Do Men Over 40 Have More "Baggage"?
Would you recognize a "good man" if you saw one?
Does it seem to you that you frequently meet and get into relationships with men you THOUGHT were going to be right for you, only to discover many months down the road that they're not, and it causes you a lot of pain and frustration?
A man will often be on his "best behavior" thefirst 6 months when you're first dating. It's often hard to "see" him for who he really is when you're experiencing a lot of attraction and chemistry. This is why it's CRUCIAL for you to figure out early on, before you get too involved, whether or not he's MATURE ENOUGH to have a good relationshipwith a woman, and whether he's ready to be the kind of man you need him to be for you.
In my "Inside The Mind Of A Man" program,the greatest fears most men have about relationships that will put ALL his actions in a new perspective for you.
I'll also show you the 7 deadly signs of an IMMATURE MAN and the 4 key areas of development men go through in their lives, so you can know from date #1 whether or not he's really as "together" as you think he is. It's right here:
Now, I'd like to answer a question that I hear all the time from women who are getting back out into the dating world after getting divorced or leaving a long-term relationship.
Maybe this is something you've been curious about, too.
You've met a man who's over 40.
Let's say he's never been married.
He's got a great career, is fairly successful,and has a lot going on in his life.
You find him very fascinating and attractive,and you think about how much you'd love to have aman like this in your life.
You date him a few times, and he seems like a great guy, but something feels a little "off" inthe things he does and says (even though you triedto ignore it or deny it).
He seems a little defensive, a little reserved - specifically when it comes to letting you know how he feels or what he wants from a"relationship."
He almost seems SCARED or turned off by the idea of anything long-term or "serious."
He gives you the impression that he's just into having fun, seeing you once in a while, but he's not into anything more than that. He doesn't say it directly, but you have a feeling this guy is just into playing the field.
There are the little clues.
He has dates with other "friends" and always seems to be busy every night of the week.
He never introduces you to his close friends orfamily, and when he does, you're just "a friend."
He likes to do things and hang out in places with a much younger crowd.
You really like this guy, but you know it's probably hopeless. He is only interested in women to have fun with, and maybe even women much, much younger than you are.
And then there's the man who WAS married before. Maybe he's even got kids from his previous marriage or relationship.
He's loving, responsible, and you sense that he could be a great long-term partner.
You have a great connection and you have a lot in common.
Then suddenly, (and particularly AFTER you've had an amazing and intimate time together) he pulls back a little.
He tells you he wants to "go slow" and "not rush into anything serious", which is fine and you agree.
But then a little while later he completely withdraws and acts like he wants NOTHING to do with a serious relationship after all.
Ouch!
He acts very "into you" one minute, and very loving, then doesn't call you for days, or acts distracted and distant. You're confused and hurt,and you don't know what to do next.
Maybe he gives you a "been-there-done-that" speech, or makes you feel like you're the "clingy"one who wants so much more than he's willing to offer.
He leads you to believe that he's not interested in anything more than being a "good friend" because he's done the marriage thing,and he's not into that anymore.
You feel like he's getting ahead of himself,so you try to let him know that you don't mind taking it slow, but nothing helps.
You want to date a man who's close to your age, but a man your age doesn't seem to want anything real.
It's like you can't win!
Which leads you to ask yourself-
Do men over 40 just have more "baggage" when it comes to love and relationships?
Is it virtually impossible to meet a single or divorced man over 40 who wants to settle down withone woman, raise a family, have kids, and have a happy, committed relationship?
A lot of women write me and tell me that it'stheir experience that men over 40 just aren'tavailable for a relationship anymore.
Either the men have been married and don't want to marry again, or have never been married and don't intend to in the future, or they're just looking to have fun.
They seem to be carrying around a bunch of "baggage" from the past, and they're afraid to have a committed relationship. They want to keep their "freedom." Maybe they only want to date women half their age.
This is a fascinating phenomenon to me.
Not that men over 40 are being seen as having"baggage," but that so many women are having this experience with these 40-plus year-old men.
What's going on here?
And what can you do if you want to have a committed, long-term, quality relationship with a man over 40, but you keep having this negative experience?
I recently sat down with a very bright andinsightful woman who is a relationship life coach for women, and I asked her this exact question.
