Friday, February 29, 2008

What is love?

"Love is a funny thing". You expect it to be easy. You expect it to be a world of roses and laughs and perfect moments that you find only in movies. You expect him to always say the right thing, and always know exactly how you feel, or exactly how to react to it. You expect him to calm you down when you're yelling or to chase you when you run away. You expect so much that you feel entirely and utterly defeated when something doesn't exactly match up with all your plans. But that's the thing, love isn't a plan. It doesn't have a certain beginning and it certainly has no end or visible finish line to those deeply in it.

"Love happens; and it is so incredibly messy". People around you can't comprehend why you do the things you do, or why you fight so hard for something that seems to cause you so much pain, because simply, they can't see. They can't see the invisible ring of insanity that surrounds you when you're in love. It's inconvenient and painful and devastating at times, but we can't live without it. We can't breathe the same way or function quite right without it. See, that's the thing about love. You hold it up to all these images you've learned to attach to the word 'love' since you were little.

"We learn so many things about love before we are even capable of falling". Don't rush in, keep steady, prince charming will fix everything. What you don't learn is how hard love is. How much work it takes. How much of ourselves we have to put into it. How it isn't worth it until we are complete and utter idiots about it. Don't rush in? I practically dove with my eyes closed; fully aware that I had drowned before. "Love is a battlefield", never really made sense because it is contrary to everything we have been taught to believe how 'love' is supposed to be. But it is so entirely different. Love isn't him calming you down when you yell. It's him yelling, just as loud, just as hard, right back at you, and right in your face to wake you up and to keep you grounded. It isn't him bringing you roses everyday or pretty things that make your relationship appear more presentable. It's after a long fight, that drains the life and bones right out of you both, and yet him showing up at your door the next morning anyway. It's not him saying all the right things or knowing exactly how to handle you.

"We are human beings". We don't handle one another, and we can't be handled. We are mutable creatures that need something different everyday. Need something more or less to keep us going, to keep us believing that it's not all for nothing. So no, it's not him caressing your hair and telling you everything is going to be all right. It's him standing there, admitting he's just as scared as you are. You have to remember that with love, you're not the only one involved.
You've unknowingly put your life, your heart into the palms of another persons hands and said, here, do what you will. Mash it into mince meat, or forget I ever handed it to you. As long as you have it, that's the thing about love.

"It makes us crazy". It makes reality invisible and it erases all the lines that we shouldn't cross. Because love isn't about fencing ourselves in; feeling safe, feeling sure about the future. It's about scaring the life out of every nerve in our body, but pushing forward anyway. Because all the fighting, the tears, and uncertainty is worth it. And it's a hell of a lot better, than being one hundred percent happy without someone to show us that there is a world of a difference between feeling 'happy' and feeling whole.

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