Friday, February 27, 2009

"Find Happiness Within"

I've learned.... That the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.

I've learned.... That when you're in love, it shows.

I've learned.... That just one person saying to me, 'You've made my day!' makes my day.

I've learned.... That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.

I've learned.... That being kind is more important than being right.

I've learned.... That you should never say no to a gift from a child.

I've learned.... That I can always pray for someone when I don't have the strength to help him in some other way.

I've learned.... That no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.

I've learned.... That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.

I've learned.... That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

I've learned.... That we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.

I've learned.... That money doesn't buy class.

I've learned.... That it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.

I've learned... That under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.

I've learned.... That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.

I 've learned.... That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.

I've learned.... That love, not time, heals all wounds.

I've learned.... That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.

I've learned... That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.
I've learned..... That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.

I've learned... That life is tough, but I'm tougher.

I've learned..... That opportunities are never lost, someone else will take the ones you miss.

I've learned.... That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.

I've learned.... That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.

I've learned.... That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.

I've learned.... That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.

I've learned.... That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.

"Just About ......Relationships"

20 things about relationships......

It is important to agree on three major topics: Money, Politics, and Religion

Everything else is okay to agree or disagree on, however, the more you differ in everything else, the more interesting things become...

Love is not a single emotion, but a culmination of them all

You will be excited, disappointed, anxious, bored, content, irritated, and so on...There will be arguments...

NO exceptions

Getting through your problems DOES make you stronger. If someone can forgive you for your mistakes, and vice versa, then it's because there is something that won't allow petty moments to get in the way...Not everything is forgivable

Someone who cheats, lies, repeatedly makes the same mistakes, and violates any trust you have given them should NEVER be forgiven. If they care about you, they wouldn't do those things in the first place...Don't try to rush the equivalent of 10 years together into a few months

Take your time. Allow someone to learn about you. If they like you, they will come back for more. Trying to do everything at once will leave little to look forward to down the line, and also leaves no more surprises in the relationship...

Labels don't mean everything

Just because you put a designer label on an old pair of Levis doesn't make them designer. The same goes with relationships. Just because you label yourselves together doesn't mean you truly are...Advice is good...but your opinion should be your own

We all have friends looking out for our best interest. It's okay to take their advice. Yet, when it comes down to it, it should be your choice, and no one else's, unless they are somehow directly affected.

Not everyone is going to see the purpose behind the things we do exactly the way we see it, so doing what THEY would do, doesn't always mean it's how YOU should do it...We have a heart and a mind for a reason...

Our heart stores all of our greatest wants, and if you follow it alone, it will take you on the most reckless path in order to achieve it's desires the soonest.

However, when you use your mind to sort through your needs as well, you will find other paths that get you there, even if it takes longer. It's not about the destination, but rather, the journey there...It's perfectly normal to have walls

We build walls around ourselves as we grow, and learn, and get through our worst trials in life. Having walls makes you human.

Furthermore, if you meet someone, and they have no walls to climb, than how are you expected to show how much you want them? Just don't build anything too high, because someone should be able to see a way in through time and patience...

Patience comes hard in the beginning

The longer you are with someone, the easier it is to have patience and understanding for someone. In the beginning, however, emotions tend to be at their peak, and we can often brush patience aside. No matter how much you want to call them, no matter what the reason, sometimes you have to wait for someone to come to you...

Love, unfortunately, is sort of a game

Relationships are so easy to come by, and there are rituals we knowingly, and unknowingly perform when we like someone. These are natural human behaviors that we have always used to "test" the workability of ourselves with someone else.

Those who do it for any other reason are bound to meet karma in a bad way sooner or later...It is not enough to say what you feel

Saying something doesn't mean a thing unless you show it. Words come cheap, but actions require effort, and when someone is willing to put forth effort in what they feel, it is more clear than the ambiguous notion of merely saying it.

Liking or loving someone is an act of feeling, and words alone should not be able to describe how you feel...There is the right person at the wrong time

No matter how much you like someone, it isn't always the right time. In that case, you should continue to focus on yourself, until it is right, or until someone better comes along...Breaking up IS NOT the end of the world

It may feel like it, but the heart mends, your wall goes higher, and we come back to ourselves in the end. If you choose to recognize it as a lesson, then you will come to find history won't repeat itself.

However, if you choose to carry around the experience as baggage, then you only have yourself to blame when the next person you fall for won't let you move in to their lives with all of it...We are all human, no matter how much you believe you are more than that

We all make mistakes. If someone holds a minor issue against you, then there are three obvious reasons.

1) It wasn't so minor to them;

2) They were looking for a reason in the first place; and

3) Some people don't believe in mistakes. You can only be yourself, and any one who comes into your life has a right to scale how good you are for their life, and vice versa. Never take it personally.