I wanted to know what she had to say because she's writing a book specifically for women tohelp them UNDERSTAND men better, as well as helping them select the RIGHT man for them.
Her name is Eve Sharon Hart, and she has a very interesting method for women to use to figure out if the man they're interested in, dating, or married to is actually a GOOD GUY who is healthy for them and capable of making them happy...
Or, a total DRAIN on their emotional and psychological well being.
But first, here's what Eve had to say when I asked her if she thought that men over 40 had more baggage:
"We all as human beings look at others according to what they can give us, or what we need from them.
If we push aside our own needs and look at theman as being simply human, we'll realize we're identical. We want love, but we're afraid to take risks because we've been wounded.
We have all have baggage from relationships that have broken our heart, on some level. The more wounded we are, the more defensive we canbecome if we don't heal those wounds.
If a man acts defensive and cold, and seems to be afraid of love or commitment, that COULD mean that he has all kinds of baggage from a prior relationship. He got hurt. He's afraid of risking it all and getting hurt again.
If you look at his defenses, they look reallyannoying and harsh to you. What you may not realize is that you have your OWN set of harsh defenses that may not be as apparent to you.
Hey, don't get the wrong idea.
You don't want to get involved with a guy if he doesn't want to get close to you. But you can have compassion for where he's coming from.
If you look out there and you see all these men who want to run around and don't want to be in a committed relationship, usually those men are afraid of falling in love and needing a woman.
It's ironic, but statistics will show that when a man and a woman are in a long marriage together, and the woman dies, the man will die shortly thereafter.
It's not true so much for women.
Whereas if the old man dies first, the womanis more resilient and goes on living for years thereafter.
Which shows that men are actually more vulnerable and more afraid to take a risk and be vulnerable and attached to a woman, because heliterally fears that he might DIE without her!
If a man isn't "ready" because he's still dealing with the baggage from his past, it doesn'tmean that you should wait around for him to "get ready."
But definitely have some understanding about WHY he's afraid or why he's resisting being in acommitted relationship."
. . .
I agree with what Eve had to say about men over 40.
In my experience, men over 40 -just like manywomen over 40 - have experienced a lot of disappointment and pain in their love lives. In trying to defend themselves against more of that pain, some men may appear to have a lot of "issues" and be callous and selfish.
As humans, we have different ways of dealing with things from our past.
But I also know, (as does Eve) that there are many, many men over 40 who would love nothing more than to find a great woman, commit to her, have kids or help raise a family, and experience true and lasting love in their life.
The key is to RECOGNIZE a great man when you meet one, so you don't waste your time with a man who may not be "ready" or willing to have a real relationship with you.
This is the other important key that Eve shared with me during our interview.
She walked me through an amazing tool she's developed called the
"10 Key Areas to Know if He'sthe Right Guy for You."
This quiz-style exercise can help you SCORE a man to see how he fits into your life. After taking this test, you'll be able to know right away what kind of man you're with.
You'll know whether he's a loving, supportive partner and has the potential to be so for years to come.
Or if he's an UNsupportive, critical man whois going to slowly DRAG YOU DOWN and drain you the longer you stay with him.
Let me tell you something.
Sometimes when you're feeling that initial attraction, connection and "chemistry," it's really difficult to make rational and objectiveobservations about the guy you're with.
I call this the "Danger of a Connection" and I talk about it in my eBook.
That's why it's important to go through Eve's quick and easy "quiz" and get a instant, objective picture of what kind of man you have.
During our interview, Eve also shared:
-- What to do if you're dating a man who isn't sure he wants to have anything serious with you because you have kids from a previous relationship
-- The #1 thing to look for in a man when you're trying to decide if a "rough patch" is justtemporary and you should WORK IT OUT, or if he's really not the right man for you. all you need todo is just ask yourself one question
-- How a man's behavior around other people canquickly and easily tell you if he's going to be abusive and neglectful of you years down the line(even if he's treating you well now)
-- and much more.
I recorded my interview with Eve and will be releasing it as the next installment in my "Interviews With Dating And Relationship Experts" series this month.
I would love for you to listen to and own this recording, because I think Eve's "10 Key Elements"Quiz is an IMPORTANT TOOL for qualifying any relationship you get into with a man.
Whether you're just dating, or in a casual relationship, or even married. this is one tool that can help you figure out whether you should put in the time to work through any problems thatcome up, or whether you'll be wasting your time if you try to change your man.
