"Love Chemistry"

The Importance OF Emotional Attraction

The most asked question by women of all ages is: “Is he in love with me?" I have a different take on what is “love’ and what is not, but for the sake of answering this question, I’ll use the word “love" to mean romantic attraction and sexual chemistry.

Romantic attraction and sexual chemistry happens for a majority of men in three stages and in real life, this can be a little bit confusing for us women because romantic attraction and sexual chemistry happens for most of us in two stages: first when we meet him and decide he deserves a chance to try to “make us fall in love" and secondly, when we have collected enough evidence (what he did and what he failed to do) for falling in love with him.

Even if the process of "falling in love" happens to us in only two stages, it is actually much more difficult for us women to "fall in love' than it is for men. I am sure, this is news for some women, and even hard to believe for others. So let me try to explain how easy it is to increase chemistry with a man if you know what you are working with and what you are up against.

1. The first stage of "falling in love" for a man is instant: fast and furious

Unknown to a majority of women, men fall in love at first sight even more frequently than do women. Research shows that within the first fifteen seconds, a woman will have decided (sub-consciously) if she will give a guy a chance to try to “make her fall in love’ or not. In the same amount of time, a man will have decided if he is “turned’ on by how a woman looks or not.


Yes, I know, I know, this is not fair. But despite our lofty notions of “appreciate human beings for their character rather than for their looks", nature has programmed our brains (more programming on men’s brains) to select out and respond to stimuli as sexually compelling or repelling simply based on good reproductive sense - who is best suited to carry on our gene, and legacy.

While women use visual, emotional and safety (including financial) cues to assess a man’s desirability, over 90% of a man’s decision at this stage is purely based on visual cues. When his eyes lock on to a woman for the first time, they lock on to her visual presentation. Whatever he recognize as “suited to carry on his gene, and legacy", that’s what he focuses on, admiring and lingering on its details. Some men get super glued on boobs, others on booties and others on legs etc.


Physical features and bouncy behavior that suggests youth, health and vitality place one woman ahead of all the other pack. And if you are attentive and not trying to delude yourself or force a relationship to happen, you will know when a man is visually attracted to you. HE WILL TELL YOU - in very specific verbs and he simply can’t take his eyes off you!

Keep in mind that at this first stage, it’s just pure sexual chemistry. At this stage you are still dispensable and interchangeable. You’re still just another woman in the pack, and he is still very much attracted to several other women at the same time. But just because this stage is very much based on “animal" instinct does not mean it is not very important.

How physically attractive a man finds you determines how much time he’ll want to spend with you, and later in the relationship "looks' confirm to him again and again why he finds you attractive. If a man is not physically attracted to you, trying to make him “fall in love" with you is like trying to wake up a dead horse - you see and believe what you want to see and believe.

2. The second stage of "falling in love" for a man is when he begins to see you as unique and special

He may still be visually attracted to other women and you may be the woman with the “less than perfect" body but there is just “something about you" - and it is driving him nuts. It can be the way you talk or the way you laugh or the way you think or your enthusiasm and passion, or whatever it is you do that makes him think you must feel more deeply and experience life more profoundly and therefore you must be more delightful to be with. He feels more energized just by being around you which in turn makes him feel good about himself and about life in general.

At this stage, like his counterparts in the animal kingdom, he begins to mark his territory. He pays more attention to your needs, spends more time with you and is over protective when other men try to make a move on “his woman". In other words, if you are with a guy who still wants to keep it “an open" relationship and does not mind you dating other guys, then he still has not reached this stage of attraction.

He (and you) are pretty much still up for grabs.

Are there things you can do to intensify attraction in order to speed up the process? Yes. There are many things you can do, and discussing them requires me to write another article. The bottom line is, the more positive (happy, deep, and moving) and less negative (painful, stress-full, dull, and "full of yourself") experiences he shares with you, the more likely he is to look at the future with good feelings about you.

3. The third stage of "falling in love" for a man is when he has convinced himself that he is a happier and more fulfilled person with you in his life than when by himself

He feels he is with the right woman at the right time, and at this stage, you will not even be asking the question “Is he in love with me?" because you will know. He will have NO problem declaring to you how he really feels. He might not always use the words, "I love you," but he manages to get his point across.

He is strongly attracted to you to want to start the breeding process or if he is past "breeding", he is attracted to you enough to want to “settle down". Keep in mind that in this age and time "settle down" does not necessarily mean marriage to all people but it simply means "I AM WITH THE ONE" (which is the title of my upcoming book). This feeling of "I AM WITH THE ONE" is not the same thing as when he feels he “needs’ you (see my article: How Do You Know If He or She Loves You Or Just Needs You?).

You will do yourself great favour if right now, here and today, you decide to exercise your power of choice to have what you want and to stop wasting time, emotions and energy on going-no-where relationships.

The Type of Woman Men Fall in Love With

I'd like to shed some light on something that women have been puzzled about for centuries, and that is the type of women men fall in love with. There have been so many books written on this subject, yet most have not delivered the common sense answers I am going to share with you in this issue of Smart Woman's Guide Newsletter.

Without wasting much time, I will get right to the point. I am going to give you 10 personality attributes that men love to see in the women they fall head over heels in love with. Men are attracted to women that have:

1. Intelligent - This attribute ranks very high, after men have gotten past your looks. Men love women that are smart, opinionated, and articulate. Most enjoy speaking to women who have their own point of view on subjects and are passionate in discussing affairs of the day. Men love to debate, and if you can make them believe, or at least respect, your point of view, then you have a man that will see you as an equal, and not as an ornament to be displayed to the rest of the world until the next best ornament comes his way.

2. Good Humored - If you can laugh at your man's crude jokes or take his wisecracks, you become someone he wants to get to know better. But if you're the type that easily gets upset when he jokes about your raggedy hair or sloppy dressing, men will not find your personality as attractive as one who possesses this quality.

3. Confident - When you have your own opinion and can defend it, are comfortable in your own skin, regardless of your body size or whatever else Mother Nature has thrown your way, then you have what it takes to attract men that will fall head over heels in love with you.

4. Supportive - Men find it easy to fall in love with women that encourage and support positive undertakings they embark on. Men love women that have the ability to see what they see in the goals they pursue. Men believe that when you support their dreams and goals, you believe in their ability to accomplish those things that are dear to their hearts. And when you support that which is dear to a man's heart, you essentially have the key to unlock his passionate love for you.
5. Accommodating - When you understand that men are not perfect, and you are able to easily forgive them for their imperfections, then you possess one of the most admirable qualities men seek in their love interest. However, if you are the type that will nitpick every single thing they do or nag them at the drop of a hat, then you will not have a man hanging around you for very long.

