I'm Not That Girl

I won't be that girl



I don't want this to end.
This.
Whatever this is...


Everything happened exactly how it was supposed to.
Slowly.
Cautiously.
Moderately.
Safely.


I was so careful with you.
I followed all of the rules that society has set for us.
Tell me, where did I go wrong?
It isn't about the other girls.
I knew all along.
Just like you knew.
It was about being treated equally.
Having the same privileges.
Not having to hide my existance.
For once in my life, I stand up for myself.
What do I get?
"I'm upset for no reason."
"I'm being so immature."
"I'm acting like a child."
"I'm just so stupid."
Right?
Wrong.
I won't be that girl.
The girl that hides in the shadows.
Waiting...
Waiting...
Contemplating...

Wasting her life away waiting on you.
I won't be that girl.
I could very easily get you back.
You're only a phone call away.
But I refuse to do that.
I am not in the wrong here.
I've looked at it from every angle.
And...
I
didn't
do
this.


To say that my heart's broken would be an understatement.
Nothing can be healed if you keep it covered up.


Well, I let my wounds out in the open and now they're infected.
I've ripped off the bandaid and it's completely in your hands now.

I won't go back on the promise I made to myself.
I won't beg for you to fix me.
I won't change my mind.
I won't wait for you.
I won't be that girl.

Promises

Promises

At the waters edge,
she waits each day,

for the one she loved
and loves still to this day.

To give up hope of his return,
is to concede to death,

for to live without him,
would be a life of despair...
the darkness would engulf her.

The crashing waves below,
sometimes to her they beckon,
promising sleep below their surface.

The blackbird cries,
an invitation to death;
promising sweet relief
of her unending anguish.

She gives herself a shake,
and lifts her head up high,
reminds herself of his love,
and of his promise to return.

A Rose In Torn

RareLightning Spears

No ulterior motive

Nothing up my sleeve

Nothing you did or said

You were just you

Didn’t have to buy me anything

Didn’t have to wine or dine me or anything

Ever and persistent

My desire for you from a distance

I love you for who you are

No agenda at all

Nothing to win but you

Nothing I would not do

You were just being you

Didn’t have to spend a lot of money

Didn’t have to call my jokes funny

Always and forever

My love for you fades never

I love you for all that you are

Not some reward

Not for anything you’ve done

Not even for being so true

Just for being you

Didn’t need to go out of your way

Didn’t need to bend over backwards

I’d hold you close or love you from far away

So much to giveSo much love to share

No one could ever compare

You’re a find you are

You’re rare Take my breath, my very air

At your beauty I constantly stare

Love you for beauty you hide

Love you not for anything you’ve got

Love you for the angel inside

Love you not for just you looking so hot

Love you so much it ought to be a crime

Love you so until the end of time

Love you as if you were already mine

Love you like no other

You are such a rare find

Hold you close or love you from afar

I love you for who it is that you are.

Distant Lover

women always worry about things men forget ,
men always worry bout things women remember,
know wonder we can't come together ,
a man falls in love with his eyes,

a woman through her ears ,
the great divide is oh so clear,
women marry men hoping they will change,
men marry women hoping they stay the same,

a woman vision is deep reaching ,
a mans vision is far reaching,
listen to these words and their meaning,
opposite do attract divided we fall ,
united we can conger all ,

God in all his wisdom made it to be this way,
God knew man and woman had to be opposites,
his reason being they must learn to work as a team,
playing off the strengths of the other,

sad but true man woman have drifted away ,
each living life in their own self imposed isolation ,
to proud to come together for them selfishness rules
bickering self serving motives its all about me


know wonder stalemate often comes about,
in the form of divorce irreconcilable differences,
through inedible disappointment where is atonement,
love is forever the next time i get married it will be.

through sickness and health poorness and wealth .
please if you wish to be with me this you must not forget ,
opposites do attract trust in me you will see ,
i got your front sides and back ,

i am a poet i am a lover,i am a seer ,
i am a pleaser,such a teaser a joker,
a honey spot stroker ,
thats why i am lonely ,

wont compromised if she is to be my wife,
she must be willing to live as one in life,
whats mines is hers what hers is mines,
together we will live our world all about love,

yes it is true all i ever needed in my life ,
was one good woman to do me right,
i got what you need you got what i want,
opposites do attract