I also think it's important to understand the stages of maturity men go through in their lives.
It's not chronological.
You can meet a man who's 25 years old and already very mature and ready for a loving, committed relationship where BOTH his needs and his partners are important to him.
Or, you can meet a man who's 45 and still just a "boy" in a lot of ways that affect how he is in a relationship.
If you know what stage of maturity your man isin, you can understand better where he's coming from and what you can - OR CAN'T DO - to change the way he is in a relationship.
If you've ever experienced these with a man:
> He comes on strong at first, but then disappears
> He changes his mind about you in a moment,for apparently no reason
> He talks about wanting to travel and "explore" the world and live an adventurous life (often without you in it)
> He's controlling and inflexible at times
Then you've been experiencing certain symptomsof a man's maturity level, from a "boy" all the way to a mature and self-possessed "King." In my program, "Inside The Mind Of A Man",
I explain in detail everything you need to look forwhen you meet a man to know whether he's still aself-involved "boy" or whether he's a purposefuland focused "king."
I also help you easily and quickly recognize a man's maturity level by listening to how he talks about sex, what he thinks of his job, and what he does in his spare time.
Why is all this important?
So that you can tell whether or not a man is potentially RIGHT for you early on. This way, youwon't waste many months or years trying to "change" him into something he's not.
There are 3 profound truths about relationships:
1. The man you CHOOSE is the one you GET.
2. YOU are ultimately responsible for your own love life and selecting the right man
3. You can't change a man, "make" a man become mature or help him work on his issues. He has todo that in his own way, based on his own internal motivations.
This is why I am going to make an important suggestion and help you by giving you powerful
tools for choosing and understanding a man.
If you're ready to learn what makes a GOOD MAN and what qualities and personality traits signal a mature, "together" man so that you don't have towonder if he's going to be right for you for the long-term.
Then I recommend you let me send you a copy ofmy "Inside The Mind Of A Man" program.
You can try this program for yourself for a full month before I ask you to pay anything.
Plus, you'll receive a copy of my interview with Eve and her "10 Key Elements" quiz for scoring your man to see if he's Mr. Right:
The only thing is that you have to place your order by midnight on August 8 to get my interview with Eve.
After that date, the interview will no longer be available.
So.
If you're ready to stop meeting "boys," jerks and players, and you want to finally be able tosay "YES!" to the right man for a change, then you need to get "Inside The Mind Of A Man" CD or DVD program.
If you order your free trial copy today, I'll also send you a CD audio of my interview with Eve to listen to and keep, just for trying out mymonthly Interview Series.
My interviews are a great simple monthly program where I find and connect with the smartest and wisest experts out there around love and relationships.
And then I get them to share their very best stuff with me in an hour or two long interview andsend you all the great tips and insights on CD foryou to listen to whenever and wherever you want.
Wouldn't it be great to keep getting these life and love transforming tips and learnings shipped to your doorstep each month?
If you go here I'll ship you a free trial copyof my "Inside The Mind Of A Man" program to you,as well as a free copy of my Interview with Eve Sharon Hart.
And if you're just interested in this month's interview with Eve because you want to listen to and use her "10 Key Elements" for knowing if he'sthe RIGHT man for you, that's no problem.
Just remember to place your order by midnight on August 8 to receive this interview with Eve. After that date, I will not be mailing out that particular interview.
To order, go to this link here:
To order, go to this link here:
I'd love to hear how Eve's "Key Elements" quiz/tool helps you figure out if your man is Mr.Right or Mr. Wrong, and how my "Inside The Mind OfA Man" program changes the way you understand andrelate to ANY man.
You may not want to hear this, but I'm going to say it anyway.
If you truly understand men - and that includes how they think and feel in relationships, what their "issues" are, what they love about women and what they can't run away from fast enough...
Then you wouldn't be feeling frustrated or sittingaround wondering "why did he say that?" or "why is he acting that way?"
It's time for you to change your life and change the way you see and experience men and relationships.
Once you get "Inside The Mind Of A Man", you'll be amazed at how knowing the TRUTH about men andwhy they do what they do can be the difference between a lifetime of happiness and fulfillment, and a lifetime of disappointments.
Check out my total NO RISK offer and try thisprogram free for a month:
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