change an ongoing situation, or gain new perspective on a past situation so you can avoid making the same mistake twice.

By understanding karma, you can unlock the patterns from past lives and show you how to use the laws of karma to consciously choose a better path for this life and the next.

"About Faith & Objectivity"

Faith and objectivity will always be at odds. This is because a thing must be verifiable with evidence in and of itself to be objective, at the very least, and while faith can be verified with evidence, it is not in and of itself verifiable by said evidence. That is to say, faith can be backed by evidence, but faith itself implies a gap of evidence that eventually leads to the conclusion one then is able to believe in. Faith is the glue holding something used as evidence to the belief at the end of the connected dots. Faith not only implies belief, but belief as truth, in the face of things that contradict it and show otherwise with equal or more validity. This differs from a belief based on the highest available validity that is subject to learn and admit fault (most importantly admitting fault outside the boundaries of any faith), which is required of objectivity.

While faith can be defined any number of ways, let us not restrict ourselves to any one definition of it, but on the other hand let us not be so semantically open that we allow it to define all of belief, for there is a reason that it differs from other belief based words such as hope. Faith can be based on evidence, it can be based on no evidence at all, and faith can be rational or irrational, faith can be hopeful but not hope itself in that hope does not imply belief, only a wish. One has faith that their evidence, be it the bible, or the Qur'an, or the Talmud, or perhaps the Samhita, is the truth over all the others, this implies that in face of the same basic amount of evidence given by each of the other religions, the person of faith has chosen one absolutely over the others and declares it as truth, absolute truth nonetheless. One has faith that their god died and rose from the dead because a book tells them so. One has faith in 72 virgins awaiting them after death. These are the gaps in evidence that faith accounts for.

Faith is textbook subjectivity. Not only is it an explanative statement for the unknown, be it connecting dots of evidence or not, it is not repeatable or verifiable by any other means than the self through choice. Faith is rooted in the thoughts and interpretations of the self, be they rational and well formed out, even perhaps correct, it matters not for they are by definition interpreted by the self. Ask any person about religion, they will tell you of many gods, each of them, all of them perhaps good well-intentioned people. Ask any Christian about god and they will tell you of many gods, each of them, all of them perhaps good well-intentioned people. There are always idiosyncrasies in belief, most Christians even of particular denominations will pick and choose what they believe in. Now to the opposite side of the spectrum, faith from the fundamentalist, who go by the word presented them, and who lets face it are the more honest of believers and more honest and rational in their faith, because they follow to the letter the evidence they claim to be true. The problem is, be it true or not, still they choose to believe and choose to have faith over any other answer of equal or more validity, and as such they still require faith to declare it as true. The questioning has stopped, belief has set in, and other explanations are nil. Objectivity does not deny critique, nor does it deny complete disproof.

I personally have no need for faith, I use to see it as irrational and had stayed away from it based on such, but after several blogs on the subject I have come to see the many sides of it and am not so nauseated by the thought of it any more. I can see it’s healthy side, faith in oneself, faith in recovering, in persevering, these can be inspirational, beyond just a sense of hope on the matter. All to often though what I see is it’s harmful side, people declaring themselves right and others damned because of ‘x’ difference; such division really. I think it healthy to just keep moving forward and gathering, sharing, welcoming critique. I just want to keep looking for answers, instead of choosing to believe one.

RESPECT

Throughout my entire life I have overlooked and forgiven disrespect for various reasons and have allowed myself to be treated VERY badly... especially by those closest to me. Instead of allowing natural reactions (beating the the piss out of 'em, or doing whatever to make myself feel better) I have bottled my emotions, reminded myself to act like a girl (to the best of my ability) and chose the 'higher road' so to speak... (not to mention the years spent crying myself to sleep; wondering, identifying and taking responsibility for the whys...)I suppose the psychoanalysis of the self inflicted mark would deduce an outlet or expression of repressed emotions (burning hate, rage and sadness) in dealing with such betrayal and disappointment... OK, so you could say..

I'm overly sensitive: I would agree....anyway...The tattoo is to remind me what is most important so that I may respect myself and my values enough to avoid lowering my standards: So that I (remember to) never again volunteer for a position to be taken advantage of or let down: To be even MORE cautious concerning who is in my vicinity and what they are capable of. If that means I will fly solo for eternity, oh fucking well... so be it.

Liars, cheaters, thieves, bullies, manipulators, perverts, slackers, users and abusers can all go to hell without me because I am tired of giving my heart, soul, fortune, hope and good will to such charities. Fuck all y'all who will step on others to get ahead. Fuck all of you parasites and emotional vampires who will suck others dry then move on. Fuck all of you who want or want to be me. I refuse to be your source. I have given enough. I finally recognize the difference between a fountain and a drain.

