Wednesday, June 4, 2008

"Do Men Usually Lie?"


"Do you think she's prettier than me?"

"Does this dress make my butt look big?"

"Were you staring at that woman's chest?"

Dishonesty. It can erode the fabric of even the strongest relationship. But there are times when a man is put in a position where he really has to lie. It's the only choice. And why does he have to lie? Because women ask stupid questions.

Practice with me, boys. "No one is prettier than you, sweetie." That's all you have to say. It doesn't matter if you really secretly DO think Heidi Klum is ten times more beautiful than the woman you're with...if you want to avoid a lifetime of suffering, you will just say what she wants to hear. If she doesn't want you to lie, she shouldn't have put you in that position in the first place.

In all my time on this planet, I've never had a man ask me

A stupid question like that. I imagine if he did ask me if a pair of pants made his butt look big and I said yes, he'd simply go change pants. He wouldn't hold it against me for the next four years or take it as a sign that I no longer love him. He asked me a question, I gave him the answer, he solved the problem.

Men can be kind of...logical and rational that way.

A woman, on the other hand, does these things for approval. YOUR approval. She is feeling a little insecure for one reason or another and she's looking for you to reassure her that you still find her beautiful. It's not that she wants you to lie, it's that she wants you to compliment her. Which sucks, but that's the way it is. You choose to be with us, so this is what you're stuck with.

Just so you know, women, your little needy questions make you less appealing to the man you're with. Men are drawn to confidence. If you shove your booty into those size sevens and strut around with pride, he won't even notice your butt is bulging out all over the place. Because YOU think you're beautiful, he'll see you as beautiful.

Interesting how that works.

Then there are the things you men say that are just...not wise. "Wowzer. Look at the hoo-hoos on that broad." Any woman who has ever been a "hottie" in her life knows what you men do when your woman isn't looking. You're checking out other women. We know you do it. It's human nature. But it's just wise to try to make it a little less obvious to us. Trust me on this, men. Some of you are NOT subtle. I always feel kind of bad for the woman who is walking through the mall, holding her husband's hand and talking merrily away, while all the while he's staring at another woman and paying not a single bit of attention to a word she's saying.
Just be subtle, boys. That's all we're asking.

So...what do you think? Are little white lies in a relationship deceptive or...necessary?

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