"PROMISES"

Promises are easily made. Keeping them often proves more difficult because when we are pressured to strive always for perfection, we find it simpler to agree to undertake impossible tasks than to say no.

Likewise, there is an infinite array of circumstances that conspire to goad us into telling falsehoods, even when we hold a great reverence for truth. When you endeavor to consistently keep your word, however, you protect your reputation and promote yourself as someone who can be trusted to be unfailingly truthful.

Though your honesty may not always endear you to others—for there will always be those who fear the truth—you can nonetheless be certain that your integrity is never tarnished by the patina of deceit. Since frankness and sincerity form the basis of all life-enriching relationships, your word is one of your most precious and powerful possessions.

When we promise more than we can deliver, hide from the consequences of our actions through falsehoods, or deny our true selves to others, we hurt those who were counting on us by proving that their faith was wrongly given. We are also hurt by the lies we tell and the promises we break. Integrity is the foundation of civilization, allowing people to live, work, and play side by side without fear or apprehension.

As you cultivate honesty within yourself, you will find that your honor and reliability put people at ease. Others will feel comfortable seeking out your friendship and collaborating with you on projects of great importance, certain that their positive expectations will be met. If you do catch yourself in a lie, ask yourself what you wanted to hide and why you felt you couldn’t be truthful.

And if life’s surprises prevent you from keeping your word, simply admit your error apologetically and make amends quickly. Since the path of truth frequently represents the more difficult journey, embarking upon it builds character.

You can harness the power of your word when you do your best to live a life of honesty and understand what motivates dishonesty. In keeping your agreements and embodying sincerity, you prove that you are worthy of trust and perceive values as something to be incorporated into your daily existence.

Is He In Love With You?

I get hundreds of visits each day from viewers wondering how to tell if a man is in love with them.

It seems a common question women throughout the world are wondering.

I've addressed this topic in several different articles so thought I would collect and link several posts here so the question is addressed from multiple perspectives.

When asked, how to know if a guy is in love with you, my most common bit of advice would be... what does your gut tell you? What do you know inside? Listen to what you know to be true, not what you hope, wish, fantasize about!

The following links will give you a variety of information and ideas to help you know... if a man is in love with you!

Listen to your gut!

How to tell if a guy is using you!

How to tell if a man does not love you!

Ten tips to know you are being used!

How to tell if a man is in love with you!

How to tell if a guy is married!

If a guy truly loves you he will not....

How to know if a guy is using you!

How desperate are you?

Sex is not intimacy, love, or care!

Self esteem and the cycle of being used!

Be smart, be honest with yourself, be true to yourself, and find a man who truly does love you!

"Trust & Trials"

LIFE IS A TEST AND A TRUST

The way you see your life shapes your life. How you define life determnes your destiny. Your perspective will influence how you invest your time, spend your money, use your talents and value your relationships.

If you were asked how you picture life, what image would come to your mind? That image would be your life metaphor. It is the view of life that you hold, consciously or unconsciously, in your mind. It is your description of how life works and what you expect from it.

Most people express their life metaphors through clothes, jewelry, cars, hairstyles, bmper stickers or even tattoos. Your unspoken life metaphor influences your life more than you realize. It determines your expectations, your values, your relationships, your goals, and your priorities.

God's view of life is: Life is a test, Life is a trust, and Life is a temporary assignment.
Life on earth is a test. God continually tests people's character, faith, obedience, love, integrity and loyalty.

Character is both developed and revealed by tests and all of life is a test. God constantly watches your response to people, problems, success, conflict, illness, disappointment and even the weather. God even watches the simplest actions such as when you open the door for others, when you pick up a piece of trash or when you are polite toward a clerk or waitress or janitor or even to the lowest level of your personality. You will be tested by major changes, delayed promises, impossible problems, unanswered prayers, undeserved criticism and even senseless tragedies.

A very important test is how you act when you cannot feel God's presence in your life. Sometimes God intentionally draws back and we do not sense his closeness. Every day is an important day and every second is a growth opportunity to deepen your character, to demonstrate love, or to depend on God. Some tests seem overwhelming, while others you do not even notice, but all of them have eternal implications.
The second God's view of life is a trust. Our time on earth and our energy, intelligence, opportunities, relationships and resources are all gifts from God that he has entrusted to our care and management. We are all stewards of whatever God gives us.

This concept of stewardship started with the recognition that God is the owner of everything and everyone on earth. We never own anything during our stay on earth. It was God's property before you arrived and God will loan it to someone else after you die.

So, you just get to enjoy it for a while.
The first job God gave humans was to manage and take care of God's "stuff" on earth. Everything we enjoy is to be treated as a trust that God has placed in our hands.

At the end of your life on earth you will be evaluated and rewarded according to how well you handled what God entrusted to you. It means that everything you do, even simple daily chores, has eternal implications. If you treat everything as a trust, God promises three rewards in eternity. First, you will be given God's affirmation. Next, you will receive a promotion and be given greater responsibility in eternity. Then, you will be honored with a celebration.

Most people fail to realize that money is both a test and a trust from God. God uses finances to teach us to trust him, and for many people, money is the greatest test of all. God watches how we use money to test how trustworthy we are. Hence, life is a test and a trust, and the more God gives you, the more responsible he expects you to be.

Verse to Remember: "The person who is trustworthy in very small matters is also trustworthy in great ones; and the person who is dishonest in very small matters is also dishonest in great ones." Luke 16:10

The True Essence Of Friendship

" GENERAL TRAITS OF A FRIENDSHIP "

Perhaps the one relation that has survived the trials and tribulations of time and has still remained unconditional is friendship.

A unique blend of affection, loyalty, love, respect, trust and loads of fun is perhaps what describes the true meaning of friendship between two individuals.

Similar interests, mutual respect and strong attachment with each other are what friends share between each other. These are just the general traits of a friendship.

To experience what is friendship, one must have true friends, who are indeed rare treasure.

"Trust"

For me trust is something u cannot gained it easily..but people rarely appreciate it after through all the hardship to gained it...

