Is He In Love With You?

I get hundreds of visits each day from viewers wondering how to tell if a man is in love with them.

It seems a common question women throughout the world are wondering.

I've addressed this topic in several different articles so thought I would collect and link several posts here so the question is addressed from multiple perspectives.

When asked, how to know if a guy is in love with you, my most common bit of advice would be... what does your gut tell you? What do you know inside? Listen to what you know to be true, not what you hope, wish, fantasize about!

The following links will give you a variety of information and ideas to help you know... if a man is in love with you!

Listen to your gut!

How to tell if a guy is using you!

How to tell if a man does not love you!

Ten tips to know you are being used!

How to tell if a man is in love with you!

How to tell if a guy is married!

If a guy truly loves you he will not....

How to know if a guy is using you!

How desperate are you?

Sex is not intimacy, love, or care!

Self esteem and the cycle of being used!

Be smart, be honest with yourself, be true to yourself, and find a man who truly does love you!

Why Some Men Fear To Commit

Understanding a Man's Fear of Commitment

Every relationship has a romantic beginning-two people meet, start dating, and fall in love. They become each other's appendage, doing nearly everything jointly. As they grow closer together, so the relationship deepens, and reaches a plateau. This is the time when most couples evaluate how committed they are and make decisions as to which direction the relationship should go. For some, this critical point results in an even stronger relationship; for others, however, it signals the end. Commitment issues have blighted even the most stable of relationships, and while women have been known to suffer cold feet, men are more notorious for buckling under the commitment pressure.

Most men, though professing love for their partners, refuse to take relationships to the next level, even if it means hurting-and losing-their loved ones in the process. These men are known as commitment phobes-men who can't or won't commit. What are the reasons for this paralyzing fear of commitment? Why does a commitment phobe behave the way he does? To find the answers, we need to look at his past and how it has shaped his view of relationships. A child who grew up in an insecure family environment is likely to grow up wary of commitment. He might have witnessed the unhealthy state of his parents' marriage, which planted the seeds of doubt on the veracity of any relationship in his young mind.

Parental divorce would have rooted the doubts firmly, and the fear of ending up like his parents would have slowly taken place. An abused child is also prone to commitment phobia as an adult. Child abuse is usually perpetrated by those with whom the child has implicit trust such as a mother or a babysitter. If that trust has been breached in childhood, a child may grow up vowing never to have faith in a woman again. A man who has been in destructive relationships can develop commitment phobia even without the underpinning history. Someone who has just gotten out of a bad relationship or is undergoing a divorce is understandably cautious of jumping into any kind of romantic obligation.

This kind of commitment phobia, however, has more chances of resolving itself than the one deeply-entrenched in childhood. Another plausible reason for fear of commitment is one's perception of it. The term carries several unsavory connotations such as loss of freedom, loss of "manly space", and forfeit of sexual diversity. The thoughts of not being able to go out when and where he wants to, losing the space where he stores his junk, and having sex with the same woman for the rest of his life are enough to make some men quake in commitment-fear. A more practical reason involves financial stability.

It is a known fact that divorce rates worldwide are on the increase and men, especially those who have much to lose financially, are justifiably worried that the women they are romancing today could end up romancing away their hard-earned assets. Evidently, commitment phobia is a complex emotional disorder. It's not that men won't commit, it's that some of them just can't. The interplay of childhood trauma, relationship experiences, and preconceived ideas all influence a man's view of "settling down". Understanding what compels his fear of commitment is the first step towards ensuring that the relationship plateau becomes the starting point of another journey in the relationship, and not the end.

Does He Think You Could Be His Wife?

Understanding Men

Back up. You're with your boyfriend but that doesn't mean he's thinking about a long-term commitment with you.

A man can have the most amazing experiences with a woman and still not commit to her in a way she wants. Men take their time when it comes to giving up their freedom.

I don't want to insult your intelligence, you have most likely gone through relationships with men and wonder about how strange they could be when it comes to relationships.

Like when they say they'll call..and don't.

Like when they sleep with you and don't call.

Like when they hang out with you, treat you like their girlfriend but still don't commit to you.

Like when they expect you to move in with them, act like a wife and not give you a ring.

Strange creatures.

And sometimes you gotta just leave them alone to figure out who they are and what they want.

If you've been seeing your man for a while and he hasn't brought up the idea of commitment, take a hike from him and disappear.

The less you are around, the more he'll think about you - that is if you meant anything to him at all.

Men who want commitment are consistent in their approach. They will want to be around you, make the time, do what they say they'll do and go the extra mile.

That kind of man is worthy of your attention, anything else and you've got an emotionally unavailable boy who just wants to have his cake and eat it too.

What Men Want in a Relationship

How Men View Commitment

I have discovered a stark contrast between what each sex thinks the opposite sex wants from them, and what the opposite sex really does want.
What women think men want from them causes women to have resentment and anger toward men, and feel hopeless about ever developing a wonderful, warm, romantic partnership. What men think women want from them causes them much of the same feelings and frustration.

