Sunday, January 20, 2008

Understanding Men


Now that you've got your two negative patterns,here's where things are going to start comingtogether for you...
First, I need you to get away from a dangerouskind of thinking that ALL WOMEN engage in when itcomes to men, dating and relationships.
I call it "All or Nothing Thinking".
Do you know any women who talk about how theirrelationship is hopeless and a complete failure...
And then a few hours or days later they haveshifted 180 degrees to where EVERYTHING is great?
What does this say about the woman who thinksand feels this way?
What kind of relationship and communication"skills" does a woman like this have?
And how do you think a man experiences thiskind of thinking and behavior... and what does itsay to him about a woman?
Of course, this is an extreme example of "Allor Nothing Thinking".
Unfortunately, the more common "All or NothingThinking" is subtle and difficult to recognize.
Especially when YOU are the one having thethoughts.
So, let me ask you...
When you look at your pattern, is there anegative trait or habit of yours that stands outas the one that gets you into trouble the most?
I'm certain there is.
I want you to identify at least one of yourgreatest WEAKNESSES that shows up in your lifethrough your negative patterns.
I'll give you a minute to write this down nextto the pattern it's associated with.
Go ahead.
OK. Now there's something I want you to thinkabout...
It makes sense to cut this negative trait orhabit that's associated with your pattern out ofyour relationship and behavior with a man...right?
It's caused a lot of these problems... right?
If you cut these traits or qualities out of theway you are in a relationship with a man, thenthings will be better... right?
What if the problems that come up in yournegative pattern are caused by these traits?
And what if the traits in your negativepattern didn't represent just your personalWEAKNESSES?
What if they ALSO represented your personalSTRENGTHS at the same time?
If you were thinking that you should get rid ofthe trait or quality entirely that's involved inyour negative pattern so that things will workbetter in the future... then you're going to thatplace of "All or Nothing Thinking".
Talk about throwing out the baby with the bathwater.
Over the years I've recognized that there's afascinating mistake TONS of people make inrelationships, in business, and in every aspect oflife...
When something isn't working and they want tofix a problem, they don't look at the entire"system" around them.
Instead, they focus their attention on the"symptoms" they see, in isolation.
Some people complain about "Western Medicine"having the same shortcoming. That it onlyaddresses symptoms, instead of taking a "holistic"approach to how everything works together.
Anyway... when a person is trying to fix aproblem in a relationship, by not seeing theentire "system" going on around them, they can'tsee how all the elements are inter-connected.
So, when they go to make a change, they thinkthey can change what's related to the symptoms andeverything will work better.
This is like thinking blowing your nose willcure a cold.
What's worse, often times the things thatpeople change not only don't work to fix theproblem...
Often times the change they make ends up makingthings WORSE by affecting all the other relatedand inter-connected things that WERE WORKING.
Don't start solving problems and changing yourrelationship when you can only see the "symptoms".
There's a better way.
You need to start looking at the whole "system"of how you and a man connect and communicate inyour relationship.
You need to develop your own "holistic"approach.
Then you'll have the PERSPECTIVE to makechoices and take action that will bring moreconnection and understanding into your life with aman.
So how can you start to see your ownrelationship with a man as the "system" that itis?
And how can you avoid the dead end strategy oftrying to cover up the "symptoms"?
Here's a step towards this that you can takeRIGHT NOW...
I'm going to get you out of the habit of usingyour destructive "All or Nothing Thinking".
I want you to look at your trait or traitsagain that were your own WEAKNESSES in yournegative relationship pattern.
Now I want you to try something that might seemstrange at first.
I want you to identify at least one way inwhich your trait or habit in your negativerelationship pattern is also a STRENGTH.
I'll give you a minute to see how the verytrait that you just identified as a WEAKNESS isalso a STRENGTH.
I want you to write the STRENGTH down right nownext to the pattern it's associated with.
Go ahead. I'll give you a few minutes.
OK, good.
There's a lot of power and AWARENESS created inwhat you just did when you think about it... IFyou stay aware of this when you're interactingwith a man in your relationship.
When you see how your WEAKNESSES, that you'vebeen giving yourself a hard time about and tryingto figure out how to get rid of, are also part ofyour STRENGTHS... things you never could haveunderstood will start to become clear to you.
Challenges, issues, attitudes and hurtfulthings that a man brings to you that relate toyour patterns, and these traits will start to lookdifferently to you...
And you'll start to have an amazing sense ofCLARITY about what's the best thing to do for you,for him, and for your relationship.
You've got some basic tools to work with now tounderstand more about what's going on with you andyour relationship with a man.
But it really only starts here.
Are you CLEAR on how these 2 patterns come upin your life?
Do you know how to avoid "All or NothingThinking" the next time it comes up and tries tocreate DISTANCE between you and a man.
Do you know where these thoughts come from andwhat to do to stay conscious and overcome thenegative aspects of your other destructiverelationship patterns?
Do you know how to guide a man to start doingthese same things to improve HIMSELF and the wayhe is in your relationship, so you don't have totry and convince him of what's going on that hecan't see or isn't paying attention to?
Most women who aren't in a happy, healthy,loving, lasting relationship don't have thisknowledge and the ability to stay connected with aman that comes along with it.
The strange truth is, patterns aren't justcoincidences in your life.
They keep repeating in your life for a reason.
What are the lessons that keep coming up foryou in your love life that you can't learn fromwhere you are today, but keep coming at you?
The reality is that you have a choice...
You can keep repeating these patterns, andexperiencing the pain and frustration that comeswith them again and again...
This is the "easy" choice that doesn't ask orrequire you to learn and grow at all.
You can create a "shift" in your life.
You can choose to have more AWARENESS and moreGROWTH... which will of course bring new ways ofseeing things, and best of all, NEW RESULTS inyour relationship.
The choice is yours right now.
I've put together what I think is the VERY BESTprogram just for a woman like you that will createthe GROWTH and AWARENESS you're looking for inyour love life.
It's called "From Casual To Committed".
If you've ever wondered why you get "stuck"with a man once you get to a certain level ofconnection and intimacy... and then things seem togo backwards and he withdraws... then this programis going to change your life and yourrelationship.
One of the most critical things that's going oninside a relationship when a "casual", or even acommitted relationship, starts to go wrong, eventhough there's no lack of love or caring betweenthe man and woman, is FEAR.
And I don't just mean YOUR FEARS... I'm talkingabout a HIS FEARS too.