6. Patient - This attribute is quite similar to that in #5. When I speak of patience here, I am referring to a woman's ability to be in a relationship with a man without pressuring him into making a serious commitment he may not be ready to make. Now understand that there is a way to let a man know that you are interested in settling down, without coming across as desperate or overbearing. Women that show men that they are willing to wait for them to propose a committed relationship are apt to be more attractive to men than those that come across as impatient.

7. Sensual - A woman that is not sensual is not attractive to any man. To be attractive to a man you must be perceived as someone who is very comfortable with her sexuality and knows how to initiate sex spontaneously. If you believe that men should always be the first to make the move when it comes to bedroom and lovemaking matters, you may be doing yourself more harm than good when it comes to your ability to attract men. Improve your ability to initiate intimacy, and you will see how much more attractive you will appear to your guy. You can improve in this area tremendously if you are open to what Michael Webb, a bestselling author, reveals in his exciting e-book, "500 Lovemaking Tips & Secrets".

8. Honest - Men find authentic and honest women quite attractive. If you are the type that tells it like you see it, men will find this aspect of your personality very attractive. "Say what you will do and do what you say" ought to be your motto. Just as you respect and love men that tell you the truth no matter what, men feel the same way when they meet a woman that does not waste their time with fibs. In a nutshell, men are attracted to women that are honest and down to earth, women that do not pretend to be who they are not.

9. Open-minded - The willingness to explore other possibilities, new ideas, etc. is an attribute that men seek in the women they want to love. Being open-minded does not mean that one has to compromise one's personal convictions, but rather is able to see another point of view and respect it, even if it is not one that you share.

10. Health conscious - Women that take care of themselves are generally more attractive than those that do not. After all a good physique is the first thing that attracts men, even before they get to know how wonderful and exciting you are. Men are attracted to women that exercise, eat right, take care of their hair, nails, and dress well. To attract the best you must look your best - it is that simple.

To find out how to make your man fall madly in love with you, please visit: http://www.smartwomansguide.com/.

"Make The Man Of Your Dreams Fall For You"

What makes Men fall in love ?
As other women had wonder, I ask the same perpetual question : HOW men fall in love. Do they sometimes fall for somebody before dating? (Seriously, does/can that happen?) What is a guy's thought process in that situation?

Really, women ( I am among the wonderers) want to know this stuff!

Someone tried to answer me, and though he said that it was “ TOP SECRET “ I thought that he wouldn’t mind if I share this with you, to know what do YOU think about, here is his answer :

I think any guy here can say that it IS possible for any guy to fall in love with a single glance at the opposite sex. The only problem is we don't admit it to anyone (sometimes not even to ourselves) It's a seldom thing but it can happen.

But it differentiates from guy to guy. Me personally, is personality.

She may be Beautiful, but if that beauty matches who she is then that's all it takes for me, but it takes time to adjust to it. Men don't or rarely use the word "love" but that doesn't mean we don't feel it. Even a low life can feel it but would never admit it.

The only exception would be if a guy has been burned so badly that makes him bitter, but that means he HAS been in love, and it is possible for a guy to fall in love. Women sometimes think that we use it aimlessly just to get what we want out of them.

True, but so do women. It's not always the case. Sure we take advantage of it, but that’s because women aren't meeting a guys wants. (even the most despicable ones) It's tricky and almost impossible to believe but it's there.

That's where patience is necessary, and if that can't be provided that is why we get bored and bitter with women and causes us to do stuff that some of us regret. Furthering our notion of what love is and not believing in it.

Guys will only admit they love you or in love when women: doesn't pressure them into anything, understands him, appreciates him (even if he burps and farts around the clock) and respects him and most important space.

Almost the same things women want from men. (another cliché) communication is basically key, you just need to know how to approach us when it comes to a one on one chat, and if you love us the way most women claim they would know what that is.

That’s why we so foul of creatures as many women claim we are, say we are jerks and d*cks and are incapable of love. But we are capable of it we just don't express it or show it as much as we like why? well because we're guys. Now the reason as to why we hide love? that’s a secret.

How to Identify Real Men

What are real men? Real men are the confident tough guys who don?t pretend to be people they aren't. Real men won't say anything about you behind your back that he wouldn't say in front of you, and real men always say what they mean and mean what they say. Real men are not worried about weather or not their appearance is in keeping with the trends, and they aren't worried if they smell like oil instead of some putrid cologne. Having said all this, there are many ways and situations to follow where the definition of real men can be observed.

Appearance: As indicated above, appearance (though important) isn't at the top of the real man's list of priorities. As a matter of fact, aside from when he's in church, as long as he's not walking around butt-naked, as far as he's concerned, what he has on is of little consequence.

Fortunately, most real men have wives, mothers or girl friends that ensure they are properly dressed in clean and hole free clothes prior to leaving the house.Real men do not stand in front of the mirror for more than 5 minutes each day. This time is spent quickly shaving, brushing teeth and combing hair. Real men, regardless of complexion, do not stand in front of the mirror fussing over this pimple and that wrinkle. Nor do they waste time applying acne medicine or moisturizers. Real men are decisive at the store. That's right! They get what they need, and they leave as fast as they can. Women and wimps take forever shopping because they are supplied with way too many choices, and can't decide what product is going to leave their skin, hair, clothes, teeth and breath looking and/or smelling the absolute best. So they start at one end of the aisle sniffing every bottle (shampoo for instance) until they find the one they want. And once they finally decide on something they like, they forget which one it was because the next time it has to be bought, they go through the same process all over again!

House: Real men's houses have front porches that they built themselves, and in their yards they have at least 1 rusted charcoal grill that is always ready to use dirty or not. Additionally, at home, real men don't pay anyone to cut their grass when they can either do it themselves, or have one of their kids do it. That said, when it gets cut, it is cut with a push? mower that never starts until the spark plug is thoroughly cleaned.

Car: First of all, Real men know how to change their own tires and oil, and they actually do it. Wimps and women have someone else do these for them. A real man drives a pick-up because he has to carry stuff around that will not fit in the trunk of a car, and a real man isn't worried whether or not his truck is dirty, or that he might be climbing into the cab wearing dirty clothes or muddy work boots. In some cases however, some car driving men are considered real men provided the cars they are driving are loaded down as if they were trucks. You may occasionally see examples of real men making cross-town moves with their cars full of house hold items, and with a mattress tied to the roof flapping in the breeze.

Clothes: As stated above, real men will, without hesitation, slide into the cab of his truck with dirty clothes on, that said, real men are not worried that the clothes they're wearing are filthy when the filth comes from their line of work, or as the direct result of getting someone unstuck from the mud.