We are all bound to screw up sooner or later, and if they can't get past something small, then they will never be able to look past something bigger later...

If it's not right now, it won't be later

A relationship is a process. You will come to find things you love and hate about someone, and you will learn to deal with it, or let go. However, if nothing progresses between two people, don't stick around hoping that will change, because IT WON'T! And don't keep on because you can't hurt someone's feelings.

Learning to let go of something is an underestimated power. And letting go because it is not right for you is an act of self preservation...Be upfront from day one

Don't pretend to be someone the way we all seem to do in life. It's okay if you're putting on a visage to fool the everyday stranger, but why would you want to fool someone you plan on being with?

A relationship requires two people to be able to share one common bond, and if you aren't upfront from the beginning, good or bad, then you are building a foundation that is doomed to cave in on your little castle...

Three common threads to one love: Trust, Honesty, and Communication

These three things alone sum up almost everything a person will tell you they are looking for at the rudimentary foundation to a lasting partnership. Without one, you can't have any. Trust should be earned and held closer than any materialistic item you own. Honesty should already be your daily practice. And communication is the key to understanding problems.

When things are good there are no need for words. When they aren't, no matter how much you want to ignore it, you have to communicate the problem, even if it isn't what they want to hear...Nothing is certain.

Promises ARE meant to be broken.

We make them with the best intentions, but they are nothing more than a temporary contract that is bound to change with the passing of time. Nobody knows what tomorrow holds, and so even if it was a bad day, we should embrace it, because good or bad, it all molds two people together, and tomorrow may be the day you run out of time at all...

Always cherish the moment

Within the blink of an eye, two people can go from cloud nine into a train wreck from hell. Enjoy the moments you do have. That is the point of love.

We are meant to feel untouchable when things go right, to feel disappointed when they don't, to forgive what can be forgiven, to never dwell on the bad, to let someone know you care if you do.

Those little moments do matter, because when things aren't 100%, you need those memories to remember why you began to care in the first place...

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

"Fairytale Love Affair"

My idea of love? Where do I start?

We all get trapped inside the ho-hum existence of every day life. We go to work to earn a living. We have children who take up a large part of our lives. We have friends and sometimes find that we are spreading ourselves too thin. No matter how tired we are, no matter how stressed we are, no matter how much our agenda holds...we make time.

Work is hard and brings many daily stresses to all of our lives. That's inevitable. Children require all of our attention. That's inevitable. Friends are many, for some, and to make time to maintain our friendships can sometimes be very exhausting...but we do it, because we want friends. That's inevitable. In my world...LOVE should be the same.

To have a partner is a commitment that is entirely above and beyond the inevitable. Maintaining a relationship is an exhausting effort and sometimes becomes so powerful that we feel powerless.

To love is to comfort and hold constantly. To love is to want uncontrollably and so passionately that it seems impossible. To love is every chance you get without friends, family, or children, to be together embracing every moment of togetherness, alone...without others.

Don't take your eyes off me. Remember that I feel alone. Know that I need. Be certain that I want.

You're tired. I am tired but I will make that time, because I love you.

Touch me for no reason. Kiss me because you can. Make love to me because there is time and not because you feel like it.

Don't leave me alone with my thoughts but know when to give me my space. Understand that there is nothing in the world I would rather have than for you to be in my arms.

Love starts with passion and ends because that passion is forgotten. It takes more work than most human beings are capable of and is so easily written off as irreconcilable differences...when all it takes, sometimes, is a hand reaching out to hold yours.

Life makes us so busy that we forget about the small things that make us happy. Well...what makes some of us happy. We wrap ourselves in our every day hussle and before you know slips from our hands. It's not that we want it to just does. We forget to try. Not you, not me...but we.

Look into my eyes every chance you get. Reach out to hold my hand every chance you get. Touch me every chance you get. Kiss me every chance you get. When the few and far between chance comes along that we are able to share a night alone...don't let that moment pass by without something.

Is my idea of love too much? Maybe my fairytale is asking for more than what is real...I don't think so but I could be wrong.

A simple touch, a simple kiss, a simple hug, a simple hand to hold...

I want the fairytale.

"The Enduring Love"

..It's amazing what we have
to do and say to stand u
p and protect ourselves and those we love, against the evils in this
world. Even if it is just one person......

Some stories don't have a clear beginning, mid
dle and end. Life is about not
knowing, having to cha
nge, taking the moment and making the best of it, without
knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity.....~Gilda Radner

.............. ..May you find serenity and
tranquility in a world you may not always understand.

May the pain you have known and the conflict y
ou have experienced give
you the strength to walk through life facing eac
h new situation with courage
and optimism.

Always know that there
are those whose love and understanding will always be
there, even when you feel most alone.

