Thursday, April 24, 2008

"My Life,My Inspiration"

Here are my 20 things I want to say, but never have to people I know from Myspazz, but, unfortunately, I can't tell you whom I'm saying them too. Let's see how well these people know me.

20. You knew me before I was PQ and before I was all that involved in the blogging world. You are beautiful, elegant, a true friend and a wonderful mother. Our paths don't always cross...and sometimes, our associations pull us apart but no matter what, I love you and I still look up to you. I'm just a phone call, an IM and an email away.

19. What started as a good friendship ended in a big fucking mess because of you. I blamed myself for a lot but now I see that it was all you. I don't live my life with regrets. Through your lies, I found my own truths. Through your ignorance, I discovered my pride. Through your manipulations, I found my own strengths. Through your betrayal,I recovered my own loyalties. So thank you for teaching me about the worst kind of person that may breathe in the same oxygen but will never infect me with their poison.

18. You hurt me. I don't think I can say it any other way. You hurt me. After hurting me, you apologized and told me how much you wanted to earn my trust yet there you are...not by my side. Not in my life and you've lost the chance to come back in. You know this because the day you shut me out, you crumbled everything we'd built up in the last few months that we've known each other. You made me false promises and you failed to follow through on them. I'm sorry to say that I was wrong about you and here I sit, still crying about how hurt and upset I am. With this sentence ends my longing for your friendship.

17. BAUER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It might be stupid to some but it's meaningful to me that you subscribed to my blog on 1/24. We started out as just two people who love 24 and all of a sudden, you've become my lifeline, my voice of reason and most of all, the one who turns me into a gigglebox on the phone. You've opened up your heart, your phone and most of all, your closet to me. You deserve every piece of happiness that comes your way and getting closer to you the past few months has been the highlight of my life. DUN-DUN-DUNNNNNNN

They say that the greatest friendships are born out of hate and we're certainly living proof of that aren't we? OK, so it wasn't hate but there definitely wasn't any love between us but we both know the reason for that. Yo
u're the definition of a golden person. You have the heart of a saint, the smile of an angel and the randomness of a true OG. I'm so proud of how far you've come in the last few months that I've known you. You are going to go after your dreams and I know that you will accomplish everything you set out to do.

15. I have 3 cards taped to my desk from you. I don't remember how we met...I don't remember life before you were in it and I still can't get over the fact that you're married. MARRIED. Can I say it again? MARRIED. You are beautiful and adorable and funny and you just GET me. Icons. ICONS. Seriously. I love you...I'd say it better if I had some ICONS with me.

14. I'm sitting here, writing these letters as you are making me cry on IM with the way you know me inside and out. You know the song of my heart and I've forgotten all the lyrics lately so you sing it back to me and fuck if I don't love you for it. You are my inspiration, my hope, my partner, my pillar of strength. From across the country, you've managed to kick my ass and pick me up in a single sentence. Don't ever change.

13. I'm sitting here, reading your message and replying with a boring response. In the very short amount of time I've known you, I've been drawn to you and your words. On and off blogs, you are someone that I want to get to know...endlessly. I'm humbled in your presence.

12. Where do I even begin? Can I ever be as eloquent and wonderfully inspirational as you? The thought, time and soul you put into your blogs amazes me. You are a true poet, humble but incredibly talented. I can't even begin to understand the depths of your soul and I'm so honored to be able to call you my friend. When I come out to the west coast, we'll sit at the beach at night and talk for hours, without skipping a beat. This, I know. Thank you for inspiring me and being loyal to the Quello Club.

11. You caffeine fiend you...I'd clean up all the dust bunnies in the world to keep you in my life. Our good morning IM convos and your never-ending support, in spite of my endless whining mean the world to me. I will get my ass down there and we will get drunk...I'm still jealous of your very shiny hair and your way with numbers.

10. You beautiful, amazing, inspirational woman. Your faith in me is humbling and staggering and the distance you've come in your life makes me so proud to be your friend. You are an amazing mother, a dedicated wife and above all, a phenomenal woman. I love your presences, your words and how amazingly positive you are through everything that life throws that way. You aren't "just" anything...You are above and beyond beauty, intelligence and soul.

9. MY TWIN!!!! That is all.

8. You are so freaking adorable. I seriously just want to cuddle up with you and make you giggle. You are beautiful. You are elegant and you are, above all, so pure yet so jaded sometimes. I want to give you the strength you need to move on and make your own life though I know the ties of guilt are too strong when it comes to family. You are amazing, such a dork and oh my god, so freaking adorable. Why else would I want you as my girlfriend?

7. BEST STALKER EVER! I love you. Simply put. You crack me up but at the same time, you make me feel appreciated, just as I appreciate you. I want to sing karaoke with you and I wanna sit around drinking and just laughing with you...Everything that you've worked so hard for will pay off because you have an amazing heart and a fantastic attitude. Thanks for not giving up on me, even when I'm all over the place and so fucking demanding!

DORKS!!! Sorry but you two clearly belong together in one because how can I really separate? I know it's something that you've heard before but you guys inspire me and give me hope. Not a lot of people know ab
out my current situation and looking at you two...seeing how strong you are despite the distance, it gives me hope and I envy you. I encourage you guys to play around in my blog but at the same, my heart aches because I miss him...but I know that in just a few months, he and I will out-dork you, just you watch. Thank you for the friendship and the inspiration and the support...we've only known each other for a short while but I never want to let you guys go.

5. I never knew how amazing lunch at Wendy's could be until I met you...*snicker*. You've taught me a lot about myself and my possibilities in the last year that I've known you. You've inspired me to explore a side of my sexuality without even touching my skin (Which is SUCH a shame, really)...You've let me into the depth of your heart and soul and encouraged my writing just as well as I've encouraged yours. You are headed for success and I hope you won't forget the little princesses that you leave behind.

4. You is my momma. *snort* It's not my fault...the one who said she was my beautiful, slightly older sister told me that YOU are my mom. I love you either way. I love the 7 AM phone calls and the wonderful laugh you have and I love that you need my help to find a simple DOS command...and of course, I appreciate the drama cliff notes though I can hardly keep up. When I come up to PA, I'm marrying Hot Body and there ain't nothing you can do about it.

3. Partner in crime, stupid bish, lil hussy, my bodyguard. Seriously? You are simply one of my best friends and nothing I say can do justice to show how much you mean to me. Thanks for the laughs, the tears, the heartfelt conversations and everything in between. Your happiness is my happiness and that will never change.

2.'re 25. Nope. That's what I'm saying so there because we both know I'm always right. I have no idea how we started talking or how we ended up on each other's friends list but fuck it. All I know is that when you and I say hello, it's almost as if we don't need to say anymore because we both just know. You and I are the two sides of a rare coin, surviving through the sands of time and the scars of heartache. We cut our luck with a dirty ace and I know that we are each other's beacon of light. I meant every word I said in that note and I mean every word I say everyday. I love you more than I can explain.

1. No matter what, you're my number one. On Myspace. Off Myspace. In my heart and soul, you're my partner in crime. We began as friends, turned into sisters and now we're something beyond all that. You saved my life again and again as I was falling apart. You kept me up and you taught me about loyalty, trust and unconditional friendship. I can't thank you enough and I wonder what I did to deserve someone like you in my life. I don't think I tell you enough how much I truly love and cherish you, every moment of every day of my life. If it wasn't for you, I might not even be here. You're the devil to my angel, the day to my night and music to my song. Thank you.

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