"The World Of Dating"

ABOUT DATING
Dating is any social activity performed as a pair or even a group with the aim of each assessing the other's suitability as their partner in an intimate relationship or as a spouse. The word refers to the act of agreeing on a time and "date" when a pair can meet and engage in some social activity. In many cultural traditions, dates are arranged by a third party, who may be a family member, an acquaintance, or a dedicated matchmaker.

Recently matchmaking services have become popular. Although dating rules in Western popular culture have become more relaxed during the 20th century, there is considerable variation between individuals' values. For example, when the activity costs money, it has traditionally been the man's role to pay (which naturally causes a problem for same-sex couples on a date); in recent times the practice of "going Dutch" (splitting the expenses) has emerged.

Traditional dating activities include sharing entertainment or a meal. In general, a person may date many different partners during the same time period in order to have the best chance of finding their most suitable available mate.

Types of dates

Regular date: a couple meet for an activity. Double date: two couples meet for an activity. Group dating: an activity shared by two or more couples. Blind date: a date where the participants have not met each other personally before (although may have seen each other's pictures); usually set up by a third party or an internet dating service. Long Distance / Holidating: Due to a long distance relationship, dating only when one, or both parties are on holiday or vacation and are together during that time period.

Systems for organizing dates

Online dating:

Instead of using a traditional matchmaker, online dating uses specifically targeted websites to meet new people.

Speed dating:

Where a group of people get together for several hours in a public place to get to know one another better. At one of these speed dating events, each person usually sits with another single member for a set period of time to get to know them better, and then at the predetermined time is asked to move and sit with someone else to repeat the process.

Mobile dating/cell phone dating:

Where text messages to and from a mobile/cell phone carrier are used to show interest in others on the system. Can be web-based or online dating as well depending on the company.

Virtual dating:

A combination of video game playing and dating, where users create avatars and spend time in virtual worlds in an attempt to meet other avatars with the purpose of meeting for potential dates.

Singles events:

Where a group of singles are brought together to take part in various events for the purposes of meeting new people. Events can include such things as parties, workshops and games.

Religious

Christian Courtship

This article has been nominated to be checked for its neutrality.Discussion of this nomination can be found on the talk page. (June 2Biblical courtship Christian courtship is a system practiced by some

Christian families where two people figure out if they are to get married without modern dating practices.

Christians who participate in courtship generally believe dating is a means of impersonally "trying someone out" before building a more significant and meaningful relationship. There is an absence of sexual activities, or at the very least an honest attempt to avoid them. On rare occasions some may even refrain from kissing until their wedding day if their convictions lead them to do so.

The courtship is a period of time where the couple build a strong friendship along with the romantic relationship resulting in a strong, non-sexual intimacy between the two. The hope is to set a strong foundation (along with a true faith in God) for a life-long marriage. It is not a chaperoned time, although many may believe it to be.

JewishMain articles:

Jewish view of marriage and shidduch Orthodox Jewish men and women usually meet through matchmakers in a process called a shidduch, for the purpose of marriage.

When Jewish men and women come of marriageable age, their parents usually turn to a matchmaker to help them find an appropriate mate for their children. With the advice of the matchmaker and the consent of the parents the young man and woman meet on a date. If they like each other they continue dating over the course of a few weeks. The decision to marry is made by the couple themselves. Usually the groom is no more than 5 years older than the bride. Marriage age ranges from 17-25, with 18-22 considered the norm.

"Interracial Relationship Is Now More Accepted"

Interracial Relationships (Discussion Blog)

Having a relationship is a wonderful thing. You get to learn more about a person, whether it is their family, their habits, whether they leave hair in the sink, or if they leave the toilet seat up. We can go back and forth with the religion and the entire belief system that they go by; it doesn't mean that they are a bad person. But there is one topic that will always draw that proverbial line in the sand .

Interracial relationships.

There are some who are all for it, while there are others who are dead set against it. Hey, to each his/her own. But let's entertain this for a second. Is there really a difference other than a skin tone? Is there a huge significance between textures of hair? What about other typical features? While others don't see this as an issue, there are some that will draw the conclusion that this is 100% taboo. No one wants to touch it, or even "go there" for the sake of their upbringing or their peers. Others will say, "Oh, it's cool to hang out with them, but I would never ever date them, more or less have a relationship with them" Some even entertained the thought, but not seriously giving it a go.

On the other side of the fence, you have those who are all for the idea. They hop over that fence and ride the prairie into the sunset. Some do it for the discovery and the conquest, while others do it for the sake of it being a preference. I wouldn't expect a "purist" to be swayed by this, knowing about that whole, "preserving the bloodline" thing, but just think about it for a second. Walk with me, if you will. Dating interracially and having an interracial relationship is a great thing. You learn a lot about people, and at the same time, you'll realize that it's not really that big of a deal. Seriously, it isn't a big deal.