" I love you "

" 3 Words "


Just three words that I want to hear
Just three words to make it all clear
I need three words to assuage my fear
Three words you can give to me to bring us closer together
Three words you can say to me to change my world forever
I want three simple words strung together in a sentence
Three little words that would mean the whole world to me
Three syllables that can have overwhelming eloquence
Three words that mean more than any others ever hurled at me
Countless ideas would never be enough
To eclipse only three of devotion and charity
Never ending ballads of emotion and love
Could not outshine these three words of clarity
A million words could never measure up
To but three spoken with sincerityJust three words that I need my dear
Just three words I’d do anything to hear
I need three words whispered into my ear
Three words once heard would lead me far outside my element
Three distinct words when uttered render all else irrelevant
Three simple words can turn my world into abject pleasure
Three little words the meaning of which cannot be measured
Three syllables strung together that alleviate so much pressure
Three words for which I yearn would be so absolutely treasured
Countless ideas would never be enough
To eclipse only three of devotion and charity
Never ending ballads of emotion and love
Could not outshine these three words of clarity
A billion words could never measure up
To but three spoken with sincerity
Just three words and I need to hear them
Three words that need to be said
So go out on a limb someday soon before we’re both dead
Three words that herald happiness
Three words from you I would never dread
Three words shouted from a mountaintop
Three words whispered in your head
Three words across the internet
Or three words lying in your bed
So much gets said about nothing
I’d rather hear “I love you” instead.

About That One True Love

True Love

YOU, with eyes that melt into the very core of my soul
YOU, with a voice that sounds like an angel speaking to the very center of my being.
YOU, with a touch that leaves me breathless, speechless, and numbs all pain.

Your smile makes me weak and my heart skips a beat,
The sound of your voice soothes my soul and calms my spirit,
Your touch tames my wild nature and soothes my impatient soul,
The look in your eyes stops all time and space and holds me tight.

You turn my heart inside out exposing all that I am,
You kiss away all my invisible scars
You clear my slate and allow me to begin over
You transform my life with the depth of your passion
You capture me in the beautiful complexity of your mind


Eyes with an intensity that melt right into the very core of my soul. A voice that speaks straight into my heart. A touch that numbs all pains emotional and physical and takes me to a place that is all our own. I am profoundly blessed to have finally found you through all the lives we've shared before this one, God led us to each other once again. How could we be worthy of such a gift from above.

Your love is more precious to me than the air I breath and I am forever yours with all that I am from now until the end of all time.

My Boo...

FOR YOU...

So cold and dark, so empty and alone,Never knowing what real love was.So fragile and closed, so hateful and cruel, never to open my heart to anyone, and then there was you.So scared, so new, not knowing what was to come, I gave you what little I had left. Hoping that you would want me the way that I am. Timid and frightened, wanting to love again, and then there was you.A little relief from the beating that my heart took, trying to remember what it was like. You showed me that it was real and true, you touch so gentle, you saw right through.All the pain and distrust disappeared that day, the love that consumed me felt so perfect and so right. Still hesitant to let anyone see who I really was, and then there was you.Believing in me, trusting me, loving me unconditionally, letting go of all the fear, anger, and regret. Knowing that it is ok just to be who I am.Crying, laughing, talking, sharing emotions that I tried to hide for so long, All because there was you.

How do I tell you how I feel about you

When.....

everytime i think of you my body shakes

everytime i see you my knees grow weak and

everytime i'm with you i dont want the time to end.

When.....

everytime i look into your eyes, i wish i was there

everytime i see you smile my heart melts and

every night before i go to sleep i pray we dont end.

I've tried somehow to say:

you're the sun that lights up my sky

the wind that keeps me cool on a hot summer day

and sweet incense that keeps me on a natural high

I want so much to tell you:

that without you with me each day my day isn't complete

that since day one I've always wanted to be with you

that no matter what's going on in my life

you're the reason there's a smile on my face

and that loving you seems to be all I need to know.