"Power Of Words"

Science is not belief, but the will to find out, it is organized common sense where some beautiful theories were killed by ugly facts - just as houses are made of stones, so is science made of facts - and WE see only what we know!

COMPROMISE: Let's agree to respect each others view, no matter how wrong yours may be ;P - seriously, just sharing my "confusion" about some "modern world issues" ;)

The power of words

I read this article today and it reminded me of a blog I've read last week... no name, but the entire blog was an "insult" from page 1 - page 7 or so, from the topic up to the comments...And I thought this article is a great reminder... sometimes I have to remind myself ;)Words can inform our mind, caress and comfort our feelings, excite and thrill our spirit, or warm and kindle the flame of our hearts. They can also slap our face, punch us in the stomach, rattle our nerves, kill our desire, or destroy our self-confidence.

Of course this is metaphorical, but these metaphors capture in words our physical reactions to what is said, and that is the power of language. It can emotionally move and affect us as powerfully as physical actions. In an average day we may use as many as 40,000 words, the equivalent of four to six hours of continuous speechWe use these words with much ease and usually little self-conscious thought.

We simply open our mouths, and out they come. With our words we express our beliefs, and ourselves while at the same time imparting some affect on those we are speaking to, and they, vice-versa to us. It is this very influence that our words have that truly gives them their power. We all, at times overlook the far-reaching strength of our words, but this ignorance makes us no less susceptible to their power.We have many superstitions about how we use our words. We are afraid to talk about events of which the outcome is still pending, for fear that our words will negatively affect what will happen.

The power of language starts to influence us in early childhood. We learn to associate certain words with the opinions expressed around those words. These associations are likely to stick in our minds even when we reach adulthood. In this way words gain some of their power through our unconscious. We are conditioned by the words we use and hear frequently, and they become second nature to us. This causes a problem when a word loses its literal meaning and becomes distorted in or own minds by the emotional connotations that surround it. "If words are not trustworthy in the privacy of our heads, they are even less so when they are converted to speech or writing.

We then become less able to relay what we really want to say because the words carry meanings that only we know the emotional connotations of. This is not only a problem when we are talking to someone else, but also when he or she is speaking to us. They may have their own emotional links to certain words; this then can cause our interpretation of what is being said to be different from what is actually meant.In human relationships, words can be especially powerful and sometimes dangerous.

We tend to use labels to define people and situation. In the worst cast, labels can reduce an issue to its simplest form, causing its importance or uniqueness to be lost. When labels are aimed at people, they can have the effect of dehumanizing a person by shrinking their entire being down to a single word. This is apparent in racism, sexism, and narrow-mindedness. The power of our words is twisted to override reason. Toni Morrison phrased it this way, "Oppressive language does more than represent violence; it is violence; it does more than represents the limits of knowledge; it limits knowledge . . ." We have all heard the saying, "Sticks and stones will break my bones, but names will never hurt me!"

Children learn to say this usually after being the object of name-calling. But this saying couldn't be further from the truth. Our bones usually did make it through just fine, but something had been hurt. This is yet another aspect of the power that words carry. They can hurt us, and usually with a more deep and lasting effect than a physical injury could cause.Ultimately, we all hold the power of words within ourselves.

Whatever powers we give them, and however they may influence us, they are things of our own creation. With this knowledge we are charged with a great responsibility. Words reflect and give wings to everything that is inside of us, and for good or for bad, they can express what we truly are as nothing else can.How much are words able to hurt you? (written or spoken). And in what kind of situations?

"Are You Living With A Purpose Or You Need A Purpose To Live?"

How High Can We Get

Did you ever contemplate taking your life? What leads a person to commit suicide? Why do some people fall into a deep state of depression? Doctors and psychiatrists can only speculate the reasons to these questions from examining thousands of case studies. But how can a doctor or any person really know what goes on in someone's mind? Our minds aren't equal.

Doctors can diagnose cancer, and through scientific studies and research, provide a treatment to put it into remission. But our minds can't be examined in the same fashion as a disease. Our thoughts, with their underlying fears and motivators, are intricate and unique; therefore, not measurable.

If ten people were asked to describe the color red in an apple, I'm betting that each person's description would be a bit different. Perception is key, isn't it? But here's what got me thinking. What makes a person self destruct? Where does their wiring go wrong? Can we legitimately blame our parents for the way we feel?

I'm going to go out on a limb and say, no. I believe that we are subject to their habits and personalities, and as a result, can learn their behaviors, but there's more to it. The mechanics of what makes a person tick is multi-faceted; and why people fall into depression has a lot to do with feeling unfulfilled.