The sad part is that it does not have to be this way, if only we would realize that both men and women are human beings first and pretty much want the same thing. But, you don't have to take my word for this.

I asked a number of men and women who are actively involved in personal growth and development what they want from a partner in order to build a great relationship. You will find their answers unexpected. Discover what men said they want from women as contrasted with what women think men want. You'll also find tips for women to give men what they want, attract a great man, and create a wonderful relationship.

1. Men want honest, timely, loving communication.

Honest communication is top priority for men. They want a woman who answers questions honestly, and perhaps even volunteers information. They want a woman who confidently asks for her wants and needs to be met. They want a woman who can see the truth and tell it like it is while communicating with kindness. Men want a woman who can communicate without being too critical, who cares about preserving his and her dignity.

Women think men want them to be superficial, to keep quiet about their needs or wants, and never to ask for anything. Women think men believe them to be too needy and too sensitive, and that men simply want women to get over it. Some women believe they do not have the permission to tell it like it is, that they will be rejected for speaking up.

**A Tip for Women**Great men want and need straightforward, courageous communication without anger or criticism. One way to attract a great man and build a satisfying relationship is to learn how to communicate your truth and needs effectively.

2. Men want self-sufficient, secure, confident women.

Men want a woman to choose them out of want rather than out of desperation -- either materially or emotionally. Men need to be wanted and needed by their partners, but they want their partners to have a separate identity. Men want a woman to be active and independent, to have her own friends and interests.On the other hand, men treasure time spend with a loving partner.

Women think men don't want women to need them. Women think men do not need or appreciate time spent together as a couple. Women believe that showing a man he is needed will turn him off andpossibly make him run away.

**A Tip for Women**Men want what women want -- a whole partner. One powerful way to attract a great man and build a vibrant relationship is to create a full, rewarding life for your own fulfillment.

3. Men want a manipulation-free relationship.

Men want no manipulation of any kind. They do not want to read their partner's mind or try to interpret signals. They do not want to be forced to move faster in a relationship than they are ready. They do not want to be manipulated into taking all the blame for things gone wrong. They do not want to be on the receiving end of game playing.

Women think men want little or no communication, and the only way to get needs met is through manipulation. Women think men either need or want to be reminded that the relationship needs to move forward. Women think men don't want or value praise and acknowledgement, and so tend to only verbalize criticism.

**A Tip for Women**Men will not tolerate manipulation of any kind for any significant length of time. To attract a great man and build a wonderful relationship learn to ask without hesitation for what you want and need in every area of your life. Learn to be aware of his timing and his timeline. Learn how to acknowledge and bestow praise.

4. Men want growth, personal responsibility, and ownership.

Men want a partner who can laugh at herself and who has courage and strength. They want a woman who can see her part in relationship dynamics and own it. She has to be emotionally stable. Men want a woman who is developing herself personally, and who takes responsibility for her emotional experience.

Women think men only want to have a good time. Women think men have no interest in developing and growing a relationship or developing and growing themselves. Women think men want women who are super models, and that they never consider whether awoman is emotionally mature, kind, supportive, or loving.

**A Tip for Women**Men want women who are emotionally mature. Maturity does not mean lack of emotions. It does mean the ability to handle emotions responsibly. To attract a great man and build a long-term relationship, learn to take responsibility for your emotional experience and expression.

5. Men want fidelity and a commitment to the relationship.

Fidelity is an absolute must. In fact, men want a woman who does not have a "roaming eye" and who can wholeheartedly commit to the relationship. Many may define commitment as fidelity plus the willingness to work on the relationship -- even when the going gets tough.

Women think that all men want is sex, and that men will leave a relationship for the next prettier face. Women think men cannot be trusted to be faithful. Women believe men do not want to work on a relationship; that when the going gets tough, they run.

**A Tip for Women**Here is great news for those women who are resigned to the myth that all men cheat: infidelity and "a roaming eye" are as distasteful to men as they are to women. Great men know how to build a wonderful relationship, and they know fidelity is the main ingredient.

6. Men want women who know how men need to be treated.

Many women treat men in ways that diminish their egos, making them feel inadequate. Men would rather have more praise, more acknowledgement of what they do right, more acknowledgment that they are great guys who are loved and appreciated.

Women think men do not need them, do not value their opinion, their support, their praise. Women also think men do not care about many things important to women, which is why they criticize. Criticism is a way to verbalize resentment.

**A Tip for Women**Most men want acknowledgement and appreciation from women. Learning to acknowledge instead of making your partner wrong is one of the most powerful relationship survival tools available to you.

"A Faithful Player,Impossible?Possible"

How to Get a Player to Commit

If you find yourself falling for a player, you have to play him a bit to get him to commit to you and you alone. Follow these tips to beat him at his own game.

