Wednesday, May 28, 2008

"About Online Dating"

“Why I liked her profile”

What makes a profile “pop”? No doubt men are visual creatures so a good photo will probably help a woman get online attention. But beyond that, what are guys really looking for? To help get you the info you need, we asked some men who’d had successful online-dating experiences this question: What caught your cyber-eye? ‘Her photo and profile were in sync’“There were lots of things about Angie that I found intriguing but the first thing that caught my eye was her totally zany photo. She had a bright red wig and was screaming into the camera like a 70s punk-rock star… I guess I like it spicy. And her written profile was very short and self-deprecating. I enjoyed that she didn’t take herself too seriously. When I met her, she was exactly ‘as advertised’ which is the key point here. For a woman’s profile to work, the picture has to match the profile which has to match reality.” —Patrick, 38, Cambridge, MA

Lesson Learned: Men like truth in advertising. So, they want to know what they see is what they’re going to get. Keep that in mind when creating your profile/posting your photos. This is your chance to show who you are, not who you think guys might like. If you’re seeking a serious match, try to make your profile represent the person they’ll meet on that first coffee date. It’ll get you further than pretending to be kooky when you’re bookish, posting a photo that showed you 20 pounds thinner or saying you like to golf when you don’t know a driver from a wedge. ‘She was talking to me’“I was attracted to so many things about Patricia, but the one thing I really remember liking the most about her profile was that it was very conversational and didn’t come across as a ‘sales pitch’ for why I should date her. Instead I felt like there was a real person on the other end of her profile, and her warmth was evident from her words. We’ve now been married for three years.” —Josh, 60, New York, NY
Lesson Learned: Men are more likely to be intrigued if they can think of you as a real, live human being on the other end of—well, their wireless connection. So instead of just listing your attributes and achievements like a resume, talk to the guys out there instead! “Write your profile in a tone that you’d use with a new friend or picture yourself sitting down to coffee and describing yourself to someone, then write from there,” says Cherie Burbach, who not only met her husband online but wrote about it in At The Coffee Shop. “The key is to give enough description that someone reading your profile can picture a date with you and all the fun you’ll have.” ‘She and I had a ton of things in common’“I’m very athletic so it was a priority for me to find someone who could keep up with my energetic pace. I responded to my now girlfriend’s profile because she was also clearly active—she mentioned rollerblading, dancing, yoga, swimming, weights at the gym and ‘highly competitive’ all within the context of her profile. She also said that ‘working out was like brushing her teeth’—she does it every day. Knowing we had that in common seemed like a good start. Now that we’re dating, we even go to the gym together.” —Matt, 38, New York, NY
Lesson Learned: Guys are looking for a “partner in crime.” They want someone they can do things with. So while it’s great if you want to mention that you like to knit and go to the ballet, be sure your profile also lists some more guy-friendly activities that you truly enjoy. Think sporting events, hip restaurants, movies… but remember that honesty is key. Once he realizes you have things in common, he’ll be encouraged to write because he can envision you engaging in your mutual interests… together. ‘She was self-assured’“Aside from the fact that she used the word ‘albeit’ in her profile and I’m a sucker for a good vocabulary, all I remember about Tina Marie’s profile is that she wrote ‘I'm attractive. Are you?’ You have to be pretty confident to make that statement, so I was intrigued. I sent her a photo of myself and wrote ‘I'll let you decide!’ Apparently she thought I was because we’ve been together for seven years now and happily married for four!” —David, 42, Edmonds, WA
Lesson Learned: It’s the online equivalent of “Do I look fat in this?”—men aren’t drawn to women who come across as insecure. “Men can sense neediness from miles away,” says Bev Bacon, author of Meet Me, Don’t Delete Me. “If you feel self-esteem and self-confidence are not your strong suit, do something about it!” But don’t write about it! Instead focus on the areas where you are secure, whether it’s your fashion sense, your kick-ass career or your innate ability to make people feel at home. Confidence is sexy to men! ‘She shared her values’“Even though Tina’s family lives on the other side of the country, her profile mentioned them repeatedly. I remember being impressed that someone who lived so far away from her relatives still managed to maintain such a close relationship with them. Then, she mentioned her faith as important. I could not date someone who didn’t have some kind of religion in her life and think common beliefs can be a great basis for a strong relationship so that stood out to me. We’ve been happily dating for five months!”—Anthony, 35, Wall Township, NJ
Lesson Learned: Many women shy away from mentioning family and faith when talking about themselves out of fear that they’ll seem too serious and scare men off. Not so! Many men hold the exact same values and will respond to your mentioning what really matters most to you.

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