May a kind word, a
reassuring touch, and a warm smile be yours every day of
your life, and may you give these gifts as well as receive them.

May the teachings of tho
se you admire become part of you, so that you may call
upon them.

Remember, those whose lives you have touched an
d who have touched yours

are always a part of you,
even if the encounters were less than you would have

It is the content of the encounter that is more
important than its form.

May you not become too
concerned with material matters, but instead place
immeasurable value on the goodness in your heart.
Find time in each day to see
beauty and love in the world around you.

Realize that what you feel you lack in one regard y
ou may be more than
compensated for i
n another. What you feel you lack in the present may become
one of your strengths in the future. May you see your future as one filled with
promise and possibili

Learn to view everyth
ing as a worthwhile experience. May you find enough inner
strength to determine your own worth by yourself,

and not be dependent
on another's judgment of your accomplishments.

May you always feel loved.

~ Sandra Sturtz Hauss ~


.............. ..May we rejoice and fill our souls with the beauty of love!

.............. ..To all of our friends, family, and everyone who believes in us, who
knows the truth of our human nature, who stands with us and walks by our side
along the beautiful
pathway of life....we love you, thank you, and may you
always be loved.

The Difference Between Sensual and Sexual?


There are those who claim to be 'sensual' in the manner of dress and the way they present themselves to the public eye. Then there are those who are 'sexual' in nature and present themselves the same way in the public eye. What is the difference? Is there a difference? We all have our own take on what is sensual and what is sexual. I want to breifly explore the two and see how far apart they are or how close in nature they are.

The dictionary defines SENSUAL as,

1. Pertaining to, inclined to, or preoccupied with the gratification of the senses or appetites, carnal; fleshly. Unrestrained indulgence.

2. Lacking in moral restraints, lewd, or unchaste.

3. Arousing or exciting the senses toward sexuality. Influencing behavior and thoughts of others into immorality, wordly,
materialistic, and irreligous thinking. SEXUAL is defined as, 1. Of or pertaining to sex; ocuuring between or involving the sexes or sexual behavior, including using devices (sometimes known as toys).

As one can note, there is a fine line between the two. Sensuality usually comes from the form of the female gender. Women are especially those who like to claim sensuality before they claim sexuality. With the explosion of "free sex" in the 60's, bras, panties, and nice looking dresses became a hinderance to the female.

The sexual revolution began and now has turned in to the Sensual Revolution where women compete amongst themselves to bring to the table a finely trimmed body with voluptuous curves...all in the right places and showing just enough to make the man use his imagination for purposes other than getting to know the person inside. They will pose themselves in their skimpy and sometime see through underwear, shoulder straps dangling down allowing bras to slip down to the nipple area of the breast, they pull up their cute little pink nighties and expose their buttocks, or lay around in their black negligees, stand in their stockings with their thongs and call it sensual. Men see this and the immediate thought in their head is, " to get her in bed." No wonder so many men cannot relate to what has been written in a profile, they are too busy staring at the pictures and doing whatever they do in that moment...drooling, slobbering, and yes, even possibly masturbating.

If a woman thinks showing nearly all of her breast, and in some cases actual nipples seen through the clothing, then they have a long way to go before they realize what sensuality to a real man is. Most men, and I will speak for myself here also, are attracted to beautiful, good-looking, and cute ladies. Not necessarily in the sense of having sex with them, or going out with them, but in the sense that she takes care of herself and deserves an amount of respect. But, some of us are also impressed with minds too. I admire a woman who can carry on an intelligent conversation without one word associated with romance, sex, or sensuality involved.

I admire a woman like that as that is a form of sensuality unto itself. To a lot of men, this type of woman is frightening...scary to be around because she thinks for herself. I admire that type of woman. I admire that type of sensuality. A woman who thinks she has to show a large amount of skin in order to be sensuous or sensual is on the wrong track. If she feels this is how she must attract and lure men then she is deceiving herself as well as others. She lacks security in herself as well as in a relationship with one person. She has to have men looking at her to feel important. Most decent men do not want the lady in their life exposing themselves to the public in any type of fashion that can be used to exploit her shape, figure, form, or so-called beauty in a sexual or derogatory manner. That is not to say that a lady cannot wear clothing to fit her body, to bring attention to her beauty, to be 'sensual' and to look good in public.

Dress is a reflection of your personality and in my honest opinion, the less you have on and display in public, the weaker your personality. I have come to that conclusion through experience with those who call themselves sensual. Most men, including myself, love a woman on his arm that can attract the eye, not because of skin, but because of sheer beauty...inside and out. A woman that takes care of herself, mentally and physically, knows how this is true. Take care of yourself and you have confidence, an air about you that expresses sensuality. Being sensual and sexual in the same vein is not confidence in is narcissistic and vanity in most cases. Now sexual, lets admit, culminates from the sensual drive. It derives its power from sensuality and it weakens the flesh as well as the mind and spirit.