I have dated more varieties of men than Baskin Robbins has flavors. Why? Because I'm colorblind really. I look for the personality, not the skin tone. I don't go with the crowd, so to speak. I wasn't raised to have that whole, "stick with your own kind" mentality. Even though my family understands, the families of the guys I have dated weren't so easy to deal with. Was it like this every time? Of course not, there were only a selected few. Of course, I was called a "traitor" and all that bullshit, but the fact of the matter is, I really didn't – still don't and never will – give a shit. Of course, I wouldn't touch those who have an ethical or cultural issue with dating someone outside of their element, nor would I date those who are only doing it to piss off a relative. I really don't like those types of people.

There are many reasons why people date outside of their race. Some like the challenge while others want to seek out "Myths" that are stereotypically placed, like the whole "black men have big…." theory. Nothing could be further from the truth, by the way. Some do it for the sake of if they ever have children, their kids will have good hair, or beautiful eyes. WHAT THE HELL? People do this for all sorts of reasons, from the more logical, to the completely insane. I do it for the sake of being happy. Like I said, race isn't an issue with me. As long as he's a great looking guy with a greater personality and with a pulse, I'm sold ;)It's not the color of their skin that makes them a great person, it's their personality. If the guy is an asshole, he can be black, white, purple or orange; he's going to be a certified asshole. A woman is going to be a bitch whether she's from America or Zimbabwe.

Same thing applies with whether they're going to be a great catch and you live happily ever after with them. "Oh, this group is this" and "This group is that" What difference does that make? We all have people in our collective races that put a black eye on the entire race as a whole. I blame that on generations of stupidity and stereotypes, not a color.

Being brutally honest, we're all going to be black once the casket closes and the body starts decomposing, so let's just cut it out, eh? Like I stated before, if you're a total purist, then this is not for you. No one wants to hear about how "superior" your race is or, "How you can't wait to settle down with an xx person and blah blah blah." If it's a phase, then so be it, but just remember, you can be a phase to someone as well. Someone could be going through a phase of assholes. I know I've had them.

So, if there's that lovely female that has caught your eye and she's of another ethnicity, go for it! If you found that great looking guy and he's of another persuasion…DO HIM…er..IT! Yeah, that's it. LOL. It's about the personality, and how you two will be together.

Don't let a thing like skin tone and race turn you off from the possibility of finding a great person for you to spend the rest of your life with (or at least a few great nights. I'm just sayin...) I'm not an advocate by any means; I'm just making a point that interracial dating is not a big deal. It's not the 1950's anymore, it's 2008. I think we have a long way for this to actually be acceptable, which it is in many circles.

So, I leave this open for discussion.

Would you ever have an interracial relationship? Why or why not?

If you have, would you do it again?

Is there any differences that you may have encountered?

"Angels' Guide To True Love"

The Angels' Guide to Love and Dating

By Laura PennAngels are all around us and ready to help with anything from a parking space to a love affair. All it takes is a little willingness on your part--a willingness to give them the nod that they have been waiting for to get involved....After all, what have you got to lose?Meet the four archangels and discover how they can help transition you from being single to going on your first date. Michael will help you love yourself; Raphael will help you visualize a partner; Gabriel will help guide you to a perfect date; and Uriel will give you confidence to meet that special someone. Click through this gallery to read tips and advice from the archangels and to spread your wings toward love.

Meet Archangel Michael

Discover how 'The Warrior' can help you feel OK about being single.

Archangel Michael's name means "He who is like God." His limitless power emanates strength, faith, and courage. His energy aura is a royal blue, so you may find yourself drawn to these colors more when he is around you. You might find deep blue clothes appealing or even see flashes of blue light in front of your eyes. If ever you find yourself in a dangerous situation, you can ask Michael to surround you with his protection and you will become invisible to anything that threatens you.>> Click here to find out why you should contact Archangel Michael

Why Should You Contact Michael?

If you no longer want to be single, let Michael be your matchmaker.

So you are single...so what? Okay, it may feel like everyone else is part of a cozy cuddling couple, but they're not. The world is really made up of just people. Yes, some have coupled, but others are divorced, widowed, between relationships, actively looking, or determinedly unattached. Today's relationships are much more fluid than they used to be, so we can all find ourselves single at some point. Indeed, you may be single, but (I'm sorry to break this to you) you are not unique.>> Click here to find out ways Archangel Michael can help

How Michael Can Help You

When you feel lonely, contact Michael to help you to love yourself.