But everytime I want to

the words just wont come out

to you it may sound mushy or too cute

you may not believe it so it's better I keep my mouth closed

Then to try to tell you exactly whats on my mind

yet I wish to tell you that I'm beginning to

love you more with each passing of the day

and that I want to be with you

come whatever may.

One Word

One Look

One Smile

And my heart lightens.

How I wish it wasn't so!

I love you still.

One year ago

You captured my heart.

I have paid the price.

An astronomical sum.

And if to do it all again,

I would...because

One Word

One Look

One Smile.

Every I love you, you whisper,

is like rain for the trees,

moonlight for the ocean,

nectar for the bee

Every kiss bestowed upon me

is like fragrance on flowers,

heat upon the desert,

mist from morning showers

Every glance in my direction

is like flame to the fire,

a twinkling of stars,

a spark of love's desire

Every moment in your arms

is like waves to the ocean,

a rushing, primal urge,

a sweet mix of emotion

Every passing year marriage

is like joy without measure,

a life without limits,

I shall love you forever.

I LOVE U BOO BOO,YOU MIGHT NOT KNOW HOW MUCH OR LOVE ME THE SAME BUT MY LOVE IS UNTAINTABLE!!!

Man In A Crowd

different.

cuz im like no other.
i have a different scent.
i have a different taste.
i have a different face.
i have different ways.

my looks are portrayed by this ghetto i live in.
but my heart and mind are..
what they are because of this ghetto i live in.
must i be treated different
because of this ghetto i live in.?

nah nah
shoot..
i like to see things different.
i dont spend my nights on the streets runnin from the police.
i dont spend any time of any day drinking,
i dont spend anytime blowing trees,
cuz i keep my life from sinking.

my mentality is what it is because of the crazy things i've seen.
"no man alive has witnessed the struggles i survive" (tupac shakur)
and not even you will ever know what i mean.

drugs and alcohol..?
man i've seen it all.
i grew up around a bunch of screw ups.
i started talkin to the girl
and i immediately grew up.
discovered she's the BEST in the world..
and my heart immediately blew up.

my life has changed.
my heart has changed.
my drive.
my outlook on life.
my mentality in general
is different.
this girl changed my life
never in my life
did i once think
i'd ever think..
"i want this girl to be my wife"

now throughout the most complicated struggles
i make sure i survive.
i will run.
i will stride.
i will jump.
i will climb.
whatever it takes..
to keep her in my life.

i could and would do anything to keep it from being "alright".
and more than fine.
cuz this girl is more than fine.
she's gorgeous.
and i thank the lord..that she's mine.

my image is portrayed by my lifestyle.
never thought my style
could make things difficult for this long of awhile
so i continue to change
and i continue to become the man i could be
and the man i promised i would be.

an athlete
an honor student
a poet
a doctor to be..
you'd think that'll do it.
but impressed they yet wont be.
so i continue to work on being the man i know i should be.

i've changed my ways.
im different.
i've changed the ways..
of others.
they're different.

the girl has complete affiliation,
with my determination.
she's the reason for this creation.
she kept me from becoming an abomination.

the reason why i wanna get out the projects
and
move to the hills or out on the shores.
there's nothing i want more
to change my life style
and have her in my life forever
not just for-a-while.

i continue to have fun and joke around
but 99% of my mind
is tellin me everything is gonne be fine
and as long as God is puttin that in my mind
imma continue to wisely use my mind.
cuz she's one of those girls you'd find once in a lifetime.

im no Albert Einstein.
im no Benjamin Franklin.
i cant do anything special..
other than become a different man.
im no genius
but trust me.
the man i've became.
oh..you've never seen this.

thanks to the love of my life..
im not the man i was 2 years ago.
im different.
my life has been changed because of the
way THEY think i am.
but they dont even know me.
but, i continue to change the image i portray.
cuz,
im different