There are those, exibitionist in nature, who have no inhibitions about showing body parts of all sorts nor showing the various sexual encounters between humans...heterosexual and homosexual (which includes lesbianism). You can find anything you want on the internet these days, hell, its even here on myspace. Sexuality and sex can be two different things, but in most cases they are the same. Sensuality and sexuality are so closely related that in a lot of cases, there is no difference. You see it on tv, you see it at the malls, you see it in schools. It has infiltrated todays youth...some with a venom that will poison their lives forever. You want a sensual lady? I dare say that a sensual lady can be heavy, thin, medium, tall, and or short. She doesn't have to wear skimpy clothing nor show nearly all of her body parts to be sensual. She can wear an evening dress and be sensual. The right kind of clothes and if they are worn just right, can be as sensual as those who wear little or none. Start taking it off and you become sexual.

When and if a woman decides to take clothes off and pose in underwear, negligees, or for a picture taken in a bathroom with nothing but a towel hanging loosely in front of the body, and unbuttoned garments just to be showing skin, then she is reaching into the sexual part of her then so called 'sensuality.' And then, as a man, you have to wonder, who the hell is taking the some of these pictures...usually you can tell if they are self taken with a timer...look at the pose....that gives away the answer to that little question. (Oh it takes 10 seconds on a camera timer for the shot to be taken and you pressed the button and then got in that unusual position in ten seconds and had the shot taken? And the back ground and lighting techniques are just as you have it in your own living room? Yeah, right). you take like that, sensual and sexual, and place in emails, websites, and blogs, profiles and pages, can come back to haunt you. That is the payoff of the internet. Once it is on the internet, it is there to stay in somebody's vault.
If they want that, then go pose for Victoria's Secret catalog, Playboy magazine, or hell for that matter, Hustler. I call that exhibition...wanting and needing someone to look at them. Exploiting there own bodies for attention...which is their receipt of payment. Wanting attention. That may be what it is..."ADD"...attention deficit disorder. They seem to be starving for attention not from one person but from many. They are not happy with one person...not for long anyway.

They don't want love...they want recognition...comments about how beautiful they are, how gorgeous they are. I will tell my woman everyday how beautiful she is, not because of her sensuality, but because of who she is and what she means to me. Read some of the comments from men who don't even know the woman in her profile...look at some of the comments they leave for their so called sensual pictures. I dare say none of them use the word sensual...rather context like..."Oh are sooooooooo Sexy...or 'Oh Baby you are so hot'...Is that bedspread mine? have we met together on it somewhere?" You never see..."Oh are soooooooo sensual.

" Hell, you can even see comments left that infer to having sex with that person.
Of course men are going to look. That is are creatures and we have a strong sexual desire, but there are those of us who can and do remain loyal to our spouses, fiance's, girlfriends, or significant others. The world of sensuality and sexuality does not interfere with our normal functions in life or influence some of us to the point that we fall into the quagmire and the trappings of lapping tongues and erect penises and trying to get our satisfaction elsewhere instead of from our partner.

Many a relationship has been destroyed because of one's "SENSUALITY." So, in my view, this is what sensuality is. It is meant for your partner's eyes...not for the whole world. If you are not an actress, a model, a Vegas Showgirl, a singer,or a strumpet save it for the person you love. Otherwise, show it and we will look. Produce it and you become exploited. I, personally, and probably because I am from the old school, have learned that if my woman is showing more than half of her body to people she doesn't even know and its on myspace, Yahoo, Mate1, adultfriends, or what ever other sites there are, then she is not being true to me. There isn't a lot of difference between sensuality and sexuality when you get right down to it. It can and will create havoc in a relationship as well as your personal life.

Some men see it and think they own you...they don't take NO for an answer. These men can really create problems for you. Some men see it and use your image for their own self satisfaction from their imaginations. Some men see it and wonder why this beautiful person presents herself like this... Others ignore it. In the long run...women use it to lure...and then wonder why they don't get and start begging for respect.
So, In my humble opinion, very few people, like Marilyn Monroe for example, are the epitomy of sensuality (and at times, yes, sexual). But, there is an air about them, an aura, a halo around their heads that demand respect. They could put on a long dress and sensuality just reeked across the room. True beauty comes in many forms and it doesn't have to be naked to catch the eye.