We've all heard the stories about Jim Morrison, Janice Joplin, Jimmy Hendrix, and so many other famous artists and actors, who've overdosed on drugs at a very early age. Some of these people deliberately took their lives while others died accidentally.

Their successes, and the rush that accompanies it, was achieved so early in life that they felt the need to experience something that would take them higher. What does a person do to achieve this rush after they've exhausted all other possibilities? What do you do after you've had it all and done it all? How high can we go?


People, like you and me, try our best to make our lives better, yet millions of us suffer from deep depression. Some are battling an addiction, while others are feeling so useless that they want to die. They wake up, take a good look around, and ask the frightening question that has plaqued the greatest of minds since the beginning of humanity. They ask, is this all there is?

Now, I understand that everyone doesn't have these thoughts. We're not alike. But through reading and observing, it appears that deep thinkers and artists suffer more than the everyday person. Like these great minds, I too, have asked myself if this was all there was. Now, I'm not just saying the phrase "is this all there is" as a generic statement. I'm serious. For me, the feeling of being useless, and questioning my existence, pushed me into asking this very question.

I was unhappy with my life and felt that I didn't have anything to look forward to. I didn't have an interest in things. I was bored with the club scene. I was bored with hearing the talkers talk. I was bored with the game. When I examined what was left, I asked the question that I was afraid to get the answer to.

I felt that there had to be more than merely existing. There had to be more than acting robotically. There had to be more than what I was doing--getting up, going to work, acting out the part and not receiving the applauds.

It was during this period of my life when I relapsed into a disorder known as agoraphobia. All the questions that plagued me for years, the very same questions that I asked but was afraid to get the answers to, were surfacing to my conscience.

These questions made me think--they made me pick apart my life and curse my existence. I didn't want to face these questions because facing them meant facing the answers that went along with them.

Finally, out of desperation to rid myself of the disorder, I turned to the one thing that I didn't believe in, and that was God. I begged Him to show me my purpose. I begged Him to tell me if there was more to life than what I was experiencing? I had to know if there was more. And I found out that there is more. We can go higher if we look past the material things.


Follow me on this. Buying cars and boats, and jewels and vacations, only gives a temporary high. After they're gone, how do you get another rush? Most people keep buying. They buy bigger cars and boats, bigger houses and more jewels. If you have money, you keep buying. Finally, when you have obtained it all, what's next? Drugs? Gambling?

Listen. We can only go so high. The money can only give us so much gratification. When you've done it all, you have to find something else to give you that high, and drugs isn't the answer. But reaching out to others, is. When you have it all, it's time to start giving back. Helping people, in any capacity, is the way. It's the only way.

I was only a young girl when Peggy Lee shot to fame with her song, Is That All There Is, and now I understand why the song went big. Ask yourself . . . is this all there is?

"If There Are Problems Because There Are Solutions"

Dealing with life's ups and downs

Life is full of ups and downs. What is life? To me, I think life is a journey. A journey to where we want to go. A journey to your dreams and goals. The path leading to our destination is not a smooth ones. Depending on where we want to go, some paths are smoother while some are harder to climb as it might be steeper and rockier than the other paths. Whether the paths are easy to 'walk' also depend on your brain power, this means that whether you have the determination and also depend on your stamina and strength. You might be wondering what I mean. I am just quoting an analogy of what our life is like. The paths refer to our daily lives and the stones or rocks refer to the obstacles that we face while we are dealing with our daily lives.

Whether you are a kid or you are a teenager or you are in your fifties, we all are faced with happiness and unhappiness in our lives. It is just normal. Some people can cope with the ups and downs of life while some cannot. For those people who cannot cope with it, they end their lives or resort to consumption of alcohol, drug abuse, and still others when cannot cope with the stress of life develop mental illness.

• So how do we deal with life's ups and downs? I think, it all come from education and your own mindset. In the school time, we are not taught of what is life, how to deal with difficulties, how to cope with stress and so forth. We are only taught on academic subjects. Excel academically is what was stressed on previously.

In school, children are loaded with piles of work to do. At home, they have to do extra work as in having tuition or attending special classes so as not to 'lose out' to their peers (as some parents would think). For working people, they are faced with pressures from work and having to cope with work and family and also parenting duties. Because of all these, a lot of people are gradually developing mental illness of some kind or another. If from young, we are taught in school about dealing with all these problems then people can at least learn from these skills. Otherwise, a lot of people now how to resort to reading and learning from themselves, seeking self-improvement books.