I've seen...
a friend...who being betrayed....
a wife or husband who being cheated....
a parents...who being dissappointed...
a children..who being neglected....
a lover....who being disposed off....
i've seen it happening to me...and people around me....until i believe....before u trust somebody...u'll know them first...love them and cherish them....only then u should be prepared with anything...
and it make me realise....
u cannot trust people so much they will betray u...
u cannot love them so much....they will hurt u....
u cannot spoiled them so much with ur attention...they will take u for granted
dont put their promises as something you can hold on to... u will fall...
dont put their sweet talking ...as true...its just a talk....
if they flirt...just join back...its harmless and meaningless....
so my friends......for me.....love is like a chocolate....
its not always sweet ...sometime its bitter....only when its bitter....
you can know yourself....so to all my beloved friends....
love your friends...
love your family.....
love your parents...who bring u up facing this world....
love a person who u love and love you back in return....
but love ur LORD...ur GOD...no matter what religion u are....
Our LORD is the one who will never let you down no matter what...
to a friends...who have been hurt, betrayed, cheated,left out, neglected...and dissappointed...remember you didnt loose so much....u still have HIM....
the past is past...it cannot be return...
live ur life for today....

Don't try to hope so much for the future..because u cant predict it...u will be dissappointed if its not according your plan...

Do Not Be Sad......love u all.... thank you for being my friend......nice knowing all of you....

Cheating

When Does Cheating Happens?

Cheating happens when you start looking for what you don't have. Somewhere along the way, you will meet someone who will be more charming or sensitive than the one youre already with.

More sexy, More thoughtful, wealthier, better in bed, and you will meet someone who will need you and pursue you and go loco over you more than your boyfriend/girlfriend ever did. No boyfriend/girlfriend is perfect, because your boyfriend/girlfriend will only have 90 percent of what you're looking for.

So, cheating happens when you look for the missing 10 percent. Lets say your girlfriend is melancholic by nature. You may find yourself drawn to the pretty girl next-door who has a cheerleader laugh no matter what she says: I broke my arm yesterday, ha ha ha...

Or because your girlfriend is a couch potato who is always in pajamas and smelling of garlic and cooking oil, you may fall for the CK-One-smelling colleague who comes to work in a sharp pinstripe blazer, high heels, and a red pencil-cut skirt.

Or because your boyfriend is the type who never shuts up even when you've tried using duct tape, your heart may skip a beat when you sit next to a brooding, mysterious Latino on the bus.

But wait! Thats only 10 percent of what you don't have. Don't throw away the 90 percent that you already do! add to the 90 percent the 100 percent that represents all the years that you have been with each other. The storms you have weathered together.

The many adjustments you have made to better understand each others little quirks and idiosyncracies. The wealth of memories that you have accumulated as lovers. The old sparks that can always be rekindled by the walk on the beach, barefoot and underneath the stars...

Cheating happens when you start looking for what you don't have. But faithfulness happens when you start thanking God for what you already do.

" Cheaters Hate Cheaters "

CHEATING
That word can be defined in numerous different ways.

You can cheat on your taxes, your significant other, and your diet among other things.


But the one of the most important things that you can cheat is simply, yourself.


Most people claim to be happy but if you were to take a deeper look you would probably see that they are trying to please everyone but themselves and becoming quite miserable in the process.
They give so much to others that they forget to give to themselves.

Time goes by and those dreams that you once had are now just a memory because you cheated yourself out of the idea. Lost in the day to day living you give up on ever finishing your degree. That cross country trip has turned into a bunch of brochures in the back of your closet that you never look at again. The good friends from days gone by are now just mere acquaintances that you might send a Christmas card to.

Life is yours to enjoy and experience. Don't get so dependent on the clock that you cheat yourself out of those goals that you have set for yourself.

Love yourself and allow yourself the freedom to enjoy life; so when you look back you can honestly say that instead of making do and cheating yourself of life experiences you gave it your all and the reward of happiness, inner peace and love will have been experienced with those that you surround yourself with.

"Faith Is A Belief That Don't Seek Evidence"

Have A Little Faith
There are moments in our life that we want to give up. These are the times when everything seemed to shut up and all the doors of escape has been padlocked. Everyone once in a while experienced this phenomenon when no one seemed to be there and nothing can be done but just do nothing. It happened to me many times. It had happened to me and I was not ready to face them but with a little faith and a lot of love I surmount every obstacle that seemed to be very impossible to get out with.

Maybe God really wants us to put in that situations when all we have to do is just pray and wait for HIS Divine Guidance. Maybe God really wants us to test if our faith and belief can withstand all the adversaries of life. And maybe God really wants those evil things to happen just to remind us that HE is always be there for us even though we think that HE abandoned us in every desperate moments.

But God does not sometimes directly rescue us. He send "angels" so that we can feel HIS presence. How many times that when we are in a crisis some unusual friend or someone will offer us his or her help? How many times when we are about to give up, there are past memories that will suddenly popped-out and will remind us how lucky we were before and we soon realized that this crisis of the moment is just another way of living or existence? And God does not fail and will never fail us. Sometimes HIS timing and purpose of giving us so much problems are incomprehensible but at the end of the tunnel we can see HIS light that will give us eternal peace. And we should not have little faith. We gotta have Big Faith. Faith to move on. Faith to carry on. Faith that can only be our own salvation into this cruel world!

"If There Is Faith,True Love Never Fails"

" Fairytale ; A Dream Come True "

His eyes fluttered open as the sun rays welcomed him through the window. He wondered if they had left the curtain open. Half asleep he tried to see why the sun was shining right in his eyes.

After fully opening his eyes, he realized that the curtains were drawn but mischievous corner was letting the sun rays come in which happened to land right on his face. It was Sunday and he was not waking up so early. So, he got up, cursing underneath his breath he straightened the curtain and came back to bed. It was then when he saw her lying next to him.

As always he couldn’t take his gaze off of her and couldn’t help but wonder how anyone could be as beautiful as she was and how in the world had such a beautiful woman landed on his bed, not only for one day but for an entire lifetime?!Someone up there must have been very happy with me. He grinned at the thought and snuggled with her to take a closer look.