That type of person?...They could wear sweats and still be very sensual. Its the attitude...not the way one dresses...or undresses. The way they walked, the way they talked, they way they dressed was unique and sensual unto itself. People like others who think they are sensual because they present themselves in underwear and negligees (not talking about catalogs here) and other articles of wear just to get men to look at them and drool, that is not sensual, it is sexual and in the long run you are hurting yourself. Remember, take care of yourselves...looks do not last a lifetime. It is better to have someone you can talk to now, because later in life, the beauty, the sensuality will not be present and it is not any fun talking to yourself...believe I know. And if you won a person's heart on the fact that sensuality was the weapon and the lure you used, then you will be in for a long lonely life. On my Myspace page, there are quite a few people (ladies) who are on my site with some photos that are "sensual" in nature.

Most of them are in show business. Very few are just everyday, hard working people who aren't in show business. They are there for a reason. Not because I want to gawk at their bodies and sit and imagine, but because some of them have requested me because they like my music. Others I requested, not because of sex, but because they seemed like decent people. I dare say, no pornographic sites are on my friends list...and unless someone slips through, no porno will be on my friends list.
So, be sensual, but remember the restraints that morality has with it. Because sensuality is the root of sexuality. Not much difference when you really think about it.

"Don't Rush Marriage"

Are You Really Ready For This?

Don't get Married Just Because , Know Your Reasons

Waiting until your 30's or 40's to commit is not a bad thing. if it takes that long for you to find the person you're meant to be with then that's the way its going to go. don't tell yourself that you're going to give up at a certain point because then you may find that you push away the one person that you're meant to spend the rest of your life with. finding someone while you're young may not necessarily be the best thing for you. don't dwell so much on the fact that you're "alone" now and just enjoy your life. be positive about things, push away the negative, and stop questioning yourself. you're fine the way you are and you don't need to wonder what it is about you that might be wrong. like you said, you may be attracting the wrong people right now, but with patience you will find that the right one will fall into your lap.

Let's face it, most relationships don't workout and you'll go threw a lot of fakies, whores, cheaters and such before you find the right person. I don't know if i believe there is someone for everyone, I think if you find "your true love" your lucky. At the point I'm at, I'm thinking about me. Be selfish. I want to do well in school/become educated and if I don't find the right person I will never get married. Never. I'm more scared of being with the wrong person then being alone.

"Negativity Is The Shadow Of Mysery"

Many Of Us Use To Pull Others Down Just To Give Justification To Their Miserable Life

Don't put others down just because you're not happy with the way things are in your life.Most of us always try to find someone to put the blame with all our failures & myseries. We tend to dwell on the negativity rather than finding the root of the problem & accept what should have been done that might bring us to a better situation.We always complain & pity for ourselves that all we see is the negative part of life not taking action to make a change.All of us,generally speaking wants all the good things in life,want change but afraid to step forward to make the CHANGE we need.

  • Glibness and Superficial Charm

  • Manipulative and Conning
    They never recognize the rights of others and see their self-serving behaviors as permissible. They appear to be charming, yet are covertly hostile and domineering, seeing their victim as merely an instrument to be used. They may dominate and humiliate their victims.

  • Grandiose Sense of Self
    Feels entitled to certain things as "their right."

  • Pathological Lying
    Has no problem lying coolly and easily and it is almost impossible for them to be truthful on a consistent basis. Can create, and get caught up in, a complex belief about their own powers and abilities. Extremely convincing and even able to pass lie detector tests.

  • Lack of Remorse, Shame or Guilt
    A deep seated rage, which is split off and repressed, is at their core. Does not see others around them as people, but only as targets and opportunities. Instead of friends, they have victims and accomplices who end up as victims. The end always justifies the means and they let nothing stand in their way.

  • Shallow Emotions
    When they show what seems to be warmth, joy, love and compassion it is more feigned than experienced and serves an ulterior motive. Outraged by insignificant matters, yet remaining unmoved and cold by what would upset a normal person. Since they are not genuine, neither are their promises.

  • Incapacity for Love

  • Need for Stimulation
    Living on the edge. Verbal outbursts and physical punishments are normal. Promiscuity and gambling are common.

  • Callousness/Lack of Empathy
    Unable to empathize with the pain of their victims, having only contempt for others' feelings of distress and readily taking advantage of them.

  • Poor Behavioral Controls/Impulsive Nature
    Rage and abuse, alternating with small expressions of love and approval produce an addictive cycle for abuser and abused, as well as creating hopelessness in the victim. Believe they are all-powerful, all-knowing, entitled to every wish, no sense of personal boundaries, no concern for their impact on others.

  • Early Behavior Problems/Juvenile Delinquency
    Usually has a history of behavioral and academic difficulties, yet "gets by" by conning others. Problems in making and keeping friends; aberrant behaviors such as cruelty to people or animals, stealing, etc.

  • Irresponsibility/Unreliability
    Not concerned about wrecking others' lives and dreams. Oblivious or indifferent to the devastation they cause. Does not accept blame themselves, but blames others, even for acts they obviously committed.

