Saturday, September 13, 2008

"Married to a Jerk?I'm Lucky,I'm Not"

Do you Love and Dislike Your Spouse at the Same Time?

It happens to a lot to people. You fall in love. The romantic phase blinds you to your partner's imperfections. Your spouse is a jerk.

You think your mate will change. You hope that in time the difficult aspects of your spouse's jerky personality will go away. But it doesn't happen.

You find yourself in love with a person you can't stand and don't like. Comments from others like "You should have known better..." or "Didn't you see it while dating..." won't help when living with a jerk. Should you throw in the towel when the handsome prince turns into a toad? Or is there hope for such a marriage?

There is hope for this type of situation. However, it does take honest and caring communication.

Types of Difficult Spouses
The Know-it-All
The Negative Thinker
The Criticizer

The Wishy-Washy Type
The Silent Clam
The Bully
The Sickening Sweet Personality
The Procrastinator
The Self-centered and Selfish Person
The Demanding Type
The Joker
The Embarrassing Spouse

Personality compatibility is an important characteristic of happy couples. Irritating habits and activities of a jerk can drive you up the wall just like the drip, drip, drip of a leaky faucet. If ignored, it only gets worse.

Coping Strategies if You've Married a Jerk

Recognize you can't change your spouse. You can only change your reactions and responses.
Reinforce positive behavior. When you spouse does something right, say so!

Maintain eye contact when stating your own opinions and feelings. Be prepared so you know what you want to say before you say it.

Be straight forward and clear in your communications with your spouse.
Make time to be alone together such as taking walks.

Don't place blame. It only creates defensiveness. Use "I" statements.
Try and focus on the positive. Looking only at the negative behaviors in your spouse can be self-fulfilling.

Be honest about yourself. If you make a mistake, admit it.
Listen with both your heart and your mind.

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