Michael is the essence of love, power, strength, and faith, and if you ask him he will enhance these same qualities in you. You can call on him when:
You need strength to face something alone.
You need to feel safe.
You want protection from people or situations.
You need a "pick-me-up" to be able to cope.As they say, "When the going gets tough, the tough get going," and they don't come tougher than Michael. So next time you start to feel that being single is the pits, call on Michael for emotional support. You will be amazed at how much better you start to feel.

Michael's Angel Advice

7 things you can do when single

Sleep in the "angel position," taking up the whole bed.
See any friend anytime (even those of the opposite sex).
Wear pajamas/ripped leggings/gray underpants/Kylie T-shirt (insert own fashion faux pas) whenever you want.
Be spontaneous.
Drive however you want.
Control the remote.
Not have to shave...anywhere.

Meet Archangel Raphael

Before you start dating, allow 'The Friend' to help you visualize an ideal date.

Raphael gives you guidance through intuition, ideas, or dreams. The way he works is by slipping thoughts into your mind when you are least expecting them. If you have ever had a brilliant idea and wondered why you hadn't thought of it before, or if you have woken up one morning and suddenly everything made sense, then you have been visited by Raphael. His aura shows as an emerald green energy, so you may be attracted to this color when he is helping you.

Why Should You Contact Raphael?

If you're ready to jump into the dating pool, rely on Raphael to stay afloat.

So, are you ready to take the plunge and start dating? Maybe you would rather dip your toe into the dating pool first? Maybe you have already been for a swim and found the water too choppy, so you are worried about being swept away? Perhaps you have just come out of a long-term relationship or a marriage and you are wary of getting wet at all. Whatever your situation, Raphael is the angel to see you safely to dry land.

How Raphael Can Help

Saying your intentions clearly to Raphael can secure you good dates.

Raphael will replace your expectations with intentions. What's the difference between the two? Well, if you expect something, you will, more often than not, be disappointed. However, if you intend something, then you can make sure that you are never disappointed. Other people control whether your expectations will be fulfilled or not, but only you control your own intentions. Even the actual words that you use are important. Angels will literally take you at your word. For example, if you say, "I want a partner," they will simply give you the "wanting." If you say, "I need to find a partner," you will be left with the "needing." I know it sounds odd, but there seems to be something lost in translation and unless you ask in the right way, you may not get the result that you intend. The way to ask the angels to bring your partner to you is to say:
"I am ready for a partner to come into my life" or...
"I am willing to allow a partner into my life" or...
"I am ready to receive a partner in my life."Any of those three will do the trick, and if you don't believe me just go ahead and try them out.

Raphael's Angel Advice

7 reasons to picture your partner

You will recognize your partner when you meet him or her.
It beats watching television.
It keeps the energy of your intention high.
It brings them to you quicker.
"Seeing is believing," so if you see them, you can believe in them.
They are a delight to look at.
You can astound your friends later with your powers of prediction.

Meet Archangel Gabriel

Communicate with your date better while being guided by 'The Messenger.'

Gabriel is a feminine energy, which makes sense as some people would say that women communicate better than men. Her name means "Messenger of God," so she is often depicted with a trumpet, signifying her role as an important messenger. If all the angels are messengers, then she is the postmistress. Her energy works through a pure white color, so you may have an affinity with this color when she is helping you.

Why Should You Contact Gabriel?

Now that you've visualized your ideal date, step aside while Gabriel gathers love for you.

You now know beyond doubt that you want a George Clooney (or Angelina Jolie) look-alike who plays the bassoon, supports the New York Yankees, is kind to animals, and has a healthy bank account. That's the easy part. Now for the hard part--finding this person. This requires the matchmaking services of a very powerful angel, the Archangel Gabriel. She oversees every form of communication in the universe, so if you need to find anyone, ask Gabriel to do the hard work. She will guide you to the love of your life through thoughts, feelings, and intuition.

How Gabriel Can Help

When venturing to meet someone online, Gabriel can be your guide on the internet.

Gabriel is the angel who oversees the internet. Angels love anything that is made up of energy, and they will play with radios, light bulbs--anything electrical. They particularly love computers. Take a minute before you log on to the internet to ask Archangel Gabriel to guide you through the worldwide web and you will be amazed. You will find surfing becomes a breeze. You will find the right site, the right words, and the right person, as the angels will be manipulating energy in the ether to make it happen.You only have to ask for Gabriel to get involved and you will be amazed at how much easier it becomes to meet potential mates.

Gabriel's Angel Advice

7 things never to say to a date

"I didn't believe in angels till I met you."
"Let's go and do all the things that I'll tell everyone we did anyway."
"You're ugly but I'm intrigued."
"Hi, my friends call me weird."
"You look great from behind."
"Cheer up, personality is important too."
"You'll do."

Why Should You Contact Uriel?

Uriel understands if you're nervous about your first date, so let him do all the worrying for you.