Depending on education alone is not enough. Learning is one thing and practicing it and doing it is another thing. A lot of things have to depend on your own. If you do not want to 'help' yourself, nobody else can help you. You can read lots of books, attend a lot of seminars, but if you don't practice what you have learnt, it would be useless. What I mean is even if you have knowledge of what to do when face with problems, you have to practice what you have learnt. You have to be brave, you have to have a clear mind. Though is easy to say but difficult to do, but it is not impossible if you have a determine mindset to do anything you are determine to do. The main thing is to persevere.

With the correct mindset, and will-power, we should persevere til the end of our life's destination, despite the rocks and stones which stand in our way. Sometimes we might get a tripped and fall down. It is painful and you might have bruises, but be brave, stand up and clean yourself up again, rest for a while if you want. There is no hurry. When you fall down, think of why you fall down. How you are going to learn from your mistake. When you are ready, you are able to bring yourself to a greater distance. This time, you have to be prepared to walk a longer distance to compensate for what you have lost or missed.

Walking alone is very lonely. Sometimes you can walk in groups or in twos. Try to associate with positive people. When you are with positive people with a positive mind, you will soon inherit their thinking also, and you too will be happier. If you are always with negative people and always harbour negative thoughts, then life would be very miserable for you and to deal with life's up and downs would even be harder for you.

It seems like I have been narrating about all the life's down moments. Life got its 'ups'. What do we do with it? People seldom remember what you do good in but always remember what you are the bad things you do. We should change our mindset. Try to see the 'good' in every people rather than the 'flaws' in people. When we are in the happy moments of our lives, treasure it, try to 'prolong' it, and when we are in the 'down' moments, that is in our sad times, we can think back of our good time, and that will give you a 'power' and strength to 'pull' you up from your fall.

To see a clearer picture, these are my views on dealing with life's ups and downs:

Dealing with Ups of life

1. Treasure it
2. Have a good friend
3. store all the good memories in your special brain (so that you can always retrieve out in times of sadness. This will help boost your energy to move on from your fall, if any.)
4. Spread and share your happiness with people around you.

Dealing with Downs of life

1. be brave
2. let it out (have a diary or friend where you can pour your sorrows, seek help from. This well help you to feel better. Talk about it. Cry if you must. You will feel better.
3. Surround with Positive people
4. Do not have negative thoughts. Always think positive.
5. Improve your knowledge. Read more books on areas you want to improve yourself.
6. Think of where you go wrong and how to be better in future
7. What you should possess: Be determined, have a strong will-power and persevere to achieve your dreams.
8. learn from your mistakes when you fall; and try not to make the same mistakes again.

It's not easy to practice the above though it is easier said. However, I believe that with determination and patience, impossible would become I M POSSISIBLE.

"SELF-RESPECT"

Stop Being A Doormat

What ever happened to the words of Jesus, "It is more blessed to give than to receive"? (Acts 20:35) The idea of sacrifice and giving ourselves in service to others is viewed by many today as one of those ridiculous little outdated standards that we have done well to abandon.

Not long ago I watched some folks being interviewed on one of those daytime talk shows had the "guts" (according to the host) to stand up for themselves in life. They were then contrasted with "those 'wimps' that enjoyed being taken advantage of by serving people." One lady boasted of having over fifty jobs in the past several years because she refused to lower herself to serve her boss.

The audience applauded.

Since the '60's, millions of children have been raised with no idea of how to "sacrifice" for other people. Our society has glorified the "do what you want" ideology to such an extreme that most don't understand the concept of servanthood, much less practice it.

Most enter jobs, marriages, friendships, decisions, whatever, with a "what's in it for me" mentality. All they are interested in is, "Gimme this. Gimme that. Gimme what I want". We have developed a whole generation of "Gimme" Monsters. The "Me──Me──Me" Gimme Monster lifestyle is ultimately destructive. People who are like this can hardly get along with themselves, much less with another human being.

It is true that there are individuals who let others step on them because they are just weak people. These individuals are incapable of defending themselves. But this is not what it means to be a servant. God does not want us to think we are worthless beings that should be run over. We are creations of God and as such possess dignity and certain "inalienable rights."

But knowing who we are is not to be a foundation for living selfishly and for ourselves; understanding ourselves and our rights prepares us with the necessary strength to really serve others. Actually, the Bible teaches us that being a servant is not for weak people. It can only be expressed by individuals who have a strong sense of personal worth and freedom. Scripture says, "For you were called to freedom, only do not turn your freedom into an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another." (Galatians 5:13) Selfish people can’t serve others. They care only about themselves. They don't care about the thoughts and feelings of other people.