  • Promiscuous Sexual Behavior/Infidelity
    Promiscuity, child sexual abuse, rape and sexual acting out of all sorts.

  • Lack of Realistic Life Plan/Parasitic Lifestyle
    Tends to move around a lot or makes all encompassing promises for the future, poor work ethic but exploits others effectively.

  • Criminal or Entrepreneurial Versatility
    Changes their image as needed to avoid prosecution. Changes life story readily.


The Key to Leadership

The Foremost of the Values
Winston Churchill once said, "Courage is rightly considered the foremost of the virtues, for upon it all others depend." The systematic development of the deep down quality of unflinching courage is one of the fundamental requirements for leadership in any field. Fear, or the lack of courage is more responsible for failure in management, and in life, than any other factor. It is always fear that causes people to hold back, to sell themselves short, to settle for far less than they are capable of!

Eliminate Fear and Doubt
I firmly believe that you can do, have or be far more than you now know if only you could eliminate the fear, doubts and misgivings that consciously and unconsciously interfere with your realizing your full potential.

Unlearn Your Fears
If there is anything positive about fear, it is that all fears are learned, that no one is born with fears, and that having been learned, they can be unlearned. If you want to understand the role of fear in shaping the course of your life, just ask yourself, if you had a magic wand that would absolutely guarantee you success in any one thing you attempted, what goal would you set for yourself.

The Great Question
"What one great thing would you dare to dream if you knew you could not fail?" If you had no fears at all with regard to money or the criticism of others, what would you do differently? Most people can think of all kinds of changes they would, or could, make in their lives if they had no fears to hold them back.

The Origins of Fear
The development of courage begins with understanding the psychological origins of fear. The newborn child has only two fears; the fear of falling and the fear of loud noises. All other fears that we experience as adults are learned as we are growing up, primarily as the result of well-meaning but destructive criticism from our parents.

How Fears Develop
When the curious child gets into things and makes a mess, the parent scolds and punishes the child, eventually building up a pattern of fear connected with trying or getting into anything new or different. As adults, we experience this as the fear of failure, the fear of risking, of making a mistake, of losing.

Action Exercises
Here are two steps you can take immediately to put these ideas into action.

First, imagine that you had no fears at all. What would you set as a goal for yourself if you were guaranteed of success?

Second, decide exactly what you want and then act as if it were impossible to fail. You may be surprised at how successful you are.

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Monday, February 23, 2009

Obsol-essence: Finding Your True Value

Yes, I know the word is spelled wrong. (It’s obsolescence.) And we all know what it means when something becomes “obsolete.” It loses its value. It has been replaced by something which serves the purpose but is far superior to that which we already have.

My desktop computer, for example, is becoming obsolete very quickly. My car began the process of becoming obsolete the minute I drove it off the car lot. Many television sets across the world are becoming obsolete—now at a later date than had been planned.

Sadly, sometimes other things in our lives lose their value and become obsolete – less valuable. It may be a job or career that you’ve struggled with for years until the point of burn-out. You no longer feel the passion you once did. Or you realize that that job will not take you to the career pinnacle you want to reach. It may be a relationship with a friend, whose path has taken him or her on a very different journey, so there’s little in common anymore. It may be a family relationship that once fueled you, but now leaves you exhausted and sad.

Or it could be an attitude or way of thinking. Or it could be a “dream.”

I started thinking about the value of life this week when one of my co-workers was struck by a car while crossing a busy street on our campus. He suffered serious head and internal injuries, and numerous broken bones. Even now, we don’t know what his outcome will be, but we’re praying for a miracle. He was doing his job--delivering mail-- when he stepped off a curb and his life changed in an instant.

For many years, I had this picture in my head of what my life was supposed to be. You know the one: A successful handsome husband. Kids, above average in looks and intelligence. A successful career as a writer, with numerous awards to my credit. Beautiful home in the suburbs. Country club. World travel.

Somewhere along the way, life threw a curve ball—no, make that a dodge ball . . . and I didn’t dodge it. It knocked me silly, and blew me right off that preconceived path I had chosen for myself. I did achieve some of the things I’d dreamed of (you HAVE seen the pictures of my kids, haven’t you?) Some I enjoyed for a brief moment in time. Other things I never quite achieved.

And interestingly, the more I struggled to create the life I thought I valued, the less I began to value “that”, and the more obsolete that Life Picture became to me. What I had valued was what I thought other people would think of me . . . not what I thought of me. I tried to create a life that I thought others would approve of. One that didn’t ruffle societal norms. One that presented an image that others would value.

But it wasn’t exactly what I needed. The life I have now is not obsolete in any way. It’s very different from what I once thought my life should be like, but it is a life and lifestyle I value. And because I value it, it isn’t obsolete. So what if it wouldn’t work for everyone else . . . it works for ME!

