Sunday, February 22, 2009

"Attract Men, Be Different"

Be A Man Magnet


First things can't attract a man if he can't
find you, so you've got to pry yourself away from those
"Friends" reruns and get out into the world. I know that
it can be scary and sometimes it seems much easier to
stay in your protected little bubble, but the reward you
stand to gain is definitely worth taking the risk. So put
your shoes on and let's go!


If you really want to attract men, you might need to
step up your style a notch... and NOT for the reason you
may think. I recommend wearing a colorful and flattering
outfit not just because you'll turn heads (though you
WILL), but because of the way it will make YOU feel.

Here's an illustration: When I get up at the crack of
dawn to walk my dog, I usually roll out of bed into a
sweat suit, throw my hair into a ponytail, and hide
behind my biggest, darkest sunglasses. I KNOW I look
like crap, so I pray that I don't run into any neighbors
who want to strike up a conversation or pet my dog. And
usually, no one even looks my way. When you put less
than your best effort into your appearance, not only will
you blend into the background, but you probably won't
feel up to meeting someone new anyway.

When you look your best, however, it changes your whole
demeanor. You know the phrase "take PRIDE in your
appearance?" Well, when you're proud of how you look,
your posture will straighten up, you'll feel more
confident, you'll be much more likely to make eye contact,
smile, and possibly even strike up a conversation with
someone new. That energy (fueled by self-esteem) will be
incredibly ATTRACTIVE to others.


Have you ever seen the way New Yorkers walk? They stride
very quickly, head down, eyes on the ground (or anywhere
that will prevent them from making eye contact of any
kind), and plow through anyone and anything in their way
to get to their destination as quickly and directly as

Now I don't mean to pick on New Yorkers. In fact, there's a REASON why most Manhattanites seem to walk the same way. With overwhelming crowds,
crime, people begging for money, and solicitors trying
to sell them something on every street corner, they
don't want to ATTRACT any attention.

However, if you're in a safe, well-lit area and are
familiar with your surroundings, I want to encourage you
to remember the words "Don't walk like a New Yorker."
Try walking this way instead: shoulders back, head up,
straight posture, moderate (not fast!) pace, arms
swinging slightly. You want your walk to say "I'm
confident" and "I'm open to possibilities."

If you're finding it difficult to cultivate a confident
walk, try this exercise. (It might sound a little goofy
but believe me, it works!):

Pick a song with an upbeat theme and a good, moderate
beat. This is going to be your theme song. (Can't think
of one? Here are 3 suggestions: "Put Your Records On" by
Corinne Bailey Rae, "Suddenly I See" by KT Tunstall, or
"The Sweet Escape" by Gwen Stefani.) Load the song on
your iPod or pop the CD in your walkman and take it with
you for a "practice walk." Walk to the beat (this is
subtle- you're not DANCING, you're just getting a good
pace to your steps), breathe, enjoy the lyrics, think
positive thoughts, and smile. You'll be amazed at how
walking to your theme song will give you a boost.

Now the next time you're out and about, I want you to
remember how you felt with your theme song. Hear the
song in your head and walk as if it's playing. Pay
attention to how your face feels. Are you scowling
without even meaning to? If so, soften the muscles in
your face and allow your mouth to curl up ever so
slightly into an almost-smile. Widen your eyes just a
bit so that you appear awake, interested in your
surroundings, and excited about the world around you.

Now notice how people who pass you begin to take notice
of you. It's subtle, but I guarantee that those who
aren't completely lost in their own little worlds will
acknowledge you in some way. Men might even smile back
or say hello! (If this doesn't happen right away, don't
be discouraged. Just practice this confident walk
wherever you go from now on, and you will soon notice a


When you're excited about life, it shows... AND it rubs
off on others. People gravitate toward happy people
because they want the contentment that they have. So wipe
that scowl off your face, curb the cynicism, and radiate
the most positive energy you can muster. (If you're
finding this difficult to do, start the day by making a
gratitude list of 5 things you're thankful for - it can
be your health, your charmingly crooked smile, or even
your dog's unconditional love. This will definitely
change your outlook.)

Men are much more likely to approach a woman who is
smiling, laughing, and happily engaged with her
surroundings (rather than the frowning, hunched over
lady muttering complaints under her breath... who'd want
to spend time with HER?). Like the "Got Milk?" ad
campaign, try being a walking billboard for "Got Joy?"


I read a surprising statistic the other day: only 7% of
communication is verbal (that means 93% is nonverbal
body language).

In other words, your actions (very literally) speak
louder than your words.

If a man spots you across the room but you have your
arms folded across your chest, that sends the
subconscious signal "Stay away. I'm closed off."

Conversely, if your posture is good and your shoulders are
back, opening up your frame, it sends the message that
your heart is open to possibilities (even if he's not
consciously aware of it).

When you're engaged in conversation, leaning in toward
him conveys interest (that's when being in a loud, crowded
bar can work to your advantage! It gives you a legitimate
reason to lean in and speak in one another's ear, which
creates a connection).

If you're seated, crossing your legs and pointing them
toward him also sends the unspoken message that you're
interested. Very literally, it is the act of aligning
your body with his that signals, "we're in line with
one another."

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