"Stalker,In love or Obsessed"

Stalking in Relationships A far cry from the popular media image of stalking being exclusive to crazed fans pursuing Hollywood celebrities, most stalking occur in connection to romantic relationships. Many states in the US as well as countries in Europe, Australia and Asia have passed anti-stalking laws to protect women against harassment from ex-partners. Why should I care? The biggest survey to date, the American National Violence Against Women Survey of 1998 asked 8,000 men and 8,000 women about their experiences about being stalked. It showed that more than 8% of all women had experienced stalking during their lifetime. Far less men were at risk, with only 2% having experienced it. To date, every study shows that women are at greater risk to become victims of stalking than men. When it comes to relationships, an interesting finding is that women tend to be stalked by ex-partners, while men tend to be stalked by strangers or acquaintances. More concerning, women are ten times more likely to be physically assaulted by their stalker than men.
Advice on dealing with stalkers
Stalking in relationships There are all kinds of stalking; workplace stalking, acquaintance stalking, stranger stalking-but what stands out is the fact that stalking by partners and ex-partners is by far the most dangerous and destructive form of stalking there is. Generally, stalking in relationships are known to involve more types of harassing behaviours, to last significantly longer than any other form of stalking and that partners and ex-partners are the most violent category of stalkers. There is a very strong link between physical abuse and stalking. One study found that between 50 and 60% of the women that were physically abused were stalked by their partners following the break-up of the relationship. Generally speaking, most stalking already begins BEFORE the dissolution of the relationship. The surveillance, following, harassment and controlling behaviour of you draws a pattern of emotional and physical abuse that are strong predictors for the onset of stalking in the case of a break-up. These behaviours, especially violence are danger signs. One study on female ex-partners found that 76% of female homicides includes at least one incident of previous stalking, while 85% of attempted homicides involved at least on incident of stalking. So recognizing the behaviour as stalking can be life-saving. So, how do you avoid running into a stalker? Well, they don’t run around with a big sign on their forehead saying “I´m a potential stalker, don’t date me.” But a typical stalker is male, out of work, 35-40 (usually a bit older than his victim), medium to highly intelligent and has a previous history of substance/drug abuse. Personality wise, stalkers have problems maintaining normal and stable relationships with others. They lack social skills and empathy-the ability to relate to other peoples feelings. They have a low tolerance for frustration. They have mood swings between deep devotion and angry rejection. Often they are jealous and suffer from low self esteem. When tested, convicted stalkers show to suffer from personality disorders like, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, Histrionic, Antisocial Personality Disorder, Schizophrenia and Depression. If one were to extract two main warning signs to look out for it would be: difficulty handling ANY interpersonal relationship (also work, neighbour and friends) and the need for control. This might show up extremely subtle and even in a positive light, like not taking no for an answer when you need to hang up the phone because you need to get up early in the morning “because he just loves to hear your voice”. The stalker gets to his victim with the help of age-old depictions of the heroic romantic pursuit against all odds. Even today, popular fiction tells tales of women being wooed and won over after an appropriate period of resistance. Women are told to be flattered (and many are) when a man persists to pursue her, despite protests. The point here is to recognize that when a man does not accept a “no” or a personal boundary set (however small you might think it is)-its not “love”. It is about control and it might be the first warning sign that you have a stalker on your hands. The Aftermath Stalking has of course wide ranging social effects on the women it happens to. Almost everyone makes lifestyle changes, like stop going to the gym, shopping certain places, being less sociable etc. Many have large financial expenses for legal fees, moving, security equipment and so on. Others face relationship and family problems. Finally, many are faced with job loss either due to sick leave, because the stalker becomes a general menace to the workplace or makes it impossible for the victim to perform her job. Women who are the victims of stalking suffer from a long list of psychosomatic problems such as: Sleep disturbances Changes in appetite Unwanted memories and flashbacks Headache Problems concentrating Psychologically, most stalking victims are found to be suffering from anxiety. The ongoing harassment, sometimes for years, makes the victims susceptible for depression, which is exactly the case. A Dutch study of 246 victims of stalking found their level of depression to be closer to psychiatric out-patients than the general Dutch population. Even more disturbing, an Australian study found that 37% percent of their subjects showed symptoms that qualified them to the diagnosis Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Overall, the research shows that the more stalking tactics used and the higher stalking frequency-the more severe psychopathology in the victims. So why does stalking stop? The National Violence Against Women Survey took a look at why stalking stopped. The results were quite disconcerting. It does indicate that the stalker does not stop by his free will alone. The number one reason was the victim moving and changing her telephone number. Second biggest reason was that the ex-partner got a new partner and therefore lost interest in stalking the victim. Third reason, about 15% of the incidents stopped due to a warning from the police, 9% due to an arrest made by the police. Only 1% of the reported stalking incidents stopped because of a criminal conviction and less than 1% because of a restraining order. According to the survey, though, more than half of the victims never go to the police so the numbers are not clear. Basic advice to handle stalking End the relationship in clear terms: “I do not want a relationship with you”. There is no such thing as “letting down easy” a potential stalker. Any other way that leaves the message open to interpretation will keep him hanging on. “Im not ready” “I have a boyfriend” or using a go-between will only make him think that there is a possibility. Gather all evidence, but do not tamper with it. Save voice mails, letters, notes, gifts etc for the police. Have a camera and/or a VCR with you. Keep a record of all incidences. No contact. Contact to the stalker translates into his mind into a relationship. No response. Do NOT return gifts, letters or goods sent to you. This will infer a relationship in his head. Legal claims that can go unanswered should do so. Never answer the phone. If you answer the 31th time, he knows it will pay off to persist. Leave a photo and description of your stalker to co-workers, neighbours, kindergarten employees-anyone he can think of contacting. Warn them not to give out information about you and report back to you if he has been around. Get as much personal information about you removed from public records. Do a safety check on your house. Wear mace or a personal attack alarm at all time. Do NOT attack your stalker, neither physically, nor verbally as he then might get the justification for his pursuit or even a legal dispute.