Setting off on a first date can be terrifying, especially if you consider all the things that could happen. Your date might turn out to be awful, boring, and ugly. Then again he or she may be gorgeous, sexy, funny, and brilliant--then you really are in trouble. If you stopped to think about all the potential pitfalls (from spilled wine to sloppy kissing) you would never go. So don't bother. Instead, let the angels do the worrying for you. The best angel to help you out on a first date is Archangel Uriel.

How Uriel Can Help

Ask Uriel for ease and confidence to be your best self.

One of the best things that Uriel can do for you is boost your confidence. It is so much easier to be confident when even the wine list is on your side. However, there is a fine line between confidence and cockiness. To show off is to put off, so Uriel will make you self-assured but not self-obsessed. After all, a conversation is not a competition. You will not be awarded points by a secret panel judging how clever, witty, or erudite you are. Then again, there is no need to be humble and play down your attributes either. If you ask for Uriel's help, he will give you the confidence to be honest. You will be that most elusive of things on a date--yourself.

Uriel's Angel Advice

7 things to do on a first date

Be punctual.
Smile.
Compliment your date.
Take enough money with you.
Be polite, say thank you, and have fun.
Flirt with your date.
Talk about things you know about and are interested in.

The Archangels Can Lead You to True Love

As long as you stay open to new dating experiences, you will find someone to share special moments with.

There are many ways that you can live your life to the fullest, and one of these is to share it with someone else. For all its difficulties love inspires, enhances, gives purpose, and makes you better than you ever thought you could be. Love is a gift that you deserve, and dating is when you get to unwrap it. If you stay on that cliff edge, you will never know what the gift is like. The saddest words in the universe are "what if." So go on, take a running jump off the cliff, fall in love, and let the angels help you to fly.

"Misconception About Asians"

Big American Misconceptions about Asians

Asian Americans stand at the crossroads between west and east. We feel the currents swirling together in opposition to form thunderheads with the potential to unleash cataclysmic storms. We know better than most that these storms, past and future, are fueled more by misperceptions than actual inimicability of interests. If we feel helpless to intervene, it is understandable. At times America seems to measure its strength by the arrogant impenetrability of its ignorance about half of humanity.

We have all seen the cataclysms that can occur on our own soil from an arrogant faith in American invulnerability. As an American I will do my part here to perforate that ignorance.

I'll begin with a gross understatement: for four generations Americans have had less reason to understand Asians than Asians have had to understand Americans. Fortunately for America, this state of blissful ignorance was secured by overwhelming superiority in every material respect. But the sustained surge of nations like Japan, Corea, and now China is leveling the transpacific playing field. Add to that the inestimable advantage conferred on Asians by intimate knowledge of the United States, and America's willful, not to say scornful, ignorance begins to border on self-destructive.

From my years as a dismayed and frustrated observer of American dealings with Asians, I have verbalized the biggest misconceptions. Yes, this is a criticism of American complacency. But more, it is an effort at spreading necessary truths in the hope they may help avert unnecessary conflict and suffering.

1. Asians devalue dignity and human life. It is better to be the head of a rooster than the tail of an ox, goes one formulation of a universal Asian sentiment. American misperception has it that life is cheap in Asia, ergo, Asians have little dignity. The source of this misconception? Americans visiting Asian nations while they were devastated by generations of wars and colonial exploitation saw that labor and goods could be had dirt-cheap and concluded that life and dignity too must be cheap.

More astute observers have noted that life is cheap in Asia only when measured against dignity. Remember that the great Asian movements of the past century for the dignity of self-determination have succeeded, albeit at a cost of many millions of lives. Even the antics of Pyongyang's Kim family have, at bottom, the determination to resist American domination. And as incredible as the scenario might have seemed a few years ago, the December 2002 Corean presidential election suggests that sentiment may be shifting toward sympathy with Pyongyang, once again showing that Asians value dignity above security and expedience.

When I see Uncle Sam lecturing China on human rights, I cringe. Does China lecture the U.S. about economic disparities or race relations? Asians don't like being patronized and condescended to any more than anyone and perhaps harbor more intense resentment at the indignity. Many Asian nations are willing to go to extreme lengths to ensure that they aren't subjected to such indignities in the future.

Bringing the discussion closer to home, Asian American entrepreneurs proliferate at a rate greatly exceeding that of any other ethnic group because so many of the most capable Asians would rather be the head of a rooster than the tail of an ox. It is this overwhelming value placed on dignity that also best explains the remarkable sacrifices made by Asian Americans to obtain higher education for their children.