Step1Determine if your love interest is truly a player. Does he make eye contact with your body rather than your eyes? Does he want to meet late at night at the last-minute? Does he speak with sexual overtones? Does he act secretive about his time spent away from you? If you can answer yes to any of these questions, then you are probably dating a player who you will have to convince to commit.

Step2Talk openly to him without accusing. Let him know that you like him and are interested in a monogamous relationship with him. Ask him how he feels about changing your relationship status. Watch him carefully for his reaction. What he doesn't say is as important as what he says.

Step3Determine what level of commitment you are comfortable with. It is unlikely you will turn a player into a family man overnight. If it is enough for you that he is sexually committed only to you, then you might have a chance to convince him over time of the positive pay off for being your one and only. However, you may have to put up with flirting, texting and ogling of other women, even when you are in his presence. This can be difficult to deal with for a woman wanting a commitment.

Step4Show him the benefits. If you want to tame a player, you have to be willing to make up for the lost excitement and thrill of playing at home. Be available to him. Entice him with lingerie and racy voice mails. Make yourself into what he is looking for and he might just stick around.

"Are Men Afraid To Be Engaged With A Serios Relationship?"

Engagement

Why are men so afraid of COMMITMENT?

If you think men are afraid of commitment, there's something you should know.

Some other women don't ever run into this problem with men.
In fact, some other women have the exact opposite problem- all the men they meet are stumbling over themselves just to try and have more of their timeand attention.

Guess what?

Men aren't afraid of commitment.

Men are falling in love and proposing and getting married every day.
The truth is that men are secretly craving thelasting love and affection of the right woman.
Especially women they feel attracted to, and whothey feel would make their lives better and happier if they were with.

How do men feel with you when things start getting"serious"?

How do you make them feel when the subject of commitment comes up?

And how do you feel talking about this with a man?

Men become uncertain and get confused about what to do and what they want when they're with a greatwoman for 3 reasons:

1) They really are "messed up" emotionally (inwhich case, I think you already know the deal andwouldn't want to be with him in the first place)

2) The woman they're with either doesn't get howand why he wants to commit

3) The woman starts accidentally showing him thatshe's actually NOT the right woman by feeling or acting strange around the state of the relationship and where it's headed

If you've ever had a great man in your life suddenly change his mind after he was wild foryou before - and it wasn't because he was truly emotionally disturbed...

Then it's time you know what it is that makes aman want to commit to you, and how to make surehe sees you as the right woman for him.

Hint- does he think committing to you will trulymake his life better and easier?

Or is there something about you and your relationship that feels tough, limiting andchallenging for him?

"How to Handle Business Effectively"

Strategic Partnerships Are Like Marriage, How to choose them for Greater Success

You might not know it, but strategic partnerships abound. Think about your own life. Are you married? Committed to a significant other? If so, you are living in a form of a strategic partnership. Both individuals bring something to the relationship that the other values and sees as being beneficial. It's similar in business. A strategic partnership should be a relationship in which both parties bring something to the relationship that each considers a valuable asset.

When you decide you're ready to take the leap into a strategic relationship, contact your potential strategic partner and go out for a brainstorming session. Decide if you think the relationship will benefit both of you and how. Spell out how each of you thinks the relationship will work, and who is responsible for doing what and when. Strategic partnerships can become a source of discontent if things are not clearly outlined in the beginning. Sometimes, there are people who say they're looking for a strategic partnership, but they're really only in it for what they can get out of it.

A strategic partnership is just that ' a partnership in which each party brings something to the table and is willing to work to make sure the other partner is satisfied in the relationship. A strategic partnership can either be like a great marriage or a marriage gone badly; either way, it will take work and a commitment on the part of each business involved.

Just like you don't want to rush into marriage, you probably don't want to rush into a strategic partnership. Date for a while. Try a couple of projects before you commit to a long-term relationship. Make sure the other party is as committed to the relationship as you are and is willing to do their share. The great thing about a strategic partnership is that, hopefully, you'll be partnering with someone who has a different set of strengths than you do. Learning to capitalize on each other's strengths and minimize each other's weaknesses is one of the reasons strategic partnerships are so valuable. Like a marriage, you can learn to work together when you've found the right strategic partner.

Be creative when you think about potential strategic partnerships. Do you do pedicures? How about partnering with a person who sells sandals or women's clothing? Are you a make up artist? How about partnering with an image consultant? Or having the image consultant partner with a tailor? One cosmetic consultant creatively partnered with a travel agent because she had a product line that would take a normal bag of makeup and reduce it to 4 purse size pieces for the woman who traveled. There are no limits to strategic partner opportunities when you begin to think about who touches a market that is similar to yours.

As in any relationship, you may hit a few bumps in the road, but if you've done your homework and chosen someone who is like-minded in their philosophy, you will be able to weather the storm and make your partnership work for you.