As he touched her she tossed in her sleep and like always she set the blanket straight on him putting her hand on his chest.Her care had never stopped even when she was asleep. How could she know every time he was not in the blanket? He could never answer that question, but then again he could never answer a lot of the questions he had about her, like, how she always figured out that he was in trouble. He used to get her phone calls at the oddest times asking him if everything was ok.

She would call him exactly at the time when he needed to talk to someone, but how in the world did she know when she had been miles away from him?“I just get a bad feeling, honey, I can feel it inside”, was always her answer.Instinctively, he kissed her forehead and took her in his arms like a little child. Well, that was what she was—a little child. A very spoiled one, for that matter.

She had been the wildest woman he ever met. She had the most outrageous ideas and was never afraid to break the rules. He had not seen a woman so bold and passionate.

She was fiery in her attitude and he knew that the passion in her eyes attracted him to her in the first place.

Over time, he realized that she had the kindest heart and she loved him deeply. However, he was never able to tame her. He tried for a while but it didn’t happen.

She was not meant to be tamed. She was the go-getter and no one could stop her. He learned to live with it. But, he loved her with all his heart, and he loved her for her passion, for her love of life, for her wildness.

She showed him a whole different world—her world. Her beautiful world that he had become a part of. He had never regretted anything about his life. He knew she was the one when he had proposed her and he knew she was his destiny the day they got married.

In each and every one of us there is a longing to be understood by someone who really cares. When a person is understood, he or she can put up with almost anything in the world.

She understood him. She understood him more than anyone else and the realization made him want to break down and cry. Just how many people could say this years after their marriage? Both of them had been really lucky. He knew he was just… blessed.He tilted his head and looked at her again.

She was peaceful with her lips almost curling up in a smile, her ravishing long hair covering half of her face.

Anyone seeing her angelic face peacefully sleeping could have never guessed that the night before in her pajamas, she was dancing hysterically on some random hip hop beats.

She was laughing and dancing all over him.“I want to parttttyyyy”, she said with her arms in the air.

“Honey, I have told you, you can go out with your friends on weekends”, he had said without taking his eyes off the book he was reading.“No, not that kind of party”, she replied making a face. “I want to party with you, just the two of us, you know”.

She put her head on his lap distracting him from his reading.“You are soo boring Mr.’, she complained snatching the book from him.“What do you want me to do?”“I want you to kiss me”, she said seriously.

She has always been bold like that. Only a woman can make a man come to his knees and leave him breathless. For him that woman has been her. He smiled and leaned forward to kiss her, but she pulled back.

Now what.“If you think this is so easy, you are oh-so wrong! You want it, you have to come and get it,” she said grinning and ran off the bed.

The next half hour was spent chasing her throughout the house and he had only been able to catch her after she was tired of running and gave in to him, and that was how they both landed on the bed where she was still sleeping.

The just had too much energy, like a little kid who would only sleep when he is utterly exhausted. She was a full time job for him.

His mind fully awake then, he decided there was no point in lying down on the bed. He was awake and it was time for him to wake her up too. He decided the same tactic he used every time—kiss her lips. She didn’t wake up but he could see a little smile curling her lips.He brushed her hair with his hands.

Touched her eyes lightly with his fingers, whispered in her ears asking her to wake up but she didn’t move. However her face expression clearly told him that she didn’t want to wake up just yet. He tossed her body straight in an attempt to wake her up.

After some more teasing here and there, he was still unable to get her attention. Finally he gave up and said loudly.“Hey woman, wake up, your man needs breakfast.”

“He can go and make himself some,’ was the grumpy reply.“You know I am not going to cook, after all these years you should know that.”“ummmm…. Nooo.. mee sleepy…. You sleepy”, she groaned never opening her eyes.“Ok I am getting up then and leaving you alone in the bed,” he knew she hated when he would leave her sleeping like that.“No”, was a simple reply.“Oh yeah?

Well I am outta here.”He decided to get up when she pulled herself on top of him, snuggling her head in this neck.“Who is getting up now?”She was going to have her way this time too and he knew that. Besides, her touch was so addicting, he didn’t feel like letting go.

Giving up, he wrapped his arms around her; this time sure that someone up there was very happy with him.

To be Continued........

"Keeping up relationships is never that easy you need to nurture it to last"

ENHANCING RELATIONSHIPS...

TRUST

Trust is a very important factor for all relationships. When trust is broken, it is the end of the relationship. Lack of trust leads to suspicion, suspicion generates anger, anger causes enmity and enmity may result in separation. A telephone operator told me that one day she received a phone call. She answered, "Public Utilities Board."

There was silence. She repeated, "PUB." There was still no answer. When she was going to cut off the line, she Heard a lady's voice, "Oh, so this is PUB.Sorry, I got the number from my Husband's pocket but I do not know whose number it is." Without mutual trust, just imagine what will happen to the couple if the telephone operator answered with just "hello" instead of "PUB".

NO POINTING FINGERS

A man asked his father-in-law, "Many people praised you for a successful marriage. Could you please share with me your secret?" The father-in-law answered in a smile, "Never criticize your wife for her shortcomings or when she does something wrong. Always bear in mind that because of her shortcomings and weaknesses, she could not find a better husband than you.

"We all look forward to being loved and respected. Many people are afraid of losing face. Generally, when a person makes a mistake, he would look around to find a scapegoat to point the finger at. This is the start of a war. We should always remember that when we point one finger at a person, the other four fingers are pointing at ourselves. If we forgive others, others will ignore our mistake too.

CREATING PERFECT RELATIONSHIPS?

A person visited the government matchmaker for marriage, SDU, and requested "I am looking for a spouse. Please help me to find a suitable one." The SDU officer said, "Your requirements, please." "Oh, good looking, polite, humorous , sporty, knowledgeable, good in singing and dancing.

Willing to accompany me the whole day at home during my leisure hour, if I don't go out. Telling me interesting stories when I need companion for conversation and be silent when I want to rest." The officer listened carefully and replied, "I understand you need television."

There is a saying that a perfect match can only be found between a blind wife and a deaf husband, because the blind wife cannot see the faults of the husband and the deaf husband cannot hear the nagging of the wife.