2. Asians are wannabe Americans. Stories of Asians risking death for a chance to come to America have fed the insulting notion that Asians are wannabe Americans. The reality is that only the most desperate or undervalued Asians, representing a miniscule fraction of the populations of their respective nations, would consider leaving their homelands. U.S. immigration quotas for Japan and Corea, for example, have gone unfilled for some years. Some Asians may envy American opportunities or lifestyles, but more are repelled by what they see as a crassly materialistic society that breeds alienation, drug-dependence, pointless violence and lonely old age. The bland American assumption that Asia would be better off if it would wholesale adopt the American social model finds little support in statistics on crime, homelessness, divorce and seniors in retirement homes.

Asians who have the opportunity and the means go out of their way to retain their ancestral culture. Asian American families devote thousands a year and much of their leisure time to preserving ties to their Asian heritage. The proliferation of Asian food markets and shopping areas, Saturday Asian-language classes and college Asian American studies courses are among the more visible signs of Asian devotion to their own cultural heritages. Some might even argue that in many large cities Asian culture is actually expanding its influence to non-Asians.

3. Asians are hitchikers on modernity. Americans have only to look around to see compelling proof of Asian ingenuity, industry and social organization. Computers, cars, cellphones, video games, flat-panel displays and every manner of consumer goods are more likely to have originated in Asia than any other continent.

The notion that Asians are primitives who recently stumbled onto modernity by grasping western coattails is grounded on hoary faith on the seminal importance of western inventions like the light bulb or the transistor. That's like saying that the NASA moon landings should be credited to An Wang's invention of the magnetic-core memory which enabled computers, an essential component of space launches. Progress may be facilitated by certain technological advances, but advances have never been dependent on any single society or race.

Those fixated on invention as the apex of human achievement might note that the U.S. Patent Office gets more submissions each year from Asian than non-Asian applicants. Collectively, Japan, Corea and Taiwan register more patents in the U.S. than does the U.S. itself. And that doesn't even count the large percentage of U.S. patents filed by Asian Americans. Then there are those who accept on faith that the progress leading to modern civilization was enabled by western social systems.

They forget that commerce and capitalism had been thriving in Asia for a thousand years before they began taking root in Europe. Democracy is a political innovation of indisputable value, but it is hardly the foundation of social progress. Corea, Taiwan and Singapore attained industrialized status without it. China didn't need it to pull off history's greatest social engineering project -- raising a billion souls from post-colonial destitution while building a middle class larger than Britain's in the span of 50 years.

4. Asians disrespect women. The western myth that Asian culture accords little respect to women appears founded on works like Madame Butterfly that pander to chauvinistic fantasies and the hunger for exotic grotesqueries. Such depictions of Asian women are typically drawn from the practices of the lower classes or anomalies created by extreme economic hardships. Images of devalued Asian women are kept alive by bargirl stories of generations of G.I.s who served tours of duty in impoverished, wartorn nations.

Add to that the countless books and articles published each year about Asian women sold into sexual slavery or wealthy Asian men with numerous concubines and mistresses. The truth is, such practices have occurred (and continue to occur to this day) in Europe and even the United States as well. Regardless of time and place, women in the lower classes tend to be victimized to a greater degree.

Comparing apples to apples, middle and upper class Asian families have traditionally placed women on an equal footing with men, albeit in differing roles. "Women hold up half the heavens" is a well-known Asian saying. Western women are expected to take their husband's surnames at marriage. Asian women traditionally keep theirs. In western households women are often placed on an allowance. In Asian households women typically control the finances. Asian women are traditionally expected to observe outward signs of deference to husbands, but in private they are allowed to be as outspoken or even as domineering as their personalities allow.

In ironic contrast, western societies expect men to show signs of deference to women in public but are often allowed to be petty tyrants at home. "A man's home is his castle," isn't an Asian saying. Social constraints of duty and respect toward wives have always reached into the Asian home. The truth is that until the past half century western societies have rarely given women the level of value and dignity enjoyed for milennia in Asia.

5. Asian's don't value children. Among the most damaging of misconceptions is the notion that Asians devalue their children. This belief seems to have originated from the availability of Asian children for adoption. This sad state of affairs resulted from the fact that until recently most Asian nations didn't have American- or European-style welfare systems that pay mothers for the support of illegitimate children. Rather than raising kids in extreme poverty and with the stigma of illegitimacy, some Asian mothers have chosen to put infants up for adoption, especially in poor nations.

Today the number of babies available for overseas adoption is decreasing steadily due to the growing prosperity of Asian nations and dramatically lower birth rates. In fact, advanced nations like Japan and Corea are experiencing birthrates too low to sustain current population levels, expanding the domestic pool of couples looking to adopt.

A more telling measure of the high value Asians place on offspring is the high level of sacrifice made by Asian and Asian American parents to give kids optimal home environments and the best possible educational and social opportunities. The remarkable success of young Asian

Americans in elite colleges is compelling evidence of the value Asians place on their offspring relative to other American groups.