How to get your man to happily commit to you

Knowing what a man wants and being aware of his apprehensions about commitment is the first step toward understanding what it takes to give a man what he wants from a relationship with you. When given a choice most people do what they want and what they believe is in their best interest.

A man will not commit to a relationship unless he is convinced he will get what he wants now, with reasonable expectations he will continue to do so in the future. Fortunately for women what men want includes a love interest, trust, emotional support and commitment, some of the same things women want.

So finding the way to a man’s heart might be easier than you think. A word of caution though; this does not relate to women who are fully aware that their chances of getting their man to commit are slim to none, such as:

1. Women who remained too long in relationships with men who do not have and never had any intentions to commit to them.
2. Relationships of convenience where the woman feels trapped, but is afraid to bring up the subject of commitment for fear of loosing the man forever.
3. The woman who gets the feeling the man is ready to commit possibly with someone else, but not to her.

These suggestions refer to relationships where men want to commit but are genuinely fearful. Pay little attention to the previously well-publicized strategies that promise to motivate your man to commit to you; they do not work and men are weary of them.

Anyway, if you have to coerce a man to commit to you, you are definitely with the wrong man. A man would not commit to a relationship unless he is ready. And sometimes the way he perceives you can give him that little psychological push he may need to help him to make up his mind.

Nine ways to win your man’s heart so he will want to commit to you

1.Be reasonably certain he is the kind of man with whom you would like to spend the rest of your life. The thought of commitment should not enter your mind unless you are convinced he is the one for you. You have to know him well enough to determine: He is able to commit; He possesses many of the qualities you’ve always looked for in a man; you can’t help but to respect and admire him; He has already passed your test for honesty, integrity and consideration for others, and you must be reasonably certain he is falling in love with you.

2.Always be who you are. And don’t be afraid to express yourself the way you’re accustomed to.This is probably the most important quality men look for in a woman. Ninety-nine percent of men in numerous surveys said so, and women whose character changed after marriage ranked number one on the list of causes for marriage break ups. Resist the urge to try to make a man feel important by conforming and not voicing your true opinions or laughing at his jokes when they are not funny. If for no other reason, consider the possibility he may be testing you

3.Show him you’re independent.Men are weary of women who sit back and wait for their men to fill every aspect of their lives. Let him know although you welcome his input in many ways, you are perfectly capable of doing things without him; in fact sometimes you prefer to do things on your own. For example you may want to see a certain movie, but he’s too busy to go with you. Instead of sulking, cheerfully tell him you’ll go by yourself, and do it.

Until he commits to you, do not make major changes in your life with a view of accommodating him. If you had plans to purchase your new condominium go ahead as if he was not in the picture. It may seem wise to hold off on your plans pending a commitment from him. Don’t, he may get the impression you’re not as independent as he thought. If you mention your plans to him do so only for the purpose of information and not as a means of forcing him to make a decision to commit to you. The purpose here is to genuinely show him that your life goes on with or without him.

4.Show him you are a kind and loving person.As surprising as it may seem, a man needs someone who loves him and whom he could love in return. This may seem obvious to many, but the more women are becoming empowered by their independence the more intolerant they are becoming with men who are slow to adapt. Men see these women as insensitive and most likely incapable of love. So in her own way a woman needs to show a man that although she is capable of going it alone, she has a burning desire to share love with the man in her life.

5.Show him you’re interested in him for who he is and not what he can do for you.I’ve asked men what would be the one thing they would like to know most about a woman before they marry her. Overwhelmingly men said “to be certain that the woman loved them for themselves and not as a means to an end. This is understandable.

No man likes to feel that a woman chose him because he is a good provider, a model citizen or a potentially good father; all of these things are also important to men. But a man is happier when he knows that his woman chooses him because he is her best friend; someone she would want by her side no matter what his situation may be.

So how do you let him know you want him primarily for the person he is?Show interest in his life, his likes and dislikes and his values. Talk about his career, but pay more attention of how personally rewarding it is for him instead of how economically lucrative it may be. Tell him what attracted you to him in the first place, e.g. “There was something about the way you smile”

6.Do not play games to get him to pursue you.Men are fully aware of the games some women play to get their attention. They may even be intrigued by the challenge and do whatever it takes to win you but may never commit to you.

Flirting with other guys to make him jealous or manipulating him so that he chases after you may seem to work for a while. But how could he trust you if he thinks you’re a manipulator. Even if he is fascinated by you, a man would be afraid to commit to a woman if he has the slightest doubt about her trustworthiness.

7.Let him know you have no intention of changing him.If a man feels committing to a woman will drastically change his lifestyle he will aggressively resist commitment even when he thinks he loves her. You don’t have to fit in every part of his life so even if there are some areas of incompatibility let him understand that you can compromise.

Let him know you have no objection to him spending a night watching football with his friends instead of being with you. Don’t make him feel that he has to make the best of his time now because his life would change (of course for the better) once you become a couple.