Many couples are blind and deaf at the courting stage and dream of perpetual perfect relationship. Unfortunately, when the excitement of love wears off, they wake up and discover that marriage is not a bed of roses. The nightmare begins.

NO OVERPOWERING

Many relationships fail because one party tries to overpower another, or demands too much. People in love tend to think that love will conquer all and their spouses will change the bad habits after marriage. Actually, this is not the case.

There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that "It is easier to reshape a mountain or a river than a person's character." It is not easy to change. Thus, having high expectation on changing the spouse character will cause disappointment and unpleasantness. It would be less painful to change ourselves and lower our expectations.

RIGHT SPEECH

There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that "A speech will either prosper or ruin a nation." Many relationships break off because of wrong speech. When a couple is too close with each other, we always forget mutual respect and courtesy.

We may say anything without considering if it would hurt the other party. A friend and her millionaire husband visited their construction site. A worker who wore a helmet saw her and shouted,"Hi, Emily! Remember me?

We used to date in the secondary school." On the way home, her millionaire husband teased her, "Luckily you married me. Otherwise you will be the wife of a construction worker." She answered ,"You should appreciate that you married me. Otherwise, he will be the millionaire and not you." Frequently exchanging these remarks plants the seed for a bad relationship. It's like a broken egg - cannot be reversed.

PERSONAL PERCEPTION

Different people have different perception. One man's meat could be another man's poison. A couple bought a donkey from the market. On the way home, a boy commented, "Very stupid. Why neither of them ride on the donkey?"Upon hearing that, the husband let the wife ride on the donkey. He walked besides them.

Later, an old man saw it and commented, "The husband is the head of family. How can the wife ride on the donkey while the husband is on foot?" Hearing this, the wife quickly got down and let the husband ride on the donkey. Further on the way home, they met an old Lady. She commented, "How can the man ride on the donkey but let the wife walk. He is no gentleman."

The husband thus quickly asked the wife to join him on the donkey. Then, they met a young man. He commented, "Poor donkey, how can you hold up the weight of two persons. They are cruel to you." Hearing that, the husband and wife immediately climbed down from the donkey and carried it on their shoulders. It seems to be the only choice left. Later, on a narrow bridge, the donkey was frightened and struggled.

They lost their balance and fell into the river. You can never have everyone praise you, nor will everyone condemn you. Never in the past, not at present, and never will be in the future. Thus, do not be too bothered by others words if our conscience is clear.

BE PATIENT

This is a true story which happened in the States. A man came out of his home to admire his new truck. To his puzzlement, his three-year-old son was happily hammering dents into the shiny paint of the truck. The man ran to his son, knocked him away, hammered the little boy's hands into pulp as punishment.

When the father calmed down, he rushed his son to the hospital. Although the doctor tried desperately to save the crushed bones, he finally had to amputate the fingers from both the boy's hands. When the boy woke up from the surgery & saw his bandaged stubs, he innocently said, " Daddy,I'm sorry about your truck." Then he asked, "but when are my fingers going to grow back?" The father went home & committed suicide. Think about this story the next time someone steps on your feet or u wish to take revenge.

Think first before u lose your patience with someone u love. Trucks can be repaired.. Broken bones & hurt feelings often can't. Too often we fail to recognize the difference between the person and the performance. We forget that forgiveness is greater than revenge. People make mistakes.



We are allowed to make mistakes. But the actions we take while in a rage will haunt us forever. Stop and think and appreciate God's power in your life,for doing what you know is pleasing to Him.

"Trust in a Relationship"

10 Crucial and Surprising Steps to Build Trust in a Relationship

1. Be predictable. When do seeds of suspicion emerge? When one begins to think, What's up? Why is he doing that? He's never done that before. That is so unlike him. He loses 30 pounds, buys a new wardrobe and comes home late from work. He changes his patterns. His behavior becomes unpredictable. You get the picture? Any movement away from predictable behavior can become suspect and trust can deteriorate. Focus on acting predictably if you need to build trust. Be consistent in what you do. This doesn't mean you must be boring. If there is a twinkle in your eye and a dose of spontaneity every so often, for goodness sakes be spontaneous and fun loving. But, be spontaneous consistently! Be true to who you have always been and be that consistently, whoever you tend to be!

2. Inform your significant other when you become "unpredictable." No one goes through life the same person. We all make shifts and changes. Frankly sometimes we may be fairly clueless about what is happening and where we are going. Those times may be very intense and we do some silly things or make some downright dumb decisions. Life can get very squirrelly and unpredictable. (I have a favorite phrase: Gold is refined through intense heat.) Growth in an individual, marriage or family often is accompanied by a little chaos. Welcome these shifts, for there is a part of you searching for something better/different/richer/deeper, but for heaven's sake, inform your partner of what you are experiencing. Say, "I really don't know what is going on in me right now, but I'm moving in a different direction. Be a little patient with me while I figure this out. I might do some silly things, but my intent is not to harm you or scare you. Accept some of my wondering and wandering and please be there for me? I may need to run some of this by you every so often!"

3. Make sure your words match the message. Mean what you say and say what you mean. When your partner hears one thing in your words but your tone of voice, body language and facial expressions are really saying something else, you open the relationship to some crazy making days. Which message is she to believe? This can waste a tremendous amount of energy and she learns not to trust part of what you are saying. Here's a very simple but common example. You are getting ready to go to a formal dinner. Your wife comes to you and says, "How do I look?" (And she's wearing a dress you don't particularly like and her hair is pulled back in a way that turns you off.) Not to spoil the evening you enthusiastically say, "You look great." You don't really mean it and a part of her knows you really don't mean it. But, you leave it at that. This might not seem like a big deal - we all have done something similar - but if trust is shaky to begin with, it is even shakier now. Here's how to match the words with the nonverbal: "I think you are a beautiful person. I want you to know that. I love you dearly and it will be wonderful to have you by my side tonight. Others will see your beauty. (As you say this, you look into her eyes as you put your hands around her waist.) She's not concerned so much with how she looks but is expressing a need for affirmation. She's not talking about her dress or hair, but about wanting to know the evening is going to go just fine. You respond to the real message. You can take this one step further, if you like. At some point you might bring up her need for affirmation and talk about that. Ask her is there is anything you can say or do so that need is met. Trust is awareness of the intent beneath the obvious message and responding to that!