Jobs: First of all, barring any catastrophic disabilities, real men have jobs. In most cases, it really doesn't matter what the job is as long as it is performed to the best of his ability, and as long as the job is an honest one. There are jobs though that, due to the inherent dangers associated with them, are manlier than others. For example, the guy walking steel girders suspended several floors from the ground is much more manly than the guy who stands around fixing hair all day.

Children: Real men have children who have ridden a horse, have been camping, and have been fishing at least once in their lives. Children of real men will learn both the difference between right and wrong, and that making bad choices will yield unpleasant results. Furthermore, real men will teach their kids that it is perfectly acceptable to refuse following the crowd because more often than not children who follow the crowd tend to make those bad decisions.

Pets: Of all the men who own pets, relatively few are real men. If you need evidence of this, just look at the names of most pets compared to those that are named by real men. For dogs, regular guys name them stuff like Duke, Fido, Max or Lady. On the other hand, real men use names like Rim Shot, Spark Plug, Quick Draw or Feed Jam. Additionally, no self respecting man would ever name their cat fluffy, snow flake, or mittens. These names are reserved for the use of little girls who consequently force their dads (wanna be real men) to endure such wimpy disrespecting names.When all is said and done, real men don?t worry about all the little conflicts in life that don't amount to a hill of beans. Instead, real men worry about their responsibilities as related to their families.

That?s right, real men provide their children with an example of how men are supposed to act. They are encouraging, loving, kind and fair, and they treat their wives with love and respect.

"Do You Want To Attract The Right Guy?Here's How"

Finding & Attracting The Love Of Your Life‏
Is it possible that by doing some of the wrong things with a man that you could push away or sabotage the man and relationship that's the right one for you?


It's a tough question, but a really important one if you're having a tough time with men andrelationships.

If you've ever wanted the right man and relationship to come into your life so badly thatyou actually messed things up for yourself when the right guy showed up...

Then you need to read this short email.
I'm going to share with you a great way to goabout not only finding the right man for you...
But how to literally DRAW HIM TO YOU and havehim feel that intense "knowing" about you right away that is going to tell your man that you, and only you, are the one for him.

Let's get started.

As you know, men can't or won't tell you whatthey're thinking.

Knowing this, how much do you know and understand about your man on your own?

And how much does it happed that by not understanding him YOU get confused or hurt by him, and then he either sees you as "needy", or you accidentally push him away?

If you've ever felt like you had no clue what was going on with a man you were dating or who was your boyfriend...

Then for a quick shortcut right now I want to share the inside secrets of what men want in a woman, why they seem to change their minds about relationships... and what is guaranteed to turn them off to great women.

It's all right here:

http://www.CatchHimKeepHim.com/IMM

Now tell me:

Do you sometimes feel hopeless that you'll never find the love of your life?

That maybe love just isn't meant to be for you?

I want to show you how this is not only the case for you, but show you a quick and amazing way to change things in your love life right away.

By the way, I get how you could feel this way.

I hear from lots of women who are going through the same thing in one way or another.

Maybe you've spent years working on your own life - to where you're successful and fulfilled on your own.

But somehow you still feel like something is missing, and you know what it is.

A good man.

The strange thing is that it can actually be MORE FRUSTRATING for a woman when she's worked sohard to make sure she has her own life together - but then love still doesn't seem to work out.

Maybe you're one of the women who is either worried if you'll ever find a good guy...
Or you've gotten into a relationship with a man, but months or even years down the line you'vecome to realize that not only was he not who you thought he was...

But that he was anything but the right man for you to share you life and love with.
Not having a man can feel just as bad as finding a man and giving yourself to him, only to realize over time that he's really not the right one.

If any of this sounds familiar to you, then somewhere in the back of your mind there's a thought going on for you.

A thought that, even if you don't want to thinkabout it, still pops up for you.
that thought is "Where is my soul mate?"

Where is the right man for me?

You know the kind of man I'm talking about...

The kind of man who is the one person in the world you love unconditionally and who loves you back the same way.

The man who understands you like no one else understands you.
Who loves you no matter how you feel or look today.

Who supports you in everything - even when he disagrees with you.
The man who can see you at your worst and giveyou more love and support because of it.

Wouldn't it be amazing to be in a relationship with a man like that?
Can you imagine how you would feel to have thiskind of man in your life?
Can you imagine how different even the little things in your life might be?
Well... what if you could meet this man in a few days or weeks?

And what if this man is single right now and looking for YOU- the woman he can't wait to give his best to?

Even though you might feel like it's impossible right now- meeting the right man can happen sooner and easier than you think.
And I'm about to tell you how...

For starters, I want you to do something for me.

This is your first step towards an amazing lesson for you to take with you and attract the right man for you.

Plus it's something fun, and it won't take long.

Ok. I want you to imagine right now that the man of your dreams, the man you've been waiting for your whole life is standing right in front of you.


Picture him now.
I want you to describe him to yourself, in detail.

What does he look like?

What is the best thing about his personality?

What are his strengths and weaknesses?

Try to be as detailed as possible with what you're seeing in your mind's eye.

Now, describe the things you'd do together on weekends.

What is his favorite sport?

Food?

What irritates him the most?

What makes him energized and passionate?

How does he touch you and what does he say?

Can you picture it?

Start to see and visualize all of this as your picture of him starts to become clear.

Do you see him?

Good.

Ok now, come back.

Since you've got a picture of this man, let me ask you...

What if it was totally possible to meet this man?And not only meet him, but meet him very soonand have such a strong and instant "connect" when you meet that it springs an amazing relationshipinto existence?

What if this man actually exists, and it's all a matter of MANIFESTING him into your life?
This may sound a bit "out there" at first, butlet me share something fascinating with you:
I recently spoke with a woman who not only knows the secret to making this kind of "manifestation" happen, but she's also a woman who experienced this as she attracted her own husband and soul mate.

And now this incredible woman is helping hundreds of women connect to the love of theirlife the way she and lots of other women have.

Now, I know what you're thinking.

"C'mon- "manifesting" a man!? Puuuhhhleeease,Christian."

I get it. I even feel a little funny telling you.

And honestly, if I had not met this woman and heard her own story about how she found her soul mate and current husband, then I'd have somereal doubts, too.
But this is the one woman who has made me a believer.
And that's no small feat.

So is this some kind of magic hocus-pocus that'sonly for the "spiritually" inclined?
Is this only for woman who believe in things like "energy", the law of attraction, a higher purpose, or that all things are connected.

No.

But if you've ever seen the movie "The Secret", then you may know a little bit about what's behindsome of the simple easy things that don't require "magic" to work for you in your love life.
What I want to share with you is a special technique developed by a new friend of minenamed Arielle Ford.

Arielle is an amazing woman who knows and has worked with people from Deepak Chopra and the authors of the "Chicken Soup for the Soul" series...to too many other great people to count.
And not only is Arielle a great person who's "plugged in" - she's also a strong and powerful no-nonsense business person with a multi-million dollar business of her own.