"i adore you"

i love you but i can't afford you

i love you but i can't afford you

but oh my god how i adore you

try as i may i could never floor you

i love you but i can't afford you

in a world so full of strifeyou light up my fucking life

i bone up at the sound of your voice

i love it when you give me no other choice

i love you but i can't afford you

still i could never abhor you

do i talk too much or do i bore you

i love you but i can't afford you

you push me beyond my weakness

like a horse competing in the preakness

i bone up at the sound of your name

but i love to play your youthful game

i love you but i can't afford you

you've done more for me than i for you

every word that i say is true

i love you but i can't afford you

all you got to do is crack that smile

and you've spell-bounded me for a while

i bone up at the touch of your hand

and when our souls touch we understand

i love you but i can't afford you

but oh my god how i adore you

try as i may i could never floor you

i love you but i can't afford you

"Forever Love"

Love stays when it would be easier to go. Love endures long past the point of lost patience. Love sees past physical imperfections and age to the beautiful heart of a person. Love says I'll stay with you even if your body is ravaged by disease, even though I feel like I might die of wanting to make love under a clear blue sky, but never will because you can't do it with me and I'll never leave.

Love stays past the point of frustration. Love tries again and again and again. Love is patient.

Love isn't infatuation or lust or a fuzzy, feel good thing. It's not comprised of candy coated words, nor does it need endless affirmation. Love can hurt like hell. It can sting. It almost always involves doing the hard thing and not what's easy.

Forever love only happens when two people endure and MAKE IT forever love. It's not something one can fall into or out of. It's something that we create over time, again and again, every time we choose to stay, until eventually the line between us blurs and we're so "one" we can't tell where you end and I begin and the skin on our hands is paper thin and spotted.

©Just Kate

I obviously can't encapsulate "forever love." This is simply how I see it today. ♥

"You Mesmerize Me"

I thought about you Too
Current mood: blessed
Category: Writing and Poetry

I THOUGHT ABOUT YOU TOO
IT FELT LIKE THE RIGHT THING TO DO
THE MORE I THOUGHT
THE MORE I SEEN IT TO BE TRUE
I THOUGHT ABOUT YOUR SMILE,
THAT ALWAYS DRIVES ME WILD
I THOUGHT ABOUT THE WAY YOU LIFT MY MIND
THE JOY YOU BRING IS NEVER HARD TO FIND
YOU FEEL SO CLOSE
EVEN WHEN YOU ARE FAR AWAY
I THINK DAY TO DAY
HOW YOU MAKE MY HEART'S MUSIC PLAY
A MELODY
THAT RIDES A LONG WITH THE SWEET WORDS YOU SAY
I THOUGHT ABOUT YOU SO MANY TIMES
BEFORE THE POEM AND BETWEEN EACH LINE
I THOUGHT OF YOU WITH EACH CHILL YOU SEND UP MY SPINE
I THOUGHT ABOUT YOU
AS I LICKED MY LIPS
YOUR RICH CHOCOLATE, I WOULD SLOWLY SIP
THE WAY YOUR HAND REST ON MY HIP
AS WE WALK A LONG OUR PASSIONATE TRIP
I THOUGHT ABOUT
THE FUNNY WAY YOU WOULD MAKE ME LAUGH
AND THE QUIET MOMMENTS WE WOULD HAVE
ME LAYING IN YOUR ARMS WATCHING TV
A REALITY SHOW, WATCHING US JUST BE
I THOUGHT OF YOU ALSO.... MISSING ME!

"Do You Believe In Love ?"

" REAL LOVE "

True love is tested
True love is best
Love is harder that all the rest
It’s balanced in wisdom
Its judgments are true
It is not just sentimental of heart
Thus, governing love with forgiveness’ glue

Love rebukes
Love brings growth
Love acknowledges what’s good for both
Love weighs “the truth” with event of time
Love, indeed, is “such a good friend” of mine
Though, love must start first from within
It frees the soul from unwanted guilt and sin

Love lives and gives, and humbly receives
It never harbours resentment for lost realities
It makes allowances for faults and frailties
Love loves to recall the best from such tragedies
Love is so contagious
It pulls on the heart-strings to win
Love will always forgive, again and again

Love gives sound boundaries, and security of space
Love give principles, so wise, for posterity’s race
Love is among equals is most often the best
Love’s quite ‘a powerful word’ amidst those of tranquil zest
Love is quite patient, gracious and kind
Although, love for God’s standard is- amore noble find
I hat evil, but even this takes greater courage and love to do
But the wisest of all love- is to “love Wisdom’s best” for you

" Illusion Of The Mind "

Up to me...

