Wednesday, June 4, 2008

How to Remain a Loving Family While Fighting

Happy families work to find a solution that’s good for everyone.

Everyone wants to be a member of a loving family and every loving family has disagreements, arguments and silly little quarrels. Some disagreements lead to a better understanding, and others, well, no one remembers after the fight is over what started it in the first place. Loving families create a safety zone where anger can be expressed without anyone getting hurt. Such a family is not threatened by disagreements, they know that families can argue, learn something new and still get along. They’re aware of each member’s strengths; they value different points of view and consequently they won’t let anger fly out of control. They take care of each other even when they’re fighting. Here’s how you can do that too.

Things You’ll Need:

A willingness to understand


Physical violence is not allowed. Loving families have an irrevocable rule against physical violence. They may get into shouting matches, but they would never hit each other, throw things or destroy each other’s property. There’s a mutual respect for each other’s point of view, and even when they’re in the heat of an argument, there are places they won’t visit. They don’t insult each other or call each other names.


Handle disagreements in a way that's best for all members. A happy family knows that the goal of arguing is to clarify what’s happening. If one person is upset, family members want to find out what is going on rather than winning. They know that proving yourself right tears a family apart, but trying to understand what life is like from your family member’s perspective solidifies your connection. Happy families work to find a solution that’s good for everyone.


Assume positive intention. Happy families use anger as a signal that they need to sort through the muddle and find clarity. When one family member is angry, instead of assuming the worst, they come to each other in a spirit of cooperation. This provides a better chance of a positive outcome.


No blame allowed. When one family member is angry or upset, every member feels it. Instead of blaming the person who is angry, happy families commit to resolving the problem so that each member feels better.


Appreciate the differences. Instead of erasing differences, a loving family finds ways to incorporate elements of both points of view. There’s nothing wrong with feeling frustrated that your family member doesn’t do things the way you would do them, but avoid the trap of thinking that the reason your life is difficult is because of them.


Instead of saying, “We can’t get along,” say out loud, “We’re having a disagreement, but we’ll figure out a better solution.”

No comments: