Monday, April 14, 2008

"How to Get a Man to Marry You"

How to Get a Man to Marry You

Finding a guy is one thing, but keeping him around is another. Both are important steps. But what are some of the secrets of women who find men willing to commit? This is not an all-encompassing guide, but it may be a start in helping you develop deeper relationships.

[edit] Steps

  1. Love yourself. If you're not happy with who you are then don't expect others will be. Analyze yourself and change what you don't like. Positive self-esteem is key.
  2. Know your role. An important part of any relationship is making both partners aware that they have a crucial and indispensable role to play.
  3. Be emotionally grounded. Life with you should not be a roller coaster ride. Men generally like women who are stable, and vice versa. Sometimes this is a difficult task in our hectic lives, but it is not impossible. If you find yourself referred to as a "drama queen" in more than one instance, seek help and guidance in relaxing your nerves and calming your emotions.
  4. Men are often slower to commit because they are very careful about getting to know a woman before they commit to her. They date first before becoming a boyfriend, they stay a boyfriend first before getting engaged. This is often hard for women, but there is a lesson to be learned from it. They make sure (as women should) that they feel compatible on all levels. This process must happen at its own pace. Pressuring a man to make a decision before he feels he knows you will inevitably lead him to doubt. Don't talk about marriage until either he brings it up or it's been about a year.
  5. Keep dating fun, as it should be. If dating goes well, and your interactions are positive, he'll want you to be his girlfriend. If he builds experience with you and sees you as a person he wants to be with forever, he will get more serious about his future and work, start considering longer-term goals such as buying a home, and begin to discuss the future more and more. Only once he has made a decision about you and feels prepared and mature enough to propose will he do so.
  6. Show confidence. Be sure of yourself, and ready to tackle whatever is before you. Many men love confident women. How can a man not feel privileged when he earns the esteem of a woman who values herself so highly?
  7. Show endearment with class. A certain look. A scratch on the back. A soft kiss. Nothing "clingy" or inappropriate.
  8. Appreciate a man's strengths. And tell him so, even if he's already prideful. Then support him when he is at his best, and avoid nagging or berating him when he is at his worst.
  9. Be fun. This sounds basic, but it's a critical factor in any relationship. Have a sense of humor. Don’t be uptight or negative.
  10. Overflow with joy. Women who are glad to be alive and are enjoying every minute of it may be irrepressibly attractive to men.
  11. Glow. If the warmth of your heart is written all over your face, and your feelings for your guy show in the sparkle in your eyes, you will melt him. This is what removes all doubt - it's the important "silver bullet".
  12. Practice humility. A humble person is not someone who downplays herself; it is a person who controls her ego and shows a genuine interest in others.
  13. Date. It may not be obvious, but you actually have to go out on dates with a man and commit to a relationship before he will propose. The term "date" in modern culture is vague and sometimes redefined as something more than it is. Simply converse with a man and get to know more about each others' lives.
  14. Don't assume. Some men wait slightly longer than you might want before they ask. If he is really worth marrying, you should be willing to wait (within reason). But if he is uninterested (or worse, making excuses) even after a long period of time, you need to reevaluate the direction of your relationship. Remember, great romances are not built on bargaining and ultimatums - in the best marriages the man is the one initiating conversations about marriage. Sometimes allowing a man to lead the direction of a relationship is in-line with your desires. Try it, you'll like it.
  15. Remember that romance runs both ways. If you want to be respected and treated as an equal, do the same for him. Be romantic. Make him want to be in this relationship. Don't be a cheapskate. Men often enjoy romance too; pretending otherwise will only drive him away.
  16. Remember that some men are perfectly willing to date women they really like but don't see as "marriage material." If, after six months to a year, you still haven't heard him refer to his future plans for marriage or family (with or without you) you may need to ask, "What qualities do you look for in someone you see yourself committing to?" If he mentions qualities he's complimented you on, take it as a good sign. If his compliments are largely related to sex, it probably is not.
  17. If you feel the need to have a serious talk, reconsider the approach. Instead of coming at him with a serious tone (which will bring up his innate fear of pressure for commitment), be upbeat and positive. "I really love spending time with you. I really feel happy around you. But I just want to double check and see if we're on the same page. While I know it is too soon for us to worry about it, I do want to get married in the future and want to make sure I'm dating someone who has the same values as me. As we get to know each other better and better, are you beginning to see me as someone you could possibly see that happening with?"
  18. Convey unconditional love. A strong relationship should be based upon more than convenience. Pushing past difficult times while remaining together requires a deep commitment and appreciation for one another. Unconditional love is developed over time. It is a choice we make, not necessarily a feeling we experience.
  19. Set goals. Marriage itself only works when you're moving forward, so it's good practice to start now. Generally speaking, men like women who know who they are and where they're going, even if some of the goals need to be changed a bit down the road.

[edit] Tips

  • A comfort with, and affinity towards men is non-negotiable. No man will commit to spending the rest of his life with a "man hater"... nor should he.
  • If you disrespect a man by openly flirting with other men his presence, don't expect a ring.
  • If he is not showing a desire to marry after several months or longer, he may never want to marry you. You don't want a man to "settle" for you; your partner should see you as his first choice or something is wrong.
  • Know what you are looking for in a man. Learn what personally attracts you to others to help find a better match. Be honest about communicating these preferences, but do so in subtle, caring manner.
  • Most men want a feminine woman. Interestingly, women who fit this description are more likely to attract masculine men.
  • Ironically, women who give men an incentive to marry them may end up moving him in the opposite direction.
  • It's certainly important to maintain who you are. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Whatever attracted him to you, be sure to maintain it. It is well-documented that men appreciate women who are beautiful, cute, and/or sexy in their eyes. If you disregard this fact, don't expect your man to view you as the "most beautiful woman in the world".
  • Visualize being the woman who a man remembers fondly. Capitalize on your positive unique qualities, talents, or interests.
  • As author Sarah Ban Breathnach said, "If you wait for the best, you will very often get it." Expect good things to happen. Create a mission statement - and be specific - defining precisely what it is you want in a man. Revisit and revise this statement from time to time. Prepare yourself mentally to meet and marry the man of your dreams.
  • Show some confidence-women who have high self-esteem, are comfortable and happy with themselves, are irresistible to men. Smile, show off your love for him and yourself by showing how happy your relationship makes you!
  • Always, always, always keep trying new things on multiple fronts. Whether it's new food, a new sport, or a new travel destination, this will keep life exciting, and you interested in your own life. Both men and women become depressed when they feel they know exactly what to expect out of the rest of their lives.
  • Be positive, fearless, and enjoy your life! If you think you need him to make life more fulfilling, then you need to focus on you for a while and learn how to be whole without him. A man won't fill any void.

[edit] Warnings

  • Women whom men eventually leave might exhibit the following traits:

    • Complaining. It’s not good to be negative. After a while this is like listening to a bad disco record over and over. Believe it.
    • Thinking men are all about sex. Giving it out early and often will not necessarily keep a man. Hint: How soon first sex happens, in and of itself, has little to do with how long a relationship lasts.
    • Focused on physical appearance. Being cute is not enough to land a well-rounded guy forever. If you get a guy to commit to you based on looks alone, stay tuned for a miserable life together.
    • Taking no risks. They worry about everything and don’t have the guts to go for what they want.
    • Having general problems. OK, someone else in your past has nothing to do with your new guy. You must enjoy being a woman and be attracted to what makes men male.
  • Jealousy. Unfortunately, jealous people may also cheat on their partners. Studies say that when people criticize others, listeners tend to consign the traits criticized to the speaker him/herself. Are you a walking, self-fulfilling prophecy?
  • Vanity: No guy likes a wife who goes around thinking she's better than everyone around her. Positive Self-esteem-Good. Vanity-Bad.
  • Don't be controlling. If you are a controlling woman, you are not showing him the respect he may need to feel good about himself.

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