8.Always maintain your femininity with special emphasis on physical appearance.Men like women who can fit in with their friends; women who they feel can be almost like one of the boys. So having a great sense of humor, socializing without getting bogged down with too much detail makes you extremely desirable, but be careful; Men also want women who are particular about their femininity which includes being kind, loving, gentle and always conscious of their physical appearance.

So being one of the boys should not be confused with looking like them. And even though it may seem like men are not overly concerned with your looks, never let your guard down. Now we’re not talking catwalk model material here, but we expect you to look as if you’ve taken time with your appearance. This means using clothing that bring out your best qualities, maintain proper posture, (your mother was right) tastefully manicured hands and feet and regular use of mouthwash especially if you smoke or drink beer.

9. Don’t rush or appear to rush the relationship.You may think he is taking too long to make up his mind about you. Relax! This may be a good thing; maybe he wants to be certain he’s making a sound decision. Don’t give him the impression you’re impatient, cheerfully carry on with your normal routine. Don’t suggest he takes you to meet his parents or invite him to meet yours, unless he asks, it’s better to let him make such decisions on his own.

Remember your goal is to provide him with the information he needs to make up his mind and at the same time give him all the space he requires while doing so. And if you believe he’s truly the man for you and followed the suggestions outlined in this article, you would not have to wait very long.

Friendship is fragile

Is friendship fragile? It’s a really difficult question, please, try to think it over...any ideas?...



On the one hand we should reply NO...friendship is bond for life...we have friends all over the world...all of them are busy...as we are...married...as most of us are...but we still have strong friendship for life...just not see or talk to each other each day...This is mobile society these days, so we can be together in many many different ways...Yes?...For sure.


But on the other hand running through our life we inevitably pass over a lot of changes...and as result we leave behind...give up...lose something...Mostly we regard friendship as a kind of pastime...Stop here and reply the question “When proposely will you have spare time?”...Indeed...We have just calls from time to time...e-mails even more seldom...what to talk about meeting...We should admit and realize that friendships are getting less and less close, geographically or emotionally, and most friendships have gone forever. Very few are strong enough to make us wish for a second chance.



There are times when all of us look closely at a friendship and realize that it just isn't working..and when friendship falters we are rarely equipped for the aftershock. Close friends, after all, often become like siblings - some "closer than a brother." As we make friends feeling soul-mates, like-minded people...FREE of obligations and engagements. But losing a close friend is not at all like losing a family member. We tend not to sorrow the loss of a friend; there is no memorial service for a shattered friendship. Most people don't seek shoulders to cry on to grieve the loss of friends like they do the loss of a family member or a romantic relationship. They don't go to counselors either to heal the relationship or to cope with the loss. Indeed, despite the evident high value so many people put on making friends, there is a surprising lack of focus in popular culture on the processes and feelings at work when friendships end.

Don’t we need to repair lost friendship? Or it’s just so easy to resolve?...and we just do not need any advices...


How much can you expect from a friend? Why does this question arise? Because your answer is a pretty good barometer of how well your friendships will weather relational storms. Let's face it, we don't ask much of casual friendships, the kind in which you invite each other to a party once a year. But we demand more from friendships characterized by strong feelings and a shared history. We expect friendships to be easier, more automatic than they actually are.

Think about your childhood friendships. They often set the tone for all the rest. You never "worked" on the friendships, they just happened. For example, your first best friend lived just two houses down from you and you literally met in the sandbox at school. The bond was almost instant. He/she liked vanilla ice-cream and building sand castles. So did you. What's to discuss? It was the beginning of a beautiful friendship—until your family moved to another town and you found another sandbox.

Just a few short years later, sandbox bliss was replaced by the tormented, possessive feelings of a third-grade relationship where blatant betrayal reared its head. That's when you learned that your new best friend was playing at another classmate's house after school. Sound familiar? It happens to nearly all of us.

There may be worse betrayals in store, but probably none is more influential than the sudden fickleness of an elementary-school friend who has dropped us for someone more popular. “It shouldn't be that way”, we think to ourselves. But alas it is. It's the lesson our friendships continually teach us, a lesson we don't want to learn: Friendships are FRAGILE.

The seeming ease of friendships—compared to romantic and family relationships (more likely loaded with emotional baggage)—is part of the reason we value friendships so much. Relatively speaking, friendships just happen...So...as much easy it happens as easy it falls through???...

Well...the main point here is FREEDOM...It’s your will, your decision, your action...Attemt to build a bridge...to reconnect and make things right...call your lost friend...tell him/ her “I don’t know what happened between us...but I want to apologize”...sincerity always caughts off guard...apologize both for past insensitivities and laugh and laugh at how comical it all seems in retrospect...It’ll be cleansing...you have a good chance...TRY IT...

