Category: Romance and Relationships
[Corpus] Christie has been having a debate with her husband. They each have male friends who are going through breakups and each of the friends has no idea why the breakup occurred. As these men are asking "Why?" Christie is telling them it doesn't matter. Her husband believes it DOES matter. He believes that if they know what they are doing wrong, they can take steps to correct it in the future. My question is, why should I correct my behavior because one person I dated didn't like it? Even IF the exes of these guys told the truth instead of some pat answer like, "We just don't have enough in common," would it really be something the person needed to fix.
Thinking about my own past relationships and the relationships of friends who have confided in me, there are several reasons a relationship doesn't work out.
Here are a few:
Reason Number One: You are boring.
Think about it. If you're dating someone, you are spending a whole heck of a lot of time in his company. And, quite frankly, I've found myself in relationships with men who were completely wrong for me. I did everything I could to make it work but not until I met my current boyfriend did I fully realize how important conversational compatibility is. If there are long silences or the other person spends hours talking about something you aren't interested in, you will find yourself miserable in his company. But this has NOTHING to do with his ability to be interesting. It simply means the two of you have interests that are incompatible and he needs to find someone else. This is where the, "We just don't have enough in common" excuse comes in.
Reason Number Two: You are bad in bed.
The only unforgivable sin in bed is selfishness. A selfish lover may not ever be converted. Everything else is relative. One person's "too wild in bed" is another person's "just right." One person's "too conservative" is another person's "most romantic lover I've ever had." As long as someone is willing to learn what you like and the two of you can come to some sort of compatibility, there is no right or wrong. But if a man (or woman) is selfish in bed and unwilling to learn how to please you, will telling him that make any sort of difference?
Reason Number Three: You are ugly.
Maybe she found you attractive in the beginning. Or maybe you were just so good to her she found a way to overcome it. But, the truth is, at some point she just found herself no longer physically attracted to you. That, again, is HER OPINION and certainly won't be the opinion of every other woman you meet. So does she really need to tell you this?
Reason Number Four: You aren't rich or successful enough for her.
I'd rather date a moderately successful man with goals who is working his ass off to better himself than to be with some guy who has no dreams of bettering himself. Sometimes, in the beginning, it's hard to tell.
No, money isn't everything, but women are biologically drawn to a man who achieves things in life. We respect you more for it. Still...one woman's "lowly janitor" is another woman's "gorgeous custodial engineer." I have friends who won't date men who make less than six figures.
I have friends who see an aspiring musician with a day job as a stockboy at Wal-Mart as someone who is going places. It's all in how we view the world...so how would telling that stockboy he's not "successful enough" help him? Who knows...he could become the next Chris Brown, and then how stupid will you feel for dumping him?
Reason Number Five: You're too clingy.
All too often, THIS is the reason you're being dumped. I'm sorry to say. There's nothing more unattractive than clinginess and once you've gone down that path, you can't correct it, no matter what you do. You've suffocated the life out of your relationship.
It's who you ARE and nobody respects someone who is insecure. But have you ever tried to tell a clingy person you're breaking up with him because he's too clingy? It goes a little something like this: Her: "I just can't breathe.
You're suffocating me." Him: "I can change. Whatever you need me to do. I'll stop calling you every day. You only have to see me once every two months. ANYTHING to keep you in my life." Yeah...ummmm...can you SEE how unattractive that is?
No, you can't. So there's no point in even trying to tell you. Most of the time, to get out of a relationship like this, the girl has to move to another state and take out a restraining order anyway.
So, there you have it. If you've been dumped and don't know why, likely it's one of those five reasons. Can anyone come up with any more? Whatever the case, just because ONE PERSON found you that way, doesn't mean everyone you date will.
No comments:
Post a Comment