Arielle used to be that successful, independent woman who was single and on her own later in lifethan she expected.

She had everything she could have wanted in her life as a late 30-something and early 40's woman,except for that right man.

And because of that, all her amazing personal relationships and success didn't make up for the fact that she still had a big part of her life missing-
Her soul mate.

That was, until she figured out how to change all that.

Arielle doesn't just believe, she knows from experience, that ANYONE can find and attract their soulmate.

It doesn't matter if you're in your 40's and have never been married (like Arielle, before shemet her husband), or if you're in your 20's and you really want to find that love of your life after spending years dating the wrong men.

All it takes is a BELIEF that you can indeed manifest the man of your dreams and that he is out there already.

You've heard of "love at first sight", right?

Well, this is kind of like "love BEFORE first sight."

Finding and attracting your soulmate, according to Arielle, can happen through a specific, step-by-step process that any woman can do at anytime in her life.
As a matter of fact, get this -
Arielle's mother was single after Arielle foundher husband and soulmate, and guess what eventually happened?

Once her mother saw what had happened for Arielle, she became open to using these steps, too.

It wasn't long before, in her later years,Arielle's single mom finally discovered her soul mate, too.

I don't know about you, but there's nothing tougher than the "mom test". And that's anotherreason I'm so blown away and impressed by what Arielle has discovered and how she's helped not just her mom - but tons of other women, too.

Here's where this gets good -

After getting to know Arielle over the last year and continuing to hear more and more fascinating and inspiring stories from people around her , I was finally lucky enough to getArielle to agree to share her "secret sauce" with me in person.

Now I want to share Arielle's steps and herprocess with you in a special way -
That's why I got Arielle do to a special interview workshop with me where she shared how you can both manifest your right man and keep your relationship burning bright for as long asyou want.

This interview is sure to blow you away onceyou hear it, and have you on your way like so many other women- including Arielle's mom.

Here's just a few things Arielle shared with me that I want you to tune into:

-- The incredible story of how Arielle wished to meet her soulmate, dreamt about him, then met himand got engaged within 3 weeks! You have to hearthis story to believe it ... (and the best partis that Arielle is confident YOU can have the same kind of prophetic experience using her techniques).

-- The true definition of a soulmate relationship...once you get this it will not onlyinspire you and have you see love and partnershipin a whole new way, but men will sense it
-- One of the most IMPORTANT things you can do to ensure your relationship will be loving, respectful and passionate for many, many years - even when things go "off track" or you have disagreements and tension.

-- What you need to ask yourself and do FIRST before you can attract a soulmate into your life - even if you've been single forever, or even if the other parts of your life (career, home, spiritual) are established and thriving.

-- What may be the reason you feel as if you're LACKING LOVE and CONNECTION in your life, and howto turn things around 180 degrees FAST.

-- A remarkable exercise to help you to heal from a past breakup or relationship so you can get CLARITY AND CLOSURE without confronting your ex, or paying for years of therapy.
-- "Treasure Map": A POWERFUL technique that magically helps you to manifest what you want inyour life (if you've seen "The Secret" you know a little bit about this, although Arielle takes the concept further).

-- What your "Season Of Love" is and why it'simportant to the TIMING of where and when you'llmeet the man of your dreams.

-- A funny story about a woman who used CRAYONSto manifest her soulmate (and they're still together 18 years later) and how you can use the same method to manifest your own version of thePerfect Man. This is just one of some really AMAZING success stories Arielle shared with me.

-- A way to be open and direct with your boyfriend and at the same time free yourselffrom the worry of whether or not you're right or wrong.

-And lots more...

I have a question for you:

Knowing that it's not only possible to stop going in circles and attract the right man - but that there is an easy and direct set of steps to do so...

Why wouldn't you at least see what it is that'sbringing other women that one right man and relationship?

Is it because you don't really want to do anything different on your end, or change in any way. And you think it's men who are at fault?

Is it because you think a man should just recognize how great you are all on his own - and that if he doesn't it's his loss?

Or is it because you're just not willing to take ACTION in your life to at least try something new?

If you want to have new experiences and get new results in your life... I'm going to suggest that it's time you DO something new.

You can try this interview now for nothing just to see if you like these interviews, andkeep it regardless.

And if you love this interview (and I know you will) then I can send you a brand new amazing interview each month for you to keep learning and growing with.

If not, you can opt to just get this interviewand choose not to stay with me and the community of other women who are learning and talking about these interviews each month.

Now, I also want to share something more with you, if you're open to it as a woman who's readyto attract the right man into her life-

A while back I shared a program with a small group of women who were looking to know more about how exactly to meet, talk to and start a new relationship with a great guy.

As you know, just meeting the right guy can be a challenge. (Hence, why these steps for manifesting a man are so important)

Well, you probably also know that you don't just meet a man and he ends up falling in love with you in the first 5 seconds and asks you to marry him.

If this does happen to you, you're either that lucky 1 in a million woman who stumbled upon theright man at the right time and he's going to be begging you to be with him from the first second,and all throughout the "dating" process...

Or you should watch out since this guy doesn't even know you, and you don't know him.

There's a better way- and that is knowing how the often confusing and dead-end dating processworks... and how to move through this and into a committed relationship with a great guy.

Tons of women meet men, only to have a few lousy dates or a short 1-3 month "mini-relationship" that fizzles and goes nowhere.

This often happens because they don't know whatit is that attracts men for a relationship bothfrom the start, and what makes men want more andmore with you while you're dating.

That's why I created an entire program for any woman who's ready to stop the cycle of dead-enddates - and who's ready to truly connect and "wow" the right man from the first "Hello" allthe way to "I love you" and beyond.

This program is called "Meeting The One", and it covers everything you need to know about how,what, why and where when you finally meet that right man.

"Not Your Boyfriend But Sleeping With Him?"

WAKE UP GIRL!

I've got to knock some sense into you for your
own good.

Since you have my eBook, go back to Chapter 6
and read it again.

Your fears are taking over your emotions...
which in turn is driving the behavior that your
guy is responding negatively to.

You've stopped steering your life emotionally
and you've let go of the wheel.

In Chapter 6, read about the "Emotional Gap,"
and about "Setting Yourself Apart From Other Women,"
starting on page 159.

And I've got some new ideas for you too...

There's an important scientific word I want you
to learn and remember. You ready?

Here it is:

"Duh."

You OBVIOUSLY have real feelings for him -
you're sleeping with him!

And I'm willing to bet you had these feelings
all along, but you just weren't completely up
front about them.

Your situation is possibly the WORST kind of
uphill battle a woman can have with a man early on.

It's a BIG NO-NO.