So many of us struggle to fit in. To be perceived a certain way. We think we want what we want because it would be good for us. Or because it would be easier for us to go with the flow, even if we’re flowing in the wrong direction.

For many years, I would pray to God each night: “Lord, please let me wake up happy tomorrow morning.” To the outside world, I seemed to have it all. But on the inside, I was confused, frightened, exhausted, and felt trapped inside the shell of a person I hardly even knew. I couldn’t see the real value of myself anymore. It was completely lost to me for a very long time.

In my delusional efforts to try to re-engineer my life, and re-direct my life, I made some really bone-headed mistakes. And some of them cost me dearly. There’s only so much you can control—and it is far less than you think it is. Finally I said, “I give up. I don’t know what to do. Just take me where I’m supposed to go.”

And then I began to spend more time getting to know me, and learning to like me—then love me. And while I was doing that, the Universe was responding to my frustrated cry to find some relevance and value for my life.

"I didn’t want to live an obsolete life."

Do you know what you really want? Can you possibly know what you really want? If no one else’s opinion of you mattered, what would you do? How would you change your life?

Spend some time today writing down the answers to those questions, or spend time, in the quiet, thinking about them. If no one else was watching you, if no one could debate your life choices, what kind of life would you live?

Life can become obsolete very quickly. Even more quickly than that of a new car being driven off the dealership parking lot. If there is an attitude, a thought, a relationship, a job, etc. not working for you, get rid of it. Find new passion. New purpose. New energy. Create new value in yourself, so you don’t become obsolete to the people who truly need you and love you.

Be Joy-Full Everyone!

A ladies guide to men...truth about men.

It's not what's in her that makes a man fall in love, it's what happens in him that makes a man fall in love with her. Men feel a woman on many levels, but are usually unable to express it in words. for those men who disagree, I'm sorry that your gay or a player.

A woman is a whole being sensation; not just the body, but the heart and soul as well.

Our body:

Our hearts race. we start to sweat. we get butterflies, even when we're not hungry. our fingers and toes a get numb. our breathing stops. our shoulders feel lite, almost like we're flying. It's no wonder we fall all over our selves when you're around.

Our mind:

Around you; we get nervous, and our minds flood with the feelings we have for you. making us forget any rational thought. It's no wonder we haven't the right answers when it's needed. we're not always absent-minded, if anything our minds are overloaded. sometime love is too strong for one man's mind to handle.

When you're not around our minds get lost, like there's something missing. most men don't realize that it is "you".

Our heart and soul:

At first we let you into our lives, then our heart, and the our soul. You reach farther into us then just the body and mind, you become part of our soul. I guess that's why it hurt so much when we break-up. most men think that if we show you how we feel about you in it's entirety, that it would kill us when it goes away. probably self preservation of sorts, maybe I don't know.

I believe the we're born only half hearted, and the other half of us is out there waiting to be found.

WARNING: Feelings may vary from man to man, but it's usually like that.

The Dream , The Kiss

This Girl

There's a girl livin' in this town
Shes got her head up in the sky
but her feet are on the ground
There's a girl livin' on my street
She knows outside her little world
Somehow ends are gunna meet
And when the roads get kinda rough
She keeps one thing in mind
The longest journey always starts with
Once upon a time
And this girl has seen a lot of pain
But this girls gunna smile again
But she knows a flower grows everytime
It rains

And this girls got a lot of dreams
She knows that tommorrow isn't what it seems
She might not slove a mystery tonight
But this girls gunna be alright

Theres a girl walking in these shoes
And she knows that everythings she got
is all shes got to loose
Theres a dream right behind these eyes
And she finds a reason to be strong with every tear she dries
Being hard to fight the way things are
so she leaves the world behind
with the sound of doubt turned up so loud she turns the music up inside

::And this girls seen a lot of pain
but this girls gunna smile again she knows that a flower grows everytime it rain
and this girls got a lot of dreams
she knows that tommorrow ain't what it seems
she might not slove a mystery tonight
but this girls gunna be alright

She knows it so much she's never seen
the sound will come louder to find out what it means

And this girls seen a lot of pain
but this girls gunna smile again she knows that a flower grows everytime it rain
and this girls got a lot of dreams
she knows that tommorrow ain't what it seems
she might not slove a mystery tonight
but this girls gunna be alright
Alright, shes gunna be alright

Sunday, February 22, 2009

"Attract Men, Be Different"

Be A Man Magnet


First things can't attract a man if he can't
find you, so you've got to pry yourself away from those
"Friends" reruns and get out into the world. I know that
it can be scary and sometimes it seems much easier to
stay in your protected little bubble, but the reward you
stand to gain is definitely worth taking the risk. So put
your shoes on and let's go!


