Friday, April 4, 2008

"8 Signs Women Want To Be "Just Friends"

A question that a lot of guys ask is, "How can I tell if a woman is interested in being more than just friends with me?"

That's a great question to want to know the answer to!

Based on my experience, and from talking with my ladyfriends, it really comes down to some normally obvious "signs" that you need to look for.

But it seems to me, the best way to know what is going on, is to know what "signs" indicate that she is NOT interested in being more than just friends.
Knowing these indicators, these "signs" can save you from mistaking a woman who likes you as JUST a friend for a woman who might be open to something more with you.

I am going to give you each "sign" followed by a more detailed example of each.

Alright, here we go...

She wants to be JUST FRIENDS if...

1. She rarely, if ever, lets you pay when you go out. Or she wants to always split the bill.

Today's woman is pretty smart, and getting more and more independent. So if she is out with a guy she is NOT attracted to, she does not want to be made to feel obligated to you. One way they avoid being in that position, is to either pay for themselves, or split the bill with you.
In her mind, if you didn't pay, there is no pressure or "leading you on" to expect something physical as a result.

With that in mind, also be aware of what it says to her if you try to INSIST being the one who pays? If you say, "I invited you out, I should pay" or "I am having a good time, so I want to pay" that in HER mind might trigger off the warning of "Uh, oh, he's doing this because he wants to sleep with me."

And to help guard herself from that, she will give you excuses for calling it a night sooner than planned.

Things like, "I promised some friends I'd visit with them tonight" and "I wasn't feeling good today and I didn't get much sleep. So I'm really tired now" are very common in these situations.
Keep in mind that if you are on a date with her, it is still somewhat normal for the woman to expect you to pay; so that would be an exception to what I have just shared with you.
This "sign" is primarily in regard to women you have been hanging out with for a period of time.

With the exception of "taking turns paying" a woman who offers to pay for your night out, and does so frequently, usually DOES feel an attraction toward you. This alone is not a definite indication of that, so just keep in mind in combination of other "signs."

2. She almost always wants to meet you at the location, instead of letting you pick her up and drive.

Meeting at the location of a date is becoming more and more common, however a woman who is attracted to a guy will often find reasons to have him pick her up. Not always, but frequently. The thing you want to look for here is, does she always (or almost always decline when you offer to pick her up on the date? A woman's safety is much more on her mind than it is on a guy's mind, so she will be more concerned about you knowing where she lives if she is not attracted to you.

3. Your time together is almost exclusively at public places (restaurant, coffee joint, park, mall, etc) She is rarely ever alone with you. This means no hanging out at her house or yours, unless someone else is around.

Like I said, a woman's safety is much more frequently on her mind, than a guy's safety is on his mind. She will walk an extra block to get to a location, simply because that route has other people around.

And another level of this "safety" is her level of security in being alone with you. A woman who is attracted to a guy, will FIND ways to get him alone with her. So a woman who seems to keep you in a public place of some sort, or at a location where her friends or other people are at, most likely sees you as JUST FRIENDS!

This does not mean that she is attracted to you if you both end up alone someplace. That would only be true if this starts to happen more and more frequently with you and she.

4. She hugs you briefly, is light on being an actual embrace, and she is almost always the one pulling away from the hug first.

A buddy of mine asked me if I could tell by a hug if a woman had attraction to me or not. While there is no absolute "yes" or "no" there are certain ways a woman hugs you that strongly point in the direction of "attracted to you" or "just friends."

Physical contact, by itself, does NOT indicate that a woman is attracted to you. Women are nurturing creatures by nature, so hugs are a sign of comfort not of attraction. When she gives you a hug goodbye, or hello, it does not mean she is attracted to you beyond just friends!
My buddy told me about a woman he had been "dating" for a few weeks, and he said that every time they went to say goodnight she would give him a quick and simple hug, and since he was much taller than her she would hug his waist. He wanted to know if that meant she might be attracted to him or not. I told him that if she leans in with just her shoulders, that is often a sign of "just friends" but that if she put her chest

AND shoulders into the hug that it might indicate some level of attraction. I also told him that if she does a quick rub or pat on his back during the hug, it indicates a level of closeness toward you but not neccessarily attraction.
Also pay attention to how tightly she squeezes when she hugs you; it is likely a "just friends" situation if it is just enough of a squeeze to make it a hug, and potential attraction if it is a stronger squeeze where you are pulled toward her. Duration is also important; the longer it lingers the more likely it's attraction.