You may be in love if...

One of the most common human experiences that two or more (depending on how ambitious you are) people can share is love. But, it’s not always easy to tell if you are in “like”, “lust” or full blown, forever loving. With that in mind, I’ve created this list of signs that you may be crazy in love!

1. If you’ve ever stared deeply into the eyes of your significant other for more than 10 seconds without cracking up hysterically … you may be in love.

2. If every person in your life tells you that she/he’s no good and you’re mailman, pharmacist and local news station agrees, yet you think they are “just jealous” … you may be in love.

3. Guys: if you’ve taken the pictures of the other women in you’re life off the walls, like the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition posters, Playmate of the month calendar, Monster Truck Rally 2005 … you may be in love.

4. Ladies: men can produce excessive amounts of eye watering, nose burning noxious odor from almost any food or drink, and then aren’t above sharing it with others, especially at night. Knowing all this, and you STILL want to sleep in the same bed with him … you may be in love.

5. If your significant other asks you how they look in their new retro polyester lime green outfit and you say they look hot … you may be in love…. or you have a really strong self preservation instinct.

6. Guys: if you’ve ever given up washing and waxing that new car you just bought to watch “Sleepless in Seattle” with you’re girlfriend/wife for the 20th time … you may be in love.

7. If you always remember every anniversary and birthday of your partner, and you’re not female … you may be in love.

8. If you think the underwear and socks you get for your birthday and Christmas every year is a pleasant surprise … you may be in love.

9. If you thought the Sears Tool Set and rolling cabinet you got for your birthday was great idea, and you’re not male ... you may be in love.

10. If you are taken to Burger King for a romantic dinner, and that doesn’t bother you … you may be in love.

11. If you notice your local florist starts arriving at work in a limo since you became a customer ... you may be in love

12. If hearing "Honey, wheres my clean underwear?" brings tears of joy to your eyes ... you may be in loveBut the easiest way to tell if you are in love is this: If there is no one on this planet that you would rather spend everyday of your life with than the one you are with … then you ARE in love!

To have a PERFECT LOVE is the road on having a perfect life.

Characteristics of a great partner

What do you look into your partner? What do you expect form him/her? Every person has an image of their partner in their minds and think that their partner should be loving, considerate, joyful, have a great sense of humour and should love them crazily. Following are a few things that one always tries to search in their partner and which not only makes a great partner but also are the characteristics of a great relationship.
Someone who is caring and honest.
Someone who laughs with you and cries with you and is there for you at all the times.
Someone who truly listens to what you say and understands that though listening is a key, but using what is heard is even more important.
Someone who knows what you want before you say it.
Someone who respects you for what you are and does not flatter you unnecessarily.
Someone who is open and responsive and with whom you can confide in like a friend.
Someone who is never critical and ill tempered and knows how to compromised in the relationship.
Someone who loves you with all his heart.
Someone who likes everything that you do.
Someone with whom you have many common interests to share.
Someone who is trustworthy and who will risk his/her life for you.
Someone who takes time to listen and enjoy you for who you are and tries not to make you something else.
Someone that has a personality with qualities you don't have yourself, but admire greatly in them.
Someone who loves the stupid stuff you do without making fun of you.
Someone who appreciates your food even if it is not tasty but loves it because you have worked so hard to prepare it.
Someone who can make you happy when you are sad.
Someone who tells you the truth even if you don't want to hear it.
Someone who is a sweet, romantic person who cherishes you no matter what.
Someone who knows you're not perfect but treats you as though you are.
Someone who is a great person, a great kisser, and a great lover!