You may think, "EEEK, if I do this, people will take complete advantage of me!” Truth is, it will often look like that when you give yourself selflessly in relationships. However, keep in mind the God-factor. God promises to get involved and protect us when we reach out and continue giving to people who try to take advantage of us. Pr. 25:21-22, "If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat; and if he is thirsty, give him water to drink; for you will heap burning coals on his head, and the Lord will reward you."

Romans 8 suggests that when you walk the life of a servant, you will look like a lamb led to the slaughter. "Just as it is written, 'For thy sake we are being put to death all day long; we were considered as sheep to be slaughtered.'" (Romans 8:36) But that is not the end of the story. Verse 37 says, "But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us."

Again, God is not calling us to be doormats who allow people to walk all over us. We are NEVER to allow folks to abuse us emotionally or physically—you need to run from situations like that (emotionally, if not physically—remember David in the Old Testament who ran from abusive King Saul?). The idea of selflessness can only be born out of strength, not a sense of worthlessness or low self-esteem. Grow and get strong so you can serve well and change the world!

"Love Is Moving By Heart Not By Mind"

Be In Love With Life

What is love? Love is that special person that is always on your mind. Love is when you are willing to sacrifice your own happiness for hers. Love is when her smile is all you need in this world. You want her to know how beautiful life is when she's around.

You want to share every breath with her and you want to spend every second of your life with her. She brings out the best in you. She makes you a better person. You want to be with her and even though you know she is the best it's going to get for you, you still want to be certain that you're the best it's going to get for her.

You want to deserve her but you feel you don't, so instead you help her fix her love life with someone else because you want to be the one who leads her to true happiness. When you look into her eyes time stops and your heart starts to race but you keep calm and quiet, You keep these feelings locked up in fear that you might fuck up that beautiful friendship.

You lean in towards her and instead of whispering "i love you" into her ear, you whisper "I will always be here for you". even though you want her to know how you really feel. You can feel her energy all around you. You feel intoxicated, you feel dizzy, and yet you've never felt better. She is innocence, she is beauty, she is simply...divine.

Obsol-essence: Finding Your True Value

Yes, I know the word is spelled wrong. (It’s obsolescence.) And we all know what it means when something becomes “obsolete.” It loses its value. It has been replaced by something which serves the purpose but is far superior to that which we already have.

My desktop computer, for example, is becoming obsolete very quickly. My car began the process of becoming obsolete the minute I drove it off the car lot. Many television sets across the world are becoming obsolete—now at a later date than had been planned.

Sadly, sometimes other things in our lives lose their value and become obsolete – less valuable. It may be a job or career that you’ve struggled with for years until the point of burn-out. You no longer feel the passion you once did. Or you realize that that job will not take you to the career pinnacle you want to reach. It may be a relationship with a friend, whose path has taken him or her on a very different journey, so there’s little in common anymore. It may be a family relationship that once fueled you, but now leaves you exhausted and sad.

Or it could be an attitude or way of thinking. Or it could be a “dream.”

I started thinking about the value of life this week when one of my co-workers was struck by a car while crossing a busy street on our campus. He suffered serious head and internal injuries, and numerous broken bones. Even now, we don’t know what his outcome will be, but we’re praying for a miracle. He was doing his job--delivering mail-- when he stepped off a curb and his life changed in an instant.

For many years, I had this picture in my head of what my life was supposed to be. You know the one: A successful handsome husband. Kids, above average in looks and intelligence. A successful career as a writer, with numerous awards to my credit. Beautiful home in the suburbs. Country club. World travel.

Somewhere along the way, life threw a curve ball—no, make that a dodge ball . . . and I didn’t dodge it. It knocked me silly, and blew me right off that preconceived path I had chosen for myself. I did achieve some of the things I’d dreamed of (you HAVE seen the pictures of my kids, haven’t you?) Some I enjoyed for a brief moment in time. Other things I never quite achieved.

And interestingly, the more I struggled to create the life I thought I valued, the less I began to value “that”, and the more obsolete that Life Picture became to me. What I had valued was what I thought other people would think of me . . . not what I thought of me. I tried to create a life that I thought others would approve of. One that didn’t ruffle societal norms. One that presented an image that others would value.

But it wasn’t exactly what I needed. The life I have now is not obsolete in any way. It’s very different from what I once thought my life should be like, but it is a life and lifestyle I value. And because I value it, it isn’t obsolete. So what if it wouldn’t work for everyone else . . . it works for ME!

So many of us struggle to fit in. To be perceived a certain way. We think we want what we want because it would be good for us. Or because it would be easier for us to go with the flow, even if we’re flowing in the wrong direction.

For many years, I would pray to God each night: “Lord, please let me wake up happy tomorrow morning.” To the outside world, I seemed to have it all. But on the inside, I was confused, frightened, exhausted, and felt trapped inside the shell of a person I hardly even knew. I couldn’t see the real value of myself anymore. It was completely lost to me for a very long time.

