Friday, August 29, 2008

"Being In Love Is Quite Confusing"

Is it Love Or Loneliness?

The concept as well as the feeling of being in Love has become so distorted and confused these days that few can really tell you, when asked, whether they are truly in love with their partner.

Why is that?

Well one of the most significant reasons is that true feelings of Love are often clouded by other powerful feelings, one of which are the deep feelings of loneliness that many also experience in tandem.

Often the murkiness is so great that the relief one gets from having their feelings of loneliness quenched on meeting a new partner are often confused/mistaken for true feelings of love. The need to have such lonely feelings kept at bay then become the basis and foundation upon which the relationship gets built. Do you see the problem with this picture?

If not let me elaborate.

The need to keep a relationship going based on the need to avoid ever feeling alone is based on feelings of fear. That fear being the fear of being alone. In the presence of fear true feelings of love actually get submerged and stifled. In other words they never get the chance to surface.

A relationship based on such feelings inevitably lead the "lonely" partner to begin exhibiting behaviors which are controlling towards their partner whenever their sense of security is threatened. Such behaviors will attempt to limit the healthy self expression of the partner solely for the purpose of keeping the lonely partner from feeling anxious or insecure.

So now I ask you, is that what you would call "loving behavior"?

I highly doubt it!

If you're with me then, if you wish, do the following:

Place one hand over your heart and simply assert to yourself, as if speaking from your heart, that a) this is not true loving behavior and b) you personally never desire to make feelings of loneliness the foundation of your relationship.

Next, if you would like to have more clarity on what the experience and feeling of Love really is, again with your hand over your heart, assert this to yourself as well.

Now notice how you feel inside. If you've followed me so far you may be feeling a greater sense of clarity, joy, lightness, inner peace, contentment, and yes feelings of love.

Finally, allow yourself to be inspired by your new state to begin imagining what you want your relationship to be and feel like. As you create this new picture, imagine that it is actually happening in your life right now. Then notice how you feel.

If this feels desirable to you, again you may wish to assert this to yourself via your heart and then again notice how you feel.

So in your contemplation of that question above you have been helped to awaken to greater clarity of what love is by asking you to look at what it isn't. This is your first step to putting your life and relationship on a strong foundation of Love.

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