Sunday, February 15, 2009

What Really Sustains A Relationship?

Love, Romance, or both?

Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being in love which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident.

Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.

Captain Corelli's Mandolin

There is no denying.

Things have changed.

You can feel it.

And you begin to ask the question why.

Why am I here next to this person?

You've noticed some slight changes on his behaviour.

He suddenly has become less attentive on what you are saying.


He keeps on bringing new faces in the house instead of spending time alone with you.


He no longer waits for you.
You have stopped eating together.


He doesn’t go at great lengths anymore to please you...


Worse is...

He has forgotten how to kiss you the way you want it!


Minor changes which when put together is equivalent to one gigantic heap of garbage you refuse to smell its odor and leaves you no option but to throw them away and discard them at the earliest chance. The only thing is...

your partner isn’t a garbage

You don't find it easy to do so unlike others who change partners as often as they change clothes

but secretly this is what you are thinking of doing to him...


You’re beginning to feel dissatisfaction which leads to fights because of these irreconcilable differences.

Then the inevitable came to pass.

Love has gone.

Where did it go?

It flew right outside the window.

Just like that?

Yeah, just like that.

Was it love which flew outside the window or was it romance?

Maybe both. Who cares what it is called?

One thing is certain.

The relationship has ended. And you are left alone wondering.

What really sustains a relationship?

Is it love or romance?

It really is more than the sparks found in romance obviously.

Neither love itself.



I was meaning to say, “Neither the romantic kind of love itself.”

So between Romance and Love,

will I choose

Love alone ?

Since romance seems to be unstable and disappears just like a fog?

No. I want the element of madness in being in love. I deserve to be crazy in love and I won’t settle for anything less. And I love flowers, candles, wines, lovely dinner, love songs, moonlight dancing, massage, jacuzzi, passionate kisses and all the sweet nonsense associated with romance.
Who doesn't want this?


Romance alone ?

No, because romance alone does not pay the bills and face the real challenges of life. Romance can not stand the tests of what is expected from a genuine relationship. It is there to tease our senses. But leaves at the very instance of discomfort. It is there to fulfill our fantasies and send our heads up in the cloud but crushes back down to earth at the slightest blow of the storm.

Here's a thought...

Long- Term- Relationship like Marriage is more than love and romance.

It is more of a CONSCIOUS EFFORT.

When we merely love someone, it almost comes spontaneously without much effort needed.

Sometimes, we are even overpowered by this intense emotion.

But in Long-Term-Relationship or Marriage, it is us who has to overpower our emotions to make it work.

Long-Term-Relationship or Marriage demands us to play even when romance and love have left the stage.

Long-Term-Relationship or Marriage demands us to stay even if the only person left in the room is no longer the person we used to know but just a stranger sitting across you.

Marriage isn’t for everybody.

Some people are not wired for Long-Term-Relationships.

No matter how much you insist you want it to be.

But don’t give up on love.


For the best may have yet to come.

Somewhere out there, there must be at least one single soul who’ll die to be with you.


That is the only kind of love worth seeking for.

Whether it ends in marriage or not is beside the question.

If it’s neither romance nor love or both, then what?

The one thing which couples overlook is that more than being lovers, they should develop FRIENDSHIP. It is the bond which seals the relationship.

I don’t know if any of my readers would agree that long term relationships usually lack “sparks”. Moreover, that instant excitement does not guarantee instant success. In fact, the emotional intensity we feel in the beginning of the relationship goes down naturally. There are some who manage to stay in love or love their partner more in the long run. But is it only romantic love which sustains a long term relationship?

How are we going to explain situations where people give up on relationships not because they have fallen out of love but because they have different pursuits in life?

For a wagon to get to its destination, it must be pulled by two oxens in the same direction. One can't go Northbound and the other Southbound.


How many relationships have ended because of incompatibilities even though couples are still madly in love with each other?

Because the truth is, long term relationships demand us more than saying “I Love You.”

And there are cases that LOVE is still present.

That some couples still have strong feelings for each other.

But they just can't go on anymore.

Because they just can't get along well anymore.

Who said differences between couples should always be reconciled anyway?

Sometimes, the best way to care for your partner is to just leave your partner alone.

I leave proper discretion to my reader on what is tolerable and what is not.

Each has his own threshold of pain anyway.

( Give it a thought 100 times. Give it a try 100 million times. You can thank me later.)

One definition of a friend is someone who provides support and cooperation.

Hence, friendship is an integral part of a long-lasting relationship.

It is different from commitment. Commitment is born out of obligation.


Friendship is born out of natural likeness for someone. It is more voluntary in nature.

It’s kindness, respect, compatibility and shared interests we find in friendship are among others which sustain a long term relationship. That feeling of being comfortable with someone knowing that you are allowed to just be yourself and not be somebody else. FRIENDSHIP , the absence of which leaves any relationship prone to decay in no time.Because it is the only type of relationship which demands nothing from the two persons involved but the company of each other.

Whereas Romance and Love demand...
they probe...
they measure..
they ask..
they test.

Friendship seeks nothing but to spend time with the other person.

And spending time together is a very essential part of any relationship.

"I Love You" isn't the best words for they have different shades of meaning.

When all is said and done..
When we are old and gray..
The only thing we need to hear is somebody telling us

"I am here beside you. I will never leave you."

Whether the person loves us or not becomes less significant.
Your differences will no longer be relevant.
Just observe your grandparents if what I'm saying is not true.

Nothing else matters but two of you being with each other .

Just like in the beginning.

Just like the way love should be.

No matter what he is wearing.


AAhhh! The end now!


Ever been in a relationship where you have to part ways because you have different goals despite having strong feelings for each other still?

Can you stay in a relationship lacking in romance? What is romance to you?

"The best relationships don't end up in marriage ."

What do you make of it?

Is it awkward to be in a romantic relationship with your friend of opposite sex or could it be the best relationship to you? Will you take the risks?

Alright, alright.....

Pick any of the questions to answer. I know some are a bit way out of the topic but what the heck! I want to know.I'm such a curious cat.

"Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I don't wanna ever love another
You'll always be my thunder .."

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