Understanding Men

*DEVELOPING CONSCIOUSNESS TO MOVE PAST YOUR NEGATIVE AND SELF-DEFEATING "PATTERNS" IN A RELATIONSHIPS WITH MEN*

Now that you've got your two negative patterns,here's where things are going to start comingtogether for you...
First, I need you to get away from a dangerouskind of thinking that ALL WOMEN engage in when itcomes to men, dating and relationships.
I call it "All or Nothing Thinking".
Do you know any women who talk about how theirrelationship is hopeless and a complete failure...
And then a few hours or days later they haveshifted 180 degrees to where EVERYTHING is great?
What does this say about the woman who thinksand feels this way?
What kind of relationship and communication"skills" does a woman like this have?
And how do you think a man experiences thiskind of thinking and behavior... and what does itsay to him about a woman?
Of course, this is an extreme example of "Allor Nothing Thinking".
Unfortunately, the more common "All or NothingThinking" is subtle and difficult to recognize.
Especially when YOU are the one having thethoughts.
So, let me ask you...
When you look at your pattern, is there anegative trait or habit of yours that stands outas the one that gets you into trouble the most?
I'm certain there is.
I want you to identify at least one of yourgreatest WEAKNESSES that shows up in your lifethrough your negative patterns.
I'll give you a minute to write this down nextto the pattern it's associated with.
Go ahead.
...
...
OK. Now there's something I want you to thinkabout...
It makes sense to cut this negative trait orhabit that's associated with your pattern out ofyour relationship and behavior with a man...right?
It's caused a lot of these problems... right?
If you cut these traits or qualities out of theway you are in a relationship with a man, thenthings will be better... right?
WRONG.
What if the problems that come up in yournegative pattern are caused by these traits?
And what if the traits in your negativepattern didn't represent just your personalWEAKNESSES?
What if they ALSO represented your personalSTRENGTHS at the same time?
If you were thinking that you should get rid ofthe trait or quality entirely that's involved inyour negative pattern so that things will workbetter in the future... then you're going to thatplace of "All or Nothing Thinking".
Talk about throwing out the baby with the bathwater.
Over the years I've recognized that there's afascinating mistake TONS of people make inrelationships, in business, and in every aspect oflife...
When something isn't working and they want tofix a problem, they don't look at the entire"system" around them.
Instead, they focus their attention on the"symptoms" they see, in isolation.
Some people complain about "Western Medicine"having the same shortcoming. That it onlyaddresses symptoms, instead of taking a "holistic"approach to how everything works together.
Anyway... when a person is trying to fix aproblem in a relationship, by not seeing theentire "system" going on around them, they can'tsee how all the elements are inter-connected.
So, when they go to make a change, they thinkthey can change what's related to the symptoms andeverything will work better.
This is like thinking blowing your nose willcure a cold.
What's worse, often times the things thatpeople change not only don't work to fix theproblem...
Often times the change they make ends up makingthings WORSE by affecting all the other relatedand inter-connected things that WERE WORKING.
Talk about COUNTERPRODUCTIVE.
Don't start solving problems and changing yourrelationship when you can only see the "symptoms".
There's a better way.
You need to start looking at the whole "system"of how you and a man connect and communicate inyour relationship.
You need to develop your own "holistic"approach.
Then you'll have the PERSPECTIVE to makechoices and take action that will bring moreconnection and understanding into your life with aman.
So how can you start to see your ownrelationship with a man as the "system" that itis?
And how can you avoid the dead end strategy oftrying to cover up the "symptoms"?
Here's a step towards this that you can takeRIGHT NOW...
I'm going to get you out of the habit of usingyour destructive "All or Nothing Thinking".
I want you to look at your trait or traitsagain that were your own WEAKNESSES in yournegative relationship pattern.
Now I want you to try something that might seemstrange at first.
I want you to identify at least one way inwhich your trait or habit in your negativerelationship pattern is also a STRENGTH.
I'll give you a minute to see how the verytrait that you just identified as a WEAKNESS isalso a STRENGTH.
I want you to write the STRENGTH down right nownext to the pattern it's associated with.
Go ahead. I'll give you a few minutes.
...
...
...
OK, good.
There's a lot of power and AWARENESS created inwhat you just did when you think about it... IFyou stay aware of this when you're interactingwith a man in your relationship.
When you see how your WEAKNESSES, that you'vebeen giving yourself a hard time about and tryingto figure out how to get rid of, are also part ofyour STRENGTHS... things you never could haveunderstood will start to become clear to you.
Challenges, issues, attitudes and hurtfulthings that a man brings to you that relate toyour patterns, and these traits will start to lookdifferently to you...
And you'll start to have an amazing sense ofCLARITY about what's the best thing to do for you,for him, and for your relationship.
A "STRANGE TRUTH" ABOUT THE PEOPLE ANDRELATIONSHIPS YOU ATTRACT IN LIFE AND LOVE
You've got some basic tools to work with now tounderstand more about what's going on with you andyour relationship with a man.
But it really only starts here.
Are you CLEAR on how these 2 patterns come upin your life?
Do you know how to avoid "All or NothingThinking" the next time it comes up and tries tocreate DISTANCE between you and a man.
Do you know where these thoughts come from andwhat to do to stay conscious and overcome thenegative aspects of your other destructiverelationship patterns?
Do you know how to guide a man to start doingthese same things to improve HIMSELF and the wayhe is in your relationship, so you don't have totry and convince him of what's going on that hecan't see or isn't paying attention to?
Most women who aren't in a happy, healthy,loving, lasting relationship don't have thisknowledge and the ability to stay connected with aman that comes along with it.
The strange truth is, patterns aren't justcoincidences in your life.
They keep repeating in your life for a reason.
What are the lessons that keep coming up foryou in your love life that you can't learn fromwhere you are today, but keep coming at you?
The reality is that you have a choice...
You can keep repeating these patterns, andexperiencing the pain and frustration that comeswith them again and again...
This is the "easy" choice that doesn't ask orrequire you to learn and grow at all.
OR...
You can create a "shift" in your life.
You can choose to have more AWARENESS and moreGROWTH... which will of course bring new ways ofseeing things, and best of all, NEW RESULTS inyour relationship.
The choice is yours right now.
I've put together what I think is the VERY BESTprogram just for a woman like you that will createthe GROWTH and AWARENESS you're looking for inyour love life.
It's called "From Casual To Committed".
If you've ever wondered why you get "stuck"with a man once you get to a certain level ofconnection and intimacy... and then things seem togo backwards and he withdraws... then this programis going to change your life and yourrelationship.
One of the most critical things that's going oninside a relationship when a "casual", or even acommitted relationship, starts to go wrong, eventhough there's no lack of love or caring betweenthe man and woman, is FEAR.
And I don't just mean YOUR FEARS... I'm talkingabout a HIS FEARS too.
There's a reason why most men pull away andsabotage perfectly good, loving relationshipswith women.
And there's a reason why YOUR FEARS are onlymaking these things with a man WORSE.
There are clear steps that you can take tochange your love life and relationship, no matterwhere you are right now with a man.
Shifting your PERSPECTIVE and becoming MORECONSCIOUS is your first step... some of whichwe've touched on here.
You can stop the unnecessary PATTERNS.
You can come to terms with, and understand, theFEARS.
And you can find out, once and for all, why itis that men so often put up RESISTANCE to becomingmore connected, closer and MORE COMMITTED with YOUon a physical and emotional level.
Don't let go of this opportunity to haveLASTING CHANGE and IMPROVEMENT to the quality ofyour love life and all your relationships.

