Thursday, August 21, 2008

Slept Together And Now He's Distant?‏

Want answers on what to do in your relationship FAST?

Which means getting answers quickly to your most pressing questions.
Answers to questions such as:

-What to say to him when you've been going out with a man for a few weeks or months, spending allyour time with each other, and sleeping together... and then he suddenly isn't sure if hewants a relationship, or tells you he isn't "ready".

-You've been going out with a man for several months or longer, and he tells you that he justdoesn't feel it for you anymore, or that he lovesyou but he's not "in love" with you.

-What it means if a man pursues you and acts very "into you" until you sleep together, and then he mysteriously PULLS AWAY or becomes distant, and is not as interested in you as he was before. Why does this happen and how can you avoid it?

-How to deal withall these unfortunately common and frustration situations that come up with men- and how to quickly turn them around and get your relationship back on track where your man can't wait to spend more and more time with you.

If you don't know exactly what to do in these situations above, it's time you stopped wasting your precious time and energy and make sure your relationship gives back to you the way it should.

Don't keep GUESSING or pretending that you know what it is that makes the man you're with wild with excitement at the thought of creating an amazing, loving and lasting relationship with you.

Too many women make the mistake of thinking thatthe man they're with feels the same way they do,and will want a relationship- when it takes theright kind of woman to truly INSPIRE a man to want to love and commit on a deep and intimate level.

It's time you learned what works with men, and how you can have the man in your life see you clearlyand feel intensely attracted to the woman you are.

Learn insights into the male mind, tips and answers about your most pressing dating and relationship questions, and stories and specific examples of what to say and do in the situations where too many women seetheir relationship needlessly fall apart.

Learn how to have the man your with see you as theone and only woman who "gets it", and who he wantsto be with forever.

Did you know that the most common way women accidentally "derail" their great new relationship is when they feel like things are getting close and they ask a man where he sees their relationship going?

There's no surer way to trigger what I call a man's "Withdrawal Response."
This is where a man will instantly switch from being open, affectionate and excited at the thought of being around you...

To then not calling and acting indifferent or completely uninterested in you.
Have you ever seen a man suddenly withdraw this way?

And did it make you wonder what in the world was going on with him?

Well, did you know that a man can have this kind of instant "withdrawal response" even if you just had sex for the first time a few days ago?

Don't put yourself, or what could be a great future relationship, in jeopardy this way.

I'm going to cover HOW and WHEN to talk to a man about what you want once you've been "dating" and things are getting to that more serious place with your heart, mind, and body.

If you don't know how to talk to a man about what you're feeling and what you're looking forin a man and a relationship from the very start,then you're doomed to make the mistakes that push great men away.

Don't risk getting hurt or screwing up a potentially great relationship with the right man because you didn't take the time to know and understand how men really think about and connect with women to start lasting relationships.

It would be great if it was as easy as you asking a man how he feels... and him saying,

"I love you and I want to be with you."

But the reality is that if a man isn't already coming to you and saying these things, and youwant a relationship with this man... then you need to know how to do 2 things:

1) Get him to the place where he's FEELING thisway in the first place (wanting you to be his girlfriend or more)

2) Start the conversation about what's going on between you in a way that will make him feel excited and INSPIRED about the future with you, instead of uncertain and RESISTANT

I'd like to show you how both of these thingswork with men...

Have you ever admitted your feelings to a man only to have it backfire on you?

Perhaps he was a friend that you started being physical with, but your feelings for him grew each time you got together until you couldn't take it anymore... and blurted out everything you were feeling.

But then he got really "weird" on you and began telling you that he didn't want to "ruin your friendship" or maybe he didn't want to end up hurting you?

You knew the two of you could be really good together, if only he would open up and stop being so afraid. Right?

And you wondered what you could do to get back the closeness you felt... because ever since you came clean about how you felt, your relationship didn't feel the same like it did before.
It's an all-too-common situation.

I received an email question from a reader going through the exact same thing.
I think you might find what she's going through familiar:

>>Question From A Reader:

I purchased your e-book last night and have been reading it. Wow! But I admit I skipped to some parts to get to others that I thought I needed to read first...and now I'm going back to read the entire thing. I wanted to share something with you first that struck me.

I have made the mistake of admitting to a friend that I have feelings for him - more than a friendship. We have been intimate with each other about 3 times. Everything was fine until I mentioned my feelings to him. I wasn't asking him for a relationship but he took it that way. I have since then been pouring my heart out to him and pretty much looking insane.

Is there any way to save it? I know he has feelings for me.

Please help...and tell me how to reverse the damage I have done.Thanks so much.

>>My Response:

I've got to slap some sense into you for your own good and because I want to help.
There's nothing to "save" or to "fix."
Here's what's happening...

Your fears have taken the steering wheel with your emotions... which in turn is driving the behavior that your guy is responding negatively to.