Actually, it's "THE" big NO-NO in the early
dating stage...Using purely "physical attraction"
to start a potential relationship.

For most men, it's easy to go from a meaningful
and committed relationship to one that's casual
and purely physical.

But, it is almost impossible to go from the
"friends-with-benefits" situation to a deep,
fulfilling, intimate and lasting situation.

I know this first hand, both from my own love
life and from talking to lots of men and women
I've known in my life.

So... rarely do I give rules, but here's an
absolute RULE when it comes to men -

DON'T EVER try and start things with a man at
a casual and purely physical level if you EVER want
the option for something more meaningful or
long-term.

Men don't work this way, like it or not.

And don't try to get a man BACK with physical
attraction and sex either.

It's a dead end street.

OK... now that I've got that off my chest,
here's the first thing you need to do. Go read
my book again. (Just buying it won't help you.)

I write about Sex and Commitment in Chapter 8,
on page 241. I reveal exactly what men think about
the whole "friends with benefits" situation and how
to time sex with dating so you're not left feeling
"insane" when a man just doesn't want anything
more than a purely physical relationship.

(And if you're reading this now and want to get
your own copy of my eBook, "Catch Him & Keep Him"
and be reading it in minutes, click on this link
below.

You can try it free for a full 7 days before
you commit to paying for it:)

http://www.CatchHimKeepHim.com/CatchHim&KeepHimeBook

Here's the worst part of this whole situation.
You're smart and you know better. I can tell. It
doesn't surprise me that you couldn't see this
coming. Somehow, when you're in the thick of it,
attraction and "love" can blind you.

So I'm going to give you a refresher course
in what to do and in order to have the happiness
and love you need...and deserve. I'm going to give
you 4 simple rules to follow that will guarantee
you won't be "stuck" with a Friends With Benefits
situation ever again.

Ready? Ok, here we go...

1. KNOW YOURSELF AND WHAT YOU'RE AFTER

You said, "I have made the mistake of admitting
to a friend that I have feelings for him."

It's NOT a mistake to share your feelings with
a man.

It IS a mistake to share your feelings with a
man 1) too early and 2) in a negative context.

You set yourself up for failure by choosing and
"tolerating" a situation that just doesn't work
for you. That situation is being "ok" with a purely
physical situation when in fact you need-and
want-more.

When you're OK with the way things are one
minute, but then are looking and asking for something
more and saying you're not happy with the way things
are NOW, you've INSTANTLY become the kill-joy and
antagonist in the relationship.

One minute you're blissfully happy in his
embrace and then a day or two later you're sulking
and awkward because you just blurted out what you
feel or what you want, and you've taken him by
surprise.

All because of a "talk" you wanted to have
with him.

Yeah, I'm riding you a bit hard here, but it's
for your own good.

Instead of being open with yourself about what
YOU are truly after, you pursued this "friends with
benefits" strategy to get things moving.

That's why you're freaking out.

You thought you could handle it.

You thought you'd get something out of it.

And for a minute, it was fun.

But then your feelings snuck up on you.

Eventually you were reminded of what you're
really after with a man and what you value.

Right now you have two pictures in your mind:
One picture is of this "casual" thing going on.
And the other one is what you actually want.

The two pictures are so radically different
and far apart from each other, that it's no
wonder you're acting "insane."

Your expectations are COMPLETELY out of line
for what you're ACTUALLY doing with this guy.

It's time to stop creating situations in your
life that you KNOW won't make you happy or
comfortable in the long run - even if they feel
good in the moment.

2. FIND YOUR PERSONAL STANDARDS & REQUIREMENTS... AND THEN STICK TO THEM

Starting things with a man in this "casual sex"
way, is a SUREFIRE way to ruin your odds of
creating something more meaningful in the future.

I'm a guy.

I know.

But, more importantly, getting into a "casual"
situation with a man you might want to date more
seriously and exclusively, has a VERY HIGH
potential to make you FEEL AWFUL.

So...

Unless you're one out of a hundred thousand
women that gets "swept off her feet" by an open,
caring, great communicator, who makes moving
into a committed relationship effortless... then
you're going to have to start asking yourself
some real questions about what you really want
from your love life.

And once you have the answers, actually be
honest about them from the start.

Here's an important question to ask yourself:

"WHAT ARE MY NEEDS?"

And I do mean YOUR needs. Not his. Not what
you're accepting or tolerating or hoping to get
from a man just because there's nothing better
around right now.

Be clear here and think it through.

I'll give you a minute...

Most of the women I know who are dating have a
set of subconscious requirements from the men
they're seeing. That they be honest. That they
be exclusive. That it's going somewhere, and it's
not just going to be casual dating forever.

But these aren't things they are willing or
able to communicate directly with the man
they're seeing.

So, they end up in a situation that is anything
but what they were looking for.

They say, "This is fine for now. I'm just
enjoying myself."

They are not being honest with themselves about
their bottom-line "must-haves" and therefore can't
express these things to the man, either.

From my experience, here are a few of these
"must haves" that women often aren't honest about
at the start:

- That any man they're involved with, in any way,
isn't dating or still involved with another woman

- That he's open and ready to explore a serious
relationship once they get to know each other

- That they share the same values and
priorities - or he can at least appreciate and
support her values

So, how in touch are you with your REQUIREMENTS
to feel good when it comes to men and dating? And
how do you communicate these to a man?

Do you do it indirectly by acting frustrated
and angry when your needs aren't being met, after
you've already become intimate and emotionally
vested in the relationship?

Or do you do it directly and in a positive
context as things are GETTING STARTED, so you're
in sync from the get-go?

Remember, 99% of the time, a man is NOT going
to make the right decisions for you, or magically
and telepathically recognize and meet all your
needs.

Sticking to a set of minimum standards and
then communicating those helps show a man what
it's going to take to make you happy.

3. RADICALLY REJECT BEHAVIOR THAT DOESN'T MEET YOUR STANDARDS

I observed something FASCINATING about people
and relationships a few years back.

When we're in a situation that causes bad
feelings and friction of some kind, there is
always some kind of "payoff" for one or the other
person...and that's why they persist in sticking
with the bad situation.

Here's what you're getting out of the "casual"
thing...

You get a safe and risk free path to get close
to this guy. Even though technically you're not
"close" at all.

I call this "working it from the 'friend zone'".

After all, how vulnerable would you be if you
shared what you REALLY were looking for up front,
BEFORE you slept with him?

You might be disappointed or rejected, or you
would be unable to continue the "friendship"
that you have right now.

And maybe having to start over alone might
actually be worse in your mind than having
something crappy and low-quality that you're
"tolerating" now.

But if you look deeper, you'll probably see
that your desire for something more was there all
along underneath the surface. Therefore, I doubt
that you could have been "just friends" with him
anyway, even if you never slept together, without
you feeling gypped in some way.

