The Woman's Dictionary
1. Fine This is the word women use at the end of any argument when they feelthey are right but can't stand to hear you argue any longer. It means thatyou should shut up. Incidentally, never use the word "fine" to describe howshe looks. It will lead to one of the arguments mentioned above.
2. Five minutes These words actually mean half an hour. It is the equivalent to the fiveminutes that your football game is going to last before you take out therubbish, so women feel that it's an even trade.
3. Nothing The word "nothing" means something and you should be on your guardimmediately on hearing it uttered. It is usually used to describe thefeeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, andbackwards. "Nothing" is signal for an argument that will last "fiveminutes" and end with the word "fine".
4. Go Ahead (Raised eyebrow)Said in conjunction with raised eyebrows, it actually means theopposite. The words "go ahead" are not permission to do something; on the contrary it's a dare! If you mistake it for permission, the result will be the woman will get upset over "nothing" and you'll have a "five-minute" discussion that will end with the word "fine."
5. Go Ahead (Normal eyebrow)Said in conjunction with normal eyebrows, it should not be confused withthe granting of permission either. It means "I give up" or "do what you wantbecause I don't care". It is normally precedes by a few seconds a raisedeyebrow and the words "go ahead", followed by "nothing" and "fine". Shewill speak to you again in about "five minutes" when she cools off.
6. Loud Sigh This is not actually a word, but it is an important form of communication between a man and woman. It is also very frequently misunderstood by men. A "loud sigh" means she thinks you are a complete idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "nothing"!
7. Soft Sigh Again, not a word, but a statement. "Soft sighs" are one of the fewthings that some men actually understand. It means she is momentarily content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe in the hope that the moment will last a bit longer.
8. Oh This word - followed by any statement - heralds big trouble. Forexample, "Oh, I spoke to him about what you were up to last night." If she says "Oh" before a statement, just run - do not walk. She will tell you that she is "fine" when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least two days.
9. That's Okay This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. "That's okay" means that she wants to think long and hard beforedeciding what the penalty will be for whatever you have done. "That's okay" is often used in conjunction with the word "fine" and a raised eyebrowed "Goahead". Don't be fooled, once she has had time to plan it out, you are in for some mighty big trouble.
10. Please Do This is not a statement, it is an offer. The woman is giving you the chance to come up with an excuse for what you have done. In other words, a chanceto get yourself into even more trouble. If you handle this correctly, you shouldn't get a "That's okay."
11. Thanks The woman is thanking you. Don't faint and don't look for hidden meaning. Just say "you're welcome".
12. Thanks A Lot "Thanks a lot" is dramatically different from "thanks". A woman will say "thanks a lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It is usually followed by the "loud sigh". This signifies that you have hurt her in some way. Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "loud sigh," as she will only tell you "nothing".
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