4. Believe the other person is competent. I hear this phrase very often: "But, I don't want to hurt him." A couple things are at play here. First, she may not have the skill of confronting the other with the truth in a way that brings reconciliation and understanding. She believes truth telling is destructive or entails some sort of drama. Neither is true. The truth is never destructive and can be conveyed in loving ways. (With that said, what we believe to be the truth may indeed be a distorted perception that fits our personal needs.) Or, she may see the other person as a wimp; someone she believes cannot handle rigorous personal confrontation. She doesn't trust that the other person has the internal strength or stamina or skills to be in a relationship of mutual respect and equality. The other person picks up on this mistrust and does what he does (feigns inadequacy and incompetence) to avoid the personal confrontation as well. A dance is acted out. Believe and know in your heart that the other person, somewhere and somehow, beneath the games, has the internal strength and capacity to handle anything. Such trust builds trust in the other person and begins to pervade the relationship. "Hey, she thinks I can handle this! Hmmmm, this is mighty good! I CAN engage her and be truly intimate!"

5. Be very very careful of keeping secrets. If he knows there is an elephant in the room and doesn't talk about it, the elephant takes up tremendous space in the relationship. It takes energy for him to walk around it. She may not see the elephant but knows he is bending his neck to look around something. She will be curious, mildly disturbed, have feelings but no words to wrap around them, might wonder if something is wrong with her or struggle with trusting her intuition (her intuition KNOWS an elephant is there.) And, when we can't trust the messages that come from within us, we find it very difficult to trust the messages of the other person. Secrets demand tremendous energy and erode trust. The relationship is doomed never to experience wall-banging intimacy. This is why extramarital affairs are so damaging. She is not so much concerned about him having sex with someone else as she is about the betrayal, lack of trust, the secrets and deception that are crazy making and energy draining. Now, please. I'm not saying that you sit your partner down and divulge the 23 secrets of your illicit past behaviors. If you have resolved those, i.e. forgiven yourself, understand those behaviors, learned from them and were able to use them to make the internal shifts necessary for your personal development, they do not qualify as an elephant. Hopefully, in the course of growing intimacy in your relationship you may want to share some of those events as you disclose to your partner where you were and where you are now. You do so without emotional charge. However, if a secret takes up room, i.e. still has an emotional charge and holds you back from disclosing more and more of yourself in the growing stages of intimacy, you have a problem that needs to be addressed with your partner.

6. Let YOUR needs be known - loudly. Be a little - no, be a lot - self-centered. (Be self-centered, but not selfish!) Here's a problem I run into almost every day. He is backing away (perhaps attached to work, another person, etc.). She feels the trust and intimacy eroding, is scared and wants to "win him back." So she begins an all out effort to "work on the marriage." She invites him to do so as well. He may reluctantly agree. She blasts full throttle ahead trying to "be nice" and meet every need he ever said he had. She's going to "fill his tank with goodies." Doesn't work. Her eyes are riveted on him. He feels "smothered" or maybe even resentful: "Why is she doing this NOW!" She's hopeful, but eventually that turns to resentment. Her underlying motive - if I meet his needs, he will feel good and meet mine - just doesn't work. It's perceived as manipulation, which it is. Of course, he doesn't say anything. After all, how do you get angry with someone who is so "nice and caring?" Trust disintegrates under a blanket of quiet niceties. Start with your eyes focused on YOU. What do YOU need? Explore your personal need system. Dig beneath the surface. And then say to him: "I need…x, y and z. I would like to talk to you about them. I would like us to work out a way so my needs are met. Are you open to that?" He is empowered to say yes or no. Or, he may say, "What about my needs?" You respond, "I am very interested in hearing what is important to you, certainly." Have you ever been around someone who stated clearly what they needed/wanted? Didn't you respect that person? Because you knew where he stood, and therefore where you stood, didn't that interaction move toward a trusting relationship?

7. State who YOU are - loudly. It is very sad to see those in relationships of emotional investment hold back from letting the other person know who they really are. You build trust in a relationship by entrusting your SELF to the other person. This sounds easy but I find it difficult for most to pull off. Most of us have a difficult time declaring our SELF. For one thing, if you're like most of us, you haven't given much thought to what it is that makes YOU truly YOU. Don't you feel like you glide through life on autopilot, focusing on tasks, goals, accomplishments, problems and the external realities? Don't you tend to focus on those things out there or that person out there? You're concerned about what he is thinking, how he is responding to you, whether he likes you, whether he will be an obstacle and where he will fit in your life? Your conversations may be pleasant but fairly superficial and bluntly, boringly inane. You converse about things/relationships/events out there. You are reluctant to share your thoughts, values, and impressions or take a stand. This doesn't destroy trust. But it doesn't create it either. And, if you do take a stand it may serve the purpose of protecting you or entrenching you as you react against someone. This more often than not creates trust barriers. Take some time to reflect on your standards. What are your standards for a relationship? What standards do you hold for yourself? What do you order your life around? What are the 4 top values in your life? What are some themes that you live by? What are you known for? And then…begin letting significant people in your life know. They will respect you. They will know you more deeply. They will thank you for the opportunity to know you. They will see you as a person of character. They will trust you. They can count on you. They know exactly what is behind and within you.

8. Learn to say NO! Sometimes you need to say NO! Often it is crucial to say NO! Saying NO sets boundaries around you that protects you from being hurt or venturing into territory that will be destructive to your heart and soul. You draw a line. You stop tolerating that which drains energy and makes you less than YOU. You refuse to allow the destructive behaviors of others to destroy you. You build a moat around the core of your life. You do this by informing the other person of what they are doing. You request they stop. If they don't stop, you demand they stop. If they don't stop you walk away without a snide remark, eye-roll or comment. To some this seems harsh, but saying NO is RESPECTED. Fear is the basis of mistrust. If you fear that someone will hurt you and believe you have no recourse but to endure that hurt, fear will prevail. How can you trust when you are in fear? Saying NO, protecting yourself, sends a message to the other person that you will not live in fear. This usually triggers a response of respect from the other person. After all, if you can protect yourself and refuse subjugation to that which is destructive, will not the other person come to trust you and see you as a person who just might protect him/her from harm as well?