"It's a no-brainer and will quickly have you "in theknow" on all kinds of stuff that used to drive you crazy trying to understand about men."

If you are dating, engaged, or still trying to find Mr. Right, then this week’s message is for you - Why some men do not want to commit or find it very difficult to commit to women they supposedly love. This topic is quite puzzling to most single women. You feel that a man who professes to love you ought to commit to you with ease.

Here are some of the reasons why some men behave this way:

“Why commit when I am getting the goods free of charge?” – A lot of men, if given the opportunity, will sow their wild oats until hell freezes over. These men are like kids in a candy store – they just don’t know how to choose when there are so many varieties to choose from. It is more exciting for them to keep you as one of their concubines, rather than get tied down and lose out on the opportunity to sample the delicious lovelies out there.

“What if I commit too soon and miss out on the most beautiful woman I have ever met?” This is the kind of internal talk that goes on in the head of the guy that is finding it difficult to commit.

You may be the nicest person they have ever met, but something tells them that there may be someone else out there who is more beautiful, sexier, freakier, and just plain nicer.

Past hurtful experience that makes it difficult to commit - Some men want to commit to women, but find it very difficult to do so as a result of being dumped, cheated on, or simply being disappointed by someone they loved with all their heart.

The hurtful experience could also be from childhood, such as having parents that divorced .
This sometimes makes a men feel that it is useless to commit to any woman, when there is the possibility that the relationship could break up.

The relationship that once was his rock and foundation – his parent’s – disintegrated. This type of man is usually a good man, but as a result of the bad relationship experience, has become gun shy. With some patience, love and the passage of time, this kind of man usually overcomes his commitment phobia.

Fear of taking on responsibility – With commitment comes responsibility, and there are some men who just hate to take on the kinds of responsibility that come with marriage and childbirth. They find it much easier to remain single.

Your inability to satisfy him in bed – This is an often-neglected reason why a man may not want to commit to a woman. Men have this fear that if they are not sexually satisfied now, when they have not committed to you, it may get even worse when you get very comfortable after they commit.