5. She does not pay you very many compliments. And the compliments she does give you, are indirect.

Many guys seem to think that just because a woman pays them a compliment, that it means she might be open to being more than JUST FRIENDS.
But you really do need to pay attention to the CONTENT in the compliment.

If she says, "You are so funny" that is a compliment that MIGHT mean she is attracted to you, or might become attracted to you. But if instead she were to say, "That was so funny" she is NOT complimenting you...not directly anyway. And as such, it is in NO WAY any kind of indicator that she might be attracted to you.

Notice that in the first compliment, she said "YOU are so funny." That's a direct statement she is making about you. But in the alternate compliment, she said, "THAT was so funny." Notice how it's complimenting the content, not the person?

So be very aware of the compliments a woman gives to you. Look for the "YOU are..." compliments, so you don't misread the "THAT was..." compliments as indicators of attraction toward you.

6. She frequently interrupts you when you're talking.

One of the indicators of comfort, is that we will interrupt our friends alot. But we will do it far less frequently, or not at all, to someone we're attracted to.

In those initial steps of being attracted to someone, we will pay more attention to what they are saying. Part of that is in the form of not interrupting them.

So if your female friend seems to interrupt you frequently, the good news is she's comfortable around you. The not so good news is, she's not likely seeing you as more than JUST FRIENDS!
Sure, once you're in a relationship, you interrupt each other all the time. But until then, frequent interruptions by a woman, means NOT ATTRACTED TO YOU!

7. When you talk about what you like in a woman, she DOES NOT make comments of how she is like that.

This is one that many, MANY guys fail to notice. When you are telling a woman what YOU like in a woman that attracts you, that is very much like a "job interview." As such, any woman who is attracted to "applying for the position" will point out, even if only subtly, that she matches what you are describing.

So for example, if you were to say to a woman, "I like a woman who isn't afraid to be a dork around me" If she offers no reply in regard to how she is like that, or says what SHE likes in a MAN, or changes the subject entirely, she is most likely NOT attracted to you.
I was in a coffee joint recently, and I overheard a guy say to his female companion, "I like it when a woman is musically inclined." She replied, "Yeah, I like music. I dated this one one guy who played the trumpet..."

if that guy was attracted to that woman, she was NOT attracted to him in return! Notice how she even brought up ANOTHER GUY!

I have witnessed many conversations just like that, and those kinds of replies from the women, coupled with what I noticed about her body language, told me she saw that guy as JUST FRIENDS!
Speaking of body language....

8. She frequently positions her body "away" from you.

This one you really need to pay attention to. In fact, if you really want to know if that female friend thinks of you and her as JUST FRIENDS, have some pictures taken of you together.
Then notice her positioning in relation to you.

When a woman considers you JUST FRIENDS, her head will often tilt AWAY from you.


Michael Emery/Bishop said...

While I am flattered that you found my article informative enough to post on your blog, be aware that you need to credit me for being the author as well as provide a link to the originating site ( stated on my site where you obtained this article from.

Thanks, and live unleashed!

Michael "Bishop" Emery

HI THERE! said...

One of the signs that women want to be just friends pertains to the hug.

I have a guy friend whom I would LOVE to be more than friends with, and lately he has started to pay attention to me in a stronger way, but we're still not physically romantic (no hand-holding or kissing). The way I hug him is just as Michael Emery/Bishop described ~ the little pat or rub on the back, kind of quick and somewhat detached. One might think I'm not attracted to him, but the opposite is true. What's really going on is that I'm scared he will react to anything more by saying - AGAIN - that he just thinks of ME as a friend. His recent behaviour is more attentive and regular than it was when he gave me that 'speech', but I am not sure of it; I may only be seeing what I want to see, so I pull back my desire to show him more affection.

It's not ALWAYS a case where a woman doesn't 'like-like' a man: it may be she doesn't want to scare him off, if he's said 'no' to dating her. Even if he starts to seem interested, that disappointment is hard to forget.

The last thing I want to do is put either of us in an awkward position by trying to get him to say where we're headed, so I'm just letting it be what it will. So far, it's going great! YAYYY!!!