"About Online Dating"

“Why I liked her profile”

What makes a profile “pop”? No doubt men are visual creatures so a good photo will probably help a woman get online attention. But beyond that, what are guys really looking for? To help get you the info you need, we asked some men who’d had successful online-dating experiences this question: What caught your cyber-eye? ‘Her photo and profile were in sync’“There were lots of things about Angie that I found intriguing but the first thing that caught my eye was her totally zany photo. She had a bright red wig and was screaming into the camera like a 70s punk-rock star… I guess I like it spicy. And her written profile was very short and self-deprecating. I enjoyed that she didn’t take herself too seriously. When I met her, she was exactly ‘as advertised’ which is the key point here. For a woman’s profile to work, the picture has to match the profile which has to match reality.” —Patrick, 38, Cambridge, MA

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Lesson Learned: Men like truth in advertising. So, they want to know what they see is what they’re going to get. Keep that in mind when creating your profile/posting your photos. This is your chance to show who you are, not who you think guys might like. If you’re seeking a serious match, try to make your profile represent the person they’ll meet on that first coffee date. It’ll get you further than pretending to be kooky when you’re bookish, posting a photo that showed you 20 pounds thinner or saying you like to golf when you don’t know a driver from a wedge. ‘She was talking to me’“I was attracted to so many things about Patricia, but the one thing I really remember liking the most about her profile was that it was very conversational and didn’t come across as a ‘sales pitch’ for why I should date her. Instead I felt like there was a real person on the other end of her profile, and her warmth was evident from her words. We’ve now been married for three years.” —Josh, 60, New York, NY

Lesson Learned: Men are more likely to be intrigued if they can think of you as a real, live human being on the other end of—well, their wireless connection. So instead of just listing your attributes and achievements like a resume, talk to the guys out there instead! “Write your profile in a tone that you’d use with a new friend or picture yourself sitting down to coffee and describing yourself to someone, then write from there,” says Cherie Burbach, who not only met her husband online but wrote about it in At The Coffee Shop. “The key is to give enough description that someone reading your profile can picture a date with you and all the fun you’ll have.” ‘She and I had a ton of things in common’“I’m very athletic so it was a priority for me to find someone who could keep up with my energetic pace. I responded to my now girlfriend’s profile because she was also clearly active—she mentioned rollerblading, dancing, yoga, swimming, weights at the gym and ‘highly competitive’ all within the context of her profile. She also said that ‘working out was like brushing her teeth’—she does it every day. Knowing we had that in common seemed like a good start. Now that we’re dating, we even go to the gym together.” —Matt, 38, New York, NY

Lesson Learned: Guys are looking for a “partner in crime.” They want someone they can do things with. So while it’s great if you want to mention that you like to knit and go to the ballet, be sure your profile also lists some more guy-friendly activities that you truly enjoy. Think sporting events, hip restaurants, movies… but remember that honesty is key. Once he realizes you have things in common, he’ll be encouraged to write because he can envision you engaging in your mutual interests… together. ‘She was self-assured’“Aside from the fact that she used the word ‘albeit’ in her profile and I’m a sucker for a good vocabulary, all I remember about Tina Marie’s profile is that she wrote ‘I'm attractive. Are you?’ You have to be pretty confident to make that statement, so I was intrigued. I sent her a photo of myself and wrote ‘I'll let you decide!’ Apparently she thought I was because we’ve been together for seven years now and happily married for four!” —David, 42, Edmonds, WA

Lesson Learned: It’s the online equivalent of “Do I look fat in this?”—men aren’t drawn to women who come across as insecure. “Men can sense neediness from miles away,” says Bev Bacon, author of Meet Me, Don’t Delete Me. “If you feel self-esteem and self-confidence are not your strong suit, do something about it!” But don’t write about it! Instead focus on the areas where you are secure, whether it’s your fashion sense, your kick-ass career or your innate ability to make people feel at home. Confidence is sexy to men! ‘She shared her values’“Even though Tina’s family lives on the other side of the country, her profile mentioned them repeatedly. I remember being impressed that someone who lived so far away from her relatives still managed to maintain such a close relationship with them. Then, she mentioned her faith as important. I could not date someone who didn’t have some kind of religion in her life and think common beliefs can be a great basis for a strong relationship so that stood out to me. We’ve been happily dating for five months!”—Anthony, 35, Wall Township, NJ

Lesson Learned: Many women shy away from mentioning family and faith when talking about themselves out of fear that they’ll seem too serious and scare men off. Not so! Many men hold the exact same values and will respond to your mentioning what really matters most to you.

"Filipina Beauty"

Dating and Romance Filipino Style

This article is mainly for the guys. Ladies will learn a lot of what and what not to do in public and Filipina Western relationships.