That's why you have to show a man that you're
strong and you know what you want, and you won't
settle for scraps or second-best or "good enough
for now."

My favorite way of thinking about how to do
this, is to be like a "velvet hammer."

Be strong and assertive, but warm and gentle
at the same time.

Say, "I really like you. Probably too much to
be JUST friends. This is why I'm not sure we should
continue this situation unless you feel the same way."

If you can say this in a way that doesn't include
BLAME or guilt or pressure from you, it the response
a man will give will be MAGICAL.

He'll open up and meet you at the level of
honesty and respect you're coming at him with.

And as tough and as "bitchy" or self-centered
doing this might sound right now, this is exactly
what you need to say to a man if you really want
something more with him.

And doing this, and only this, can get you out
of your "friends with benefits" situation and into
a great relationship.

Trying anything else is almost sure to end up
in a series of misunderstandings and hurt feelings.

But you might be thinking- WHY does this kind of
language work with a man?

Because it sends a strong SUBCONSCIOUS signal to
a man that the woman is in CONTROL of her life and
her world.

There's nothing that triggers more intense
"long-term" attraction in a healthy and mature
man, than a woman who he CAN'T control and doesn't
get thrown off-center when her needs aren't met.

Using the "velvet hammer" also has another
AMAZING benefit that women don't often recognize...
or they don't even see as a benefit at first.

It WEEDS OUT the guys who DO need to go away
because they're never going to get their act together
in the first place, or just don't want to.

You don't want to be stuck in a dead-end situation
that's just going to make you feel WORSE than you
felt before you met him, do you? Of course not.

And sure, sometimes a guy will hear that and
disappear for a while. But the best part is, if
he's one of the "good guys" you want to be with
for the long-term, he'll come back around.

And when he does, he'll have done all the leg
work to be a better, more conscious partner. The
kind of partner you could have never molded yourself
through any amount of fixing or convincing.

4. DISCOVER AND USE WHAT CREATES DEEPER ATTRACTION AND CONNECTION WITH MEN

Ever hear of "approval-seeking" behavior?

It's when we try to do and say things simply to
get a positive reaction or judgment about
ourselves from someone else.

Well, it's a HUGE MISTAKE to make with a man
early on.

Your need for your guy's APPROVAL is your worst
enemy right now.

To him, what you're doing is actually the
complete OPPOSITE OF ATTRACTIVE.

I'll give you an example...

Have you ever seen what it looks like when a
man is shamelessly seeking the approval of a
woman?

As he's just getting to know her and he sees
that she hasn't completely made up her mind to
want to be with him, what does he do?

He buys her gifts.

He calls her all the time.

He offers to do favors and errands for her.

All these are attempts to prove to her that
he's good enough to be with her or to get her
attention. This is also known as the "really nice
guy" approach.

Women just never seem to quite "feel it" for
the super nice guy. Not because of the gifts and
flowers and favors, anyway.

A guy can already be attractive AND do nice
things. Agreed?... But doing nice things doesn't
MAKE a man more attractive.

Instead of feeling attracted to a guy you weren't
too "into" at first, you start losing respect for
him when he goes overboard and tries too hard with
the calls, favors and gifts.

You lose respect because you know you can CONTROL
him.

This isn't conscious, either. It's just how you
feel, and feelings are pretty powerful forces.

Ever stop to think that the same thing might
work in reverse between a woman's behavior and a
man's? That a man may feel like he can "control"
you if you're running around trying to please him
or do favors for him or be "nice" to him in order
to get him to want you?

Interesting...

For men, approval-seeking behavior KILLS the
spark that comes from the uncertainty of not
knowing exactly how the women he's with is going
to think and act.

If he can predict what you're going to do and
feels like he "has" you in the palm of his hand,
what is he going to wonder about when it comes
to you?

And what if you start acting predictably
NEGATIVE?

Think about it...

It's a "natural tension" and challenge of
not having CONTROL and uncertainty that creates
strong ATTRACTION in men.

HERE'S WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT

What most women ask in situations when a man
isn't responding the way they want him to is...

"WHY is he acting this way and how do I make
sense of it and "fix" it?"

Well, you can't "fix" a man. And I really
feel for you if you're one of those women who
are trying.

But, you CAN change a situation and the
FEELINGS that a man is having for you.
You can change how he experiences you.

The toughest and most important thing to
understand is that men's behavior and thinking
in these situations isn't at all LOGICAL.

In other words, how a man reacts doesn't
make ANY "sense" and doesn't follow any rhyme
or reason.

So, of course, it baffles and frustrates women
when they run it through their own "sense- making
filters."

Let me ask you a question...

If you were an attractive man, would you want
to find a woman that you had to TEACH how to make
you attracted and feel good... or would you want
a woman who just "got it" on her own... "naturally"
and everything flowed?

Duh. (there's that scientific word again)

You'd want the woman who already "got it."

So, more likely than a conspiracy against
women, men just naturally respond to women who
GET IT, and DON'T respond to women who DON'T.

OK, let's talk about these concepts a little
bit more.

Attraction, and wanting to be with a woman, is
about a man perceiving that he and a woman are
"naturally compatible" because his emotional
and physical sparks fly when he's around her.

NOTE: I did NOT use the word "logical" here.

Attraction and wanting to be with a woman long
term is NOT the result of a man meeting a woman
and then thinking to himself:

"Let's see...she's got a good job, works hard,
is pretty cute, and is a really good person... Hmmm,
I think that we have some natural attraction going
on here."

WRONG.

For a man, attraction and the desire to be with a woman, and stay with her, is either THERE or it ISN'T.

"How To Be A Natural People Magnet "

How To Be A Natural People Magnet - Astound Everyone With Your Astonishing Presence

What does it really take to become successful in life? What is one trait which is never taught in any school or college around the world? It's the art of managing people effectively. You see if you can master the art of managing people you have almost mastered your life. As people affect your life in several ways. The better you are with people the more successful you will be as people affect your personal, professional and spiritual life. Read on to discover some of the most effective ways to become a people magnet and achieve what you want in life...

Learn to listen-

Who is the most important person to you? It's you yourself. You see we value ourselves more than we value other people in life. Everyone wants to be heard and in the present day and age people just don't have enough time or patience to listen to others. If you can be the person who is an active listener and pays a lot of attention towards what the other person is saying than people would be naturally attracted to you.

Learn to compliment-

Everyone wants to feel good about himself or herself. You see a small compliment can make someone's day absolutely phenomenal and if you can make someone's day great they would give you what you want. You see it's normally a mutually beneficial relationship.

