1. See the giver behind the gift. "We ask people to focus every day on a particular person who provided them with a benefit," Emmons says. That's really what gratitude is. It's not just something you're happy about." It could be anyone from the spouse who made you a perfect cup of coffee this morning to the person who bagged your groceries.
2. Ask yourself three questions every day. A powerful way to cultivate gratitude is to focus on what is really happening in our lives, rather than falling into the traps of complaining and drama, says Gregg Krech, author of "Naikan: Gratitude, Grace, and the Japanese Art of Self Reflection," and co-founder of the ToDo Institute in Monkton, Vermont. The basic practice of Naikan, which translates to "inside-looking," consists of asking oneself three questions every day: "What have I received today? What have I given? What trouble have I caused?" While Naikan doesn't deny the difficult parts of our lives, it puts things into perspective, says Krech, who asks himself these three questions every evening.
"When I list everything I received and then everything I gave each day, what I have in the giving column is always so much shorter than what's in the receiving column," he says. "As we become aware that we've received so much more than we've given, not only does that cultivate gratitude, it also cultivates often a sense of wanting to give something back to the world."
4. Make thank-you your mantra. Every moment offers an opportunity for thanks, says Nancy Hathaway, senior dharma teacher at the Kwan Um Zen School and a family mindfulness consultant in Blue Hill, Maine. She uses "thank-you" as a mantra to return to the present moment. "On the first day of spring, I was raking the gravel off the grass. It was hard, and I was starting to complain to myself," Hathaway says. "When I caught myself thinking, I switched over to 'thank you.' I remembered I really wanted to rake, and I wanted springtime. Gratitude practice for me is about letting go of thinking and welcoming in the present moment."
5. Create a simple family ritual. "In our family, every evening when we have dinner, we say our thank you's," says Greenspan. "It's not a formal prayer of any kind, but just what we're grateful for in the moment, and that's all. It brings us back, it's a touchstone to the miracles of life that we may have been overlooking."
6. Bow to life. "I do three bows in the morning," Hathaway says. "The first bow is to my self as part of the universe. The second bow is to my family, children, and friends to acknowledge and appreciate them. The third is bowing to the universal life force and what is. Doing this helps me let go of controlling, and instead open to the flow of life."