Do you know what I hate? I hate it when I’m dating a guy and the chick before me has completely screwed him up. I will accept the fact that I have been “said chick” at least once before, but we’re not talking about me today.
There’s nothing like having to deal with the emotional aftermath of a previous, destructive relationship. A lot of people call it baggage. I try to think of it as a learning curve and an opportunity. I’ll explain that in a second.
I was talking to a friend of mine the other day who was lamenting over the impossibility of a relationship with a new girl he wanted to date. He’s into her, but she’s still crushed over the last overly hormonal d-bag (I promised my mother I wouldn’t put the word douche into anymore of my blogs, oops) that trampled all over her self esteem and left her questioning her worthiness as a woman. Can’t we all relate to that? In this society it’s hard to find someone who doesn’t have their share of emotional scars. I fit into that category, as do most of you, I’m sure.
So what are we to do? Live our lives alone? I think not.
Here’s where I believe an opportunity presents itself in a relationship. If the crumpled soul that you’re heart is pining after is willing to give you a chance, you can turn that baggage into helpful information. This will require a lot of communication and honesty, but doesn’t any successful relationship require that anyway?
For the purpose of example, here’s a little TMI about yours truly. Given the events of 2008, I’m completely freaked about car accidents. If you are someone I care about in the real world, you already know this. When I text you and say, “Let me know you got home OK” I really mean it. If you don’t I’ll seriously worry that you are dead, even though my logic tells me that you just forgot. Someone only has to receive that phone call once to relate to me on this. The current object of my desire understands this about me. Every night I get a phone call or a text that says “made it home”. Hopefully, he doesn’t consider this to be overly obnoxious. He simply accepts that this is part of the package with me right now and is overly considerate of it. By doing this simple act, my baggage becomes an opportunity to better our relationship.
So, how can you turn baggage into opportunity?
Maybe he was cyber-cheated on by his last girlfriend. By giving him the password to your MySpace account, it doesn’t have to cross his mind when you sign in online.
Maybe she found inappropriate SMS messages between her ex and his female co-worker. By letting her occasionally glance through your phone, she doesn’t have to think about it every time your phone beeps.
Should you HAVE to do any of this? Of course not; it wasn’t your fault. However, should you want to make any effort possible to prove that this relationship is going to be healthy and enjoyable? You’d better or you might as well get out now before someone gets hurt.