In my delusional efforts to try to re-engineer my life, and re-direct my life, I made some really bone-headed mistakes. And some of them cost me dearly. There’s only so much you can control—and it is far less than you think it is. Finally I said, “I give up. I don’t know what to do. Just take me where I’m supposed to go.”

And then I began to spend more time getting to know me, and learning to like me—then love me. And while I was doing that, the Universe was responding to my frustrated cry to find some relevance and value for my life.

"I didn’t want to live an obsolete life."

Do you know what you really want? Can you possibly know what you really want? If no one else’s opinion of you mattered, what would you do? How would you change your life?

Spend some time today writing down the answers to those questions, or spend time, in the quiet, thinking about them. If no one else was watching you, if no one could debate your life choices, what kind of life would you live?

Life can become obsolete very quickly. Even more quickly than that of a new car being driven off the dealership parking lot. If there is an attitude, a thought, a relationship, a job, etc. not working for you, get rid of it. Find new passion. New purpose. New energy. Create new value in yourself, so you don’t become obsolete to the people who truly need you and love you.

Be Joy-Full Everyone!

"Something To Blog About"

" Let me introduce you to my new lover...........my knight & shining armor...duhh!! "


Whenever I read a good blog, I feel a certain yearning inside that makes me want to write one. If I wasn’t prescribed to so many great bloggers, I don’t think I will be persuaded to make more than 1 blog per week. I felt the yearning thrice this morning : One blog was from Deborah about Max, Second from Scarlett about the rules of being a woman, and the third from Queen of Coins about a blog being a party.

So my blog for today is in many ways an inspiration from these 3 blogs… Grazie ladies!!!

If I try to describe who I am to you, my definitions will differ from day to day. I am... complicated, to say the least. If my friends describe me to you, you will hear a lot of versions that will leave you confused if they were talking about the same person. I can honestly say that I have the non-psychotic version of Multiple Personality (MP – which is my real name initials n real life btw).

I am full of contradictions. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t. I can be hot and then cold. I can be the sweetest person or the vilest bitch. I
have experienced so many different extreme emotions that sometimes just recalling them is traumatizing. No one could honestly say they knew me through and through. No ONE.

I lived a very interesting life, and one I am sure not an average girl would ever go through. Rich to poor. Ugly to pretty. It seemed that I am what I am today because I was on both sides of the coin. The proverbial wheel of my life seems to be turning and churning all the time. My saving grace was being able to adapt and excel as things go wrong and worse.

I was born rich, spoiled rotten as a princess.

Chaufferred cars,exclusive schools, Rolex watches. My dad owned a successful construction company, and a few banks. I was also an ugly child. Stick-sick thin, round
angular face, dark skinned, screwed-up teeth, limp bland hair. I wasn’t popular in school during my elementary days. My childhood friends were all pretty as can be and as rich – even richer. Boys picked on me, girls bullied me.

This is also the time I found out that I was an illegitimate child. I grew up feeling ugly, unworthy and had tremendous bouts of insecurities. I always felt .. inferior somehow.

When I turned 14, in sophomore year of highschool, I became attractive. Still not the Barbie-perfect looking popular girls, but somehow, more beautiful. I liked to think that because I had more character, and that because I was once an outcast, I was also nicer. Soon I became a part of the most popular
clique in highschool. I started winning beauty contests and joined modeling shows. During this time though, my family went bankrupt. My parents separated, and my mother was left to figure out how to feed us all with no job in her name. All she knew was how to travel and shop extensively. And she did it so well. Steadily, all assets – vacation homes, cars, stocks, jewelries, were sold off one by one as the years went by to maintain the façade of still being rich. I refused to let anyone know outside the family. I still went out, smiled a lot. In fact I smiled more. And though by now I was beautiful and popular, I was poor.. And I felt insecure.

This went on for a couple of years. Me being beautiful. And me being poor. I was very good by this time in leading a double life. None of my friends realized the fucked-up situation I was going through. I was scared that I would be an outcast again. Looking back, I should have told them. They would have understood and supported me. But I felt at that time, that my pride was the only thing keeping me from going insane. It was as if my beauty will be lessened if they found out that if I didn't hitch a ride with then, I would have had to take public transportation. Que horror!