Learn to inspire-

Do you know the reason why people listen to a lot of motivational tapes? Do you know the reason why every motivational speaker out there is considered a star? It's simply due to the reason that they have the ability to inspire people to really push towards their goals. Therefore learn to inspire people by being positive.

Clues to attract a man

What makes a woman attractive to a man?

In fact every woman sends out signals to men. Most men can detect and read your signals in a matter of seconds. The first pulses you emit are your dress and your body language.

It’s incredibly easy for a woman to attract attention from men. Just wear skin-tight, thigh-length, revealing clothing. You’ll get lots of male attention. But will it be the kind of attention you want? Fishermen insist that the fish you catch is determined by the bait you use.

Would you like to make yourself more appealing to a man who will be attracted to you as a person and not as an object? If so, remember these tips to keep in mind when trying to attract a man.

Confidence is the number one attraction. Being more confident with yourself and your surroundings will attract someone that is equal to you. You will also notice that more people are drawn to you.Appearance is also a big issue. Your appearance and body language may catch his attention, but it takes personality and charm to sustain a man's interest.

Realize you only have one chance to make a good first impression. If he sees you when you are at your worst then he will not want to look a second time.

Give a man a reason to think about you. Wear a lingering fragrance that haunts his memory, soft clothes that he yearns to touch and a smile that he can't get out of his mind. And don’t forget to leave a little something to the imagination. An air of mystery can be provocative and appealing to a man.

Make him feel important by focusing your full attention on him. Listen intently to what he has to say and respond with respect for his opinions, laugh at his jokes no matter how lama they are, take an interest in his interests.

And finally – don't try and be something you are not. He will be falling for a false idol and will not want to know you when he sees the real you. Let him know you're different from all the rest. Emphasize your originality through your personality, intelligence and behavior.

26 Reasons Why Relationships Fail

26 Reasons Why Relationships Fail And How To Know If You Are Having Unhealthy, Sad Relationships

Unhealthy, sad relationships have some general notable characteristics in common. Here are 26 basic guidelines for reference. They are not in order of importance.

Avoidance – Many people in unhealthy relationships simply avoid facing reality. There are many reasons for this. For instance, deep down inside, the people involved may be trying to make themselves appear superior. Or perhaps they don’t want to face the fact that their mates really aren’t who they say they are.

For example, Person A might cover up and make excuses for his mate, Person B, who is always late coming home from work and almost always misses family functions. Person A could be trying to avoid reality and make up excuses to cover up an affair that Person B is involved in so that it doesn’t destroy their “perfect image” in everyone’s eyes. Or Person A could be avoiding the fact that Person B is a workaholic.

Burnout – Although many can carry out romance throughout their entire relationships, the actual honeymoon period does have to end, in reality. And those who can keep the “love” fires burning, not 24 / 7 but off and on regularly during their relationship, have better chances of healthier relationships than those who suffer burnout and don’t know where to turn or who turn to unhealthy solutions. In short, every relationship has its highs and lows. During the low times, like maybe when one person begins to feel disillusioned with marriage, or maybe trapped, tired, helpless, depressed or let down, if this person reaches out to unhealthy alternatives, like getting a fake substitution – maybe seeking another mate in secret, getting “high,” or some other negative behavior, once-healthy relationships can suffer. Instead, the couple needs to face issues together; add some new goals to the relationship, do some fun things together more, talk more, etc.

Compatibility Issues – Opposites attract; or do they? Sure it’s great to have some “spice” in your life. But relationships are about getting your needs met – at least on some level. And constant negativity can certainly hinder intimacy. So those who have a difficult time focusing on what attracted them to their mates in the first place can suffer unhealthy, sad relationships, constantly in conflict over issues with which they can’t agree. Check out the complete Love By Design System to find out if HE or SHE is the one for you today!

Devotional Void – A lack of commitment or ardent love can make for unhappy relationships. Being friends or roommates is one thing. Being committed, loving soul mates is another. Being “in love” 24/7 doesn’t necessarily have to be a requirement, but being in a “loving” committed relationship can make the difference.

Enthusiasm Dwindles – If you don’t add in some spice once in awhile, you can get the same old, same old. Couples caught up in routines can lose that spark of enthusiasm; i.e. zest of life in their relationships if they forget to be spontaneous once in awhile or forget to flavor their relationship with fun, adventure, romance.

Forgiveness Void – No one is perfect. Mistakes are a part of life. Those unwilling or unable to forgive, can pretty much count on having more unhealthy relationships over time. Relationships based or growing on anger, spite, disgust, resentment or other negative feelings associated with lack of forgiveness are like wilted flowers. They need tending to or they’ll die.

Guise - Simulated relationships or those under the guise of having a solid, happy relationship are not destined for success, on the whole. Or rather false is as false does, as Forest Gump might say. Pretending wears thin and doesn’t last long.

Harm – Harmful thoughts, words and actions can sure lead to unhealthy relationships. An occasional outbreak during a stressful moment might be considered normal like swearing; i.e. if someone hasn’t been raped, battered (or other sever trauma has occurred) by the other party. However, harmful, violent actions such as those and repeated verbal negativity is abusive and not healthy in relationships – or life.

Indulgence – Instant gratification or indulgence of unhealthy behaviors is a sign of trouble. Grabbing chocolate to satisfy a craving is one thing. Grabbing illicit drugs or another mate in secrecy is another. Yielding to unhealthy temptations and desires is a pathway to unhealthy relationships.

Just say yes – Not being able to draw boundaries or sustain limits is another possible path to sad relationships. For example, if one person in the relationship has a difficult time saying “Yes” and setting limits, his or her mate could always come in second, third or forth - - rarely first in the other person’s eyes and agenda. And while it’s fine to take a back seat once in awhile, people make time for priorities and in healthy relationships, both parties feel and share the value of being number one with one another.

Kick the Dog – Kicking the dog, not in a literal sense (although that would be negative, too!) is characteristic of unhealthy relationships. For example, if a person comes home angry and passes this anger on to the dog by kicking it, that is not a healthy release of anger. The unhealthier people are, the unhealthier they generally deal with stress.

Help is available. Lemons – Unhealthy relationships often have at least one party who can’t seem to make lemonade out of life’s lemons. Maybe he or she has the wrong recipe. Or maybe the person is a bad cook. But assistance is needed in this department!Management Mania – Remember the “Odd Couple?” A super manager personality can ruin an otherwise healthy relationship. Likewise a super sloth can wreak one, too. A little give and take is called for.

“Neverland” – Ever heard something this in an argument, “You never….?” Well trips to Neverland are for Peter Pan. Skip the “always” and “nevers” in arguments and avoid unhealthy relationship issues. It’s rare that someone does or does not do something 100 percent of the time. Memories just seem to fail during opportunistic, stressful episodes sometimes (not always, though!)