Think about how your own mind works for a minute.
There's a simple formula I want you toremember:

Fear --> Negative Emotions --> Negative Behavior
Fear leads to negative emotions and thoughts.

Negative thoughts and emotions lead to negativeand insecure behavior.
Why am I telling you this?

Because you've stopped being conscious of and choosing all of your behavior.
Your negative emotional reactions are at the controls and have you acting "insane" as you put it.

But I'm also sharing this with you because the more you can stay aware of how your mind creates your reality and environment, the more CONSCIOUS and AWARE you can become.

Which in turn will let you take back the steering wheel in your life... with your friends, family, men, relationships, everyone.

But let's stick to men for now.

There are some critical keys in here for you that will help you change how he's reacting to you and get him to open up, with what's really little change or effort on your part.

Go read it Here's the link if you haven't downloaded your free trail copy yet):

Your situation is the WORST possible kind of uphill battle a woman can have with a man early on.

It's a BIG NO-NO.

Actually, it's THE big NO-NO in the early dating stage.

So what is it?
It's when a woman has little more than a "physical attraction" and connection with a man, but tries to use it as the foundation for telling a man that he should want a more intimate and real relationship.

Rarely do I give rules, but there's an absolute RULE when it comes to men that I want you to know.

Here it is:

DON'T EVER try and start things with a man at a casual and purely physical level if you EVER want the option for something more meaningful and long-term in the future.

Sure, you can go from a committed relationship with a man to something more "casual" later.
For a man, that's relatively easy.

But it ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE to go from the "friends-with-benefits" situation to a deep, fulfilling, intimate and lasting situation.

Men don't work this way, like it or not.
Period. End of story.

I could go into all the psychological and biological reasons why... but I don't have time here right now.

The point is, if you base your connection witha man on the Physical connection you have- then nomatter how much "potential" you think there is fora deeper relationship, a man won't be thinking "relationship" with you.

He'll simply be enjoying the physical connection you share, with little or no thought or desire to explore a relationship.

Which means, you don't want try to GET A MAN BACK with just Physical Attraction and sex either,if you're trying to rekindle an old flame.

It's a dead-end street.

You'll end up putting yourself out there andsharing yourself, and ultimately feel unappreciatedand even taken advantage of when what you've been doing with a man physically doesn't "translate" into the relationship you'relooking for.

Here are the first few things you need to doin your situation...


You said you "made the mistake of admitting you had feelings for him."

It's NOT a mistake to share your feelings with a man.

It IS a mistake to share your feelings with a man too early and in a negative context.

You set yourself up for failure because you were tolerating a situation that just wasn't working for you. You were sleeping with a man who you knew wasn't "feeling" it for you yet, but you did it anyway.

Instead of being open with yourself about what YOU are truly after, you pursued some kind of "friends with benefits" strategy to get things moving.

Which automatically put you in a kind of "Pursuit Mode" with this guy, so that he's doing the choosing instead of who SHOULD be doing the choosing - YOU.

That's why you're freaking out.

You thought you could handle it.
But then your feelings snuck up on you.
And now you're sitting around remembering whatyou really want with a man and what you really VALUE.

A total "disconnect" from what's really happening.
No wonder you're acting a little "insane."

Your expectations are COMPLETELY out of line for what you're ACTUALLY doing with this guy.
It's time to stop creating situations in your life that you KNOW won't make you happy or comfortable- even if they feel good in the moment.


Starting things with a man in this "casual sex" way is not only a SURE-FIRE way to ruin your odds of creating something more meaningful in the future...

But more importantly, getting into a "casual" situation with a man you might want to date has a VERY HIGH potential to make you FEEL AWFUL.


Unless you're 1 out of a hundred thousand women who gets "swept off her feet" by a perfect man who wants exactly what she does, and can read her mind to boot...

You're going to have to start asking yourself- what are your needs from the relationship?
Not what you're accepting or tolerating or hoping to get from a man because you think you really love or want him.

Think about it.
I'll give you a minute...

Most women I know who are casually dating have a set of UNCONSCIOUS REQUIREMENTS about the situation.

But they rarely, if ever, communicate those requirements to the man they're with- let alone are honest with themselves about what they REALLY WANT.

So they end up in a situation that is anythingbut what they were looking for.
Here's a few of these "must-haves" that women
often aren't honest about at the start:

-That any man they're involved with in any way isn't dating or still involved with another woman
-That he's open and ready to explore a serious relationship once they get to know each other

-That he shares some of the same values and priorities in his life that she does - or can atleast appreciate and support her values

What if what you value is love and connection and what he values is freedom and adventure?
See any area for conflict and confusion about what's important if these two people got together?


So how in touch are you with your REQUIREMENTSto feel good when it comes to men and dating?

And how do you communicate these to a man?

Do you do it indirectly through frustration and anger that your requirements aren't being met, anddo it AFTER THE FACT?

