Sunday, February 3, 2008

Ingredients of happy relationships

I have been discussing the importance of thinking through a couple of issues. First and foremost is asking a set of key parameters that determine the value of a relationship to you, and secondly, asking the right questions to assess your relationship. In this article, I am going to discuss the little things that you ignore and think are not important that will make your relationships work.
Communication: Communication is key. Learn to talk about everything under the sun and never assume you know. You could be wrong. Many people have failed in this area and ended up depressed, lost, and lonely. Believe me; it always helps to talk about something than bottling it up inside of you. Lack of communication will cause you to make wrong conclusions about people and you will never even get a chance to know who you are. When you hear a rumor, don’t act on it immediately. Find the facts first, before you take any action. Explaining your thoughts, motives, and plans is very vital. Don’t use guesswork; it’s unwise. We have ears to hear, eyes too see, hands to make signs, books to read, etc., to be able to get a message across. (Related article: Communication for couples)

Sacrifice: Sacrifice in a relationship is the key to reaping good results eventually. It works in everything else in life and it will work in a relationship too. You have to learn to sacrifice certain things in your life for the sake of your partner and for the sake of the relationship to work. If you don’t learn to sacrifice, you will think there is nothing wrong with you, but only with the other person. You cannot spend your life changing partners or looking for the perfect one. None of us is perfect but we can work at becoming better people as we appreciate one another. (Related article: How to rebuild trust in a relationship?)

Give: Life if about giving and not taking! Learn to start giving and you will soon see the results. Don’t wait until it’s Christmas or until you get that job and earn a lot of bucks. Out of the little that you have, give. When you fail to give now when you have little, it will not be possible to give when you have plenty. It’s the thought and the value of that gift that counts. Believe me; if it’s from you heart it will be of value to the other person and they will cherish it. The question is,
when your partner is speaking. Watch their expressions and learn to know their gestures too so that you are able to read their actions easily. Know what angers them or makes them smile or laugh. Get involved in the little details of their lives too. Yes, even knowing the type of lipstick she uses and the aftershave that he likes. Know the birth dates and anniversaries too. Knowing the little
“Would you like to die all by yourself without a loved one to hold your hand? How would you feel when you get sick and there is nobody to come visit you in the hospital? If you invest in good, you will receive good back. (Related article:
Tips for insecure men)Time: Time is a very valuable asset. Time lost is never gained. If you will spend time wisely, you will never regret it.

We are not in this world forever. So if you can do good today, do it. The person may never be there tomorrow, even if you cried your eyes out at their grave; it won’t bring them back. So use every opportunity you get, so that you will have memories stored up in you.
Give time to get to know your partner, be there for them when they need you and they will be there for you too. Never get too busy for the little things in life otherwise you will find them gone. Never take life for granted and learn to strike a balance. I have met men who in their quest for money and power have neglected their spouses and eventually lost them to other men. They become bitter and blame the woman. If you neglect your partner, they may become vulnerable to any man who would come along and give them the time that you don’t. (Related article: Tips to fix a broken relationship)

Attention: Be attentive intimate details makes the relationship exciting and it gives both of you enormous joy in knowing about each other. So you are both kept busy and there is no loophole for an enemy to destroy your bond. (Related article: Bedroom tips for couples)

Trust: For a solid foundation, trust must be established. Once trust is established you will begin to open up to each other. Once this is in place you will be able to love without fear. It takes a while to build trust but it only takes a second to destroy it.

Honesty and Sincerity: Be sincere to your partner and tell the truth. If you have kids, tell it; been married before, say it; you have a health problem, mention it. Avoid hiding things that may or will eventually come out and cause an explosion and destroy the relationship for good. When you partner trusts you with a secret that they have never told anyone else, then do not ever use it to manipulate them or use it as a weapon to inflict pain on them the day you have a fight. Being trusted is a privilege, not a right. Remember that happiness for both of you is of prime importance. Be careful what you say especially the promises that you make. We are tried and judged by our words

Build: For a relationship to grow it needs to be nurtured. You have to build each other up and learn from one another. Understand the strengths and weakness and build on them. Accept their shortcomings and help them see their potential in life. If your personalities don’t match and you are not satisfied, please walk out ASAP before any serious involvement happens. We all learn from one another. We are here today and able to communicate because somebody took time to help build us.

Breaking up: When the relationship is not worth pursuing, it is always wise to end it in a polite way. Learn to talk about it and come to a conclusion. Give it a thought before you do, just in case there is still hope to save it. The important thing is not to make enemies but to walk away feeling free and having a clear conscience knowing that you made the right decision.

No man is an island! Two is better than one. When
two brains come together to make a decision the results are remarkable. Moreover when you are down, your partner will lift you up and give you the strength to go on. When you win in your relationship you will succeed even in bringing up good, responsible children who will make healthy relationships and contribute to the world at large.

Adults face challenges while cowards use excuses to deal with challenges. Don’t use the telephone or SMS text or email to break up unless you are a coward and uncertain of what you are doing. Face to face is always better. After all, you spent all those intimate moments looking into each other’s eyes; it is best to show the same courtesy when ending the relationship. Tell them why you can’t go on. Be able to live with that decision and ensure it’s the right one. If not, you may realize too late that you made a big mistake. In other cases it’s a simple and straightforward thing to do like when you find your partner in bed with another person or when you have an abusive relationship.

I believe it’s always good to be able to meet your ex later on in life and be able to say with a smile, “Hello, how are things going for you?” If you ever have to go through a heart break, remember you will always heal, no matter how deep the pain or wound you will heal. There is someone out there for you and it’s not the end of the world!

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