Ominous – Bad or ominous feelings, an omen…a feeling deep inside that tells you something is wrong - this often accompanies unhealthy relationships. Pressure – When one party pressures (or forces) the other to have sex, this is characteristic of an unhealthy relationship.

Questions – Part of communicating is asking and answering questions. If this process causes problems, i.e. even the simplest of questions arouses anger, suspicions, fighting, etc., this is a trait often found with unhealthy relationships. The party who has difficulty answering questions may be hiding something, dealing with control issues or dealing with substance abuse (or other).

Responds Inappropriately – Some characteristics of unhealthy relationships include playing head games, trying to humiliate, using threats, insults or jealousy. These inappropriate responses suggest unhealthy environment between the couple.

Silence – Silence isn’t always golden, as the saying goes. If one person shuns or ignores the other, outside of a solitary or very brief occurrence, this can reflect an unhealthy relationship.

Treatment – If healthcare treatments are being ignored or stopped without the help of a professional; for example, in the case of stopping anti-depressant medication after a severe (negative) episode (like suicide), this can signal an unhealthy relationship. People need to take care of themselves and not leave everything up to their mates in relationships.

Untidy / Unkempt – When one or both partners disregards physical appearance for the duration (long-term, not just for a weekend), this signals an unhealthy relationship. One or both could be abusing substances, for example, or suffering depression.

Verbal Abuse /Violate – When one or both partners use verbal abuse and / or violate or cause harm to the other’s person or personal property, things or friends, this can be a red flag for an unhealthy relationship. People should respect each other and each other’s property, things and friends. And verbal abuse is not appropriate.

Weapons – Threatening a partner with a weapon, even if it’s a household (or other) item used as a weapon is a sign of an unhealthy relationship.Xerox – A trait of an unhappy relationship can be when a person is copying another, failing to be himself or herself. Some personality disorders are also characterized by this trait that reportedly shows up in a number of unhealthy relationships. And help is available.

Youthful Outlook / Emotions – An energetic, youthful attitude toward life is one thing. Youthful expectations; i.e. outlook, and emotions can be characteristic of unhealthy partners. Growing couples need maturity as they grow together and face adult issues. Childish displays of anger, hostility, selfishness, etc., don’t have much place in healthy, growing partnerships.Zero – Growing relationships need a foundation. Zero to grow on is difficult to multiply. Got to start somewhere!

If There Is Truly 'Love At First Sight', Why Does Your Lover Stray?

When your relationship or marriage is going downhill, you have to learn to take time to pause, ponder over your relationship circumstance, and look for solution instead of mistakes. Whatever you do, focus on holding tight to your partner's hand, so that he or she will not be beaten by the destructive forces that are coming their way and hurting the relationship.It is well for us to understand that genuine love is not a simple, definite feeling that can be easily comprehended and controlled. It is a delicate compound of many of our most powerful tendencies and emotions.

To love is not a simple or voluntary act; it is a life of spontaneous, complex and continuous activities. True love between man and woman may manifest itself suddenly, forcefully and almost simultaneously in the consciousness of each. There is no doubt that many couples mutually "fall in love at first sight." On the other hand, genuine love may be a matter of slow growth, requiring months to unfold and years to mature. Some of the most delightful marriage unions known have resulted from a slowly developing love. Some persons are very susceptible to the charms of physical beauty or to the attractions of character, and immediately surrender to them when opportunity offers. Others are slow to receive impressions, distrustful or appearances and cautious in all that pertains to so important a matter.

Many relationship cases of "love at first sight", with almost an immediate marriage, have proven entirely harmonious; but such spontaneous and rapid alliances are comparatively rare, and more rarely satisfactory. As a rule, it is much wiser for young couples, even though they may feel irresistibly drawn toward each other, to meet many times under various circumstances before concluding that they are really so completely in love with each other as to marry.

Frequent meetings, with opportunities for a careful study of each other's tastes and peculiarities, the inevitable friction of mind with mind in repeated conversations, and such disclosures of principles, desires and habits as will inevitably result from repeated association and increased knowledge of each other's ambitions and deepest longings.For myself, the occasional accidental or prearranged meetings with my partner and long time friend, when are deeply interested in each other and dreaming of love - the walks and rides taken together, the public gatherings attended in each other's company - all contribute not only to an increased knowledge of each other's character, but also tend to harmonize and blend our tastes, principles, purposes.When things went wrong, I often asked myself, "What exactly happened when he strays? What exactly contributed to our conflicts when everything seemed to be going so well for us?What had I done to allow another person to come into our lives so easily and quickly??

"I've come to a conclusion.

And my discoveries could well give you some insights which you can adopt and adapt to your own relationship circumstances.

I've discovered I myself cannot help but be attracted to another person who can confirm my doubts, fears and suspicions. In fact, if there is one other person who can grab my attention and remove my focus away from my mate, this WILL be a person who knows this unusual and little known secret.You do not need to take a great deal of time to understand this secret. In fact, it has often been used by leaders who can persuade and motivate large masses of people. It could also have been used by one of your closest friends, on YOU!

Now, think about this, in your daily life, are you saying all of these or behaving in these ways during your interaction with your partner/spouse:~ When your mate claims that he (she) is tired, instead of assessing the situation, do you immediately and impatiently blame him/her for being lazy or inconsiderate?~ When your mate expresses his/her fear of giving that big presentation for the company the next day, do you ask him/her to just get over it and work hard on polishing the speech tonight?

~ When your partner complains to you about the unfair treatment he/she is receiving from the vendor from whom he has bought his ipod, do you say "serves you right for not listening to my advice about buying from that vendor", or, do you say "well, he needs to do business", and then you proceed to give him some "moral" lessons which he can take away with him tonight?I certainly have made all these mistakes.

By dismissing my partner's feelings, doubts, fears or even suspicions, I leave myself (and my partner) vulnerable to my rivals who knowingly (or unknowingly) are able to make use of these simple principles.Many parents too have made this mistake with their children, perhaps unknowingly. I remembered when I told my mother that "I'm scared of the test tomorrow"; she gave me a scolding, for not working hard for my test earlier. "You wouldn't feel unprepared and fearful if you had done your work!" was all she could say.Naturally, I found myself listening more to my friends and classmates than to her. If I confided in my friends with the same statement, they would tell me, "Look. It won't be easy.I'm not well prepared too. But, WE can do something about it!"If you take some time to think about it, it wouldn't be difficult to understand why I would listen more to my friends than to my parents.

I got the feeling "hey, we are on the same boat! YOU are the only one who understands me (my feelings!)"My friends have more power over me than my parents. And all the while my parents are puzzled why "I'm so disobedient!"This also explains why people leave long term relationships and marriages for another person who are able to "understand them" better than their current partners!