Or do you do it directly and in a positive context as things are getting started, so you're in sync from the get-go?

Remember, communicating and sticking to your standards shows a man that you know what you want and you won't settle for less.

IMPORTANT: This means being willing to leave if the situation is NOT fitting in with your needs and values.

The amazing thing is, most women who do this initially fear that they're losing the man they had...

But end up finding that the man they had goes away, only to be replaced by the same man who's now "stepping up" and ready for a real relationship.

Oftentimes you have to risk having nothing, inorder to get everything.


I know you have feelings for the guy - why else would you be sleeping with him?
But you weren't "real" with yourself about your feelings and you definitely weren't upfront about what your expectations were, because you were afraid of that awful thing:


When we're in a negative situation with someone in our life and we are STUCK, we're stuck for a reason.

We're getting something out of it.

Here's what you're getting out of the "casual" thing that you had going on with a guy until things turned sour--

You had an easy and rejection-free "in" with him by going along with the friends-with-benefits thing.

It feels so much safer and easier, than say, telling the guy UPFRONT (before you get too physically and emotionally vested) what you really want and need.

You've got to be clear and direct with a man that where things are headed are not where you want to be... before it goes there.

And do it in a way that doesn't accept the BEHAVIOR, not THE MAN.

Think strong and assertive, but warm and gentle at the same time. That's the KEY.

Most men respond MAGICALLY to a woman who can communicate her needs in a comfortable and direct way- without losing her cool completely.


Because it sends a strong UNCONSCIOUS signal to a man that the woman is in CONTROL of her life andher world.

And there's another benefit...

It WEEDS OUT the guys who are never going to get their act together, don't want to, or just never will.

A large percentage of the time when you're upfront, a man may shut down or even go away for a while.

But here's the best part...

With the "good guys" that you probably WANT to be with long-term something FASCINATING happens... THEY COME BACK AROUND.

And even better, they've done all the leg-workthemselves to be a better partner... in a way the woman could have never fixed or convinced him to do no matter how hard she tried.



You might be saying to yourself, "yeah, I get what you're saying and it makes sense, but why is it that I can't ever recognize that I'm letting a guy's bad behavior drive me crazy until it's TOO LATE?"

"Why is it so hard for me to `get real' with myself, and what's more, stick to my guns when it comes to communicating what I need?"

Maybe you know that your feelings get the best of you and it's hard to "think straight" when emotions are basically TAKING OVER.

And you end up in relationships where a man takes you for grated or worse, treats you shabbily so you end up doing all the work to make it work.

You end up feeling weak and unappreciated, and you know that you deserve better, and that deep inside is that strong woman who wants to walk away from it all... if only you didn't feel so much FEAR.

It's time to do something better for yourself and LEARN how to overcome all that fear and anxiety about "fixing things" when it's not working for you.

It's not about fixing anything outside yourself, but rather, fixing how you feel on the INSIDE so that you can be that honest, direct andrelaxed woman who tells a man exactly what she wants, and won't be too worried if it turns out she needs to walk away from something that's never going to work.

I've learned that the most intense problems thatseem to keep coming up over and over in some women's love lives centers around the way they handle their own fear and anxiety. (Men too, by the way.)

I'm talking about fears such as:

-The fear of not being able to have a relationship that lasts

-The fear of giving all of yourself to a relationship, only to have it disappear as the man pulls away and leaves, and you're left with nothing

-Anxiety about him withdrawing emotionally, and making your relationship unhappy and unfulfilling for you both

-The fear about him wanting another woman, or leaving
If you've experienced these fears, or found yourself accidentally acting out and doing things that push a man away and turn him off to you andyour relationship... then it's time you took your life into your own hands and stopped living in fear of what could be.

Your future love life is yours to create.

If you'd like to break free of all the patterns that have held you back in the past, and move past your old fears and into a new life that allows you to give and receive love in a new and more "evolved" way...

Ever wish you knew how to give a man a "WOW" experience on the first meeting, date, or during the first few weeks so that he will NATURALLY want to have a real, loving and committed relationship with you?

Or how to have a man continue to feel that intense gut-level ATTRACTION for you once you get close and you're spending tons of time together?

Sometimes when a man gets close to you and gets to know who you really are- it's not that he doesn'tlove you.... he just recognizes that the feeling of ANTICIPATION and EXCITEMENT he used to have isn't the same for him anymore.

Unfortunately, some men mistake this as a sign that the relationship has run its course and it's time for things to end.

Don't let a man make this mistake with you just because he stopped having the EXPERIENCES he got used to having with you when you were first together.

There are things that women who naturally and magnetically attract men DO and SAY that make a man want to worship them, adore them and be with them no matter what else is going on with his life.

Take the doubt and uncertainty about whether you're truly the right woman for your man to
stay with out of his mind... in the most fun and simple way.

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