There is dissention among my own ranks

I live in a world of blasphemy and confusion

The B R I A N that you see and read

Is often times just an illusion

I decorate my life with bells and whistles

so the masses are immune to the truth

keeping a tight hold on what I am

refusing to allow myself to get used

The choices that I make are ones of need

Not realizing the impact of today

Trying to get up for another tomorrow

Can't imagine I would end up this way

I am not in favor of the person I see

Broken mirrors and shattered dreams

Minute by minute, Hour by hour, Day after day

One long irrelevant exhistance, or so it seems

I don't accept the worries or fears

Although they are noted by those close to me

There is this hole that has been dug

Climbing to the surface, well, that is up to me

Thoughts from my mind to yours...

Meeting Of Two Minds

When I sit back and think about the next big day for Lovers—Valentines Day; it made me think and think hard…

.. ..

Life is hard, but Love is even harder…I got to thinking about every girlfriend….every heartbreak…that led me to be the man that I am today…

.. ..

I was made to love you…....

.. ..

To let you know without a shadow of a doubt that I got your back…good and bad.

To let you know that I am the man to keep the house running…like a REAL man should…to make sure that when you go to bed, you can lay your head on that pillow and sleep without a worry…

.. ..

I will remember our first date…....

.. ..

The time, the place…the conversation…what we ate…where we went…you will know that it wasn’t just about getting close to you…but to fully understand you in time and this was the first step

.. ..

My lips to kiss you…....

.. ..

You will know that with every one that we share that ‘I Love You!!” you will feel it in my embrace no matter how long or short…

.. ..

With every peck or tongue lashing that we do …our Love grows stronger…and stronger and I will not let anyone or anything break us or tear us apart

.. ..

My eyes to see you…

I remember the first time I saw you…your skin how it glowed…your walk; how the confidence showed…the swagger that you had…I knew I had seen royalty with my very own eyes…and I had to take the steps to get you in mine…failure was not an option

.. ..

You are the music in me…....

.. ..

I used to think the words ‘Once upon a time’ were only in fairy tales…

A single voice that makes your heart sing when you speak…

I can’t explain why it happens, but it does…

.. ..

It’s like I knew you were coming into my life before it happened…....

.. ..

I awake every morning knowing that you will be here…no one was put on this earth to be alone…for what ever reason we have not met yet; but I know that day is coming and coming soon…with every click of the clock…as every minute…hour and day goes by…we are closer to being together..

.. ..

.. ..

When one door closes another one opens…....

.. ..

Don’t ever think it’s over because when one Love doesn’t work out…it is all in the big picture…you are taking steps to be helplessly in love with the person that is meant for you…you have to go thru the bad….to get to the good

.. ..

Live…Laugh…and Love…....

.. ..

If you live your life for today and stop worrying about things you have no control over…you will be happier…

.. ..

If you take the time to laugh, then half of your worries about life and love will dissolve with the laughter that comes out of you…

.. ..

Love will then find you because you are not looking for it…it will find you and faster than you could have ever imagined…

.. ..

.. ..

Happy Valentine’s Day from me to you!!!

.. ..

Always yours and humbled

.. ..

Dark Chocolate

" My Valentine "

" To my Valentine, if ever you exists... "

The course of true love never did run smooth

Wondering in my thoughts,

I keep asking myself..
what are the chances we would be sharing love

before the night was through..

So long as I can breathe or I can see ...

so long lives your love which gives life to me

I saw you in my dreams and something in your eyes was so inviting..

or was it your smile which was exciting..

nevertheless something in my heart told me I must have you...

Love is the most beautiful of dreams and the worst of nightmares
Here we are, two lonely people so far apart..

Oh my valentine, why are you so far away?

It has been such a long time since

I have been on my quest for you and as each Valentine day passes by,

I sit hereand let my thought wander in the wild for you...

For the things I have never said to anyone,

I only wish you were sitting beside me and

I could finally tell them to you.

My bounty is as deep as the sea,

My love as deep; the more I give to you,

The more I have, for both are infinite

Oh my Valentine,you're the sun that lights up my sky

the wind that keeps me cool

on a hot summer day and sweet incense

that keeps me on a natural high.

