Have you ever had a man break up with you
and you felt it was because he was "afraid
of commitment", or that he just wasn't "ready"?
Or maybe you've been in a relationship with
a man who didn't leave... but inside you knew
he wasn't really as committed or in love as
you were and it caused all kinds of tension and
worry?
If you've ever been in this kind of situation
with a man, then you know how it feels to become
less and less certain and satisfied as you spend
more and more time and energy on your
relationship.
I'm about to share with you the 3 simple steps
of how you can completely AVOID this painful
and frustrating situation in the future... and
turn around any current relationship that has
this going on.
First, let me ask you something important-
Do men really just not like being in open,
loving, committed relationships with women?
And are men really and truly afraid of
commitment?
Well, here's something fascinating I want
you to think about...
Like most women, I'm sure you've seen the
situation where a man was totally convinced that
he was happy being a single bachelor...
But when the right woman came along, it was as
if EVERYTHING changed in an instant.
All the old beliefs the guy had about being
single simply went out the window.
And all of a sudden he was completely taken
with the idea of being with this one woman.
HE was the one "courting" and pursuing HER,
when he had sworn to remain single
and "free" days or weeks ago.
Give me a silent nod if you know what I'm
talking about and you've seen this happen.
It seems certifiably crazy, right?
Why is it that men change their minds so
quickly and so radically?
And why can't they be more consistent, more
honest, and know what they want?
The reality is that when most men are acting
"unavailable" or not "ready" for a relationship,
it's often NOT because they are afraid of a
real relationship or COMMITMENT.
I know, I know. I can just see you rolling
your eyes in frustration right now because you've
seen so much "proof" in your life that men really
are afraid of love and real relationships.
I want you to suspend your disbelief here for
a second.
Here's the thing...
I'm going to give it to you straight
as a man...
When a man acts completely uninterested
in a real relationship, or doesn't want to commit,
could it be that maybe... just maybe...
it has NOTHING to do with his fear of commitment?
What if is SOMETHING ELSE entirely?
Think about it for a second...
When a man physically leaves or emotionally
withdraws from a relationship, the common response
most women have is to think of all the reasons
why he did this and what it means about HIM.
Here's a few common examples of this kind
of thinking:
"He's got commitment issues."
"He's just not emotionally mature."
"He's not ready."
"He was intimidated by me and afraid of the
real love we have."
"He still needs to go out and play with other
women before he'll be able to be with one woman."
If you're like LOTS of women I've known and
talked to, then you've have had these same
thoughts when one of YOUR relationships was in
jeopardy or ended.
The REAL TRUTH is that when someone pulls
away from or leaves a relationship, BOTH partners
play a role.
It's not simply that the man is afraid of love or
commitment.
And sure... guys can SAY AND DO things to make
you think they're afraid of commitment, like
pull away emotionally, or do things
to make a more committed relationship difficult.
But this doesn't mean that what they're telling
you or how you perceive their actions represents
what they're REALLY thinking and feeling.
In other words, a man being distant, afraid of
the future, or acting indifferent is just a
symptom of how a man FEELS when he's around you.
Men are emotional too - just in different
ways and at different times.
So where am I going with all this?
Here's where I land the plane...
I'm about to reveal a surprising truth that
might sting.
It's like a shot from the doctor - it'll hurt
for a few seconds, but it's good for your health.
Here's the "shot"...
Most women play a huge part in DRIVING MEN
AWAY from perfectly good relationships.
Of course, if you are one of the women who
does this, you usually have little or no idea
that you're doing this.
In fact, you're COMPLETELY UNCONSCIOUS of
your part in pushing a man away because you're
too busy thinking that all your words, emotions,
and actions are supposed to be bringing a man
closer to you.
And you behave in subtle ways that, little
by little, push the man farther and farther
away.
Well, what if there were just a few simple
steps, THREE to be exact, that if you followed
would act like an INSURANCE POLICY against ever
driving a man away from you and making him less
interested in a future with you?
What if you could double or even triple the
likelihood of a quality man "sticking around"
long enough to create a solid, exciting,
authentic, secure relationship full of passion
and connection?
I'm here to tell you that there REALLY IS a
simple 3 step process for allowing an amazing
relationship to blossom in your life, no matter
where things happen to be right now.
It's right here:
STEP #1: CREATE A SPACE
If you make space, lean back and stop
pressuring a man or asking him for more time,
more affection, more commitment, more
connection... the man will naturally
start to gravitate toward you.
After all, he did really like you to begin
with.
What's getting in the way of that now?
Think about it.