9. Charge Neutral. When your significant other expresses something powerfully, charge neutral. Most of us are afraid of strong feelings or points of contention in a relationship. I commonly hear people respond by defending themselves (to a perceived attack), explaining themselves, counter-attacking, shutting down, or walking away. Of course, the relationship remains stuck in this quagmire of mistrust and fear. Rather than reacting and having your feelings flowing all over the place or shutting down, practice charging neutral. Communicate calmness, not only in your tone of voice but also in how you carry your body. Don't speak with a charge to your voice. Control your voice! Say what you must say, state the truth and do it directly and calmly. You can do this, once you master your fears. It will dramatically change the flow of the relationship. You will be able to point out something big, without making a big deal out of it. You will be in control of you. This not only feels great, but your partner trusts that you won't fly or fall apart. You will experience your personal power. This makes you very attractive. Don't people really trust someone who knows their personal power and how to use it for the welfare of themselves and others? Your partner will love the fact that she can trust you consistently to operate from your "quiet center," remain engaged, not back down and speak the truth with conviction and calmness.

10. Dig into the dirt. Relationships of emotional investment, by their nature, bring trials, tribulations, fears, chaos, turmoil, change, stretching and growth. They become the grist from which your life is shaped and formed. Be fearless when faced with turmoil, upset, crisis, questions, and fears. When the time is right, seek them out. Move toward the frightening unknown. Dig into the dirt of your relationship and uncover the treasures. Do you really TRUST that this can happen? The purpose of your relationship is not to make you happy. Do you realize this? Happiness may be an outcome, but your other is given to you to move you to where you really want to be. Obstacles, trials and moments of pain are given as lessons on which you intentionally write the script of your life individually and together. Embrace the difficult. Trust that in this embracing you will find more of your true self. Trust that you are given the resources and capacity to face what you and your significant other are to face. Once you are able to believe and trust these ultimate purposes, trusting your significant other will be that much more easy.

"Walk by faith,not by sight"

Two traveling angels stopped to spend the night in the home of a wealthy family. The family was rude and refused to let the angels stay in the mansion's guest room. Instead the angels were given a small space in the cold basement. As they made their bed on the hard floor, the older angel saw a hole in the wall and repaired it. When the younger angel asked why, the older angel replied,

"Things aren't always what they seem"

The next night the pair came to rest at the house of a very poor, but very hospitable farmer and his wife. After sharing what little food they had the couple let the angels sleep in their bed where they could have a good night's rest. When the sun came up the next morning the angels found the farmer and his wife in tears. Their only cow, whose milk had been their sole income, lay dead in the field.

The younger angel was infuriated and asked the older angel how could you have let this happen? The first man had everything, yet you helped him. The second family had little but was willing to share everything, and you let the cow die.

"Things aren't always what they seem" the older angel replied.

When we stayed in the basement of the mansion, I noticed there was gold stored in that hole in the wall. Since the owner was so obsessed with greed and unwilling to share his good fortune, I sealed the wall so he wouldn't find it. Then last night as we slept in the farmers bed, the angel of death came for his wife. I gave him the cow instead.

“Things aren't always what they seem”

Sometimes that is exactly what happens when things don't turn out the way they should. If you have faith, you just need to trust that every outcome is always to your advantage. You just might not know it until some time later…..

Are you facing some problems lately? Is it overwhelming that driving you to feel like giving up? God is watching you and He deeply cares for you. Don’t loose hope, don't be dismayed nor get discouraged…. ”Things aren’t always what they seem”

*Life is a mixture of sunshine and rain, teardrops and laughter, pleasure and pain. We can't have all bright days, but it's certainly true there was never a cloud that the sun didn't shine through!

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

- Jeremiah 29:11

"You Can Do Anything just keep believing that you can"

"You Can Do Anything You Believe You Can"

Just start somewhere. Resolve to do something.You might even write out what you want to accomplish. Then explore what you need to do to reach you goal, and start doing it, step by step.

It's the same as if you were planning a trip: you get a map, make your preparations, and then start traveling the right road. Don't get "bound up" in any problems that stand in your way. Do something every day to resolve them. Trust your instincts. Do one thing at a time.

Remember... if you sow seeds of fear, doubt, panic,and procrastination, it will most likely work against you. If you keep doing the same things you're doing now, you will keep ending up in similar places to where you are now.

Once you start making progress towards your goal,you will be magically propelled towards eventual reward. Just keep listening and taking direction from inside you. Be patient; your dreams will not come true overnight.

But start now, and go with love and courage and confidence. Don't be afraid.You can do anything you believe you can. And don't forget to keep an open mind and heart to check yourself along the way.

You can do it! Go for it, and good luck.

"LEARN TO TRUST AGAIN"

"I believe that the most important 'key' to a successful relationship would have to be 'trust'. I believe that with trust, love will follow. However, what I have noticed is that many people think trust, or expect that trust is to be earned by the other person, when in all actuality it is something that comes from within yourself. All too many times people will say they don't trust due to past experiences. What they don't realize is that they have built up those proverbial walls to protect them from the very thing they are searching for... yes, there is a risk in trusting someone, but when you finally find that 'right' person, it makes all the past experiences and lessons learned very much worth the risk. All of life's little lessons do not have to be painful... even when they seem so at the time. You just have to chalk it up to experience and move on.Nothing is worth closing your heart. Nothing is worth living in a world of fearing what bad 'may' come to you. Without trust, you close your heart to the happiness and joy that true love brings. It's only my experience... and it's what I believe has given me the wonderful gift of 'true' love. It's a hard thing to do, a scary thing, but very much worth it. This is not to go without saying that some people may betray your trust... that's the risk... but why allow past betrayals to prolong the pain by building a fortress around your heart that not only protects you from pain/betrayal, but also denies you the ability to experience happiness and joy? Most have been hurt enough by one person, why allow them and their actions to stop us from finding what we search for? I say open your hearts to trust and bask in the beauty, happiness, and joy, of the true love that will follow. For everyone there is a someone, you just can't find them if you hide away all your life..."

