The secret of exciting sex lies in the mind. It is the mind that makes and keeps it exciting. Seductive externals play a secondary part. Every woman cannot be a Angelina Jolie. But any woman can try to be exciting. Women who have a sparkling selfconcept, with varied interests, and are not passive are peppy. They are exciting in life as well as in love.
Sex can be exciting and a lot of fun. Women looking to spark their sex lives must realise that there are few people who are at peak performance all the time, in every situation. Expecting sexual relations to be super every time is expecting a full moon every night. This does not happen. However, variety is possible and marital sex can be saved from becoming boring. The most important thing is to look upon it as a game. Sporting sex needs stimuli for the senses, variations, timing, and locations, and changes in conversation and articulation.
Animals have a lesson to teach. Though devoid of language, they do not make love in silence. They express their excitement in many ways. They articulate their joy in cries, grunts and exciting, joyful sounds. These expressions give vent to their happiness. Take your cue from them. Talk sex with your partner. It increases intimacy and enriches your love life. Change the menu! Happy couples do not eat the same food in the same room. They change. It may be a TV dinner in one room, a hurried snack for breakfast, or a quiet dinner in the dining room. This is another cue! Apply the variation ploy.
The wife who desires her husband passionately knows that she will pay the price for the notion that sexual happiness in marriage just comes naturally. The marital love and sex come spontaneously and impulsively without any effort. Routine takes its toll. One couple I know are both working. The husband is so engrossed to prove himself occupationally every day that he is reluctant to prove himself as marital lover at night. He waits for his wife to turn him on, but she waits for his initiative.
The working wife too is so busy proving herself as an efficient worker that she has little energy left for being seductive. The result is a stalemate. A stimulating sex life is important to such a couple. They need, at least periodically, to let their sexual activities have priority on their time, energy, and planning. They must find a slot for sex.
There are good ways to follow. Some wives do this by having a special day! Others locate a "lover's lane." Some try the bacK seat of the car for old time's sake! One couple has named a room in the house linked with sexual relations. They know "secrets" are a source of thrills and excitement in sex life. They mention the code name, look at each other, the spark ignites, and off they go to their love nest.
For some couples, this may include even closets, as well as the front and back yards. This takes effort, but it breaks monotony as it raises expectations.
Talk the trick. Have a code. One wife asks "What would you like special for dinner (sex) tonight?" Husband loves her initiative if she asks, "Is there an important committee meeting today?" Sexual unions are top experience on occasion. They can also be physically rough or even bland, and sometimes unsatisfying. Do not lose sight of its variations.
Practical couples know that growing sexually is as difficult and as joyous as growth in any other area of marriage. To grow, both partners must know what the other wants, likes, and does not. Mind-reading is out. It must be a new ball game, a new session. When you explore each other, offer and solicit raw data on what feels good and bad, to express desires and make requests, then new avenues of sexual pleasure open up.
One husband may like his wife to explore his penile territory. Another may love her nibbling his nipples. She may love tickling over her navel region. Only open communication can result in exploration and the resultant joy. Recapturing a memorable moment adds warmth to sexual relations. It may also suggest specific settings which were once (and may again be) stimulating. The more you explore, the more you discover. And the more you travel, the more you see.
Sharing fantasies can be a source of new sensual pleasures and possibilities. Fantasies of sexual activities which one would never think of really doing are often stimulating in themselves. Some couples find relating fantasies during intercourse to be stimulating. Other mental pictures may prove enticing enough to actually try out!
The range of sexual stimuli you can experience together is limitless. It includes movies, books and tapes with similar content. Sexy clothing for both spouses is not uncommon, but one should not assume that he or she knows what the other will consider sexy. A push-up bra may excite the husband while the wife may not think much of it.
When was the last time you showered together? Or explored each other's bodies tenderly through a perfumed massage? Have you told your husband how you like your breasts caressed? Firmly grasped? Softly stroked? And the nipples - should they be kissed, licked, or bitten? And does this vary from early foreplay to after intercourse?
This is exciting as sexuality is tied with love messages. A note with "I love you" can open floodgates of feeling. This is symbolic but highly exciting. The goal for both is to have more sexual fun, in more loving closeness. Sex is a game played between two partners. Yet, couples vary in their capacities to appreciate sex and in their feelings as to what is exciting. The only way to get it going is to make it a two-way lane. Inject novelty. One wife realised that she made every effort to plan off-beat recreation for the family, but never thought of herself as a sexual partner. Awareness is needed to begin changing the sexual scenario.
A sensitive and eager wife finds her own ways to avoid the goody groove. One found that changing the lighting in the bedroom gave her and her husband a newness which they enjoyed.
One husband may like to undress his wife tenderly bit by bit. Another may like her to enter the bedroom topless. Does the wife know it? Or does she persist with the conventional way?
Exciting sex on a healthy basis is possible where there is mutual trust empathy. One is stimulated by new words, new gestures, fresh sequences. But one must be reasonably sure that these novelties are mutually pleasurable.
Experimentation and variety become tiresome unless partners find ways that put them in closer touch with their own and their partner's wants and wishes. Each needs to tune in on one's own and partner's thoughts, feelings and actions to work at achieving and maintaining communication. The aim is to experiment with the 'emotional as well as the physical. The goal is reaching the gold mine of hidden happiness. One easy way is by simply touching each other and exchanging information about what is most pleasing.
Discover and try new positions. New techniques for mutual arousal, of feelings about what is happening and modifications suiting individual requirements and open those portals of love paradise earlier hidden from each other. Love becomes mutually shared and enjoyed. It promotes joy and more love. It builds on and keeps building trust, respect, concern, tenderness, caring. It enriches life.
Communication is unlikely to lead to boredom. It leads to emotional delight and sexual intimacy. The more natural you make your sexual relationship, the better it becomes. Express yourself. Make your partner express himself or herself. This mutual sensitivity to the needs and desires of your partner is a way of keeping marital sex from becoming lacklustre. You can make life sexciting!