I wake up every morning thinking of you

I go to sleep thinking the same thing too

Throughout the day you're on my mind

Twenty-four-seven you make me blind

Blind to everything but emotion

Your heart swallowed me like it was an ocean

And I was the victim of not pain but of pleasure
The night is nearly through..

And there is no you...

I love you my valentine

I always will...

"Forever Love"

I'VE FOUND MY TRUE AND FOREVER LOVE!!!

HOW TO SAY THIS, I CAN'T EVEN BEGIN TO START
I FOUND MY SOME ONE SPECIAL, THE KEEPER OF MY HEART
CAN'T DESCRIBE THE FEELING, CAN'T EXPRESS THE JOY
THE LOVE THAT I HAVE FOR THIS AMAZING BOY
THIS PERSON I PLAN TO SPEND ALL ETERNITY WITH AND LONGER
I CAN'T IMAGINE MY FEELINGS FOR SOMEONE BEING ANY STRONGER
MY WAY OF LIFE AND MY WORLD SO STRANGE
HAS BEGUN TO TURN TWIST AND CHANGE
MY FIRE HAS NEVER BURNED BRIGHTER
HEART BEAT NEVER FASTER
MY SEARCH IS FINALLY OVER
I'VE FOUND MY HAPPY EVER AFTER
FOREVER AND ALWAYS I CHOOSE TO LOVE YOU
MY ONE AND ONLY!!!!! NEVER LEAVE YOUR SIDE
CAUSE I'M NOT A QUITTER I'M A FIGHTER!!!

"In My Eyes"

She is Beautiful

She is beautiful, So very beautiful.
Just like a Winter's shining landscape.
As delicate as the petals of a daisy.
And as freely as a eagle soaring against the blue.

Her eyes are mysterious at the calm blue sea.
Everything about her is so very precious,
More precious than all the gems in the world.
Her soul is the essence of the sky and the earth.
Her feelings are a volcano that is yet to explode.
Her smile is the smile of lost innocence.

Pain vibrates deep inside of her gentle heart.
A lock shuts in the disturbed thoughts of her mind,
A mind with many roads as the world has.
I look at her and i see a pure truth,
Like looking at a clear night sky,
Millions of stars twinkle within her.

She is beauty as i defined it.
She is perfect, her imperfections make her so.
She is my best friend, and i love her,
I love her although, not because.

And i would give up all these things which i think are pretty,
If only i could hold her beauty within me,
For she is everything in my world,
And i have found a world in her.

"You're The Sweetest Thing"

~Sweetest thing i ever known~


As i walked the streets thinking of love
I stumbled across a poetry club.
I just went in to use the phone.
I saw u there all alone.
The sweetest thing i ever known.

You seemed to be nervous, as this was your first
time on the microphone.
Yet,your words were bold and strong.
me being a inspiring poet i decide to stay and listen
a little,not knowing i would fall for her like i did.

It seemed like a nice place relaxed setting,good music,
candles at the tables to set the mood and beautiful
women "obviously"so i planed to come back next weekend
hoping you would read again and so i could meet you.

So Saturday night came yearning for your name
i sat in the corner and waited for you to read.
As other poets read i see her getting her poem ready.
I could not stop staring at her 5-7 sexy frame as she
walked to the stage.Jill Scott plays low over the speaker
"lets take a long walk" But as you recite your sensual
poem my patents grows short but my heart grows fonder.
longing for your attention at the end of the night i enter
my name for next Saturdays poetry reading.
Thinking i can reach you better with my words.

Saturday night is hear,i look for you among the people
making sure i make eye contact with you while i read
so you know that i was talking to you.

As i began to read
she was "The sweetest thing i ever known"
with your caramel body tone.
You give me chills down my spine
you stimulate my mind
you give me butter flies
What are this feelings
a "Symptom unknown"
your status unknown
but your poetry
is like "Flowatree Ms."
elevating my mind to imaginative thought
knowing "I wont to go there with you"
its just "The essences of you"
that gives me "Every breath i breathe"
you know i need u in my life.
So i leave it in your hands
You take control as we talk the
night away never thinking,
I would feel "A love like this"