Friendship is fragile

Is friendship fragile? It’s a really difficult question, please, try to think it over...any ideas?...



On the one hand we should reply NO...friendship is bond for life...we have friends all over the world...all of them are busy...as we are...married...as most of us are...but we still have strong friendship for life...just not see or talk to each other each day...This is mobile society these days, so we can be together in many many different ways...Yes?...For sure.


But on the other hand running through our life we inevitably pass over a lot of changes...and as result we leave behind...give up...lose something...Mostly we regard friendship as a kind of pastime...Stop here and reply the question “When proposely will you have spare time?”...Indeed...We have just calls from time to time...e-mails even more seldom...what to talk about meeting...We should admit and realize that friendships are getting less and less close, geographically or emotionally, and most friendships have gone forever. Very few are strong enough to make us wish for a second chance.



There are times when all of us look closely at a friendship and realize that it just isn't working..and when friendship falters we are rarely equipped for the aftershock. Close friends, after all, often become like siblings - some "closer than a brother." As we make friends feeling soul-mates, like-minded people...FREE of obligations and engagements. But losing a close friend is not at all like losing a family member. We tend not to sorrow the loss of a friend; there is no memorial service for a shattered friendship. Most people don't seek shoulders to cry on to grieve the loss of friends like they do the loss of a family member or a romantic relationship. They don't go to counselors either to heal the relationship or to cope with the loss. Indeed, despite the evident high value so many people put on making friends, there is a surprising lack of focus in popular culture on the processes and feelings at work when friendships end.

Don’t we need to repair lost friendship? Or it’s just so easy to resolve?...and we just do not need any advices...


How much can you expect from a friend? Why does this question arise? Because your answer is a pretty good barometer of how well your friendships will weather relational storms. Let's face it, we don't ask much of casual friendships, the kind in which you invite each other to a party once a year. But we demand more from friendships characterized by strong feelings and a shared history. We expect friendships to be easier, more automatic than they actually are.

Think about your childhood friendships. They often set the tone for all the rest. You never "worked" on the friendships, they just happened. For example, your first best friend lived just two houses down from you and you literally met in the sandbox at school. The bond was almost instant. He/she liked vanilla ice-cream and building sand castles. So did you. What's to discuss? It was the beginning of a beautiful friendship—until your family moved to another town and you found another sandbox.

Just a few short years later, sandbox bliss was replaced by the tormented, possessive feelings of a third-grade relationship where blatant betrayal reared its head. That's when you learned that your new best friend was playing at another classmate's house after school. Sound familiar? It happens to nearly all of us.

There may be worse betrayals in store, but probably none is more influential than the sudden fickleness of an elementary-school friend who has dropped us for someone more popular. “It shouldn't be that way”, we think to ourselves. But alas it is. It's the lesson our friendships continually teach us, a lesson we don't want to learn: Friendships are FRAGILE.

The seeming ease of friendships—compared to romantic and family relationships (more likely loaded with emotional baggage)—is part of the reason we value friendships so much. Relatively speaking, friendships just happen...So...as much easy it happens as easy it falls through???...

Well...the main point here is FREEDOM...It’s your will, your decision, your action...Attemt to build a bridge...to reconnect and make things right...call your lost friend...tell him/ her “I don’t know what happened between us...but I want to apologize”...sincerity always caughts off guard...apologize both for past insensitivities and laugh and laugh at how comical it all seems in retrospect...It’ll be cleansing...you have a good chance...TRY IT...

Once betrayed friendship can't be regained

"FRIENDSHIP IS LIKE A CRYSTALLINE GLASS THAT SHOULD BE TAKEN CARE OF,BECAUSE ONCE BROKEN IT CAN NEVER BE RESTORED NO MATTER HOW WE TRY TO PUT BACK THE PIECES,WE MAY FIXED IT BUT WE CANNOT BRING BACK IT'S TRUE BEAUTY."

It is priceless, it is a treasure, it is a gift.

The value of true friendship is infinite and priceless. Nothing can compare or ever replace the genuine, caring connection between two people who not only understand, but want only the very best of all things in life for the other. It is a gift, it is a treasure.
A deep sustaining, timeless friendship is rare and at times can feel difficult to find, maintain, or believe in. But, the more that you believe in yourself, the more love you can give to yourself, the more genuine connections you will be able to attract, manifest, and hold onto.



SHATTERED, furious, resentful, heartbroken, numb, humiliated, rejected, hurt, and NOT SAFE – these are just some of the feelings we experience when we’ve been betrayed.

Unfortunately, betrayals appear to be on the rise. It helps to know that we are not alone as broken trust is a universal experience. The human need to belong and be part of a relationship makes us open and therefore vulnerable to these painful emotions.

Help

The Heal from Betrayal website offers a fresh approach for dealing with emotional injury. This site is oriented to self care with the ideas/suggestions provided freely to anyone who is open-minded and looking for relief.

An act of betrayal can hurt as much as, if not more than, a physical injury, but the trauma resides not in the body but in the mental/emotional/spiritual realm – our subtle energy fields. If we think of betrayal as a wound to the energy system, it follows that to heal; we must acknowledge and work with this same energy system. The Techniques page on this website offers energy healing suggestions to help with this inner work.

As an added benefit, once the betrayed has regained peace of mind and heart, healthy decisions can be made about the damaged relationship (s); forgiveness becomes a possibility.

What is betrayal?

Many people hear the word, "betrayal", and think of infidelity, yet the experience is actually much broader. Yes, the hurt feelings can result from a love betrayal, but the same symptoms can also be triggered by an unfaithful coworker or boss; betrayal in a friendship; disloyalty from a workplace, community, even country; the earth appearing to turn on us; or what is sometimes described as the ultimate betrayal - a loss of trust or faith in our relationship with “something bigger, something spiritual”. Regardless of the source, the emotional distress is often severe.

A friend knowingly breaks a confidence that causes hurt and loss of reputation; this is betrayal. A spouse professes love and loyalty while involved in an emotional affair outside the marriage; this is betrayal. A boss or organization pretends to be honest and fair while manipulating employees to exploit their talents; this is betrayal.