There's a reason why most men pull away andsabotage perfectly good, loving relationshipswith women.
And there's a reason why YOUR FEARS are onlymaking these things with a man WORSE.
There are clear steps that you can take tochange your love life and relationship, no matterwhere you are right now with a man.
Shifting your PERSPECTIVE and becoming MORECONSCIOUS is your first step... some of whichwe've touched on here.
You can stop the unnecessary PATTERNS.
You can come to terms with, and understand, theFEARS.
And you can find out, once and for all, why itis that men so often put up RESISTANCE to becomingmore connected, closer and MORE COMMITTED with YOUon a physical and emotional level.
Don't let go of this opportunity to haveLASTING CHANGE and IMPROVEMENT to the quality ofyour love life and all your relationships.

"It's a no-brainer and will quickly have you "in theknow" on all kinds of stuff that used to drive you crazy trying to understand about men."

If you are dating, engaged, or still trying to find Mr. Right, then this week’s message is for you - Why some men do not want to commit or find it very difficult to commit to women they supposedly love. This topic is quite puzzling to most single women. You feel that a man who professes to love you ought to commit to you with ease.

Here are some of the reasons why some men behave this way:

“Why commit when I am getting the goods free of charge?” – A lot of men, if given the opportunity, will sow their wild oats until hell freezes over. These men are like kids in a candy store – they just don’t know how to choose when there are so many varieties to choose from. It is more exciting for them to keep you as one of their concubines, rather than get tied down and lose out on the opportunity to sample the delicious lovelies out there.

“What if I commit too soon and miss out on the most beautiful woman I have ever met?” This is the kind of internal talk that goes on in the head of the guy that is finding it difficult to commit.

You may be the nicest person they have ever met, but something tells them that there may be someone else out there who is more beautiful, sexier, freakier, and just plain nicer.

Past hurtful experience that makes it difficult to commit - Some men want to commit to women, but find it very difficult to do so as a result of being dumped, cheated on, or simply being disappointed by someone they loved with all their heart.

The hurtful experience could also be from childhood, such as having parents that divorced .
This sometimes makes a men feel that it is useless to commit to any woman, when there is the possibility that the relationship could break up.

The relationship that once was his rock and foundation – his parent’s – disintegrated. This type of man is usually a good man, but as a result of the bad relationship experience, has become gun shy. With some patience, love and the passage of time, this kind of man usually overcomes his commitment phobia.

Fear of taking on responsibility – With commitment comes responsibility, and there are some men who just hate to take on the kinds of responsibility that come with marriage and childbirth. They find it much easier to remain single.

Your inability to satisfy him in bed – This is an often-neglected reason why a man may not want to commit to a woman. Men have this fear that if they are not sexually satisfied now, when they have not committed to you, it may get even worse when you get very comfortable after they commit.

Just because your man is afraid of committing does not mean that he cannot commit to you. There is always a way to get the results you want. You can make yourself so irresistibly attractive to him that all his inhibitions will just simply melt away.

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