Tuesday, August 5, 2008

How to Survive a May-December Relationship

Step 1:Know your true feelings. Ask yourself if you really love your partner or is this person just reminding you of your younger years. If you are the younger of the two, ask if you are just looking for someone that can act as a mother or father figure. Re-think your relationship and think about the future.
If you are the older of the two, would you be able to keep up with your partner's energy many years down the road? On the other hand, if you are the much younger person, would you be able to see yourself loving this person as the grey hair and wrinkles start to show?
Being in a May-December relationship has a lot of challenges but what you need to assess first is if you are willing to really spend the rest of your life with this person from a different era or generation.

Step 2:Consider commonality. You may have a huge age gap but there is something there that sparks when you two are together. It is possible that you have a lot of things in common. Whatever it is, try to nourish those things and do the things that you both enjoy and like about each other.

Step 3:Be open to changes. There may be times that you may not agree with each other when it comes to tastes and styles. For example, if you are not into the same type of music that your partner likes, you can try to compromise with each other. Besides, would it really kill you to hear a bit of his 1980's music while he drives you home?
In the same manner your partner would surely enjoy dancing with your hip-hop music knowing that you listen to his. Being able to compromise is a key to succeed in having a May-December relationship. The object here is not to change the other person to adjust to your likes but to be able to work something out and find that happy middle ground.

Step 4:Remain an individual; do not lose your self identity. Do not change or make yourself look so old or young that you would look awkward. If you are the older one, do not be too bossy.
Oftentimes, the older person tends to be bossy, restricting the younger partner's freedom. Remember that you need to let your love grow by giving it enough space or air in between. Even plants that are planted too crowded together do not grow as fast as those with enough spacing in between.
This is the same with any relationship, so much more with a May-December one. Do not be afraid to give your partner the freedom to be himself and to do what he likes, and trust that in the end it is you who he loves. Do not be too smothering if you are the older one, you will scare your partner away and she may think you are being too controlling.
On the opposite side, if you are the younger one you should not force yourself to act so old or mature that you lose you own personality. At the other end of the spectrum you also would not want to be too childish for this can put a strain in the relationship, especially if you are too clingy and too demanding of your partner's time.

Step 5:Communicate and trust your partner. It is important to have open communication with each other. Make a pact about telling each other your true feelings. Make it a point to talk it out and not just ignore things until they become an issue. Trusting each other is really important. If your much younger
girlfriend wants to hang out with her gal pals, let her.
Do not constantly call your girlfriend to check up on her. Give her space and respect that. In the same manner that you would not want your girlfriend to always bother you with phone calls when you are out playing golf with your buddies or if you are on a business trip.

Step 6:Take care of yourself. You want to be together for as long as possible. If you are 10 or more years older than your partner, make sure that you keep yourself in tip-top shape. Eating healthy food, regularly exercising and getting your regular check-ups help ensure longevity. Take care of your skin and your total appearance.

Step 7:Gain acceptance of your relationship. The biggest challenge that people who are in a May-December relationship are faced with is how to gain acceptance from loved ones, family members and
friends. Be open about your relationship to others. The sooner you come out in the open, the sooner you will gain acceptance of your relationship.
It is true that some people who care about you would give their own opinion and maybe dissuade you or dismiss this relationship and try to convince you that you are just going through a phase in your life. Whatever they say, do not act too defensive. No need to strain family relationships; give them time to understand.
Just tell them your true feelings and let them know that you will proceed with your relationship, with or without their blessings. In due time, everyone will see that what you have is real love and that age doesn't really matter.

Tips & Warnings

If you are the younger one, ensure that you make yourself presentable and clean at all times, especially if you are meeting your partner's business acquaintances. Do not go to the company dinner party wearing inappropriate clothes, always dress appropriately whatever the occasion may be.

Do not have a relationship with a minor for there would be legal consequences if you do.
Do not be ashamed to be seen out in the open together. Show that you are proud of your partner by not hiding him and pretending that he is not your boyfriend.

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