What do these examples of broken trust have in common?
· Personal and/or cultural expectations (understood by the betrayed as “The Truth”) are present.
· Based on these expectations, whole-hearted loyalty is given to another.
· "The Truth" is shattered; often due to someone making choices despite potential, major damage to the relationship.
· Shock and intense hurt feelings inevitably result.
These types of challenging, and often bitter, betrayals are the focus for healing at this website.The betrayed assumed something to be true (actually needed to believe for emotional safety), then discovered the core belief was false. I think this collapse of a belief structure does something to the human energy state.

Ingredients of happy relationships

I have been discussing the importance of thinking through a couple of issues. First and foremost is asking a set of key parameters that determine the value of a relationship to you, and secondly, asking the right questions to assess your relationship. In this article, I am going to discuss the little things that you ignore and think are not important that will make your relationships work.
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Communication: Communication is key. Learn to talk about everything under the sun and never assume you know. You could be wrong. Many people have failed in this area and ended up depressed, lost, and lonely. Believe me; it always helps to talk about something than bottling it up inside of you. Lack of communication will cause you to make wrong conclusions about people and you will never even get a chance to know who you are. When you hear a rumor, don’t act on it immediately. Find the facts first, before you take any action. Explaining your thoughts, motives, and plans is very vital. Don’t use guesswork; it’s unwise. We have ears to hear, eyes too see, hands to make signs, books to read, etc., to be able to get a message across. (Related article: Communication for couples)

Sacrifice: Sacrifice in a relationship is the key to reaping good results eventually. It works in everything else in life and it will work in a relationship too. You have to learn to sacrifice certain things in your life for the sake of your partner and for the sake of the relationship to work. If you don’t learn to sacrifice, you will think there is nothing wrong with you, but only with the other person. You cannot spend your life changing partners or looking for the perfect one. None of us is perfect but we can work at becoming better people as we appreciate one another. (Related article: How to rebuild trust in a relationship?)

Give: Life if about giving and not taking! Learn to start giving and you will soon see the results. Don’t wait until it’s Christmas or until you get that job and earn a lot of bucks. Out of the little that you have, give. When you fail to give now when you have little, it will not be possible to give when you have plenty. It’s the thought and the value of that gift that counts. Believe me; if it’s from you heart it will be of value to the other person and they will cherish it. The question is,
when your partner is speaking. Watch their expressions and learn to know their gestures too so that you are able to read their actions easily. Know what angers them or makes them smile or laugh. Get involved in the little details of their lives too. Yes, even knowing the type of lipstick she uses and the aftershave that he likes. Know the birth dates and anniversaries too. Knowing the little
“Would you like to die all by yourself without a loved one to hold your hand? How would you feel when you get sick and there is nobody to come visit you in the hospital? If you invest in good, you will receive good back. (Related article: Tips for insecure men)Time: Time is a very valuable asset. Time lost is never gained. If you will spend time wisely, you will never regret it.

We are not in this world forever. So if you can do good today, do it. The person may never be there tomorrow, even if you cried your eyes out at their grave; it won’t bring them back. So use every opportunity you get, so that you will have memories stored up in you. Give time to get to know your partner, be there for them when they need you and they will be there for you too. Never get too busy for the little things in life otherwise you will find them gone. Never take life for granted and learn to strike a balance. I have met men who in their quest for money and power have neglected their spouses and eventually lost them to other men. They become bitter and blame the woman. If you neglect your partner, they may become vulnerable to any man who would come along and give them the time that you don’t. (Related article: Tips to fix a broken relationship)

Attention: Be attentive intimate details makes the relationship exciting and it gives both of you enormous joy in knowing about each other. So you are both kept busy and there is no loophole for an enemy to destroy your bond. (Related article: Bedroom tips for couples)

Trust: For a solid foundation, trust must be established. Once trust is established you will begin to open up to each other. Once this is in place you will be able to love without fear. It takes a while to build trust but it only takes a second to destroy it.

Honesty and Sincerity: Be sincere to your partner and tell the truth. If you have kids, tell it; been married before, say it; you have a health problem, mention it. Avoid hiding things that may or will eventually come out and cause an explosion and destroy the relationship for good. When you partner trusts you with a secret that they have never told anyone else, then do not ever use it to manipulate them or use it as a weapon to inflict pain on them the day you have a fight. Being trusted is a privilege, not a right. Remember that happiness for both of you is of prime importance. Be careful what you say especially the promises that you make. We are tried and judged by our words

Build: For a relationship to grow it needs to be nurtured. You have to build each other up and learn from one another. Understand the strengths and weakness and build on them. Accept their shortcomings and help them see their potential in life. If your personalities don’t match and you are not satisfied, please walk out ASAP before any serious involvement happens. We all learn from one another. We are here today and able to communicate because somebody took time to help build us.

Breaking up: When the relationship is not worth pursuing, it is always wise to end it in a polite way. Learn to talk about it and come to a conclusion. Give it a thought before you do, just in case there is still hope to save it. The important thing is not to make enemies but to walk away feeling free and having a clear conscience knowing that you made the right decision.

No man is an island! Two is better than one. When two brains come together to make a decision the results are remarkable. Moreover when you are down, your partner will lift you up and give you the strength to go on. When you win in your relationship you will succeed even in bringing up good, responsible children who will make healthy relationships and contribute to the world at large.

Adults face challenges while cowards use excuses to deal with challenges. Don’t use the telephone or SMS text or email to break up unless you are a coward and uncertain of what you are doing. Face to face is always better. After all, you spent all those intimate moments looking into each other’s eyes; it is best to show the same courtesy when ending the relationship. Tell them why you can’t go on. Be able to live with that decision and ensure it’s the right one. If not, you may realize too late that you made a big mistake. In other cases it’s a simple and straightforward thing to do like when you find your partner in bed with another person or when you have an abusive relationship.

I believe it’s always good to be able to meet your ex later on in life and be able to say with a smile, “Hello, how are things going for you?” If you ever have to go through a heart break, remember you will always heal, no matter how deep the pain or wound you will heal. There is someone out there for you and it’s not the end of the world!