Just because your man is afraid of committing does not mean that he cannot commit to you. There is always a way to get the results you want. You can make yourself so irresistibly attractive to him that all his inhibitions will just simply melt away.

The right ways how to handle a relationship in a very healthy manner

How to attract love & the right ways to keep your relationship works.

Do's & Don'ts:

-We should first focus on ourselves in what we really wanted in a relationship & what kind of partner are we looking for.

In my personal point of view all wanted to have a perfect lover means being perfect in everyway.The idealism of having a dream guy/girl is everyones dream.A gorgeous,smart,popular,having a perfect body & being rich this is the typical description of a perfect lover.

When i was still young i always focus to have a boyfriend who is good looking but as time goes by & my own experienced taught me that this is not all about the good looks.Because if you are already in the relationship the looks fades away not because of being old the thing is you two are used to seeing the same face everyday & being with the same person for a long time gets you bored.(this is one of the reasons why many man/woman don't commit themselves or if they had they used to cheat their partner by having another affair.)Because the physical attraction dies.This is a very poor foundation of a relationship.

I'm not saying that physical attraction is not important.For some people this is so important bec. we think that we always deserved better.I agree,beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.But don't just focus on physical attributes you should be also drawn to that person emotionally,i mean from the heart not the lust inside us.

It is a very important factor that you can communicate in the same level,i'm not telling that you should be on the same field or ground of occupation but you can communicate with the same interest.Intellectual attraction contributes a big part to keep your relationship burning & being smart is being sexy in the eyes of the opposite sex.This does not mean you need to be a nerd or geek.Just learn to communicate in very intellectual manner & it is how you bring your communication alive.

-learn to read between the lines.

-having a good sense of humor attracts,if you have this unique trait you are sexy in the eyes of the opposite sex.Don't try to imitate how others deliver because this will just makes you looked trying hard & it will just goes to be a turn-off instead attracting you will just looked ridiculous.

-just be your ownself & you will discover that you have your own style that attracts,pretending & acting to be someone is a turn-off bec. however hard you try to hide the real you it would come out to the open & the person who got attracted with you at first using a fake identity is not really attracted at you but with the person you had projected to be.So be just yourself & never exaggerate.

-be simple & be a little conservative,being conservative is a more powerful way to attract & be considered sexy by the opposite sex bec. your personality is well expressed in how you dressed.Being conservative in a way brings mystery & curiousness to the opposite sex that makes them more interested in getting to know you.

-Being a player & a flirt is a big NO,NO!It will not be a plus in your appeal on the oppposite sex but it will just prevent you to find the partner you are looking for.For me being a player & a flirt is disgusting it is a sign of cowardice bec. even they don't admit it they are escaping something/trying to hide their own feelings.They feel they had to prove something to others but the real thing is they are not proving a thing but just making their lives more miserable.The denial is within & the fear on commiting is what they are preventing to face.Being a player & a flirt will just attract the same kind.

-If you are really looking for a serious relationship & ready to commit look for someone with the same outlook & goals.If you had encounter a player let him/her feel what he/she is looking for,love begets love .What you give is what you get.

And for some instances that this still did'nt worked to established a healthy relationship,let go & move on.Be proud of yourself ,you are not the loser after all.If you loved purely & unconditionally & had not been returned by your partner,don't loose hope someone will.Just wait,you deserve to be with someone better.

-Don't go to a relationship just bec. you wanted to have one,for fun or not to be left out by your peers that are all in a relationship.Or just because of your sexual needs bec. if you want to be respected you first need to respect yourself.Just exercise sex with the one you love & one you are committed with.It is not healthy to have multiple sexual partners bec. you are just degrading you value as a person & who will respect someone who is pervert.If you value your relationship by being faithful not only you will gain the respect of your partner but also you will be treasured & will be taken seriously because not all value themselves.

-Learn to love yourself & you will realized that you can live without sex bec. that is the FACT ,no one dies for not having sex,it is all in the mind.We should learn to control our sexual desire & just have sex with the one you are committed to.SEX should be accompanied by love,sex without love is just LUST.

-Be honest in presenting yourself just state the facts like your real name,age & status,don't used other identity or hiding some details like having kids or still in a marriage.Being honest will help you to established the trust from others.If you lay dowm all your cards & someone would like you as you & all the things from your past.If you will make-up stories so you could attract someone you like,maybe at first all will be ok but when the lies been revealed when things are all doing fine,this will lead to a disaster all the efforts that you had done & the emotion you had invested may be all taken for granted bec. the lie will cover all the good things you have done & what you planted has ripen & sown the result is doubt.

-Learn to forgive from your heart not just by word but by heart if you really want to save your relationship,sometimes mistakes are not all avoidable.Sometimes it is not really important who had committed mistake,if the ground is acceptable try to talk things out as soon as possible.Ones pride should be set aside to fix your misunderstanding,it is not showing weakness to be the first one to make way to compromise on the other hand it is an act of true courage & love.