Definition of emotional intelligence
Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize, acknowledge, manage and handle your emotions in such a way that promotes personal growth. Think of someone who projects his anger on his small child just because he had a fight with his manager or think of a driver who shouts at other drivers in the street just because the hot weather was irritating for him, both are examples of people who aren’t emotionally intelligent.
Emotionally intelligent people know the real reasons for their emotions and thus they don’t confuse them with other factors nor do they get their past involved in the decisions they take. If your best friend betrayed you in the past and then you developed a fear of trusting anybody then you are not applying emotional intelligence in your life.
Emotional intelligence is a way of identifying and managing your emotions in such a way that promotes a happier and a healthier life.
Failing to recognize your emotions
Lots of people feel bad without knowing why and the majority of them blame incorrect reasons for the bad feelings they are having.
Why do you think some people become bad tempered when they are stressed? Those people have weak stress management abilities yet they always think that other people are are the ones to be balmed instead of acknowledging their own weaknesses. If those people were to understand that they have became bad tempered because of their lack of stress management abilities then they would have taken the first step towards becoming emotionally intelligent.
Some people think that they are bored because the place they live in is boring but the truth is that they are bored because something inside them needs a fix and not the place they live in.
some people spend years suffering from a breakup thinking that they loved that person while the truth is that they only needed him to compensate for one of their personal weakness. In my book How to get over anyone in few days I described how can some people keep suffering from a breakup for a long time even if the reason for suffering was something else other than loving the person.
Some people feel depressed thinking that their life style promotes depression while the truth is that there is a deeply buried issue in their minds that they are afraid to bring to the surface.(see when he deceives you)
There are lots and lots of examples of people who failed to recognize the real reasons for their unwanted emotions and the result in all cases is the same, becoming unhappy and dissatisfied.
how to become emotionally intelligent
The steps for becoming emotionally intelligent are clear and well known but applying them requires lots of hard work in addition to a solid discipline. The first thing you should do in order to become emotionally intelligent is to learn how to identify the real reasons for your emotions instead of blaming other innocent factors for them. After recognizing your emotions its then the time to handle them in an intelligent way, knowing that you are angry because you had a fight with your manager should help you prevent yourself from shouting at your small child and should help you to think of a way to express your anger peacefully without harming innocent people.
In summary, if you understood your emotions then learned how to channel them in a way that doesn’t cause harm to you or to the people around you, then you will become an emotionally intelligent person.
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