Now, the first step here is to have a clear
idea of what you want...say it's to have the man
come to you and connect with you on a more
meaningful and affectionate level. Maybe he's been
focused on something at work or he's been tired
and you feel a little neglected or left out.
Or, maybe you feel like you want a more
solid commitment from him, but he isn't bringing
it up or even acting like it's on his mind at
all. So you want him to talk to you about how he
feels about you and where it's going.
Great, now all you have to do is LEAN BACK and
create a space for that. Allow your man to
come and fill that space you've just created.
You see, if you want something from a man,
the worse thing you can do is try to
manipulate him with nuances and vague words,
talk him into it, criticize him or demand
something from him.
This rarely gets you want you want,
and it just drives a man further
into his shell.
If you want a man to come to YOU
and to beg YOU to be with him,
then you need to pull back and create
the kind of space for it.
How?
You can do this by focusing on your
friends or your work or the things you enjoy
for a while and simply NOT WORRYING about
what the man is thinking about you and
the relationship.
Just enjoy yourself and enjoy life and let
him come to you.
Enjoy your relationship. Enjoy the time you
spend together. Do it without worrying about
the "what if's" and the "what about's."
IMPORTANT: Resist the urge to "check in"
or get frustrated if things aren't happening
quickly enough and he's not connecting
with you in the way you are hoping.
The goal here is not to bottle everything
up and then "explode" in one big mess
because he's not "getting it."
The idea is to simply let it go and
enjoy your life and let HIM come to you,
and let HIM be the one to ask for something
deeper and more meaningful from you.
One of the most common ways that women drive men
away is by constantly identifying MISTAKES a
man is making, or ways that a man makes them
UNHAPPY, or what he SHOULD be doing,
and pointing these out all the time,
over and over, without prompting or warning.
How do you know if you're doing this?
Ask yourself if you've ever said these
kinds of things to a man:
"Maybe you should (insert piece of advice here)."
"How come you haven't done that yet?"
"Why did you do that? Now everything is screwed
up."
"I hate it when you do that."
Whenever the context of what you're saying
fits this tone, the man will feel that you are
judging or criticizing him, or that he is doing
something that's making you unhappy.
He'll feel this way even if your INTENTION
wasn't to criticize or judge.
If you do this enough, you might make a man
feel MORE AFRAID of your relationship, or MORE
FEARFUL of his ability to make you feel good, and
thus feel good about himself as your partner.
He'll start to wonder if being in the
Relationship is the right thing for both of you,
and he'll start pulling away or withdrawing.
STEP #3. BE INTER-DEPENDENT, NOT INDEPENDENT
You give up a lot when you choose to be in
a relationship.
You give up having to only worry about how you
feel and what you want.
You give up eating only what YOU like to eat
all the time.
You give up having your own space with your
own stuff.
You give up only thinking of the consequences
to YOU when you make major life decisions.
When you are in a relationship, and you want
it to be successful, you have to find a way to
incorporate your needs with HIS needs, and
the needs of the "relationship" too.
For many smart, independent women this can
be a challenge when they're in a relationship.
They believe that being "independent" is a trait
that men value in a woman.
And for the most part, they're right.
Men who like "independent" women see it as being
the opposite of "needy" and "clingy."
An independent woman is a woman
who can stand on her own two feet and doesn't
need CONSTANT APPROVAL from a man.
The kind of independent woman that men like
is a woman who isn't afraid to be herself, and
to do the things that are fulfilling to her, such
as spending time with her friends or enjoying a
certain hobby.
But for many women, being "independent" means
something a little different. To them, it means
not NEEDING a man. It means having their own life
and doing their own thing, regardless of what a
man wants or thinks.
This kind of thinking can lead to all kinds
of misunderstandings and strain in a relationship.
Because you see, being totally "independent" from
Your partner and only acting on your OWN needs and
desires becomes a negative that sometimes
threatens the connection you share.
Instead of being "independent" in that context,
be INTER-dependent, which means that you
BALANCE your needs and desires WITH HIS in a
respectful and mutually-enhancing way.
This means that you consider what the relationship
needs before you consider what YOU need or what
he needs. I think a lot of bad feelings could be
avoided if this was something everyone thought
about whenever they hit a rough spot with their
partner.
If they could just ask themselves, "What's right
for the relationship, not just for me?
So the next time you go head-to-head over
something and you hit an impasse, ask yourself,
"What's right for US, not just for me (or him)?"
Those are the 3 simple steps that you can
take today to help turn your relationship from
being a source of worry and frustration for you,
to being much easier and more connected.
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