The first thing to remember is that girls can touch the guys, but the guys CANNOT touch the girls, so if you are walking down the street, DO NOT hold hands. It is okay for the lady to put her arm and hand around the man’s arm, but that’s about as far as it should go.

There is a reason for this. If a girl lets a man touch, hold hands, or put his arm around her, the Filipinas believe the girl is easy, lose, or maybe a prostitute. If you look at the way girls act in the bars, it is easy to understand that any traditional, well-educated Filipina girl would not want to be seen as such a person.Philippines is a class society, and the girls working in the bars are part of the lower class. Any well-educated and successful Thai man knows this and would not think of marring a girl of this status. Girls who work in bars are for having fun in the short term, and that is as far as it goes. Both Filipino men and women know this, but for some strange reason, many male visitors to Philippines just don’t get it. I will get back to this subject later.

Meeting Friends of the Opposite Sex.

Many people ask me where I find so many wonderful pretty ladies for friends.Well, it isn’t easy. First of all, you have to have time and lots of it. The best place to meet someone is where she works (not a bar). There are plenty of nice, well-educated traditional Filipina girls working in restaurants, shopping malls, as tour guides, and hotels.

This is excellent, as they have a product to sell you and you want to buy. This breaks the ice so you can have a conversation about something you both have in common. Be polite and look sharp(no T-shirt and shorts). If she is working in a restaurant, order your food, orin a shop, make a purchase and hang around a little while. Don’t ask any personal questions at this stage, just small talk. If she is interested in you,she will ask the questions for sure.

Now wait a day or so and then return. Tell her you were just passing by and wanted to stop and visit for a while. Engage in small talk again and answer her questions. Take your time and stick around a while. She now knows you are interested in her, so the questions will start coming that are more personal.You can now ask a few small personal questions, such as how many people are in her family, where she is from, where she went to school, etc., but not too many at this stage. When it is time to leave, give her a nice big smile and look into her eyes as you walk away.

Return again in a day or two. Engage again in a little small talk and then ask if she would like to enjoy a meal with you at her convenience at any place she chooses. She might say yes or she might say no. If she says no, she wants to see if you will return again or just never come back. Don’t worry, she will say yes sooner or later, so just be patient.

The First Date

When she does say yes, she will most probably ask if she can bring some friends along or people in her family. This is a Filipino tradition when first dating and nothing else. Many Westerners do not understand this and think she just wants a free meal for her and her friends or family--not so.

Your date wants her friends and family to check you out and will ask what they think about you later when they are alone. This is kind of like a job interview in front of board members. Don't ask her family or friends any questions--just let them ask you. You are the one being interviewed here. Also, if you talk too much to her friends or another female in the family, everyone will think you are flirting with them, not a good idea. Keep focused on your date.

Another thing you will be tested in is how you spend your money. This starts from the first date. If you ask her where she wants to eat, more than likely she will choose an expensive restaurant. You reply should be to suggest a restaurant that is nice but a little cheaper. A simple restaurant is a no-no,just as much as an expensive one is.Filipinas love shopping malls, so eating at a Pizza Hut for lunch or dinner is fine (not a Sizzler Steak House). Filipinas are very thrifty when it comes to spending money, they know how to get the most for the Philippine peso, and she is looking to see if you are the same. Suggest Pizza Hut for the “all you can eat night,” a very good bargain, and she will take notice of this.

After the first date

Later on in dating you will probably want to purchase a gift for her. This will be another money test. One example: when I was dating my Ex-wife before we got married, I noticed she needed a good watch. We went to the mall and a reputable watch dealer. Now, I could have bought a very expensive one, but here is what I did. I ask her which one she liked. Of course she picked out a very expensive one (remember this is just a test).

I then asked the clerk to see a much cheaper one, which she showed me. I told my date that the cheap watches were not any good. We then looked at medium-price watches and she found one she liked and made the purchase. Now here is the lesson in all this.

If a Filipina girl convinces you to make an expensive purchase when it is not necessary, she thinks you spend way too much money. If you make a cheap purchase, she will think you are stingy. If you make the right purchase, she will know you know how to spend your money wisely. She will never marry a man who throws money away or a man who has no money or is cheap.

Asking for money

Here is one trap most Western men fall into, and again, this is another test.My wife never did this, but I was one step ahead of her, so she didn’t have to.At some time in the courtship she will say something like, “My parents need anew roof for their house, as it leaks when it rains,” or, “We have no indoor plumbing in our house in the village. Can you help us?” or maybe, “My father's motorbike broke down and he needs a new one.” Let's think about this one carefully.

Okay, she now knows you might love her or at least like her a lot or you wouldn’t be spending this much time with her. Now she is performing the biggest test of all--seeing how stupid you are.