After highschool,I went off to college, far away from the city. I was relieved to not have to keep pretending anymore. I was to take up a pre-med course and money was tight and getting tighter still. But socially, I was blooming. I was voted the freshman queen, eventually a college hearthrob. Boys were falling all over themselves to bed me. And I bed a few. By this time, I have come to learn the power of being beautiful. I learned to use to my advantage every chance I got. And I got away with a lot. And though I did not have to pretend to be rich with all the down-to-earth adoring people surrounding me, I still felt I needed to
maintain a certain air of affluence and indifference. I would never let anybody in my real life. They will never accept me if they found out I wasn't perfect. I had to be BOTH beautiful and rich, I just had to be.

I was dismissed from college because I was partying too hard.

I took a job to support my party-animal lifestyle which did not give me any time to study thus the dismissal. So by 18, I was a college drop-out. If that was not bad enough, I found myself pregnant a few months after dropping out. My boyfriend at that time (who I just recently married) supported me all throughout the pregnancy and the subsequent year after giving birth. Issues with our relationship were rampant but I was in love
with him. Really in love with him. But I did not how to love anyone else. I was yet to love me.

About 6 months after giving birth, I started my career. I started from the bottom and boy did I
scrape that bottom. But in a few years, I was earning enough. After a few more years, I was comfortable. And then I was rich again.

I was ruled by the hunger for more money, more power, more beauty. That even when I got it, it still did not feel good. So I started gambling, throwing away the money I worked so hard
for. I started obsessing over stupid things. I was looking for something, someone, anyone to validate my importance. Never knowing I was looking for me. When my mother and father died, something in me snapped. I lost all the reason on maintaining a stable life. I began to sabotage all the jobs I have one after another. But I kept getting new ones, higher paying ones. I did not deserve it! I kept thinking, why the hell are they willing to pay me this much money!? They must be insane. So I ruined every single one of them.

Until the day came, finally when things wre familiar. I had no job and no money AGAIN. THIS I knew how to handle. It felt like home.

This was 2 years ago.

When you hit rock bottom, and you take an innocent kid with you (my son), it is not something to be proud of. somehow, no matter how screwed up you are, as a mother - you will see that this not right. When I lost that 6^th
job in 1 year, I realized that there is nothing wrong with the economy – there was something terribly wrong with ME. I was no longer that rich ugly toddler nor that pretty poor teenager. Something has GOT to give on how I looked at myself. How unworthy I perceived myself to be for all the good things that was happening. I realized that I have always believed that I did not deserve to be happy. That somehow I was not allowed to be. Something very very bad will happen if I become happy.

That is the reason I moved to another country. To where I was born. where it all started. Singapore. To start anew. To take a good look at my life and fix it. Away from the things that destroyed my innocence. Away from the pretensions. I have found myself here. And I realized. that I was not too bad.

So now here I am. I married the man I was supposed to marry a long long time ago. I have a job that I have stayed in for 11 months now. I still do find a few things to obsess about (as you guys know), but it's all manageable and I am still here.

I am not saying I am not insecure anymore. Or that I have no issues about being happy. But at least I know now what my problem is.

I have never loved myself. I should have loved myself when nobody else found me pretty, when I was poor, when I was weak. I should have loved myself NO MATTER WHAT.

So now, I am beginning the most important love affair of my life. With myself.

Learning to be stronger...

Over the years I have come to many realizations about aspects of me and my life. With all the power in my body and mind I set out with the best of intentions to be stronger, put myself first and let go of old grudges. However what is easier said than actually done. In the past month I have changed a few things...both good and bad.

There are somethings that I need to let go and that is what this blog is about. To all my friends: Thank you for being there for me when I have needed you, even though I didn't ask or request it at that time. I know many of you have your own lives to lead...but yet you take the time out to inquire about how mine is going.

I know that I don't always reciprocate the same way, but none the less your friendship doesn't escape my thoughts or appreciation.

To my Body and Mind:I write to say that I can't yo-yo anymore. I am tired of seeing plateaus!! I would like to see the gradual decline of a slope...that I am running down fast. Staying in the 250's for 6 months tested my willpower and my ability to stay sane. Finally climbing out of the 250's into the 240's was a Godsend, but I feel that familiar roller coaster of up and down happening again...I WANT IT TO STOP.

I pray that I can give myself the willpower to move on and take back my life! I NEED to take back my willpower and drive. I want to see 240 on the scale and be able to put on a size 20 and then an 18. I don't want to be FAT anymore..I just want to be comfortable in my own skin.

Learning to let go of small things at first is the greatest challenge any human being can make. This is for me and me alone...I ask my friends to keep on encouraging me and to help me become stronger through either praying for me, giving words of encouragement, or any way they see fit.

Thank you very much and I pray that each of you have a nice day.