If you really want to attract men, you might need to
step up your style a notch... and NOT for the reason you
may think. I recommend wearing a colorful and flattering
outfit not just because you'll turn heads (though you
WILL), but because of the way it will make YOU feel.

Here's an illustration: When I get up at the crack of
dawn to walk my dog, I usually roll out of bed into a
sweat suit, throw my hair into a ponytail, and hide
behind my biggest, darkest sunglasses. I KNOW I look
like crap, so I pray that I don't run into any neighbors
who want to strike up a conversation or pet my dog. And
usually, no one even looks my way. When you put less
than your best effort into your appearance, not only will
you blend into the background, but you probably won't
feel up to meeting someone new anyway.

When you look your best, however, it changes your whole
demeanor. You know the phrase "take PRIDE in your
appearance?" Well, when you're proud of how you look,
your posture will straighten up, you'll feel more
confident, you'll be much more likely to make eye contact,
smile, and possibly even strike up a conversation with
someone new. That energy (fueled by self-esteem) will be
incredibly ATTRACTIVE to others.


Have you ever seen the way New Yorkers walk? They stride
very quickly, head down, eyes on the ground (or anywhere
that will prevent them from making eye contact of any
kind), and plow through anyone and anything in their way
to get to their destination as quickly and directly as

Now I don't mean to pick on New Yorkers. In fact, there's a REASON why most Manhattanites seem to walk the same way. With overwhelming crowds,
crime, people begging for money, and solicitors trying
to sell them something on every street corner, they
don't want to ATTRACT any attention.

However, if you're in a safe, well-lit area and are
familiar with your surroundings, I want to encourage you
to remember the words "Don't walk like a New Yorker."
Try walking this way instead: shoulders back, head up,
straight posture, moderate (not fast!) pace, arms
swinging slightly. You want your walk to say "I'm
confident" and "I'm open to possibilities."

If you're finding it difficult to cultivate a confident
walk, try this exercise. (It might sound a little goofy
but believe me, it works!):

Pick a song with an upbeat theme and a good, moderate
beat. This is going to be your theme song. (Can't think
of one? Here are 3 suggestions: "Put Your Records On" by
Corinne Bailey Rae, "Suddenly I See" by KT Tunstall, or
"The Sweet Escape" by Gwen Stefani.) Load the song on
your iPod or pop the CD in your walkman and take it with
you for a "practice walk." Walk to the beat (this is
subtle- you're not DANCING, you're just getting a good
pace to your steps), breathe, enjoy the lyrics, think
positive thoughts, and smile. You'll be amazed at how
walking to your theme song will give you a boost.

Now the next time you're out and about, I want you to
remember how you felt with your theme song. Hear the
song in your head and walk as if it's playing. Pay
attention to how your face feels. Are you scowling
without even meaning to? If so, soften the muscles in
your face and allow your mouth to curl up ever so
slightly into an almost-smile. Widen your eyes just a
bit so that you appear awake, interested in your
surroundings, and excited about the world around you.

Now notice how people who pass you begin to take notice
of you. It's subtle, but I guarantee that those who
aren't completely lost in their own little worlds will
acknowledge you in some way. Men might even smile back
or say hello! (If this doesn't happen right away, don't
be discouraged. Just practice this confident walk
wherever you go from now on, and you will soon notice a


When you're excited about life, it shows... AND it rubs
off on others. People gravitate toward happy people
because they want the contentment that they have. So wipe
that scowl off your face, curb the cynicism, and radiate
the most positive energy you can muster. (If you're
finding this difficult to do, start the day by making a
gratitude list of 5 things you're thankful for - it can
be your health, your charmingly crooked smile, or even
your dog's unconditional love. This will definitely
change your outlook.)

Men are much more likely to approach a woman who is
smiling, laughing, and happily engaged with her
surroundings (rather than the frowning, hunched over
lady muttering complaints under her breath... who'd want
to spend time with HER?). Like the "Got Milk?" ad
campaign, try being a walking billboard for "Got Joy?"


I read a surprising statistic the other day: only 7% of
communication is verbal (that means 93% is nonverbal
body language).

In other words, your actions (very literally) speak
louder than your words.

If a man spots you across the room but you have your
arms folded across your chest, that sends the
subconscious signal "Stay away. I'm closed off."

Conversely, if your posture is good and your shoulders are
back, opening up your frame, it sends the message that
your heart is open to possibilities (even if he's not
consciously aware of it).

When you're engaged in conversation, leaning in toward
him conveys interest (that's when being in a loud, crowded
bar can work to your advantage! It gives you a legitimate
reason to lean in and speak in one another's ear, which
creates a connection).

If you're seated, crossing your legs and pointing them
toward him also sends the unspoken message that you're
interested. Very literally, it is the act of aligning
your body with his that signals, "we're in line with
one another."