Most of the Western men I know would give her the money because they want to help. This is the biggest mistake you can do. DO NOT give her any money for anything!!! Your reply should be, “Let’s go to your parents house and see what they need and maybe I can help.” This is not only wise but also what she wants to hear. She will have one of two replies. If her parents really don’t need the money, she will just laugh, probably give you a hug, and change the subject, no more said for now. Don’t bring up the subject again; remember, this is just a test. If they do need the money for the purposes she mentioned, she will say okay.

Now one of three things will happen. If she just wanted you for your money,she will see you saw right through her objective and will avoid you. Another is she will take you to her parent's house and you will see her parents don’t need anything from you and that this was just a test. Third, you will visit her village and parents and see what they need. Now this is very important and happens mainly with bar girls. If you just give her the money she asks for, she will take it for sure.

Not only that, but she will keep asking for more as long as you keep giving it to her. You are now her cash cow, and remember, she didn’t take it from you: you were more than willing to give it to her. I hear many stories from Western men who say, “This girl stole my money.” No, you were stupid enough to give it to her without checking to see if her stories were true. Remember, these are tests to see if you are wise, thrifty, kind, and considerate, or just plain stupid. A traditional Filipina girl would not take the money but just smile or laugh as mentioned previously.

About the third date and beyond.

After she consults with her siblings and or friends and they like you, then she will go on to the next step. If they don’t like you, forget it. Filipinas won’t rely on their own feelings when it comes to getting serious with a potential mate. What their close personal relations say is most important when it comes to making decisions.

Again, you are at a restaurant with her, and probably a Filipino restaurant, but this time alone. You ask her to make the dinner choices for you and her. Once the plates arrive, she will put the rice on your plate for you. Here is where you find out if she is serious about you and falling in love. She will take small portions from the serving plates and put it on your plate. She will fill up your water or beer glass when it gets low. She will keep doing this until the meal is over. She is trying to show that she wants to take care of you.Filipina women are trained by their mother on how to take care of men and children.I don’t know why, but every time I just think I am thirsty, a glass of water appears. My Ex-wife even knew when I am getting hungry. It’s like she knows my every need just at the right time.

Getting Serious

One thing to remember is a Filipina girl will almost NEVER tell you she loves you.She shows her love by taking care of you. Don’t for a moment think she doesn’t love you because she doesn’t say it. Actions are what counts here and words mean very little when it come to love and romance.

Filipinas also love to give and receive gifts. These gifts should be personal and something you or they truly need. If you want to give a gift, shoes and handbags are their favorites. Don’t go out and purchase expensive gifts. Tell her you need to go shopping for something for yourself and take her with you.After you make your purchase (shirt, etc.), ask her if she would like a pair of shoes or handbag, then walk her to a store. Again, you can purchase a nice pair of shoes for her for a couple hundred Philippine peso, and most nice shoes are under 300 peso and handbags are under 400 Philippine peso. Filipina girls love shoes and handbags in a lot of different colors, so don’t spend a lot of money on one item. She will need more in different colors in the future.

Another gift men love to give, which is not very important to Filipina women,except on special occasions, are flowers. Many Filipina girls feel this is not practical and a waste of money. If you do buy flowers, make sure it is th he right color. The wrong color can have a negative meaning. The two best colors are white and red. White means you miss or missed her, which is great to give when you haven’t seen her in a while. Red is telling her you love her and is good for Valentine's Day, a birthday, or New Year's.Yellow is for mourning, so don’t give her those, as yellow is for funerals.

The Engagement

Now you are both in love and you are ready for ask for her hand in marriage.Take her to a nice restaurant for a romantic dinner and just ask her--that’s all there is to it. Don’t purchase a ring or anything. If she says yes,congratulations. Don’t worry about her parents and what they night say or want,as they already know all about you. They know their daughter loves you and she has already consulted with them and they have given their approval.

The next step is to take her to a gold shop and purchase a nice necklace for her,nothing too big and flashy, just something she likes. Let her make the choice,but you keep it; don’t give it to her yet.

It is now time to go and ask her parents. You should take a well-respected Thai friend along (male) who can tell them about your good character. When you go,take pictures of your family, your house, and any other personal pictures that shows what your life is like back home. Then give the gold necklace to your future wife in front of them. Ask if you can marry her and say how much you love her and why. She will give the necklace to her mother, who will have it blessed by a priest and return it to her. You are now engaged.

Now you can live together until the wedding. The wedding date will be set by first consulting a trusted Catholic priest or church pastor. Then the wedding plans can begin. You will have little or no say on how many people will be there, where it will be held, how much it will cost, or who to invite. Of course, your family and close friends will be allowed to participate and attend.

I hope this helps in understanding the Filipino way of romance. Remember, things are done much differently in their culture, and they are not going to do it any other way, trust me.