"walk the walk"

On the second week of january, 2009, i decided to study a very special character in the old testament, enoch

Around the same time that i decided to do this study on this character, my cousin suffered a stroke and was left a vegetable. she died on january 13, 2009 at 2:30 in the morning. it is said that in such conditions, the last thing to go is our hearing. i was there when she breathed her last and i couldn't help but compare her situation to what a lot of people are going through right now

I found enoch mentioned in genesis chapter 5, verses 17-24:
and jared lived an hundred sixty and two years, and he begat enoch:
and jared lived after he begat enoch eight hundred years; and begat sons and daughters:
and all the days of jared were nine hundred sixty and two years; and he died.
and enoch lived sixty an five years, and begat me-thuse-lah:
and enoch walked with GOD after he begat me-thuse-lah three hundred years, and begat sons and daughters:

And all the days of enoch were three hundred sixty and five years:
and enoch walked with GOD: and he was not: for GOD took him.
taken into context, this was an a brief explanation of enoch's life. he was a descendant of adam, had me-thuse-lah and other children, and then was taken by GOD
what is interesting here is that it was mentioned twice that enoch walked with GOD, with the second mention indicating what had happened because of his walk with GOD

A web-site that i frequently visited mentioned that enoch's walk with GOD probably meant that he was aware of GOD's presence all the time. that must also mean that he made GOD his priority and probably talked to GOD all the time

Also, after adding up the numbers, it shows adam was still alive when enoch was born. adam was probably the first pastor or preacher. and the stories he told of GOD's goodness was probably told and retold to the generations that followed (proof of it was the stories reached moses hundreds of years later. although, GOD would have supplied the missing details.)

So enoch heard first-hand of what the garden was like and he saw the longing that his ancestor had to go back to that garden (revelations show that GOD's children will go back to the new garden of eden, within the walls of the new jerusalem.) he heard of GOD's plans of the coming messiah and must have directed his way of living to GOD's purpose

Aside from the few verses in genesis, i also found enoch mentioned several times in the new testament

The first mention of enoch in the new testament was in luke 3:37:
which was the son of of ma-thusa-lah, which was the son of enoch, which was the son of jared; which was the son of ma-lele-el; which was the son of ca-inan,

Now this was an indication of the genealogy of JESUS. (even some of the present-day jews can recite their genealogy going back to adam) this is a confirmation of what genesis mentioned. what is so great about this is that it was written by luke. luke was a doctor (that's why he became the patron saint of doctors) and he was writing for a theophi-lus, who, apparently, was non-jewish. why do i say that, luke gave extra care in explaining details which means that the person being written to does not have any firsthand knowledge of the jewish way. in a sense, everything had to be examined, such as any good scientist would do

Enoch is also mentioned in hebrews. in this epistle, paul mentions the great names of the old testament and includes enoch in their company. (some of us would want to be included in such a list) but, if you look closely, the book of hebrews mentions moses, abraham, and the rest (including enoch) because he wants to teach faith
hebrews 11:5

By faith enoch was translated that he should not see death; and was not found, because GOD had translated him: for before his translation he had this testimony, that he pleased GOD.
before enoch was translated, or taken by GOD, enoch pleased GOD. how many of us could say the same thing? oh, we do our own part, our own small way of showing HIM we love HIM. but is it an everyday, every hour, every minute, every second thing that we do, or is it only when it is convenient for us?

hebrews 11:6 says:

But without faith it is impossible to please HIM: for he that cometh to GOD must believe that HE is, and that HE is a rewarder of them that diligently seek HIM.
believing should be an every time thing for those who profess to be CHRISTIANS. not just when we think we should believe.

If the people mentioned by paul in the book of hebrews believed even before JESUS came to the scene, how much more should we believe after JESUS came into our midst? shouldn't we believe and be aware of HIS presence every day, every hour, every minute, every second of our lives?
shouldn't we be like enoch and be faithful to HIM who is our creator?

I mentioned i was with my cousin, before and when she died. how many of us are living but can't really see, feel, smell, taste and even, talk to GOD? i am sure that there are problems that we all face, but i bet enoch had his problems too. remember, man was trying to populate the world. and even though it doesn't mention how many children enoch begat, i'm sure that sibling rivalry was the same then, as it is now. providing for a large family was also a situation and continuing to walk with GOD meant that he probably asked GOD on every situation. and since he was aware of the HIS presence, he was more in tune to what GOD had to say to him

Ever wondered who it is that we hear with that small voice during decision making time? my guess? it's the HOLY SPIRIT begging us to go towards the light and into the loving arms of GOD

A lot of us are in a coma right now, a spiritual coma with our relationship with GOD. but we can still hear HIS HOLY SPIRIT guiding us. let us not be deaf to that voice and find out, too late, that we had a chance to a whole new life with HIM...

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