What is Sexy?

Sexy isn’t contrived. It can’t be put on. It has everything to do with how we feel inside of our skin and nothing to do with thong panties or bursting cleavage. Sexy resides in worn jeans or a little black dress worn barefoot. Sexy is unpretentious, unplanned, and innate. Some women couldn’t tap into sexy wearing Victoria’s Secret while other women wear a flannel shirt and boy cut panties to bed and they OWN it.

Young girls parade around in low rise jeans, showing an inch of belly in their skin tight t-shirts, wearing carefully sculpted make-up. They want to be sexy more than anything. It makes me sad. They definitely get attention that way, but it’s not because they’re sexy. It’s because they’re begging for attention, because most men can’t help but look at a pretty body on display.

But sexy doesn’t parade around like that. Sexy is in the way a woman wears her skin. She can be in worn jeans and a t-shirt, completely unaware of herself and be utterly compelling. It’s in the way she moves, the curve of her that shows as she stretches and bends and moves.

I’m never attracted to men that are overly coiffed and tucked. I see beautiful men that are so self-aware they can’t help but preen like a peacock in front of every reflective surface and I want to walk up and mess up their hair, un-tuck their shirts, tell them to RELAX. I’m never attracted by pretention. But men in worn jeans and t-shirts compel me. They’re the men I want to touch.

Regardless of whether we’re talking about men or women, the same rule applies. Sexy doesn’t TRY. Sexy simply IS. You can’t buy it or put it on. It’s in your skin. It’s in your slow smile.

I see shirtless men all around myspace and I cringe. Why? It’s designed to be attention getting, sure, but it’s not sexy. I see women thrusting their cleavage out, flashing bikini pics, doing their best to capture male attention and they do but more often than not they miss sexy by a mile. It’s the pictures of women with beautiful smiles and sparkly eyes that capture attention. Women, don’t put on a faux “sexy pout.” Don’t climb into your web cam with your shoulders back and cleavage bursting out. Trust me here. Sexy is in the subtle, easy showing of skin and a wicked grin that draw us in; I think we’re all drawn to that, men and women.

Or maybe it’s just me. I admittedly prefer ripped jeans and t-shirts. I love boy cut panties and tank tops. I love natural hair and beautiful smiles. I love men in jeans and t-shirts.

More than anything, I love a quick mind. I love strength and kindness. I love to be challenged. No amount of good looking can compensate for those qualities without which a man has no sex appeal to me. I realize there are differences between the perceptions of men and women. Men are more visual creatures.

Isabelle Allende said, “For women the best aphrodisiacs are words. The G-spot is in the ears. He who looks for it below there is wasting his time.” It’s SO TRUE. The men who understand this are dangerous. : ) Men’s voices can melt me or leave me cold or leave me feeling utterly neutral. And the words you choose are important, men. Say them just right and we’ll melt for you.

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Will you tell me your thoughts on what you find sexy? I may be off by a green mile when it comes to the way men perceive women. If I am, tell me or show me.